Can I get something out front? No offense to anyone, but....I CAN'T STAND COUNTRY MUSIC!! Oh, the agony. The fiddles, the slide guitars, the stompin' the line dancin'....it's enough to drive someone mad. But for some godforsaken reason, it's popular. So I got to thankin' (that's redneck for "thinking") - what if Oasis had been a country band? Would they have different names? What would their songs have been like? So here's my new section:

Slip On Down To The Ohhhasis - The Lads Go Redneck

I've renamed the members of Oasis to fit their new image. Soon, I'll be interpreting Oasis' songs to try and guess what the lyrics would have been if they had been a redneck band. Also, for a little extra-added fun, I'll be accepting joke country-song lyrics from people. You know, people are always making fun of country lyrics, so think up your own - a maximum of two lines long, but you can submit lyrics more than once if yer feeling creative. They don't have to have anything to do with Oasis, since I'm just doing this for the heck of it. Send 'em to me here. I've included a couple down there, to give you an idea of what I'm looking for. I hope to get the first Oasis/Redneck song up soon.

Oasis' New Names

Singin', an' playin' th' cowbell - WILLIE GALLAGHER
Playin' th' slide guitar - NABOB GALLAGHER
Pickin' a tune on th' fiddle - BILLY BOBHEAD ARTHURS
Blowin' on th' jug - GARTHY McGARTHAN
An' scrapin' the washboard - AMOS WHITE

Oasis' New Songs

Ford Pickups and Alfalfa
(To the tune of "Cigarettes & Alcohol")
Is it just the Coors talkin'
Or have I finally found somethin' worth farmin' for
I was lookin' for a John Deer tractor
But all I found was Ford pickups and alfalfa
You can wait til the nighttime
To have a few kegs of moonshine
I'd rather dance in a straight line
'Cause when the rooster crows
You've gotta start yer plowin'
You've gotta start yer plowin'
Well it's worth the irritation
To get up at 5 am and milk the cows and restock the stills
And without my huge plantation
I'd be loadin' up the truck and movin' into Beverly Hills
You can laugh at my grass roots
My overalls and cowboy boots
Well I reckon I'll let ya
'Cause all I really need
Is Ford pickups and alfalfa
Ford pickups and alfalfa

All Around The Barn
(To the tune of "All Around The World")
It's a bit early at 5:30 am for me
But I've gotta get up and go shear the sheep
I do believe in getting lots of sleep
But they say you gotta sow if you wanna reap
It's another day
Gotta go and mow the hay
It's crazy, you might say
But on this tractor I'll stay
All around the farm
And all around the barn
I don't give a darn
If you think that I'm a hick
All around the farm
It won't do you no harm
There's a rural charm
Livin' here in the sticks

Here's an Oasis/Redneck song sent in by Shelly Henson:
"Bigger Than the Beatles"
(*a hellish Joe Diffie song*)
LIAM: Noel thinks he's the reason we're so famous/But I think he's really jealous/Because I'm a heartthrob...
NOEL: Liam thinks he's a tambourine genius/But without my lyrics/He'd be out of a job!
ALL (except Guigsy): We've all got EGOS bigger than the Beatles!/We fight and squabble/We act like we're three!/We use so many drugs/That we're higher than the Eagles...
LIAM: Someone go get me a G&T!
GUIGSY: Get me a Moon Pie!
BONEHEAD: And me some moonshine...
WHITEY: Just call me White Trash...
ALL: Yeah yeah yeah!!!

And here's another Oasis/Redneck parody song by Chris:
Farm Boy
(To the tune of "D'You Know What I Mean?")
Stepped off the tractor on a lonely farm,
Back into the barn where I was born,
Corn's a'growin' and the hay is piled high
The blood on my shirt must be mine
Oh, wait, that's only ketchup
Don't look back cos you might see me mooning someone
Lookin' through the hole in the back fence
Watching the neighbor's daughter get undressed
Get my big nose stuck in the fence
These blue denim overalls are always in style
I ain't good looking but I milk cows
When you're around me the air is kinda hard to breathe
Met the farmer in the pig sty,
And on the tractor he asked me why,
And i said "now listen here pa, you gotta sell the farm"
All my people right here right now,
I'm a farmboy,
Yeah,yeah

Random Redneck Joke Lyrics

"One day I'll make you my wife
Instead of just my sister." - editors

"You say you can't live without me
So why aren't you dead yet?" - editors

"He always wuz a reel fine fella
'Till she smudder'd 'im wit a pilluh." - Morgan and Tara B.

"She always looks mighty fine
After a couple of shots of moonshine." - Ric

"You ain't no spring chicken
You just a girl 'dem dogs been lickin'." - Delia

"I went down to that there bar
And when I woke up, I owned me a real nice car." - Delia

"Sittin' on the back porch
Listenin' to the bacon scorch - ain't ma got them vittles done yet?" - Delia

"Since my cuzin's my brother Fred,
I MUST be inbred!" - Lisa, President of the L.L.C.

"Ah was lookin' fer sum ackshun,
But all ah found wers tobacky n' moonshine!" - Douglas

Just a redneck JOKE:
How did the Redneck brake his arm while raking leaves??
He fell out'a the tree! - Jeanette

"We don't create no inbreds here dammit!
They just marry in are fambly! - Jennifer

"My best coon dawg got run'd over dead...
My bestest friend in life...
I'd like to kill the person that did it...
Dang!!! I hate my wife! - Shelly Henson

TaKe It HoMe



GeoCities