"What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Onstage"



Here's some cool Oasis thoughts by Sarah:

Liam: Look at Noel standing over there pretending to play his guitar. Everyone thinks he’s so talented and everything, but all he’s doing is miming. If it weren’t for me and my superior music skills this band would fall apart.
Noel: "Imagine no marijuana, I wonder if you can, nothing to smoke, get high on...." Wow, a new song, cool, I’m sure Guigs’ll like it.....what the hell is Liam staring at me like that for....he’s just jealous I actually have a skill, not like him and his bloody mimed singing. If it wasn’t for me this band would fall apart.
Whitey: I’m sick of me mam complaining about my drumming at home, if it wasn’t for me and all the money in board I’m giving her, she wouldn’t be able to afford the manor house out in the country. Damn parents. All the other blokes have got their own houses and wives, but I’m still stuck at home with me mam and me dad.
Guigsy: Bum, bom, Bum, bom, Bum, bom.....why can’t Noel write me any good bass parts. It’s the same over and over again. Maybe if I actually learnt to play.....nah.
Whitey: Noel doesn’t pay me enough. If it wasn’t for my superior music skills this band would fall apart, and I just don’t get recognised for it. I wonder why Noel hasn’t acknowledged those fantastic drum solos I gave Liam to give to him? Just for one day I’d like people to pay a bit of attention to me. Maybe if I shaved my head like Liam did......
Bonehead: Whitey, Guigsy, Our Kid, Ringo, Sexy, Baby, Posh, Scary, Sporty......out of all the nicknames in the world I get stuck with Bonehead. Just cause I’m losing my hair at an extremely fast and highly premature age, doesn’t mean I have to have a shite nickname.
Liam: I have a good mind to go over there and pull the plug on Noel’s amp, so all his tricks’ll be exposed. Ha, that’d show him. Then I would have all the love and respect of the fans and, finally Pats’ll like me for more than my money......on second thoughts, maybe I won’t.
Guigsy: I could take up something easier, like the harmonica. Nah, that’s too hard to say. Or maybe the recorder. I wonder what Wonderwall would sound like on that. I could be the first ever recorder player in a rock band......that’d be great, I can see it now.
Whitey: Mum’d kill me if I shaved my head. How about if I got invited to Tony Blair’s house for morning tea, like Noel. Then the other’s would have to respect me. Then I could take over the band and I’d rule the world....he he he, watch out Noel, here I come. Now, I just need to let Tony Blair know I’d alive......
Liam: [Starts walking over to Noel’s amp]
Noel: What’s Liam doing. He doesn’t have a tambourine, does he? Whew. But he’s coming this way.
Bonehead: I know, I’ll make up my own nicknames for everyone. Liam can be....Psycho Oasis, Noel can be....Drunk Oasis, Guigsy can be.....Stoned Oasis, Whitey can be.....Invisible Oasis, and I can be.....
Liam: [Pulls plug on Noel’s guitar, music stops] Ha, now everyone will know.....huh? The music’s stopped. That can’t be right. Now everyone will hate me for ruining the concert.
Noel: What does Liam think he’s doing...he’s wrecked my concert. [Runs after Liam who has tried to commit suicide by jumping into the audience] I’ll get you, you little bastard.
Whitey: What are those two doing.....don’t worry Liam, I’ll help you. Noel will never ignore me again, once I’m through with him. [Jumps into audience after Liam and Noel]
Guigsy: [Puts down guitar] Right, I’m going to get me a recorder. World domination will soon be mine!!! [Runs off stage]
Bonehead: [Still playing guitar] I can be....Normal Oasis!!!!

And here's some more thoughts by us editors:

Liam: Boy was that opening band we had tonight horrible. They just kept screaming over and over about some 45 rpm record, or something. Oh God, my head...
Noel: I love that support band! I'm going to get them to open for EVERY concert we do!
Alan: I think I've finally found a solo spot for myself...I'll be the support band! Me, Alan White. Indulge yourselves in the magnificense that is Alan White TWICE in one night!!
Guigsy: I think I'm seriously considering leaving the band and pursuing some other career direction. Yeah, right *giggles*
Bonehead: Oh My GOD!!! There's someone out there in the audience with a Bonehead Rules t-shirt on!!!! I can't believe it!! This is the best day of my life. I've got to get a better look...
Liam: I'll do Noel a seriously large favor and find us a GOOD band for support at the next concert. Let's see...we need to find someone unusual - someone you'd never think would open for Oasis...
Noel: Hey! Cool! There's somebody in the crowd with a Bonehead Rules t-shirt on!!
Alan: Oh NO!! There's someone in the crowd with a Bonehead Rules t-shirt on!! NO! He CAN'T be more popular than me now, he just CAN'T!!
Guigsy: Maybe I could do like Billy Joel and stop playing rock 'n' roll to pursue a career in classical music. *giggles*
Bonehead: Wow! I wonder who my fan is! Lemme just get a closer look here.....oh, geez. Mom, is that you?
Noel: Hey! It's Mrs. Head!
Alan: *uncontrollable laughter* It's his MOM!!
Liam: Bush? Nah, then we'd run the risk of more people coming to see Gavin's perfect cheekbones and lovely teeth instead of us. Not to mention gorgeous hair, lovely eyes, and....okay, I think it's time to change the subject.
Guigsy: I know. I'll team up with Reba McEntire and record a country music album. *giggles*
Bonehead: I have never been so humiliated in all my life. My one fan, and it's my mom. Wait!! There's another Bonehead Rules t-shirt!!! Yes!!
Noel: Hey, is that Ruth?
Bonehead: NO!!! Oh, bugger.
Alan:Hey, look at that. Green Day's in the audience. Whaddaya know.
Liam: Green Day! Perfect! I'm gonna go tell Noel right now!
*Liam runs over to Noel, and begins to whisper in his ear*
Noel: *out loud, talking into the microphone and not knowing it* What? No way, Liam. Green Day sucks!!
Alan: Oh...uh-oh.
*Green Day begins to storm the stage*
Noel: Did I say sucks? I meant, uh.....rules! Yeah, rules!
Liam: Hey, they must've read my mind! They're here now! Why are they throwing the amps around, though? And where are they going with Alan?
Bonehead: A riot! Mommy! *jumps into audience with his mom*
Alan: Put me down! Put me down!
*Green Day proceeds to throw Alan offstage*
Guigsy: That's it! I'll join Green Day! *giggles*

Some more cool thoughts by Tim Andresen

Noel: I sure doesn't hope that Liam learns any real spelling he has been working quit hard lately, if he does he will write songs too, then he will earn more money than me. God no, that's not gonna happen, I've got a little plan he he he.
Liam: Noel better watch out, I wrote a pretty neat song about a cat, a hat, and Liam, I think I'll call it "Liam the cat in the hat." I'm gonna be rich.
Alan: I wonder if Noel will let me sing this song I wrote, then maybe people would want my autograph too, that would be cool! If I may say so me self "Alan, the drummer that could" is a pretty clever title. He he, now Guigs can be the boring one.
Noel: I wonder why Alan won't stop bugging me about his stupid song, nah he won't be allowed to do anything, every drummer is so stupid. Hmm? maybe I'll take some more of his money or sell him some magic beans. Drummers HA HA HA!
Bonehead: Maybe if I stand still and concentrate real hard they'll let me sing. I gotta look really concentrated. I sure hope Liam and Noel look at me.
Liam: Bonehead you are such a twat, try to look normal, do do do Liam is a cat who lives in a hat.
Noel: With that attitude Bonehead won't get near the mic. I sure can't wait to see what Liam looks like when he finds out I took his spelling book, that's the last we will see of "Liam the songwriter."
Guigsy: La la la la la ba bu ba bu um baba um baba, WOW that was a great joint.
Noel: Play the right song Guigs, play the right song, you hippie.
AFTER BREAK
Liam: He's gonna pay, oh yeah he's gonna pay, if only I had something to hit him with????
Noel: HA HA HA HA why isn't Liam singing, dawn he's such a twat. Ups, it's my part of the show, what was I going to do today? What the fu*k I'll just shout out something about Man City and gettin high, the crowd loves it and they love me, and the others as well, not Alan of course, does anybody even know his name?
Alan: Everyone hates me BU HU
Liam: Well I'm pissed now, I'll go hit Noel with ehh hmm?, hey my tambourine, great idea. He's gonna get it now and after that I'll walk off stage, get really drunk and trash the hotel
Noel: Oh no, why does he always have to hit me with that bloody tambourine, I'd better run off stage.
Bonehead: If they're going I'll sing.
Alan: I can chew gum and play the drums at the same time, dawn I lost the sticks, that's it, I'm leaving!
Guigsy: I'm a bird la la la la
THE CROWD LEAVES (EXCEPT DAMON A.)
Bonehead: Maybe I should open my eyes to see how the crowd acts, nah, they must love Bonehead and his Flying Guitar!!
Damon A.: Maybe that weirdo on stage will introduce me to Liam, I like his style.



"What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Onstage" is a product of *InSaNe EdItOr PoSsE, iNc.* ©, a subsidiary of KoRn KrEw: ThE sKaTeRz UnIoN ©, and is written and created exclusively by whatsthestory & morningglory - BBH Editors, unless otherwise specified. ©1997, 1998

TaKe It HoMe