"I wonder what she would say?" I muttered as I paced around in front of June's locker. Would she be horrified? Would she be shocked? Happy? I reached into my pocket and clasped two concert tickets. For June 8. In Los Angeles. It didn't really matter to me. But I knew it would be extremely amusing and light throwing for our situation. Her face would say all. Whether she still loved him, or just was still broken, like a little porcelain doll, her skull cracked, a tear down her rosy cheeks. Perhaps I was being too cruel to her by doing this. No, my angel was far too strong for little obstacles.
"What would who say?"
I turned to see June standing behind me.
"Hey baby what's with the indifference? I know you're like that BJ, but dearest, its me."
"Just thinking out loud June."
"Well alrighty then. Why you here pacing around like that anyway?"
"Just waiting for you. I wanted to show you this." I pulled out the tickets and handed them to June.
"Oh shit holy shit!" She stared at the tickets for a while her brow crunching up delicately. "You cannot be serious!" She finally blurted out eyes wide.
"Am I ever anything but serious?"
"Oh shit! I love you!" June jumped into my arms. "Thank you!" She began to dance around the hallway in delightful bliss. I suppose she was attempting to do the Backstreet's Back dance but no teen in the hall could be sure. All everyone knew was that the girl with the brown-red hair was damn happy. I smiled to myself, she didn't seem to care about seeing Nick, not at all. She seemed as nonchalant about seeing the bastard as I was. I raised my head up high and thanked the Lord for the wonderful gift he gave to me that was June Castera.

Nick

"Nick snap out of it!"
"What? What happened?" I was rudely taken out of my reverie by the voice calling my name. I took my eyes off the window of the tour bus and turned towards the direction of that voice.
"Man Nick, pull yourself together. Were going to be performing in LA, the big one!" Brian shouted gesturing with his arms for exaggeration. I, still being unresponsive, received a hit from Brian on the head.
"Ow." I said without any real emotion.
"Hey, what's wrong buddy?" Concern dripped in his condescending voice.
"Nothing I'm fine."
Look in the mirror pal, you don't look fine, your hair is sticking out all over the place and you look so tired. For someone like you who basically lives on their appearance, your actions are scaring me. You don't act fine, all you ever do now is just stare blankly into space, thinking about something I don't know. What is it, aliens? Girls? What? You can't even focus for more than a minute these damn days. You bump into everyone at rehearsal, and you trip over every damn wire. Just tell me what's bugging you."
"What's bugging what?" Howie asked as he AJ and Kevin entered the entertainment room where Bri and I were lounging around.
"Something's up with Nick."
Everyone turned to me.
"Nothing, just the usual." I replied not caring to face them. I was a little bit on the down side of the hill that day, not wanting to have casual conversation, much less debates on my love life.
"You still aren't thinking about Mandy are you?" AJ asked. "She was very eye-pleasing but not all that. Forget her."
"I'm not thinking about her AJ."
"Oh…I think I may know then. But why?"
"What are you talking about AJ? Nick, what's he talking about?" Kevin interrupted.
"AJ figured out that I was thinking about June."
"June? The girl you cheated on with Mandy?" Brian smiled a little. He had liked my previous girlfriend, never forgetting to remind me I was the luckiest bastard in the world. "What about her?"
"I left June for Mandy. Look what happened. I was so stupid for leaving her. Damn, the most precious star in the universe in my grasp and I let her go. I placed her back in the sky, where I can't reach anymore. Do you know how much I loved that girl? No chance now. No damn chance." I sighed as I remembered drawing the picture. Doubts and warnings had filled my mind all the moments when my pencil was stroking and marking the paper, even more so when I wrote the words 'I'll never forget you'. It was more than a mistake. It was more than an error. It was a death stroke, and I have yet to find out who it was I killed. Perhaps it is me. I can already feel my mind, my mind deteriorating. I can feel my heart growing louder and louder. Is it me I ruined? But perhaps it is better that way, better me than June Castera. She was so perfect. She was so alike to me. Same thoughts, same concepts of life and love. We seemed to be perfectly fashioned for one another, and I have yet to figure out why I cheated on her. I cheated on this fallen angel with a second rate barbie doll. And I still ask myself why, not sure of the answer.
"Why did you leave June anyway? I thought you really loved her." Brian knew me too well I thought. Asking the question I had no idea what the answer was.
"I don't know!" I shouted frustratingly. "Maybe I'm afraid of love. Maybe I am afraid of perfection, cause that's what she was, perfection. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment. But most likely it was love I was fearing. Scared me thought I was falling too deep into this damn hole I knew I could never climb back up if I went in too deep."
"What?!?" Howie said.
"I mean, I didn't want to fall too deep cause if I did I would never be able to get out, the walls are slippery, and the bottom is unreachable. Too scary for me."
"In English please." Kevin replied.
"I think I was really really falling in love and I wasn't strong enough to go through the pain of separation. I didn't want her to suffer through not having her boyfriend there whenever she needed him. I didn't want her to get hurt and if we got too close we would get hurt. I realized we were getting too close when I left and I couldn't bear not seeing her. So I went to Mandy who I didn't love but was just an excuse to get out of the hole. Hers was the first hand that was there, and I grabbed it."
"Oh." Howie and Kevin said.
"I think you hurt her more when you left her Nick." Brian spoke softly.
"I know! I realize that now, I know." I cupped my face in my hands and started shacking my head in self antipathy. "I am one stupid bitch."
"Don't talk to yourself like that Carter." I heard AJ say firmly. His eyes blazed at the sight of his teacher down and hopeless. I shook my head up at him, my own eyes pleading and begging. He turned away in disgust.
"Just leave me alone." I snapped furious with AJ's display of audacity and contempt.
"Damn man pull yourself together. Its just another girl." Kevin said a bit harshly.
"No Kevin, you don't understand. You think its just another girl? You think I'm too young to love don't you? Don't you? But I loved her! I loved her and I let her go. You don't know how its tearing up my mind and soul, even my body. every day I grow weaker and weaker. And I don't know how to stop it. So let me mope. It's the only thing I know how to do right. I let her fucking go for some blond hoe! Kevin, if you can live with yourself for doing what I did, then you are one strong bastard. But I know you can't. Neither can I."
I knew by the pity in his eyes that I was down. It was me I killed. I killed myself and in anger, I attempted to bring down Kevin with me to share my despondence and pain. I don't know what was going through my body that moment, I just knew that I didn't analyze every little detail by thinking like I normally would do. I came to one quick conclusion. I still loved June. No matter that love can't be achieved with only one person. No matter that I told AJ that a one way love is simply obsession. I loved June. To hell with that stupid rule I thought for myself. To hell with it. "I'm sorry." I apologized quickly realizing I took the anger I held for myself out on Kevin. "I'm sorry Kev."
"It's all right, it'll be fine." Kevin whispered even though he knew the words were meaningless. They were empty words for a hopeless situation.
"No, it won't be okay Kevin. We're going to LA, and she'll be here, I can already feel her presence, and I just want to hold her so much, to tell her I'm sorry, but she's up in the sky now, where I can't reach." No one said another word and Brian gently patted me on the back, trying to comfort me. "Just go guys, I'll figure this out. Don't worry about me." The guys nodded and began to file out of the room. AJ stayed. He looked at me from the couch, with the eyes of a trusting pupil. He didn't believe I had fallen yet. He was the only one this week that had looking at me the way he was looking at me now. It wasn't pity, it was a condescending look, his eyes were innocent and hard with respect.
"What's with the crap Nick? You of all people, seemingly empty because of a girl."
"I love her AJ."
"Love her?" He laughed. "You really are lost now aren't you? Didn't you tell me love can only be achieved by two people? Wasn't it you that told me that little fact?"
"So I was wrong."
"And what are you basing this love on? Feeling? Thought? Lust?"
"Its love AJ, and I know it. I know that every feeling reflects on my thoughts subconsciously. It's just that I haven't figured out why I love yet. I will."
"No you won't. Nick, you don't love her, you can't. She doesn't love you. And yes, I agree that your feelings had to have come from one of your concepts, but what's wrong with you? What are you thinking to make you feel this way for her? Nick, you don't love her. It's not possible. You say you know you love her, but you don't know it Nick. I don't know why you keep on lying to yourself. Why?"
"I just, feel so empty without her."
"Empty, God (forgive me Lord) Nick. Don't go there! You showed me the way to find all I know now! How can you be saying that you feel empty without her! She's beautiful, but she doesn't make you. You know that! What's wrong with you! You know what, I think you should rephrase your little statement. Instead of saying you know you love her. At least be a little moral and honest and just say that you like her, and if asked why, say you don't know, you just feel it. That's what you should say Nick. You don't know what love is right now. You don't know anything. You just feel it. And if that is all you are going on, at least don't lie and admit it. You don't know anything. You just feel it. You just feel it, and you should know that isn't the most wonderful thing to rely on. You just feel it." AJ walked out the door, leaving the wooden and partly steel door slightly ajar. I watched him walk out. I watched in scorn that damn gait of AJ's. The confidence, the certainty, the damn defiance AJ's walk always showed. I used to walk in somewhat the same manner. With my head high a small insolent grin always in my mouth. Now, when walking, all I saw was the floor. I need her here with me so much. So damn much.
I looked up at the sky, held up my hand toward the blue heavens, and found that the clouds and sun, I just would never reach.

Brian

"Bye Leigh Ann …right…at eight…bye hun." I clicked off the and went looking for Nick because I felt the bus stop moving and I knew we were here. I stepped into the entertainment room, where Nick would usually be playing Final Fantasy VIII for hours on end, today, he was staring out the window. I could tell he was trying desperately to find a way to reach the clear blue heavens so high above. "Hey Nick, Let's go. I think we've reached our destination." Silence was my only answer. I walked over to where Nick was and stood behind him. I looked in the direction he was looking. He was staring at the ocean. The waves were crashing not so gently or ferociously against the white sand. California's coast was strikingly beautiful, and Nick loved it. "Nick?"
"What? Oh… yeah… let's go."
Without another word he jumped off the bus and disappeared inside the hotel he ran blindly into. I just had to find a way to make that boy happier. Nothing was the same when Nick was melancholy. There wasn't as much laughter and I even missed the little quarrels we too often had.
"You thinking of a plan to make him happy Bri?"
I slightly jumped at the sound of the unexpected voice.
"Do you have a plan Howie?"
"No I don't, I would think you would. I mean, you guys are frick and frack, when together you two just simultaneously combust. You'll find a way."
Behind me Kevin said: "I hope you do Brian."
I turned to see Kevin looking in the direction of the hotel entrance, as if seeing through the walls and seeing Nick behind the cement and metal. Through cousin Kevin's eyes, I saw Nick sitting alone in an alien bed. The bed too foreign too be comfortable, although the bed was made from the finest fibers and stuffed with the softest feathers.
"I really feel bad for him, I never thought that anyone could be this in love, but Nick proved me wrong. I envy him."
"Why Kev?" I asked a bit confused.
"Cause he knows what he wants. And I think he's really experienced what true love is, I wish I could."
"Who ever thought it'd be Nick huh?" I joked. "Our little Nicky has grown up."
"That's a surprise!" Howie and Kevin laughed.
"Come on guys, well make a plan after we get to the hotel. And I don't think he's in love. The boy's just obsessed. Hopefully, he'll get over it. Gad, I hope he'll get over it." AJ interrupted walking up to us carrying several bags. "And carry your own stuff, I'm about to fall from the weight. Man Bri, what do you have in here?" AJ lifted my duffel bag. "Have you gotten into the hobby of carrying elephants around?"
"Not even a good guess AJ. You're just so weak and emaciated that's why." I pinched AJ's meretriciously decorated arms to prove my point. I didn't get any skin, it being too stretched over AJ's muscles to get a hold onto.
"That's right. All muscle baby. You know I can kick your little sorry ass anytime!"
"More like bone! And keep on thinking that AJ. Wishful thinking builds up a good imagination." I stretched trying to look relaxed.
"Guys guys! We would love to see you guys beat each other. I'm sure it'll be very entertaining, but the hotel?" I looked warily at our adopted father. Kevin tended to remind us of our duties often. Annoying, true, but he never failed to keep us on track. "And we left Nicky there all alone, we have a concert tomorrow, then an interview and photo shoots, then we have to shoot the new Video for "Larger Than Life", and we have to think of a way to make Nick happy so everything will be all right and the fans will get a full performance from him." Kevin pointed on one finger each time he mentioned one of the things we had to do. I was surprised he didn't have to use his toes as he normally did.
"Thank you for reminding us of our very free and unstressful life Kevin." I said sarcasm heavy in my voice.
"Yeah Kev, let us have a little fun." Bone jumped up and went around in circles like a mad man. "Make most of life man! It's too wonderful to resist!"
"Yeah but right now we have someone waiting for us. No time to goof off. Plenty of time for that later. Let's go." We all looked in the direction of the hotel.
"He's right." I sighed. We all walked wearily to the hotel. The sun was hot on our tired bodies and shone too brightly for our dark spirits. Only AJ seemed to skip through space. We walked in graciously to the air conditioned hotel and signed in using our fake names.
"See you guys, I'm going to check out the place and look around for hot chicks."
"Who cares if you find hot chicks Howie? They never want anything to do with you." I laughed at my own trite joke.
"Funny Brian."
"Yeah… well you guys go ahead and do whatever, I'm going to go sleep or maybe play some B-ball." I said yawning.
"Alright man." AJ and I did our secret hand shake. We bid our good byes to go our separate ways.
I entered the elevator and found the room Nick and I would be joyfully sharing. Room 858. I quietly entered the room and found Nick on the bed, asleep, his face obviously weary yet peaceful in slumber.
"You'll be fine Nick." I tucked my friend in.
"Thank you mommy." Nick mumbled.
I chuckled silently to myself as I heard Nick talk in his sleep. "Your welcome." I told him as I changed into the shorts I pulled out hastily from my duffel. I walked out the room and headed out to the hotel's gym to play some ball. On my way, I prayed silently to God that Nick would cheer up. We needed that energy Nick had to do well tonight. The fans would surely notice something was awry right? But then again the fans never seemed to notice, only noticing our supposedly eye catching dance moves and perfect looks. They never seemed to know if one of us was down and beaten, usually too excited at meeting us to care. They never saw our sad smiles. But then again we were also pretty good actors, because we could never let the fans know we were anything but gay and extraordinarily merry. We had to be the happy perfect people they visualized us to be. It saddens me, but that's the way it goes.

June

"I can't believe I'm here! You don't know how much I've always wanted to go. I'm at a Backstreet concert!" I squealed.
"Glad to be of service." BJ replied smiling.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself too, the music is damn good you know."
"I know. What time is the show starting anyway? My ears are starting to hurt from all the pointless screaming of 50,000 fans."
"You'll be fine, the shows supposed to start in about, 30 minutes. I'm going to warn you though, as soon as one of the boys show, the screaming will increase." I had to shout to be heard for as if to prove my statement true the screaming intensified. All around us we heard the high pitched screaming of one adolescent. I looked up to see who stepped onstage. It was Nick. He was scanning the immense crowd. I couldn't believe what my eyes perceived, Nick looked so tired and beaten. His striking smile was nowhere to be seen. His normally vivacious eyes were dull and lifeless and it was obvious sleep had not seen him for weeks. Something was wrong. And I surprisingly felt guilt. Somehow my stubborn mind thought I had done this to Nick. I looked around, no one seemed to notice how Nick was, they were just screaming loudly and in hope that beaten soul up on the stage would take only one look at them.
With one glance BJ asked how I was and I had answered 'fine'. Ah the traditional cliché that was always a farfetched fabrication used to mask the real. BJ knew.
I wasn't fine. The Heavens know the turmoil inside my little seventeen year old body was much more complicated than the feelings of those battling against thoughts of suicide. Seeing Nick hit me hard. Oh so much harder than I thought it would. It was his eyes, the sight of those unlit eyes. I always thought of Nick's eyes as lights in the dark, never circles of darkness in the light. His whole body seemed so frail, his posture slightly bent, asking for someone to hold him up. I looked down at he cemented floor, afraid to see him for a bit longer. I looked back up once again to find Nick looking at me, his eyes lighting when making contact with mine.

Nick

"June." I muttered surprisingly. I felt my body tremble with happiness at finally being able to behold her blithe spirit with my eyes once again. For a while I could only stare into her eyes as flashbacks came rushing back to me. I recalled those times when I held her and was simply so happy. I saw the picture of her tip-toeing to kiss me because I was a full eight inches taller than her. The wonderful times when she was in my arms and everything seemed perfect. When I could look into her hazel eyes without pain and guilt just with love. Things have changed so drastically since then, today everything is shattered and insane. My life, at least my love life, is at a complete chaos. As I stared into her eyes I noticed a hand on her shoulder. A non-feminine hand. I looked over to be met by the indifferent and scrutinizing stare of some guy, who as if to knowingly spite me, tapped June's shoulder and kissed her when she turned to face him. I ground my teeth in anger at the scene playing before my eyes
She was so deeply buried into his arms, their lips were touching forcefully in a profoundly ardent kiss. They seemed to fit into each others arms perfectly. I turned away. The word was too dark for me to see clearly in. I couldn't bear to look.
"Are you okay frack?" Brian asked after seeing the unsuccessfully masked pained look in my tired eyes.
"No." I replied candidly.
"Why?"
"Look Bri." I pointed out hastily the section in the front June was sitting in.
"What? Oh." Brian scratched his head. "Isn't her presence supposed to make you happy? I mean, it shows she doesn't hate you so much that she can't come to our concert. I smell reconciliation!"
"No Bri, look beside her." I could barely say.
"Oh, I see." Brian's smile too, dropped as he saw the guy June was with. "Come Nick, you don't have to see this." Brian said while taking a hold of my shoulder then dragging me away. I let him. I didn't have enough strength in me to resist. I was too tired. Too damn tired. We stepped backstage and June disappeared from my view. Now, all I had to worry about was the concert I had to perform in. Two hours of singing and dancing, as well as smiling. God help me.

June

Brian frowned and led a very sad Nick away. Question was, why? I pondered on the answer but with no avail. The lights suddenly went out and the Backstreet Boys popped out from the floor of the stage with lights streaming all around. All thoughts flew out of my head as I was pulled into the magic that was Backstreet music. The only exception was when I saw Nick. His lack of energy was intriguing. I couldn't help watching him with hopeless abandon his slow movements. He didn't have the extra boom he always had for concerts. He turned to look at me and didn't turn away as I met his gaze. He watched me during that concert. He watched me like I first watched him. But I realized that what should I care? Nick wasn't mine to worry about anymore. We were no longer to care. And I didn't that night. With much self control I stopped thinking about Nick and had fun getting wild with BJ. Although after a while his snoring wasn't cute anymore but just plain annoying. And only when I went home that night very tired---mentally as well as physically---and closed my eyes, did I allow thoughts of Nick to enter my head.
"How was it? Did you have fun? Did you see Nick? What'd he look like? What did BJ say? What-"
"Whoa whoa whoa hold it up girl! One question at a time!" I commanded Rizzy who was bombarding me with questions. "You haven't even said 'hi' yet. Is this how you greet a really tired friend in the morning?"
"Well, you know me, curious georgette. " Rizz smiled. "Okay one question at a time so hm…..How'd you feel when you saw Nick?" Her was suddenly serious, concern evident in her searching eyes. She knew I was still hurting about the subject at hand. I stared at her blankly, not knowing the answer, groping for some believable lie.
"Well, answer me girl!"
"I well-" Thankfully I was saved by the loud and annoying sound of the bell ringing, telling us to go to class. "Oh there goes the bell, I guess I'll just talk to you later!" I quickly started to walk away. "I have to go to class now bye Rizz, I'll call you!" I left Rizzy standing there a confused look occupying her round features. I knew she knew. Like all good friends Rizzy heard everything I said. Including the words I didn't say.
I walked to our door, hastily pulled out my keys and went inside my home.
"Mom! I'm home!" I looked around and rightfully assumed that my mother wasn't home yet. I lay my stuff down on the glass table, took off my shoes and relaxed on my couch. The TV blared TRL when I turned it on---the TV programmed to automatically tune in to my favorite channel when turned on. I watched as they announced "I Want it That Way" as the number one video of the day once again. During the ever so lively and entertaining video, the routine of some girl coming up on the corner of the screen was played. The cute blonde started shouting of her everlasting love for the Backstreet Boys and explained her belief of the boys' generally sweet characters.
"As sweet as lemons." I muttered to myself in slight antipathy.
The phone began to sound its familiar cry interrupting my Backstreet bashing and I raced to hush the rings. "Hello?" I answered.
"Um……hello. June?" It may sound ridiculous, but believe me when I say that for me, time stopped. The reason for my dismay was edgy voice on the line that I didn't want or think I'd ever hear again. It was Nick. Nick Carter. Nick the asshole. Nick the one I had once loved. It was Nick, returning from my past to haunt me again.
I tried hard to sound calm but I barely got out "May I ask who's- who's calling?"
"June? It's um…. Nick." That perfectly angelic voice of his squeaked.
"Oh…..hi." I whispered my knuckles turning white as I gripped the phone in anger. I was enraged by his audacity, and I knew the bastard would be at the receiving end of my wrath. He will pay.
"I just called to say uh---hi cause were um…in LA…so I decided to give you a call." He finally managed to stutter out.
"Okay then, hi." I said apathetically. The cold in my voice Nick heard well. There was a dead silence on his end.
"So how are you?" He finally said, his voice a soft and gently forced whisper.
"I'm fine."
"Oh, really…"
"Actually, I'm doing wonderful, what would a bastard like you care anyway?"
"June, I'll just pretend I didn't hear that and you didn't insult me, cause God June, I care because I really care. I miss you."
Funny, he wanted me back. After tossing me our without so much a second glance, he dared to want me back. "Sure you miss me." I replied with heavy sarcasm.
"I do. June, I'm sorry I left you. I know now I made a mistake. " The honesty in his voice was genuine, I knew. But his words did nothing but to anger me much more.
"I don't want to hear this." I said calmly. It was strange I was so calm and not drowning in tears. It was strange I was this clear headed. Yet, I knew why I was able hold my peace. It was BJ, that attitude of his was so admirable, I guess I started to emulate him unconsciously. His confidence, his apathy, they were now mine as well.
"Please June, listen…" I heard Nick plead.
"You want me to listen? Alright, I'll give you that. Well, I'm listening, tell me the crap and get it over with."
Silence and afterwards his favorite words: "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry. I don't give a damn if you're sorry. Is that all you can say? I know you're sorry, you damn well better be. But you left me Nick, you left me when you promised never to leave my side." Surprisingly, and not to my liking, I felt a tear slide down my flushed skin. I was crying. I scolded myself, angry that I allowed the tears to fall. I was crying for no good reason. I had nothing to cry about, it was just Nick. Why did the tears escape? I forced my tears to transform into anger. I built it up, and I prepared to unleash it. That ball of anger I knew could release countless numbers of bitter and belittling comments said in acid tones. I smirked planning to throw that anger at Nick. He deserved it.
"I know I hurt you, but please let me explain." He pleaded.
"You got five minutes." I said harshly laughing satanically in my mind.
"Look first of all, I'm really really sorry. But I want to explain that I never meant to hurt you."
"Well you did. "
"I---I left because I loved you so much."
He loved me too much? What did he mean? I pondered the answer to my question. When I found it, I saw so clearly what the boy on the other line meant. And I didn't like it.
"You know what, that is the lamest excuse I ever heard of. You loved me so you left? What kind of damn excuse is that. When you love someone you leave them without saying anything and go into the arms of the next blond hoe you meet!? Oh, that's a beautiful explanation Nick." I whispered. "You loved me and you showed it so beautifully by leaving me, you left me with nothing but tears and pain with no goodbye. You left me telling me just the words 'I'm sorry' as your explanation. Don't you know how I hate apologies? They're just lame excuses for mistakes. Damn Nick that was a beautiful way to show how much you loved me, by leaving." To my uneventful surprise, the tears multiplied.
"Please don't cry June. Let me put this in better words. I left because I was scared. I was scared of not loving you and not being able to hold you in my arms because I was in some foreign country. I was scared of hurting you because I wouldn't be there for you. Please understand." Nick said.
"You hurt me more when you left me."
"That's exactly what Brian said."
"What?"
"Forget it. I know I hurt you more when I left." He said sounding frustrated.
"Why Nick?" I asked him the question I had asked myself so many times before. "Why?"
"Damn, I really don't know myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I was just so scared."
"Scared Nick? Scared? What the hell were you scared of? You tell me you were scared of me getting hurt but you leave me. You leave me without anything and go to some platinum blonde hoe, who obviously dumped your sorry ass. That's why you want me back right? That's why you called? I'm your reserve, when your first choice dumps you, you come to me until you find someone else. You think just because you call and tell me you love me, I'm going to condone your mistakes? You think I'm going to come crawling back to your blonde highness? It isn't going to happen. I don't care anymore about you. I don't love you anymore Carter." I whispered my eyes now blazing with mad fury.
He responded with silence. I could hear him breathe. I could hear his struggle to say something.
"I'm sorry. I love you." He was choking on his words. I hoped he was hurting as much as he had hurt me. The bastard needed to know how I felt. How he made me feel when he walked out. How he had temporarily ruined me. And as I listened to him quietly speaking, I knew I ruined him too, perhaps even permanently.
"Well it's good you're sorry Nick, thank you for letting me know how you feel. But it doesn't make things any different. I don't want you back, I still don't care about you and there is no way I would ever go back to your arms. I have someone who really cares now, and I am not leaving him. I'm not like you."
"I'm sorry." I wondered if he was crying, I could slightly hears barely audible sobs. I gave him one last finishing blow before clicking off.
"Don't cry over me Nick, you didn't want me, so don't cry over me. Good bye." I then stared at the phone as if it was my new enemy. As I looked, Nick's words echoed in my head. 'I love you'---my indifferent attitude was betrayed by my tears.