It has worked with the MANIC STREET PREACHERS, and now, in the second of NME's ongoing series, spunk rockers PLACEBO must answer your passionate enquiries, too.
Such questions you have. Questions about underwear. Questions about fears and loathings. Questions about what MICHAEL STIPE smells like. Some have glitter on them, others are written on maths books, while others have e- mailed for an answer to life itself. We can only ask.
And it is thus that we grab PLACEBO drummer STEVEN HEWITT, bassist STEFAN OLSDAL, and singer BRIAN MOLKO and ask them...
What's the most embarrassing thing you've done on drugs? (Alison Green, Schwyz, Switzerland)
Brian: "At a SPICE GIRLS party, I told the American representative of our record company that they could take their record company and shove it up their arse. And I insulted somebody's wife at the same party, in front of the Spice Girls, and got picked up and thrown across the room. That was pretty embarrassing."
Stefan: "I mistook Scarlet Page (daughter of Led Zep guitarist Jimmy) for Liv Tyler (daughter of Aerosmith singer Steve). I went up to her and said: 'You're that famous guitarist's daughter! Liv Tyler!'"
What are your earliest memories? (Russel Hope, Netherlands)
Brian: "I remember being in Africa, and we had a housekeeper. And I have this image of being in my cot and it looking like a jail cell, and she was sweeping up. I think I was about two."
Steve: "Being about four years old and running up the drive when my mum called me, and falling over, and sticking my teeth through my tongue and bottom lip and it all being stuck together."
Stefan: "I remember running down a gravel hill near my parents' house when I was about five, and just falling down. And smashing my whole face up."
Did you have a lot of teenage angst when you were younger? (Matt Thomas, Aberdeen)
Stefan: "Mine came a little later. Mine came when I was about 18 or 19 (Er, isn't that a teenager? -NME Ed)."
Brian: "I had a lot. I was a very frustrated, lonely and anti-social young man. I felt very alienated and very bored as well."
What do you think about the way you're worshipped like Richey Edwards was? (Caroline Jarvie, Glasgow)
Brian: "To be honest, you kind of try and shut it out of your mind as much as possible, otherwise it ends up being a cross you have to bear, really. And it's much healthier to just ignore it, because it's so easy for your feet not to be on the ground anyway, that if you acknowledge it you could end up getting completely carried away. It's absolutely flattering. But often I feel quite undeserving of it really."
When you go out on a date, are your dates ever intimidated by the fact that you're rock stars? (Sebastien, Koszalia, Poland)
Brian: "I don't think we would ever go out on a date with anyone who is intimidated. It's hard to find people who are relaxed around you, but you wouldn't want to go out with anyone who felt nervous in your presence."
Steve: "Don't know. I've more important things to worry about."
Are you going bald, then, or what? (Bloody Panda, London)
(Unselfconscious laughter is heard from the rhythm section.)
Brian: "Who me? No, I've always been a bit thin up here. If it's one of these (indicates nascent tonsure) then you can pretend to be a monk for a while to accentuate it, like Stipey did. Then you shave it all off."
Stefan: "It's true. He's been like that ever since I've known him. I'm balding. I've got a bit of a patch up here, and it's all going to be receding. Over the last couple of months it's really been freaking me out."
Someone wants to write your biography. What would you call it and what would be the first lie you told about your life? (Jennifer Mitchell, No address supplied)
Steve: "If someone was writing my biography, then I'd definitely want it called Getting Away With It, except I think someone's done that already (That'll be the BOY GEORGE autobiography - NME Ed)."
Brian: "I'd call it I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good. Oh, Lord Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood. The truth is stranger than any lies we could come up with. And more obscene."
Stefan: "Oh, I'd call it Take Me Away From All These People."
Do you mind being short? (Emma Louise Symonds, Wrexham)
Brian: "No, not really. I would like to be taller, but I guess being short and small is one of the first things that drew me towards girls' clothes, because they fit me much better, and there's so much more variation. They're just funkier, there's more that you can do with them. The way that they're cut is usually more flattering, and they're usually available in pint-size size, which is good."
Which fictional character in literature or films would describe you best? (Sarah Bradbury, Surrey)
Brian: "Holden Caulfield (in JD SALINGER's The Catcher In The Rye), maybe. Just for the feeling of alienation. The only thing Holden Caulfield wants to do throughout this whole book is to call this girl, and he never manages to call her, he never manages to get through. And that sums up my life quite well."
What or whom are you nothing without? (Naomi Kent, Lincoln University)
Brian: "You know, that's about someone I used to go out with really, and that was like me exorcising the guilt of that failed relationship which I was mainly responsible for. But I'm also nothing without these two. At the moment spliff and minibars, because we just go from bus to minibar to bed."
Steve: "I'm nothing without a coffee machine, fresh coffee and a mobile phone."
Stefan: "My bed. Because I'm sleeping about 15 hours a night at the moment."
How do you want to die? (Andrew Clarke, Middlesex)
Steve: "In my sleep, and definitely not on an aeroplane."
Stefan: "In oblivion."
Brian: "I'd be interested in finding out if there is a light which you walk into, and if you do meet people from your life and walk hand in hand with JESUS. I would hate for my death to be tragic: I'd like to be old when it happens. But hopefully a young death is unlikely."
What was your most pure morning? (Laura Jones, Treforest, Wales)
Stefan: "We were in Cologne and we went to this most amazing rave party, and we got back at 8am and smoked reefers the size of the... tourbus, basically with some German mates."
Brian: "I spent two hours with my feet above the ground at that party. I thought I could fly. It was really lovely. I saw the sun come up this morning."
Stefan: "I haven't seen the sun for a couple of days. How is it?"
Brian: "Still the same."
What do your parents think of your band and image? (Clair, Margate)
Steve: "My mum was pretty blown away. My dad's pretty blown away too now, though it took him long enough to get his head round it. He used to want me to get a proper job. They take the image in their stride."
Brian: "They're getting used to it. I think the fear is slowly turning into pride: I think they were quite perturbed in the beginning, but they're coming round to it. I was always a bit of a loose cannon, then again I was always the artistic one: bit of a social misfit. I probably still am."
What song makes you cry? (Rex, Bristol)
Brian: "'Nature Boy' by NAT KING COLE and 'Ne Me Quitte Pas' by JACQUES BREL."
Steve: "'Montague Terrace (In Blue)' by SCOTT WALKER."
Stefan: "'The Winner Takes It All', by ABBA."
If you were going to have a tattoo, what would you have and where? (Melanie, Essex)
Steve: "I was going to have a PRINCE symbol done once, but I'm bloody glad I changed my mind. I'd love one of those old sailor busty maiden ones. Tits everywhere. Be fucking ace."
Brian: "I'd probably have a little demon tattooed on my shoulder."
Stefan: "I'd probably have a snake on my shoulder blade."
Part the third of your interrogation of PLACEBO covers the vital topics of make-up, romance, losing yer virginity and getting into fights.
Brian. How comfortable are you seeing loads of little versions of you? (Katy B, Surrey)
Brian: "I'm getting more and more comfortable with it. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. My comments about the Molkettes and Molko clones have been misconstrued in the press and particularly in NME. I was quoted as saying that they should just get a life, basically, but that was only half of what I said. It's a strange thing: you get used to it after a while, but you still react with a similar amount of shock. To you, you're the same asshole that you always were and you don't understand why someone would want to look like you. But I'm not dissing it at all."
Is cocaine good for you? (Kelly, Ireland)
Brian: "Very bad for you. I can't go there any more. By the end of the evening you'd really end up hating yourself for being such an over-the-top individual, just like talking about yourself, and you end up really, really paranoid. It all ends up in a big mound of self-disgust. It ain't good for the soul, man. Just have fucking spliff, man."
What's the most romantic thing you've ever done? (Rachel Simpson, York)
Steve: "Probably sending flowers. Used to be quite into that."
Brian: "I don't really date in that romantic way. I have to be really, really smitten, and that doesn't happen that often, unfortunately. I spend a lot of money, and shower them with loads of gifts."
Stefan: "I threw a surprise party at Café Freedom."
What's the worst way you've dumped anyone? (Tracey Sherlock/Emma Hayes, Yarmouth)
Brian: "Just not phoning back. Pretending they don't exist. It's really evil. But it's so easy."
Steve: "And at the same time you hate it when it happens to you, but shit happens, you know?"
If you were a woman for a day, what would you do? (Burger Queen, Essex)
Brian: "I'd probably have my period. Maybe invest in some exotic and extravagant battery-operated toys."
Stefan: "I'd probably fondle my breasts all day."
Steve: "Dunno, maybe get some lesbian action."
Why do you have a second guitarist offstage? Who is he? (David McLymont, Scotland)
Brian: "He's BILL LLOYD from the group TRAM, and he plays a little bass when Stefan and I are both playing guitar, and plays a little keyboards. It's his choice he's offstage. He doesn't want to be seen. He's our tech, who got promoted."
Is it true that when you recorded 'Bruise Pristine', you did it naked? (Mathew Lary, USA)
Brian: "Absolutely."
Have you ever had a near-death experience with a fan? (Katie Curry, Kent)
Stefan: "Nearly, when you dive into the crowd at gigs, and they've got you by the crotch and are strangling you."
Brian: "Most fans have been really sweet to me. Real darlings. But when you spend an hour signing autographs outside a gig, and then suddenly it's time to go, and they go from screaming 'I love you' to you becoming the biggest c-- in the world. It's quite blinkered. A hotel receptionist in Zürich once pulled a gun on me, because I jumped behind reception and started to hug him because he was being such an arsehole. It was then I was told it would be a good idea to go to bed."
Steve: "I haven't. But I tried to hang myself when I was 16, from an apple tree, with a fucking garden hose. I was really pissed up. I was going down, and my mates sorted it out."
Brian: "You never told us that."
When did you start smoking? (Alice Roth, Barnstaple)
Brian: "When I was 13. I stole my mother's: Peter Stuyvesant luxury length, gold. And I went to the park in Dundee, where I grew up."
Steve: "When I was 11."
Stefan: "Properly, when I was 17, but my first cigarette was at a Monsters Of Rock Festival in Germany when I was 12. They gave out free packets of three fags. 'Kids! Smoke up!'"
You're one of the few men who actually look more attractive in make-up.
Who told you it was a good idea to wear it? (Nicola Smith, Plumstead)
What's you favourite make-up brand? (Nicola Moore, Stockport)
Brian: "No-one, really. I was about 11 when I started acting in school plays, and I instantly loved it. I figured it out by myself, really. I have an excellent make-up artist now. Maybelline does an excellent eyeliner and an excellent concealer. But as far as foundation goes, Ultra-Moist Max Factor Long- Lasting is pretty good if you're a working musician."
If you were to be neutered tomorrow, which person would you sleep with tonight? (Adam Westwood, Canterbury)
Steve: "Tara Banks."
Brian: "A girl I met in Spain."
Stefan: "A guy I met in Spain."
Brian: "Spain, man. We just want to roll that country over and fuck it raw."
Stefan (quietly): "With no lube."
Steve: "No lube! Jesus!"
Brian: "I'm supposed to be the evil one. He's the evil one!"
What's the best or the worst rumour that you've heard about yourselves? (Jessica Thomas, Camberley, Surrey)
Steve: "That I was supposed to be going out with Tara Banks."
Brian: "That I was a junkie. That was really hurtful, and also the one about me being a misogynist."
Stefan: "That I had an enormous dick."
What are your porn names? (George Brown, Essex) (Your porn name is the name of your first pet, and your mother's maiden name -NME Ed)
Brian: "I'm from France: mine is Lancer Farrel."
Steve: "Mine's Butch Williams."
Stefan: "Mine's more a Germanic one: Ihssdey Haha."
If you were born a girl, would you still want to look like one? (Hazel Norris, High Wycombe)
Brian: "I hope so. I was talking about this last night, because it would have been fun to be a real rock chick superwench, and use my sexual powers to destroy men. Hopefully, I'd be a maneater."
When did you lose your virginity? (Claire Murphy, Dulwich)
Brian: "When I was 14."
Steve: "When I was 13."
Stefan: "At the illegal age of 19."
How did you get into that fight in Middlesbrough? (Danny Kingston, Romford)
Brian: "That wasn't us, it was a couple of our crew. These people heard a couple of cockney accents on them, and waited for them outside a pub and beat them with sticks."
Steve: "It was a football thing. It was all because they supported a different football team. Sad fucks. Every football fan can go and fuck themselves."
The final day of Placebo's rap session with questions from NME readers.
Where did you get the dress that you were wearing at London Brixton Academy? (David Sutton, London)
Brian: "It's a John Richmond. And please don't go out and by it."
What's the most money you've paid for an item of clothing? (Tracie Sherlock/Emma Hayes, Yarm)
Stefan: "About 250 quid. At Alexander McQueen."
Brian: "Mine was a Moschino dress."
Steve: "About 400 pounds. I had a pinstripe suit made to measure."
Why do you think Velvet Goldmine was such a lot of self-indulgent bollocks? (Andrew Dalton, Dublin)
Brian: "Because you obviously didn't understand it. It's a great , it's a feast of colour and music."
Stefan: "And it has the most beautiful scene of two men kissing, ever."
What's the strangest thing you've been given by a fan? (Trevor Waker, Ontario, Canada)
Brian: "We've just been given a tape by some fans. These two s were waiting outside, and they're playing 'I Know' off the first album really badly and they've changed the words to how much they want to have intimate knowledge of our... er, privates. It's not very musical, but it is hilarious. "Another time, I got given a photograph of this girl with a black eye with 'Kill/ /Die' written on it, which I carry with me everywhere, because it's the most intense thing I've been given."
Will you ever grow facial hair? (Nano Proenca, Portugal)
Brian: "Stef, you used to have interesting facial hair: that Prince beard kind
of thing. You looked very suave. Facial hair I don't think is my thing, really. I'm a pretty clean-shaven kind of guy. It doesn't suit me."
Which do you prefer? EMBRACE or a custard pie in the face? (Ollie, Guildford)
Brian: "Sorry. It's going to have to be the custard pie."
Are you happy? (Iced Gem, Bristol)
Steve: "Yes. I'm fit, and well, and playing like a demon."
Brian: "I'm relatively content. It's a few hundred miles away from happy. I would like to have a meaningful relationship with somebody that I cared about. Loneliness is quite debilitating."
Do you think your reputation as the filthiest band in Britain will do you any harm in the future? (Simon Mullins, Sheffield)
Brian: "Only if we start getting probe-searched at customs. It's all complete , but it's all part of the myth."
What does MICHAEL STIPE smell like? (Paperback Rioter, London)
Brian: "He smells really nice, actually. Very clean. Of expensive beauty products."
PRINCE or MADONNA? Who would you be? (Scott , San Francisco)
Brian: "Madonna."
Stefan: "Madonna."
Steve: "Prince. So two."
What's worth fighting for? (Yvette Chigwidden, Redfern, Australia)
Steve: "Love."
Brian: "Freedom. I actually tried to beat up our crew the other day. The bus ran out of gas, and I lost it for a while. I didn't get on very well, they're huge."
When you wear a dress onstage do you wear knickers, or plain old boxer shorts? (Karen, Telford)
Brian: "Oh, knickers. Lacy ones."
Why do I have to live? (Joey Lau, Police Married Quarters, Hong Kong)
Brian: "Because there's nothing else to do."
Stefan: "The grass is always greener somewhere else. But you have to be here to know that. Make sense?"
How do you amuse yourselves on the tourbus? (David Sutton, London)
Brian: "Watch South Park. Also, we have a new court jester, our merchandising guy who amuses us for hours by talking complete bollocks over the intercom. It's bollocks, but it's the funniest bollocks you'll ever hear."
If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be? (Bec, Chelmsford)
Brian: "Whatever you do, don't sleep with her."
Good advice, indeed. As a group of giggling girls gather around Brian for some perfectly accented words of wisdom, they cannot know that their questions have already been answered, and that the trail of blood and spunk does not lead to oblivion. It leads, in fact, to the palace of wisdom. Sated and content, NME adjusts its hose and leaves, resolving to lead a shallower and more life.