Christmas or no Christmas, it has all the hallmarks of a crackling party. We have champers, currently being liberating from the Grosvenor House Hotel's particularly posh minibar by Shaun Ryder. We have music, oozing from the stereo and eliciting all manner of irritable complaints from the neighbours. We have more fags then a beagle at a vivisectionists, most of which will later mysteriously disappear into the small but perfectly formed pockets of Placebo's Brian Molko....
But Yultide gluttony doesn't come easy. In return for the run of a plush West End hotel for the day and enough alcohol to drown several families of small puppies, our chosen guests will have to loosen their minds and share their most intimate thoughts with us. Up for consideration, the good, the bad and the downright unlistenable records that stamped their cultural size 12s on the past, er, 12 months. Free your tongues, then, popsters and then the booze will follow....
Prodigy. Smack My Bitch Up
Brian Molko: You can't fault them. They've managed to marry exciting music with charisma and performance and attitude. The right attitude. Because there are a few people in this pile with the wrong kind of attitude. I'm not going to name any names...I'm just going to point at it. [Duly singles out Embrace's 'All You Good Good People' and pulls a just-smelt-dogshit grimace]
Saffron: What, Embrace? They reckon a lot of themselves don't they? Throwing out statements like, "My songs are too big for Wembley Stadium." What song's that then, love?
BM: That one Richard Ashcroft wrote for you.
S: The point is if the Prodigy were the Wu-Tang clan, nobody would say shit [about the title]. But when it's the Prodigy everyone goes, "Ooh, it's really terrible."
BM: Yeah. And it isn't about hitting women.
Shaun Ryder: I do find that with stuff that we [Black Grape] do it's always, "You can't do this, you can't say that, blah blah." Then you watch rap videos..and we don't even touch on some of that shit. Or what they do inthe video. We can't do it or rather I can't because I'm white.
BM: I think pop music should be corrupt a bit anyway.
Embrace. All You Good Good People
(eeewwwww! Embrace! sorry, couldn't help myself...-website nancy gal)
BM: I have to be incrediably diplomatic this record.
S: Because you don't like them, do you?
BM: You're not allowed to say that Saffron!
S: You had a fight with them?!
BM: No, no, no! They're on the same label as us.
SR: (unimpressed) I've never 'eard of 'em.
BM: Actually their attitude is more offensive than their music.
SR: It's not offensive. But every record coming out at the moment sounds like this.
BM: I think they're shooting themselves in the foot a bit by being too confident too soon. They're really got to deliver an album as good as 'Pet Sounds' now, in order to live up to everything they've said.
Aqua. Barbie Girl
BM: I refuse to comment on this record. I refuse to waste my oxygen.
S: The music's rubbish. Is that bloke suppose to be Ken?
SR: If it was funny, even if it was crap, if it had some sense of humour, I'd say it's alright. But I don't like anything about it...
BM: It's not exactly what you would call art is it? The kids are sure to like, I suppose.
SR: Yea, some of the stuff I have to buy for the kids....
BM: If I had kids I'd be like, "You WILL listen to Sonic Youth." On the other hand, all this stuff about being wrapped in plastic...(oi! Brian's getting dirty isn't he?? -website nancy gal, who had to comment) You could go on about the underlying perversion of the track. But Barbie's don't have genitals anyways, so how are Barbie and Ken suppose to shag?
Spice Girls. Spice Up Your Life
S: Every record label has a Spice Girls act now. There's one that'sgot every nationality, a Native Indian, an Oriental one...
SR: Aren't they called Cor, Show us Yer Knob. I saw it on..what's that kid's programme with Zoe Ball? Saw it on there. It was something like that but it wasn't quite like that.
BM: I'm sure it wasn't.
SR: I told one of me daughters that whatsername...Sporty Spice, let me feel her boobs.
BM: What boobs? S: Did you see that Emma Spice falling over?
SR: Yeah, man. Wicked!
S: Arse in the air and everything.
SR: I hate them shoes. Especially when a chick's fucking small and they've got them shoes. If you're short you should be short and proud.
BM: Good things come in small packages.
S: It's good she's falled over because now mum's won't buy them. Little kids shouldn't be wearing them really, should they?
SR: I went to see 'The Exorcist' in a pair. In 1973.
S: I do love them though, I have to say. (at first I thought she meant the shoes but she means the Spice Girls- website nancy gal)
SR: And I love this tune. My favourite is Sporty Spice.
S: Scary, Posh, and Sporty are mine, 'cos I haven't met the other two. But I met the other three and they were a laugh. Really nice.
BM: I like Dykey Spice and I like Druggy Spice...
S: Which one is Druggy Spice?
BM: Chubby Spice...
S: Oh.
BM: Socialist Spice! Threesome Spice.
SR: Old Spice. She's 33 her, her with the red hair. What's she called?
BM: She's Porno Spice.
SR: Yea. Slutknicker Spice. I was really gutted when my two girls said that
she was their favourite....I don't know why all the girls like her. Maybe
because she looks womanly. She's got big knockers. All the girls must think,
"O yea, I want big knockers." Or something daft like that.