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The REAL Console Wars, Part 6
by Chaos
In our last adventure, Tritoch, Alan, Kaitlin, Evil Knight, Tortolia, and Bio had left the Gold Saucer Storage Room. Meanwhile, Kharis was still captured, and DLE, Bannon, Edgar, and Magus landed just outside of Jack Azz's marauding army. Oh, the humanity. AUGH!!!!!!!!
DLE: He corrupted Nintendo, now I'm gonna slaughter him!
Edgar: Wait!
Magus: What?
Bannon: They're turning.
DLE: Not that group.
Group Leader: Playstation Traitors, it's DLE and Banon, get them!!
Groupy1: Get all of them!
Magus: RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they bolt off.
Edgar: I don't think we'll be able to infiltrate Nintendo today!
So they run.
Banon: I... can't... keep... up... aaaaa-- *trip, k-pow!*
Banon was captured. Banon fell.
DLE: Great!
Meanwhile...
Dio: Hey, get outta there!
Alan: Sorry Dio, but back off okay!
Dio: Yes, friend of Chaos.
Kaitlin: Well handled.
Tritoch: So, we need to find the Skyhorn Linkway.
Evil Knight: Uh, guys... take a look.
They all crowd around Evil Knight.
Bio: Damn! The gateway is closed! Now what?
Alan: Let's go to the bar!
Tritoch: There's a bar in Gold Saucer?
Kaitlin: I heard they just added one in.
Evil Knight: I have no problem with that.
Bio: Neither do I.
So they go to the bar. Inside one of those stupid-looking chocobo-suited guys is bouncing up and down with a sign around his neck saying, "Place the bets for the great console war here! Time is almost up!"
Kaitlin: Oh no!
Evil Knight: Look, the headline news!
Newscaster: As you can see from these shots, the newly appointed leader of the Nintendo Army, Jack Azz, is closing in on Sony Headquarters. And in this shot, we see Sony getting prepared. This is gonna be a close one, and a big one. Civilians are being evacuated to Gold Saucer as we speak.
Dio (not Bio): Oh no! Quick, clean the hotel!
Bio: Time is running out!
Tritoch: They're gonna attack!
Alan: We have to get to Skyhorn, now!
Unknown: I have also been stranded, trying to make it home, to the land of Neutrality.
Evil Knight: Who the...
Kaitlin: It's...
Alan: It's Pat! (No offense intended.)
Pat, the Mystic Guru: Yep. I believe I MAY have a way to reach Skyhorn.
Pat joined.
Tritoch: Let's hear it.
Pat: I know someone who is also stranded here. I travelled here with them, in their group, but we all broke off. Me and one other were hitch-hiking, and I would like to find the other. As for the driver, she should be here too, somewhere.
Bio: Who are they?
Pat: Oh, man! What were their names?
Hostess: Excuse me, but I overheard your conversation, and I may be able to track the person down, if you remember his or her name.
Pat: I know it was a her. The hitch-hiker should come back with me, and the driver has a vehicle. Ah, wait! Jaana! The other hitch-hiker was Jaana!
Hostess: I will come back in a moment.
Listen to elevator music until you see the "!!!!!"
!!!!!
Hostess: Here. Jaana is in Wonder Square, buiding up a hefty tab.
Dio: We're goin' bankrupt! Augh!
Bio: Let's go!!
So they proceed to Wonder Square.
Jaana: MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!! YAY!!!!!!! You can't put a limit on my GP!!! WHOO-HOO!!!!!!!
Pat: Jaana?
Jaana: Pat! Hey, want some GP? I got lots!!!!!
Pat: I can see.
Jaana: Who are your friends?
Kaitlin: I'm Kaitlin, Mystic Druidess.
Evil Knight: I am Evil Knight, an evil Knight.
Bio: I'm Bio.
Alan: I am Alan, Master Paladin.
Tritoch: I am Tritoch, an Esper.
Jaana: Cool. A classic FF team. Except yours has no weirdos.
Kaitlin: Do you remember the name of the person who drove you here?
Jaana: Of course, I never forget a face. Schala.
Hostess: Hold on.
Same thing.
!!!!!
Hostess: Schala is in Speed Square, preparing to depart back to Skyhorn.
Bio: Ack!
Evil Knight: We must stop her!
Alan: Run!!!!!
Jaana: I'm coming with you!
Jaana joined.
See how they run, see how they run...
Meanwhile...
Jack Azz: No!!!!
Drone: What is it?
Jack Azz: Those stupid heroes are threatening to stop me with Chaos's power! I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN!!! Dispatch a swat team to shoot their ship down!
Drone: Yes sir, right away sir!
In the Dungeon...
Kharis: I got the blues... I got the blues. I got some-stupid-jerk-with-no-life-threw-me-in-jail-just-'cause-he's-a-whining-brat blues.
A vortex opens.
N64 Man: AAAAAA! *thud!*
Kharis: You! What happened? I know what you tried to do, until Jack Azz stopped you! What a jerk he is! Hey, could you untie me?
N64 Man: Ow, my head. Huh, what? Oh, yeah. (unties Kharis)
Kharis: Thanks.
N64 Man: We only have seconds before another Vortex opens.
Kharis: Huh? Explain please.
N64 Man: When Aaron Cohen--
Kharis: Jack Azz.
N64 Man: Right. When Jack Azz threw me through that vortex, I landed just outside the fortress. I snuck in, obtained my Mario Warp Zone Cart, which lets me control the location of any vortex, and came to get you, although this is the first time it worked.
Kharis: Ah.
Guard: What's going on in there!
N64 Man: Eat coaster! (throws PSX discs at guard)
Kharis: Eat brick! (throws N64 carts at guard)
Guard fell.
Suddenly, the vortex opens, and N64 Man and Kharis jumped through.
To be continued...
Next... the war begins.
Console wars, part 7
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