”Geez, where is he?” Kevin asked irritatedly, checking his watch for what seemed like the millionth time.
”Chill, man, he’ll be here soon,” Brian reassured.
”Well, he’s got like ten minutes,” Nick observed. “We should call him.”
”Already tried that,” Brian said. “He’s not picking up.” The four of them were backstage, waiting to go on the show any minute. Just then a phone rang.
I bet that’s him,” Howie said, as he flipped open his phone. “Hello? Hey, where are you, man? You have literally a minute to get here.”
”What’s he saying?” Nick whispered. Howie waved him away.
”In a cab? Well tell the driver to hurry his ass up.” He hung up the phone. “Okay, we’ll see you in a minute.”
”What’s up?” Kevin asked.
”He’s on his way. The cab should be pulling up now.”
”Well, about time. Let’s get this over with.”
~~~
Marit trudged into her apartment, not bothering to lock her door, and tossing her jacket and papers on the floor. She sat on a chair, sighing loudly.
”God! I’m starved!” she exclaimed out loud, but too weary to stand up. She had thrown every ounce of herself in to her new job and Susan had even commented on it. But she didn’t interfere, just kept a watchful eye on her newest employee. Marit insisted she could handle the long hours, but the truth of it was, she preferred the near state of exhaustion she lived in because it kept her mind occupied. Otherwise, it would be free to wander, to re-hash old details best left behind. She sighed again and flipped on her TV. Channel surfing for a few minutes, she finally settled on a talk show.
As the camera panned the guests, she gasped. He was the last person she’d expected to see, even though she should have realized, given his line of work. She dropped off the chair and onto her knees, unconsciously crawling to the TV set. He looked so emaciated, she thought. His already lean frame looked like it had dropped several pounds, like he hadn’t eaten a bite in the three weeks since she’d left. He had his sunglasses on, but she just knew there were dark circles under his eyes. If she hadn’t been able to get a decent night’s sleep.
”God, AJ,” she whispered, placing a hand on the screen as though to touch him, “this isn’t because of me, is it?”
”Well, guys, it seems like we have a few more minutes, would you like to sing another song?” Rosie asked. The five guys looked at each. AJ leaned forward and murmured something, and the other four nodded.
”Sure we can sing one more,” Kevin said, as the audience screamed. “We’re gonna do this one a cappella.” Brian counted them off as AJ started the first lead.
I pretend that I’m glad you went away,
These four walls close in more every day
And I’m dying inside and nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show,
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I’m crying inside and nobody knows it but me
Why did I not say the things I needed to say?
How could I let my angel get away?
Now my world is just tumbling down,
I can say it so clearly but you’re nowhere around
Marit listened, as they started the chorus, the tears forming in her eyes. Angrily, she brushed them away, and stood up.
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I’m broken in two,
And I’m nobody without someone like you
I’m trembling inside and nobody knows it but me
”No!” she yelled, pointing a shaking finger at the screen. “This isn’t fair! Stop it!”
Lie awake, it’s a quarter past three,
I’m screaming at night if I thought you’d hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you, and nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get, you can ask my heart,
My life a jigsaw puzzle that’s been torn all apart
A million words couldn’t say just how I feel,
A million years from now you know, I’ll be loving you still
”Stop,” she whispered brokenly, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “Why are you doing this to me?”
The nights are lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me
Tomorrow morning, I’m gonna hit the dusty road,
Gonna find you wherever you might go
And I’m gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me
Said, the nights are lonely, the days are so sad
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me
As they wound the song down, Marit stood in the middle of her apartment, shaking.
”God,”she whispered, her eyes closed in half-prayer, “I think I made another mistake.”
“So what else is new?” a voice suddenly spoke behind her. Her eyes flew open, and she whirled around in astonishment. Now this was the last person she’d expected to see.
The nights are lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me
”You heal easily, huh?” Howie whispered as the show wrapped up. AJ shook his head.
”Was that for someone special?” Brian asked. “Because you know, you need to get over her.”
”I’m not getting into this with you guys,” he said, pulling off his sunglasses to rub his eyes.
”AJ, we’re just concerned, that’s all,” Kevin said.
”Yeah, I mean, no offense, but you look like crap,” Nick observed. AJ glared at him.
”Maybe this is my new style,” he muttered, gripping the edge of his stool as he grew suddenly lightheaded.
”It’s your personal life, but don’t let it interfere with your professional one,” Kevin said.
”Gee, Kevin, thanks for the support,” AJ said. Howie sighed.
”That’s not what he meant, Bone. But when something drastically alters your behavior, like this girl, then you know something’s wrong. It’s like an addiction,” he said. AJ didn’t respond, his mind flashing back to the words in her letter.
Love is a 12-step program, a means of cleansing your heart and soul of all your emotional and mental addictions. Of extracting all those bad habits we fall prey to and renewing ourselves. Unfortunately, I’ve only just discovered the first step. I have a long way to go. I ask for forgiveness, from God, from you, from those I’ve hurt, but mostly, from myself.
”I forgive you,” he whispered, before the dizziness overtook him and he fell into blackness.
Author's Note: The song used in this chapter is entitled "Nobody Knows", by the Tony Rich Project.
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