A.J. was sitting in the same spot a few days later on the trip between Phoenix and Anaheim, California. He was reading "A Midsummer Night’s Dream" for the millionth time in his life and enjoying it as though it were the first time he had picked it up.
Howie appeared from between the bunks stretching after taking a siesta and flopped into the seat across from A.J. "What’s that tune you’re humming?"
"Hhmm?" A.J. asked not bothering to glance up from his play but not entirely disinterested in starting a conversation.
"That song you’re humming, what is it?"
"I don’t know. Just something I’ve had in my head." A.J. went back to focusing on his book.
Howie just sat and watched out the window trying to collect his thoughts as the world passed in a blur. He had wanted to have a discussion with A.J. but didn’t know how to introduce the topic without pushing the red destruct button.
Sensing eyes on him, A.J. finally lifted his eyes from Puck’s latest insight into human nature and addressed his friend. "Is there something you want to say, D?"
Howie sighed. "J, I’m worried about you." He put a hand up to silence any protests. "You’ve been really moody, not as outgoing as usual. You aren’t sleeping, and when you do, you have these awesome nightmares. Hell, I’ve even heard you in the hotel.
"Talk to me, A.J. What’s going on?"
A.J. slid an old unused concert ticket in the book to mark his place before closing it and laying it on the table. He didn’t speak or even look at Howie until he had pieced his thoughts together. "I don’t expect you to understand."
Howie’s brown eyes stared deep into A.J.’s. "Try me," he challenged gently.
"It’s that letter. And before you say anything, it’s more than just a letter. I-I just feel this unexplainable connection with this girl – sorry, woman. And no, I don’t know where it came from or who she is. But it goes beyond that ESP feeling.
"I’ve seen her, Howie." The other man’s eyebrows arched in question. "Well, okay, so I haven’t seen her…but, I’ve heard her. In my dreams, I’ve heard her. I know it’s her. She keeps calling to me, pleading with me to play ‘her song’.
"I want to know who this woman is. I want to find her, but I don’t know where to start." A.J. massaged his temples with his fingers as if trying to physical remove the mystery woman’s existence from his mind. "God, I feel like she is haunting me. I can’t get rid of her. The way she begs me to hear her song…it’s as if she asking me for something more, like she needs me." He shut his eyes and could hear the voice. "Like she needs me to survive."
Howie’s eyes grew wide with shock as A.J. finished his revelation. The older man had been right to worry. This was so unbelievable and yet so A.J. If any of the others had come to him about this, he would have probably called the guys in white. It was obvious, though, that A.J. was very passionate about this issue.
When Howie didn’t acknowledge him, A.J. hung his head. "I knew you wouldn’t understand," he mumbled sadly. "You probably think I’m insane."
"Crazy is nothing unusual for you, Bone," he teased then mentally chastised himself when he saw the features of A.J.’s face fall in disappointment. Howie rested a comforting hand on his friend’s tattooed forearm. "I’m sorry, J. It’s obvious what this means to you." He sighed. "I was just trying to lighten the mood.
"I think someone is trying to tell you something, A.J. – probably your subconscious not some girl. I guess what I’m trying to say is listen to what your heart is telling you, just don’t be disappointed if it isn’t what you want to hear."
A.J. nodded absentmindedly as Howie rose to leave. "D?" Howie turned back. "Can we keep this between us?" It was a hoarse pleading whisper.
The others would be worried, but Howie couldn’t deny
A.J. his privacy. "Sure, J. None of the other guys
will find out."
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