Christmas With The Gallaghers
This section is just going to be a place for speculation on what goes on with Liam and Noel at Christmas. I'll probably have more versions of "Twas the Night...", and I'll be doing more Christmas carols that I'll put the Gallaghers into, and other nice Christmasy stuff like that. Why am I doing this, you may ask? Because. I like Oasis. I also like Christmas.



"Twas The Six Months Before Christmas"
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring except for Liam clanking around in the cabinets looking for the gin.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Liam wouldn't throw his G&T into the fireplace again and burn the tree down.
Guigsy and Alan were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of new contracts danced in their heads.
And Noel in his sunshades and Bonehead in his cap
Had just passed out from an immense hangover.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
That Noel figured it was one of his stalkers and turned on the sprinkler system to chase them off.
Away to the window Liam flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw on the state-of-the-art security system.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Went behind a cloud and the prowler crashed into a tree.
When what to Liam's reddening eyes should appear
But a black Chevrolet and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver so sluggish and fat
Liam knew in a moment it must be "My brother Paul! Erm...I meant Santa!"
More rapid than e-mail his coursers they came
And he cursed and screeched and called them by name.
"Now Dasher! Stop Dancer! No, Prancer and Vixen!
Whoa Comet! No, stupid! Slow, Donder and Blitzen!
Watch the top of the porch! Look out for that wall!
This Chevy cost me about $6000 down in all!"
As televisions and other household furniture flies
When it meets Liam Gallagher in a less-than-happy mood
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With a trunkload of stuff and Saint Nicholas, too.
And then in a twinkling, Liam heard on the roof
The giant thud of a two ton Chevrolet touching down.
As Noel came downstairs and aimed his shotgun at the chimney
Down came Saint Nick, and not very nimbly.
He was dressed in black leather from his head to his foot,
He explained that the turn of the century demanded a new look.
A bundle of drugs he had flung on his back
And he could hardly set it down before the brothers attacked.
Liam's eyes, how they twinkled, Noel's dimples, how merry
As they silently calculated how many months this stuff was going to last them.
Santa's droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
When he realized these guys thought he had brought the whole sack to them, and he still had to stop off at Mick Jagger's.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth
As Liam and Noel went to work trying to hide the sack before Guigsy woke up.
Santa had a broad face and a little round belly
Which Liam punched when he tried to salvage some of his sack for Mick.
Santa was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf
Until, of course, somebody punched him in the stomach.
A wink of Santa's eye and a twist of his head
Soon worked out the stiffness, and he turned to face his assasins.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
Gave Noel another Rolls and Liam that soccer ball he'd always wanted.
Then laying a finger aside of his nose,
He gave Liam the "V" and dove up the chimney.
He sprang to his Chevy, to his deer gave a shout
As Liam climbed to the roof and tried to drag him back out.
But he escaped relatively unharmed and drove out of sight
While Liam and Noel went back inside to ponder what had just happened, since it was only the 6th of June.

Here's an "Oasis Carol" send in by Julie:
"Twelve Days of Christmas"
On the first day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
A drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the second day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Two unibrows and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the third day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the fourth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Four psycho singers, three tamborines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the fifth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Five lock-still Guigsies!
Four psycho singers, three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the sixth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Six morning glories, five lock-still Guigsies!
Four psycho singers, three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the seventh day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Seven Patsy Kensits (oh God), six morning glories, five lock-still Guigsies!
Four psycho singers, three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the eighth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Eight brown Rolls Royces, seven Patsy Kensits, six morning glories, five lock-still Guigsies!
Four psycho singers, three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the ninth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Nine Boneheads balding, eight brown Rolls Royces, seven Patsy Kensits, six morning glories, five lock-still Guigsies!
Four psycho singers, three tambourines, two unibrows, and a drum kit and Alan Whit-ey!
On the tenth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Ten Noels writing, nine Boneheads balding...
On the eleventh day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Eleven Sallies waiting, ten Noels writing...
On the twelfth day of Christmas Oasis sent to me,
Twelve platinum records, eleven Sallies waiting...

Here's a new little Christmas dramatization for you all:
"It's Not Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"
Liam and Noel woke up as soon as the sun crept through their bedroom window and ran to the top of the stairs. They looked down excitedly at the tree they had put up the night before and then slid down the rail and dashed over to it. But when they got there, they found that there were no presents under the tree. "Mother!" they cried, sadly. "Santa forgot us!!" And their mother yelled back, "What the freak are you talking about? It's June the freaking 1st! Go back to bed!" ; )



The Oasis Carols

Welcome to the "Oasis Carols" section of the section. I hope to create a rather lengthy list of "Oasis Carols," so that you can all sing them around the tree, after yer fruitcake and vodka, and after the annual Christmas fight between mom and her sisters. Anyway, I hope you all know the tunes to these, since they're all pretty traditional Christmas carols, but if you don't, then call me up and I'll sing ya a few bars. ; ) Okay, anyway, here we go...

"The First Noel"
(To the tune of, obviously, "The First Noel")
The first Noel
Liam does say
Was to save a poor band
From the club scenes they played
In the clubs where they
Played their horrible songs
On a cold Manchester night
Our Noel came along
Noel, Noel
Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Rock 'n' Roll
The other guys looked up
And they saw a star
Telling them to let him in
If they wanted to go far
And so he joined his brother Will
And now forever they'll fight
With fists and tamborines
Night after night
Noel, Noel
Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Rock 'n' Roll.
"Away in Manchester"
(To the tune of "Away in a Manger")
Away in Manchester
Under stage lights of red
The little punk Liam
Smacked Noel in the head
The stars swam around him
As on the floor he lay
While Bonehead and Guigsy
Continued to play
The crowd is restless
When poor Noel awakes
And little punk Liam
To the backdoor he breaks
Noel started after him
As fast as he could fly
And little punk Liam
Got punched in the eye.
"Deck yer Brother"
(To the tune of "Deck the Halls")
Deck yer brother in the head
Fa la la la la la la la la
Make bloody sure that he is dead
Fa la la la la la la la la
Smack him with a tamborine
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bash him again if he makes a scene
Fa la la la la la la la la
Kick yer brother up his arse
Fa la la la la la la la la
Although the press thinks it's a farse
Fa la la la la la la la la
Clobber him with yer guitar
Fa la la la la la la la la
Then pop down to the nearest bar
Fa la la la la la la la la
Deck yer brother for no reason
Fa la la la la la la la la
It's only right, 'cause 'tis the season
Fa la la la la la la la la
Deck him since for it yer mad
Fa la la la la la la la la
That'll teach him to say yer haircut's bad
Fa la la la la la la la la
"O G&T"
(To the tune of "O Christmas Tree")
O G&T, O G&T,
How beautiful your taste is
O G&T, O G&T,
How wonderful your taste is
You hit us hard
With just one swig
There never is
A glass too big
O G&T, O G&T,
How marvelous your taste is
O G&T, O G&T,
You give us so much pleasure
O G&T, O G&T,
No matter what the weather
When wives are mad
Bad tours and such
There's no such thing
As "Drink too much"
O G&T, O G&T,
You give us so much pleasure!

"Good King Our Kid"
(To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas")
Good King Our Kid looked outside
At the waiting crowd
As the lights flashed on so bright
The cheering grew so loud
Another night, another gig
As the band awaited him
Of his G&T he took a swig
And ran onstage to join them
Stupid Noel began to play
A song Liam didn't want to sing
Our Kid decided he should pay
And with his tamborine took a swing
But Noel wasn't so dumb anymore
Or at least as dumb as they get
He pasted Our Kid to the floor
And went into his solo set.

Here's an Oasis Carol sent in by Ashley:
"Oh Noelly"
(To the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree")
Oh Noelly, Oh Noelly
How wonderful your songs!
Oh Noelly, Oh Noelly,
How wonderful your songs!
You fill us all with such delight,
You truly are a lovely sight
Oh Noelly, Oh Noelly,
How wonderful your songs!
You write great songs for your wife and mother,
And have a gorgeous younger brother!
Oh Noelly, Oh Noelly,
How wonderful your songs!
Soon it will be you I see,
And in your hand, a G&T
Oh Noelly, Oh Noelly,
How wonderful your songs!

And here's another one from BEE:
"Oasis Is Coming To Town"
(To the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")
Well, you better watch out
You might as well cry
You'd better up your rates, I'm telling you why
Oa-sis is coming to town!
Oa-sis is coming to town!
Bolt down those TVs
They'll be checking in soon
You're gonna find out they're really naughty, not nice
Oa-sis is coming to town!
Oa-sis is coming to town!
Well, you know they'll not be sleeping
That they will keep all your other guests awake
You've heard that they've been bad, not good
So you better give them their own floor for business' sake!
So, you better watch out
You might as well cry
You'd better up your rates, I'm telling you why
Oa-sis is coming to town!
Oa-sis is coming to town!



"Christmas With The Gallaghers" is a product of *InSaNe EdItOr PoSsE, iNc.* ©, a subsidiary of KoRn KrEw: ThE sKaTeRz UnIoN ©, and is written exclusively by whatsthestory & morningglory - BBH Editors, unless otherwise specified. ©1997, 1998

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