HOW THE LADS SPENT THE HOLIDAYS


Here's what the place on the cover of the "D'You Know What I Mean?" single looks like when Oasis and a few hundred people aren't standing around in it. ; )

Well, the holiday season is finally over, and people everywhere are looking forward to going back to school/work. I'm sure plenty of interesting things happened to all of us over the break, but what did our kids do for Christmas and New Year's? Let's find out...

The Holidays With Liam
On December 21, little James gets out of school for the break. Liam promises to take him shopping as soon as he gets out of school. They drive over to one of the fifty thousand department stores in London. "Where would ya like to go first, James?" "The toy department!!" "Nah, let's hit the bar, olright?" "But I wanna look at the toys, Liam." "Uh...Santa considers it cheating if you look at the toys before you get 'em. I'll buy ya a Zima, let's go." "But Liam...." "Oh, okay, but don't come crying to me when Santa gets all hacked off at yers. You go look at the toys, and I'll go look at the bar." "Can I have a toy?" "For Pete's sake, son, it's bleedin' Christmas in 3 fookin' days, can't you wait?" "But we're rich." "Nah, I'm fookin' rich, when you get yer own band get back to me. Now go on and look at the toys." James runs off to look at toys, while Liam heads for the bar. Don't worry, the bar is across the street, not in the department store. ; ) Anyway, seven hours later, Liam arrives home. Patsy is attempting to cook dinner. "Hi, honey, where's James?" "Oh fook!" After Liam finishes convincing the London PD that he was only breaking in to get his stepson out, and no, he didn't have any cocaine on him this time, he returns home. On December 24, Christmas Eve, Liam realizes he forgot to shop. He dashes through the snow to another department store, and goes through the practically empty aisles in dismay. "Why can't these people leave something. Sure it's Christmas Eve, but everybody's always telling you to last minute gift shop, and there's nothing here! Okay, first off, Noel. Here's a lovely....bottle of ClearEyes. He needs something for those beady little red eyes of his. And.....some teeth-whitener. He DEFINITELY needs that. Okay, next, Meg. Here's....some earplugs and a sleeping mask. Anybody who's in the same bed as Noel needs those. Hehheh. Guigsy. A brush - he's gotta do something about that fuzzy mop he calls hair. And Bonehead...a tie. What the heck, he's a dad, he can pretend it's Father's Day. For Alan...ehm...an Ozzy Osbourne CD. He needs to broaden his horizons. Okay, that's the band, now for James and Patsy. Let's see...here's a lovely Spice Girls CD for James - I suppose I'll have to introduce him to all the evil in the world sometime, might as well be now. Bloody 'ell, I should've let him buy a toy when he wanted to. I don't know what to get. Oh what the 'ell, I'll just buy what's left of the toy department, that'll work. Patsy. Bugger. Oh well, I'll just sneak something out of her jewelry box tonight and give it to her again. She's definitely got enough, she'll never notice. Wait, but she'll expect something more than that. A fur! But all the places that sell furs are closed!" Liam spies a giant stuffed teddy bear in the corner. "Hmmm....yeah, why not." He gets his pocket knife and proceeds to skin the bear. "There! Instant fur!" Well, everyone has a Merry Christmas with their well-thought-out gifts, and then New Year's rolls around. Liam and Patsy have decided to travel to New York to celebrate. "Wow, this was a great idea, this was. Comin' here to New York. I've never seen so much booze in me entire life!! They definitely know how to treat a celebrity here." "Liam, dear, I think that table was put out for everyone in New York. There sure is a lot of stuff on it." "Everyone in New York? No way. It's for me. Look 'ere, at this little sticker on the table here. It says 'Liam Gallagher.'" "Liam, that's your VIP pass that you took off and stuck there a minute ago." "Oh well, doesn't matter where it came from, still says it's mine. Oi, you, hands off that beer!" After clearing over half of the table, Liam is feeling quite festive. "You know, Liam, you should've given Noel a new set of golf clubs for Christmas. I think those EyeDrops and that teeth-whitener was sort of offensive, and besides, you know how much he's been into golf lately." "Eh? Golf? Yeah, should've gotten Noel a golf ball, you're right. Hey! Whazzat up there on that big pole? It looks like a giant golf ball with a big '1998' on top of it. I'll go get it fer Noel!" Liam proceeds to climb the 15-story pole to get to the New Year's Eve ball that is dropped at midnight. He finally makes it to the top. "Olright, you, come offa here." As Liam struggles with the ball, the countdown begins. "10-9-8...!" The ball begins to slide down the poll, with Liam hanging on. "Hey! Stop it!" Up on a rooftop is Dick Clark, who is announcing the whole thing. "And here comes the ball, ladies and gentleman. But what's that? It looks like there's someone up on top of the ball!" Liam continues to slide down the pole. "Well, this isn't all that bad. Kinda fun. Uh-oh. What're all them cops doing down there? Oh no. I've gotta get off of here." As the ball keeps sliding, Liam notices a huge novelty tub in the shape of a giant champagne glass, full of champagne. "Oi! A swimming pool!" Right before the ball reaches the bottom, Liam swan dives off, into the glass of champagne. "Hey! This isn't water! Hey...." And so we leave Liam, happily gurgling around in the champagne.

COMING SOON: How Noel, Guigsy, Bonehead and Alan all spent their holidays!

TaKe It HoMe