I am the sander and the drill (and I rebuild you)
I am the estimate and bill (and I overcharge you)
I am the spackle in the can (and I will plug you)
I am the paint poured in the pan (and I will splash you)

I keep my tools in my own shed
My wheelbarrow is painted red
My favorite tape is labeled "duct"
Mr. Shelf Construct

I am the band saw on the bench (and I jigsaw you)
I am the 3/8" ratchet wrench (and I over-torque you)
I am the fusebox in the wall (and I will shock you)
I am the new rug in the hall (and I carpet-tack you)

I live for hardware sales at Sears
I've been a customer for years
I drive a beat-up pickup truck
Mr. Shelf Construct

I am the sheetrock that you hang (damned blue-collar tweakers *)
I am the nine inch nail you bang (no pun intended!)
I am the thinner for the paint (and I asphyxiate you)
I am the craftsman that you ain't (nyah nyah nyah NYAH nyah)

I'll bring the wrong tools for the job
I'll dress like some ungodly slob
I'm guaranteed to f*!% it up
Mr. Shelf Construct

* Guest vocal by Les Claypool

By Robert (Dixie Flatline) Payes
Nice one Rob!!!

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