The Shotgun Constitution

Terminology

Shotgun-: The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat and due to the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
Enthronement: The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
Bitch: The rear middle seat in a vehicle, a most uncomfortable position because of a lack of windows and space.
Window: The two seats in the rear of a vehicle by the windows.

By-Laws

Vehicle Ownership: The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle.It is their car, it is their seat, and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner that is falling down drunk. They can rest assured that Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced hazesimply to remember to call Shotgun in thier own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun enthronement rights have been established, they can be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back seat, the he/she may give up Shot gun to a person of his/her choice. The vehicle owner is also the ultimate judge in any Shotgun disputes. The owner,s word is law, and all passengers must defer to the owner's interpretation of the Shotgun Constitution. Arbitration should be swift and final so everyone can be on their way. If the owner should stray from the Shotgun Constitution, he/she should have a good reason for doing so. If the owner is not eligible for Shotgun any passenger may call Shotgun, but only under the proper conditions.

Legal Conditions for Calling Shotgun:Shotgun can only be called when the driver is enroute to the vehicle for the purpose of driving, and the Shotgun position is vacant. Shotgun can not be called upon arrival, only upon departure. For example, a group of travellers may arrive at a restaurant and get out of the car for a meal. Some bonehead might try calling Shotgun immediately for the subsequent ride home, but that is not appropriate. If this kind of precedent were allowed, it would let anyone call Shotgun for future rides into eternity. Only when the meal is finished, when the driver picks up his car keys, can Shotgun be called. Jingling keys are a very strong sign of an "enroute" condition. If the driver says," let's go," that can also be reasonably construed as "enroute." Usually enroute conditions mean that driving will take place within a few minutes, but not always. If the driver turns around on a three hour trail ride and says," Let's go home," then an enroute condition exists and Shotgun may be called immediately.

Forcible Dethronement (a.k.a. Physical Challenge)There are some people in this world that always remember to call Shotgun. Although this is an admireable trait at first, it quickly grows old. These people tend to be real weenies, and if they knew any better, would let someone else call Shotgun just to be a little more diplomatic. The purpose of the Shotgun Constitution is to provide for a peaceful, fair method of getting to ride Shotgun. Unfortunately, if someone consistently calls Shotgun ad nauseam, there must be prcedures to have that person forcibly removed from the seat. Thus, the Forcible Dethronement policy. This allows one other passenger (usually larger in build) to declare "Physical Challenge," and pull push, or otherwise eject the Shotgun holder from his seat. Although frowned upon if used regularly, the Physical Challenge is a legitimate means of wresting Shotgun control from the incumbent party. Any physical tactics short of grievious bodily injury are employable.

The Jerk ClauseThough not a formal by-law of the Shotgun Constitution, the Jerk Clause is a necessary refinement. Just because the drivers girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, etc., happens to be in the car, that significant other does not automatically get Shotgun. Anyone else can call Shotgun and force the significant other to sit in the back. But then, of course, that would mean that person is a Jerk and every passenger riding in the back gets to smack that person in the back of his/her head twice. Calling "Window"The above by-laws also apply for calling a Window seat in the case of a full vehicle. Window may be called before or after Shotgun has been called, depending on where the individual wants to sit. Since there are (usually) only two Window seats available, the fifth passengers must sit in the "Bitch" position, between the two Window seats.

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