The Ongoing Sailor Moon Saga, Part 1!


By Caryn and Lauren

One bright day Serena was walking to school. Well, okay, actually she was late (surprise) and was tearing down the street. Suddenly she crashed into... Jadeite!

“Aaaah!” he screamed. “It’s HER!” Jadeite then ran off screaming. Serena was way too stupid to recognize him, so she shrugged and kept running. Nothing eventful happened during the school day, so we won’t go into it.

Jadeite went on to Nephrite’s house, where he complained of his encounter with Serena. “She scares me,” he whined.

“Shut up, you’re spoiling the party,” Zoisite said, handing him a beer. Jadeite drank some and turned up the music.

The loud music blasting from the mansion lasted well into the night. Ami, who lived nearby, was distracted from her studies and went to ask politely for it to be turned down. (That’s the story she told later, anyway. In truth, Ami was practicing arcane magic and was afraid the noise would interfere with her demon-summoning.)

When she knocked on the door to the mansion, Kunzite answered the door. “Here to join the party?” he asked, failing to recognize her as Sailor Mercury since he was completely bombed. Ami, after her initial shock, decided to take the opportunity to find out what was going on. One of the first sights that met Ami’s eyes was Jadeite and Zoisite doing the can-can. Shaking her head, Ami slipped through the crowd of extras to call the other Scouts.

As soon as all the Scouts arrived (it took quite awhile, since they’d had to get Usagi out of bed) Sailor Mars struck a pose and shouted, “In the name of Mars! How did all you dead generals come back?!”

“Thank me for that!” a mysterious voice sounded from behind them. Whirling, the Scouts saw.....

Trelane!

But Trelane didn’t last very long because a Big Force from Above that doesn’t like Trelane came and wiped him out with a machete.

“Yay,” the chorus of Scouts, generals, and extras shouted. (They didn’t like him, either. And for his one line, I’d say they’re a pretty good judge of character.)

Since all the Scouts were there, Darien wasn’t far behind.

“Hey, I never get to go anywhere cool! Probably because I don’t know where I work and don’t have any money and always wear dorky clothes like the pink shirt I’m wearing now!” Darien stated. “Man, I like Tuxedo Mask’s cape! I think I’ll transform,” and he did.

Kunzite was just in the middle of doing his best “drunken-general-in-a-cape” impression when a gang of youma jumped him.

“Mumble, mumble, mumble!” they shouted, which literally translated, means “We want cheese logs!”

“Hey... don’t mess with me I’m a... Negaverse general!” Kunzite yelled and threateningly shook a bottle of Jack Daniels at them. “We don’t got any damn cheese logs!” Kunzite said.

“But because of Zoisite, we have all the Twinkies in the world,” Kunzite mumbled.

Since Sailor Moon was all hyper off the Twinkies, all the scouts figured it was their night off. For reasons that can’t be explained, Mars had her German dance music CD so Venus, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Sam Neill (?) were grooving to the music.

“Ah rink dink dink DINK. Ah rink dink dink,” sang the scouts plus Sam Neill.

Suddenly Luna burst in. “Scouts!” she shouted. “Why are you standing around dancing to German techno?! FIGHT!”

“Awww, look at the cute widdle kitty!” Nephrite said, picking her up.

“Yowr!” Luna yowred. “Put me down! You’re supposed to be dead!”

“I am?” Nephrite said. “Okay.” He dropped Luna and collapsed on the floor.

“Nooo!” Molly shouted. “Nephrite!” She glared at Luna. “You killed him!”

“Sorry, Molly, but he was drunk and extremely susceptible to suggestion,” explained Luna.

A strange look came across Molly’s face. “Hm, maybe he’s NOT dead...” She giggled when she checked Nephrite’s pulse and found him to be alive. “I got a GREAT idea...”

*The next scene is edited out by the nice people at DiC*

“...and then he said ‘yer rubber boat?! I thought it was the chicken!’” said Sailor Moon. Everyone broke into uproarious laughter.

“Ha, that was a good one, Moon!” said Artemis as he wiped a tear away from his eye. “Luna, I think they can all take a break for the night. Really, sometimes you can be *so* uptight!”

“FINE!” screamed Luna. “I’ll just go invite Rini!” and she scampered off before anyone could stop her.

“But I HATE Rini! She’s so annoying and she brainwashed Darien! WAAAHHH!” Sailor Moon cried.

By this time no one was paying any attention to Moon. They were all having a smashing good time tying up Queen Beryl who was too drunk to care.

“Man, you better untie me before DS9 comes on. Bashir is so HOT!” Beryl said.

Melvin showed up and brought his insect collection.

“Wanna see my mantis?” Melvin asked Molly and got hearts in his eyes.

“Ewww! Go away! You’re so... icky!” Molly screamed.

Luckily Nephrite showed up just then and pounded Melvin into the ground.

“Oh, Maxfield!” Molly said, smiling. “Hey, want some... cappuccino?”

Grinning, they left the party, probably to do something DiC wouldn’t approve of.

Suddenly Trelane appeared again. Everyone groaned. “Hey, give me a chance,” he pleaded. “I’m the one who organized this groovin’ party in the first place.” Trelane pouted, looking quite cute. Zoisite pouted too, jealous that Trelane was getting attention and that no one seemed to mind that he’d used a stupid word like “groovin’”.

Then, to no one’s surprise, a big sword came and skewered Trelane like a big shish-ka-bob and lifted him out of the scene and placed him on the mantle in Trelane’s own house.

“I knew he shouldn’t have used that word,” Zoisite said and laughed.

“Shut up! Youre laughing is SO bloodly annoying! You always laugh like that. The next time you laugh, I’m gonna scream! You should HEAR yourself! Geez, you sound like a bloody hyena! Maybe we should start calling you Shenzi. Enough with the laughing!” cried Luna.

There was a dead silence in the room. Mostly because half the people were passed out on the floor and the other half were staring agape at Luna.

“Sorry I... had to stop her from laughing,” Luna said apologetically.

From the back of the room, everyone heard someone singing softly. “Celia, you’re breaking my heart you’re-” Kunzite was singing and quickly stopped when he noticed everyone staring at him. Now, they wouldn’t pay that much attention except everyone caught sight of what he was wearing: Tim Curry’s wardrobe from “Rocky Horror Picture Show”.

“I... found this in... the closet. Um... I think I’l go and... get my cape...” Kunzite said and ran out of the room.

Zoisite ran after him. “Wait for me, love! We can have cappuccino!!!”

“Is anyone else wondering why Nephrite had that outfit in his closet?” Jadeite asked.

“Yeah, that’s an image I really wanted,” Mars muttered.

“Sorry,” Jadeite said, pouting. “I’m the only general left! I feel so alone...”

Rubeus suddenly appeared. “Hey, I heard there was a party,” he said .

“Yay! I’m not alone! ANOTHER VILLAIN!” Jadeite shouted, giving Rubeus a big hug.

“Ohh boy. No cappuccino for you!” Rubeus said, and grabbed a beer. Everyone noticed that he was carrying his green jacket with him but, as usual, wasn’t wearing it.

“Why don’t you put that on?” Venus suggested as her first line in the story.

“I can’t,” Rubeus explained. “If I do, a great terror will be upon us...”

“Oh, stuff it,” Mars growled. She and Jupiter held him down while Tuxedo Mask forced the coat on.

There was a blinding flash of light and the sound of Rubeus screaming when it faded, there stood Trelane!

“You fools!” Rubeus shouted. “Now he has been released, and there is NO WAY to send him back!”

Luckily, God showed up just then and said, “Geez, I’m sorry I didn’t realise he was so hated. I’m going back in time and changing the curse.” And God left. And then there was light. And God said - Oh, wrong book!

A few moments later, God still hadn’t returned.

“Man, God sure takes a long time,” said Rubeus. “I TOLD you not to do that!”

Then God appeared wearing sun glasses and a hula skirt. “Sorry guys, I can’t do anything. Well, I got trapped in a luao so I gotta jet. See ya!” God said.

Before he could leave, Serena spoke up. “Waaaaiiit a minute! Something looks VERRRY familiar about him...” she said. Then she ran up to God and yanked at his face. “Heyyy... you’re not God! You’re David Attenborough PLAYING GOD!!!”

“Yes, it is I, Sir David Attenborough. And for no other reason but boredom. Bye now!” David said and left.

Well, since Trelane can’t be disposed of, Jadeite and Rubeus stuffed him into a vase, perma-sealed it, stuck it in a container with radioactive goo, and threw it across the country where it can NEVER BE FOUND AGAIN!!! Then everyone went home and took a nap. Night fell. It was a dark night. The wind blew quickly like a $20 whore. And then it was morning.

Serena woke up at 3:00 am trying to figure out just what the last lines meant, as well as why she’d been saying David when his name was actually Richard. She was suddenly aware of a prescence in her room, and hesitantly turned on a light.

“Trelane?!” Serena shrieked. “How’d you get here?”

“Perhaps the vase will never be found, but I’m omnipotent. I can escape anything!” Trelane replied.

“Gee, Trelane. I never realized how attractive you are,” Serena said, hearts in her eyes.

“Oh, Serena, I love you!” Trelane said. “Want some cappuccino?”

“Oh, of course, Trelane! Never leave me again!” Serena kissed him passionately.

“Hey, what about me?” Darien asked, since he was there too for someodd reason.

“Find someone else!” Serena and Trelane shouted. “Find your true love!”

Darien’s eyes lit up. “Zoisite, I’m coming for you!”

Ami was studying biochemistry in the next room and looked up as Darien ran past.

“Where the HELL are you going?” she asked politely.

“I’m going to seek out the love of the fair Zoisite. I will climb hill and dale, cross stream and ocean to be with him. Just as you study biochemistry, I MUST be with my one true love!” Darien explained dramatically.

“Okay, two things: one- he lives right down the street. And two - I always thought Kunzite was more your type. Plus, Zoisite’s not much of a stallion if you catch my drift,” Ami said and winked.

“Uh, um, er... h-how would y-you know?” Darien stammered because of too much caffeine.

“Well,” Ami said coyly, “Being intelligent isn’t my only forte.” And she kissed Darien passionately. “NOW where do you have to go?”

“Er, only to the drugstore for a moment, love,” Darien said and ran off.

As we leave our young (Trelane?) lovers, we travel to another world. A world where everyone is kind and you can get a decent cup of coffee for a buck. AND NO TAX! This world is called... Anthracite Coal Land.

“Man, this is the STUFF!” cried Nephrite as he devoured a McChicken sandwich. “Wow this is- hey! What the-? Get away! I came here to be alone and YOU come in here with your, your BIG FANCY WORDS and I don’t need it! Go away! Leave! Unless you have some tartar sauce...?”

“Uh... no, I must have left it in my other coat,” a girl in a black skirt said. “I’ll, er, leave you and go make up something else, ‘kay?”

Nephrite was too engrossed in the sandwich to care.

In the meantime, Darien had reached the drugstore and was about to make his purchase when...

“Hi, Darien!” Rei said from her place behind him in line. “What brings you out at this time of night?”

“I’m, er, just picking up a few essentials,” Darien explained, trying to hide the box in his hands. “You?”

“I just got a major chocolate craving,” said Rei, holding up a King-sized Hershey bar. “So what’re you buying? Huh? Huh?”

“Nothing!” Darien yelled, pushing her back while he paid. “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!” Darien then ran screaming from the drugstore, clutching the mysterious box.

“Damn!” Rei muttered. “Now I’ll never know!”

“Sure you will,” said the cashier, who was actually Jadeite in his new job. He leaned over and whispered in Rei’s ear, and her eyes widened.

“Oh, no,” she groaned. “I’ll bet it’s Ami again, the little s**t.”

“Hm, yes, she is isn’t she,” Jadeite mumbled, a strange smile on his face.

Rei gave Jadeite a VERY dirty look, and he shrugged sheepishly.

Meanwhile, Darien was running down the street clutching the strange package. He stopped at the corner, looked around, and stared at the package. It was, obviously, a box of... crayons!?!

“Hey, I just bought a coloring book yesterday and I needed some crayons. What, did you think it was something kinky? You SICK people! Right, me and Ami. Uh-huh, sure things. Gosh, I’m in my 20’s; I have NO interest in 14-year-olds. Well, except Serena...” Darien said. He then walked the rest of the way to his apartment.

Darien was in the elevator going up when the elevator suddenly stopped. And then started again. “Whew! That was a close call!” Darien exclaimed. When he got inside his apartment, after five minutes of trying to remember which key went into the lock (even though there was only one key in his pocket), he stopped and marvelled the box of crayons. He looked up at the back of his door and saw a large bloodstain. “I KNEW I forgot something! Maybe I can just draw a nice picture with my crayons and hang it over the stain...” Darien trailed off, deep in thought.

In the meantime, Kunzite and Zoisite were busy doing... well, they were busy. Actually, they were making chocolate chip cookies for the the annual Negaverse potluck. Zoisite was wearing the CUTEST pink apron.

“Kunzite, how many cups of sugar do we need?” Zoisite asked.

“Um... I dunno. I was too busy eating the chocolate chips. Sorry,” Kunzite replied and looked sheepish.

“I want to to be under the sea in an octopus’ garden in the shade,” a voice sang.

“What the f*** was THAT?” Zoisite said and dropped the bag of flour he was holding.

“MMPARGN Snorftla PH!” Kunzite said through a mouthful of chocolate chips, which translates as “I’m not cleaning that up!”

“Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer,” the voice sang again, a little closer this time.

“Kunzite, it’s coming from the bedroom!” Zoisite said, sounding frightened. He ran into Kunzite’s arms. “I’m so afraid! Go see what it is, love. Please?”

“Mphqarxsnakjblaf!” Kunzite said. (Translation: Okay!) He ran into the other room as the voice started singing the first few lines of “Eleanor Rigby”.

“Ah-ha,” Kunzite said, mouth clear of chocolate chips. “I’ve got you.” Kunzite lifted up the covers and peeked under the bed . “Oh my God, it cna’t be! It’s... it’s... Roddy MacDowell!”

“Hello,” said Roddy MacDowell. And he disappeared.

“Um, what was THAT for?!” said Zoisite.

“I don’t know. It was kinda neat, though,” Kunzite said.

Meanwhile, Darien was sitting down trying very hard to think of something to draw.

“I’ve got it!” he said. “Since I want to cover that stain, I’ll draw the man who’s responsible for it!” Hearts in eyes, Darien busily went to work. “Hm... I need the perfect emerald green... and that lovely copper colour...”

Many hours of hard work and tears later, a realistic, life-sized portrait of Zoisite hung on the door. Darien sighed. “Oh, Zoisite, my darling! You must know of my love for you! Ami distracted me last time, but now, nothing shall stand in my way!” Darien dashed from his apartment.

He dashed down the street and ran through the city, finally collapsing on Zoisite’s doorstep. He had just enough strength to ring the bell before he passed out, wondering... “Why didn’t I drive? I have a car AND a motorcycle!”

Just then, Zoisite answered the door. “Uh... Kunzite, there’s a guy sprawled out on our doorstep. Er... we’re not going to have a repeat of what happened last week are we? Because I’m kinda tired and Nephrite won’t let me borrow that outfit again because of the chocolate syrup stain from last time,” he said.

By this time, Darien had woken up and was staring at Zoisite with hearts in his eyes. ‘Oh, Zoisite my love, I have reached your doorstep. I have waited for this moment for so long. Let’s seal our love with a kiss,” Darien said.

Zoisite shrank back in horror. “KUNZITE! TELL DARIEN TO GO AWAY! HE’S SCARING ME!”

“Uh... how’d you know my name? I don’t think you’ve ever heard it. I mean, it’s good, because you’re not stupid and you recognize me but... oh, my head hurts!” Darien said.

All of a sudden, Kunzite burst into the hallway singing “Silver Bells”. He was wearing fishnet stockings and a trench coat. “Silver bells, silver bells, it’s Christmas time in the city. Ring-a-ling, hear them ring-”

“SHUT UP!” Zoisite and Darien yelled.

“Kunzite, I told you, NOT WHEN COMPANY’S HERE,” Zoisite said between clenched teeth.

Kunzite looked sheepish and wandered off to get changed.

Darien smiled and looked deeply into Zoisite’s eyes. “Now that we’re alone...” he whispered.

“Ewww!” Zoisite shrieked, conjuring a big ice crystal.

Darien sighed. “I remember the time you almost killed me with one of those. That romantic song was playing...” Zoisite screamed and ran into the house while Darien chased him, singing. “There will come a day, somewhere far away, in your arms I’ll stay, my only love...”

He finally cornered Zoisite in the bathrooms, where he had dropped the crystal and was sobbing with his head in his hands. “Go away, Darien!” he cried. “Just go away! I hate you!”

“Hate me?” Darien said incredelously, eyes watering. “But I LOVE you!” Darien then fell to his knees and sobbed beside Zoisite.

Kunzite walked in, went to the bathroom, and left again. Several minutes later he looked back in the doorway, just noticing them. “What ARE you two doing?” he asked. “Were you watching Disney movies again? I know Ariel had to leave her family, but she’s with Eric now!” They continued sobbing. Kunzite sighed. “Okay, fine. I’m gonna go color!” he stated, leaving Darien and Zoisite in the bathroom.

Kunzite settled down in fromnt of his paper, crayons in hand. After a moment’s thought, he began busily drawing a picture of his one true love... his cape.

“Well, there’s blue here. And then this is... blue... and then there’s... the blue part. Oh, wow! More blue!” Kunzite exclaimed. He held up his picture proudly for all to see.

Just then a preacher walked in weearing a polyester robe.

“Hey, is that polyester?” Darien, Zoisite, and Kunzite all asked.

“Yes,” replied the preacher. He looked at the camera (?) and said “I am a man of the synthetic cloth.” And then he left.

Kunzite shrugged and hugged his cape. “Oh, my darling, how could I ever without you?”

Zoisite hugged him. “I feel the same way...”

“Not you!” Kunzite said in annoyance, pulling away from Zoisite and giving the cape a passionate kiss.

“Gee,” Darien said as he transformed into Tuxedo Mask, “I don’t get that way about my...” He trailed off and pulled off his cape to look at it more closely. Then he gave it a big hug. “Oh, my darling! I love you! Let’s get married!” Tux and Kunzite were both kissing their capes, while Zoisite watched in annoyance.

“What about ME?” he whined. “I thought you both loved ME! WAAAHHH!” Zoisite ran from the room.

“I don’t need Darien OR Kunzite!” he declared. “I can find someone new!” Zoisite proceeded to begin coloring.

Then he looked at his finished picture of Jadeite and sighed longingly.

Kunzite looked over and saw Zoisite and realized that he loved him more than anything, even his cape.

“Zoisite, I do love you!” Kunzite yelled. Zoisite dropped his picture of Jadeite and ran into Kunzite’s arms.

“I love you, too! Want to play chess?” Kunzite asked.

“Of course!” Zoisite said and they left Darien alone with his cape.

Meanwhile, back at Serena’s house, she had just woken up and was looking around her room when she spotted Trelane lying next to her in bed, sucking his thumb.

“OH MY GOD! What the hell is he doing here? Oh no, I DIDN’T!” Serena said.

“My darling, you did,” Trelane replied and reached over to Serena to kiss her.

“Eww... get away from me! You’re icky! I can’t believe it! Did you give me a spanish fly or something? Ew ew ew ew *ew*!” Serena said as she scrambled out of bed.

“Moon Prism Power!” Serena said, and transformed. “I am here to save the world from evil, omnipotent beings like you! You must be a monster.” Sailor Moon pulled out the crescent moon wand. “Moon healing... activation!” Moon said while she raised her hands above her head.

“No! Please don’t! I can’t live in my natural form, it’s not omnipotent... AAAAAAaaaaaa....” Trelane yelled as he was made fuzzy.

When the transformation was complete, there sat... a clown!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” everyone yelled, even if they couldn’t see, they knew. You always know when evil like that appears.

Zoisite showed up and slashed the clown to death with the black crystal thingy (I forgot the name). “There! He’s finally dead,” Zoisite yelled.

There was much rejoicing.

Serena suddenly woke up. “Whoa, what a weird dream! Trelane was a clown?! And we...” she shuddered, then turned and saw him lying next to her. “Oh boy.”

“Oh, you’re awake, my darling,” Trelane said, then tried to kiss her.

“Ah!” Serena screamed, falling out of bed. “Leave me alone! I can have you arrested for statutory rape!”

“But, Serena, I love you...” Trelane said.

“Aaahhh!”

“Fine. I’ll just... go home, I guess...” Looking terribly sad and pathetic, Trelane transported back to the Q Continuum.

“Phew,” Serena sighed. “He’s gone.”

There was much rejoicing.

Now of course, Trelane’s parents were really mad and even angrier that Q didn’t try to stop him. So both Trelane and Q had giant anvils dropped on their heads and that was the end of that.

Kunzite felt like singing. So he did. He called his best friend, Sam Neill, over and they started singing “If I Can’t Love Her” which sounds a helluva lot like a certain John Tesh song.

Considering Kunzite and Sam Neill were both tenors and can sing really well, it’s no wonder that they were discovered many years later and formed the singing/songwriting team of “S&M: Zwolf” and went on tour in many countries and had a hit song, “Wolverines Are Not For Petting”.

Anyway, Mina hadn’t really been in the action and wasn’t doing anything to be mentioned. So she and Katzie threw a tennis ball at Melvin.

“What was THAT for?!” Melvin said, rubbing his head.

“Nothing,” chorused Mina and Katzie.

Having Mina mentioned, we move on.

Tuxedo Mask was lying in bed holding his cape close when there was a knock on the door. Grumbling, he kissed his cape and gently laid it down, then went to open the door.

Unfortunately, I can’t think of who was at the door, so we’ll move on.

Jadeite’s job at the drugstore had been going quite well. Since he had been in eternal sleep for quite a while, he found he now needed no sleep at all, so he worked all day and all night for weeks and became quite rich. He bought a big house that was, coincidentally, right next to Rei’s temple. Jadeite really liked Rei, but wasn’t sure how to get her attention. Neither am I, so we’ll go back to Tux.

Standing in the doorway was the most evil being in our universe... Ronald McDonald! Tux stared in horror at the deathly white face with blood-red hair, but then composed himself and sent a barrage of deadly roses at his face.

The evil clown shrieked and slowly disintegrated. Later, no one would believe the tale, but Darien always knew he had saved the world from annhiliation.

Jadeite figured out a way to get Rei to notice him: he would disguise himself as a common man named Jed.

“No one will know who I am. I disguise myself so cleverly,” Jadeite thought in an extreme closeup of the side of his face. “They can’t tell who I am because I changed my shirt.” Jadeite laughed manically and walked into Rei’s temple.

“Hey, Jadeite! How’re you?” Rei yelled.

“Doh!” Jadeite thought. He ran away to think of a better plan. “Hm. If her wacked-out grandpa knew who I was, he’d never let me in there.” Jadeite shuffled around in his costume box. “Aha!” he shouted, pulling out his cruise ship captain’s uniform. “This is my best disguise, since it automatically gives me dark hair and a tan!”

Thus disguised, he strolled back onto temple grounds.

“Hey,” said Chad, “Aren’t you the captain of the Love Boat? Wow, this rocks!” Several other people heard the shout, and soon Jadeite was surrounded by people wanting his autograph. He was unable to go find Rei.

Jadeite could think of only one other way. It was embarassing, but for Rei, he’d do anything.

First he went to see Zoisite. “Can I borrow some makeup?” he asked sheepishly.

“Why?” Zoisite asked. Jadeite reluctantly explained the plan. Zoisite agreed to help (after he’d stopped laughing.)

“Let’s see, we’ll definately need mascara... and a touch of blush... and some lipstick and a dress, I think red is your color...”

Four hours and loads of makeup later, Jadeite looked just like a woman (somewhat flat-chested) in a short red dress.

“Wow,” Zoisite said, “You’ve really got the legs for it.”

“Really?” said Jadeite, flattered. “Well, I want to get this over er with. I’m off!” Jadeite didn’t even notice Zoisite taking pictures of him as he left (possibly for blackmail?).

Jadeite reached the temple and began looking around for Rei. Unfortunately, Rei’s grandpa found him first...

“Get away from me, you dirty old man!” Jadeite shrieked girlishly as Rei’s grandpa tried hitting on him. It was impossible to run in high heels, so he gave Rei’s grandpa a mighty kick that sent him flying into oblivion.

“Phew,” Jadeite muttered, then kept looking for Rei.

He finally found her feeding her crows. “Rei?” he said tentatively.

She looked at him. “Can I help you with something... ma’am?” She seemed a bit unsure of his true gender.

“Rei, it’s me,” Jadeite said, stepping closer.

“Jadeite?! I didn’t know you were, uh, that type...”

“I’m not! I did this to get in here to see you...” Jadeite walked closer and stared into Rei’s eyes.

“I’m... flattered...” she whispered.

Jadeite leaned forward and kissed her.

Chad just happened to walk by the scene. He did a double take, then fainted.

“Well then,” Rei said, grinning. “Let’s get you out of those clothes...”

Then they both realised that this was still a somewhat PG story and didn’t want to have a lawsuit on their hands from some over-protective mom who didn’t want her son to dress in drag and then go off to some Japanese temple to find the girl he loves (close-minded b****!).

While all this had been going on, Serena and Ami were at the arcade. Serena was hoping to see Andrew and Ami was there to take her mind off everything and Luna wanted her to keep an eye on Serena who was looking around the arcade, searching for Andrew.

Serena came across Rei and Jadeite, who had decided after a lot of thought that they’d better stick to the PG elements. Jadeite was now wearing jeans and a t-shirt, although he still had traces of makeup. He and Rei were trying to get a Beryl doll from the crane game.

“Have either of you seen Andrew?” Serena asked.

“Nope. Anyway, why should it matter? You have Darien,” Jadeite pointed out.

“Correction. I HAD Darien. Now he just spends all day with his cape,” Serena pouted. “So you have to make him forget his cape. Just stop by his house and tell him you need him and that it's not healthy to be... with a cape,” Jadeite suggested.

“You know it IS kind of Kunzite’s fault that Darien loves his cape so much,” Serena said thoughtfully. “Maybe we should get Kunzite to convince Darien that capes aren’t everything.”

So Serena went over to Kunzite’s house. “I need to get my boyfriend’s mind off his cape!” she explained.

“Why? Being in love with a cape is perfectly natural. The soft, silky fabric... the rich colors... the sensual folds...” Kunzite trialed off with a sigh. “My cape is more important to me that anything!” Zoisite elbowed him in the ribs. “Er, except you, dear,” Kunzite corrected sheepishly.

“But how do I get him to choose me over the cape?” Serena wailed.

“Show him what you can do that it can’t,” Zoisite suggested.

“I can’t! This is a PG story! Plus, a cape can be substituted for... many different things. But we promised to keep it PG so let’s not get into that.” And they didn’t. Instead they all went to the local burger joint and had hamburgers.



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