They finally pulled out of it 15 minutes later. "Wow," Andrew said as he tried to get his eyes back in focus. "That was... incredible."
Jadeite just nodded. "Rei... NEVER kissed like that," he said after a long pause.
"Hey, Jadeite, I have an idea. Since you're hurt and everything, let me wait on you tonight. I'll do whatever you want..."
"Wow, how romantic..." said Jadeite. He limped downstairs and settled down as Andrew hurried to the kitchen to make dinner.
Kunzite and Zoisite were sitting on the counter eating Smores, and he was forced to kick them out. Zoisite pouted, but consented, and Kunzite wished Andrew luck, the words accompanied by a meaningful wink.
"So... anything I want, eh?" Jadeite said coyly. Andrew giggled and nodded. "I want you... to get me a McChicken sandwich and a small fry."
"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind..." Andrew thought.
"And a strawberry shake! Get me a strawberry shake!"
"Oh boy!" Andrew said in his head.
"And I want them now. Go get me some!"
"Where am I supposed to get money!" Andrew screamed.
"I don't know! Use your own money! I'm gonna turn around and when I turn back, you better be gone," Jadeite said and turned around.
Andrew obediantly rushed from the house.
Jadeite laughed evilly. "Now, to get to work..."
When Andrew returned awhile later, h found Jadeite in the bedroom surrounded by candles with his Chant CD playing softly. What happened next really isn't anyone else's business, so we'll move on...
The evening was cold and rainy as Serena hurried home from the arcade. (Needless to say, she hand't seen Andrew there.) Suddenly, she tripped on something and fell flat on her face. Picking herself up, Serena saw the object she'd tripped over was a large backpack. She lifted it out of curiosity when she saw the pig. It was an unbelievably cute black piglet wearing a yellow bandana around its neck, and it looked cold, wet, and miserable.
"Aw, you poor thing," Serena said, picking the pig up and putting him in her pocket. "I'll take you home with me where you'll be safe."
"Kwee!" said the pig.
A short time later he was in Serena's room, wrapped in blankets and happily eating some oatmeal.
"Oh, you're so adorable," cooed Serena. "I need to give you a name, if you're going to be my pet. How about... Bob?" The pig stopped eating to glare at her. "Okay, okay, not Bob. Something that goes with 'Luna'?"
Hearing her name, Luna poked her head into the room. "Serena, where did you get that pig?" she asked, walking in. The pig's eyes went wide and he dove under the blankets.
"Found him on the street. He's going to be my pet now. I suppose I'll have to get him neutered-"
"KWEE!" He continued to cower under the blanket.
"Serena, something's strange about that pig..." Luna murmered. "I get the feeling he can understand us."
"Well, of course he can, he's a SMART little piggy!" said Serena in an annoying, cute voice. "Would you like some more oatmeal?"
"Kwee!"
Serena ran downstairs and hurried back with a kettle of hot water. As she entered the room, she (predictably) stumbled. Hot water splashed across the room.
Serena's scream was cut off by a hand over her mouth.
"Quiet," he whispered. "If your dad found me here, like this..."
She pushed him away. "Ryouga?"
"Uh, yeah..." He laughed nervously. (I love that laugh!)
"Geez, you're REALLY lost this time! You're not even on the right show. This is a Sailor Moon fanfic!"
Ryouga shrugged, nearly losing his grip on the blanket he'd wrapped around his waist. "Well... consider this a cameo appearance."
Serena rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Now get some clothes on and we'll try to get you back to Ranma ½."
"Why is the show named after him anyway?" A weird, dreamy look cam over Ryouga's face. "It should be named after Akane..."
Serena was about ready to punch him, but Luna poured cold water on his head and she couldn't bring herself to hurt the adorable little pig.
"Grrr..." Serens stuck her tongue out at P-chan, so he stuck his out at her too. (Kawaii!) "Get some sleep. We're getting you back to Nerima tomorrow."
"Kwee," he agreed, curling up in the blankets and going to sleep.
In the meantime, Ami was having some problems of her own: her calculator wouldn't work and she had a chemistry problem to do. For fun of course; she had finished all of her other homework while everything else was going on. "I bet that someone stole the batteries. They probably knew I was going to do my homework so they took them." Just then Rei came in.
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Ami said.
"Yes, I think you were talking about something. And I think it had something to do with me but I don't know what I'm doing here in the first place so I think I will leave while the Supreme Being Lauren has a drink," and she left.
Ami decided to go to sleep and look for batteries later. So, the next morning, she went to ask Serena to help her.
When Ami arrived, Serena was leaving the house with a little black piglet on a leash, and struggling with a really big backpack.
"Oh, hi, Ami," she said. "I was just leaving to get Ryouga back to the right show. Wanna come?"
"Sure. But why don't you turn him back into a human so he can carry that backpack?"
Serena rolled her eyes. "I'm GOING to once we get away from the house. My dad would panic if he saw me in the house with him."
"Ah. Good point."
So, they walked a few blocks, then shoved Ryouga into a bush with his clothing and dumped a thermos of hot water over him.
He emerged moments later, looking embarrased. "Serena, can you please take this leash off me?" he pleaded.
"No!" she yelled. "I'm not letting you wander off on me!"
Grumbling, he let himself be lead away. A short time later, they stood in front of Furinkan High.
"Well, here you are," said Serena, taking the collar and leash from Ryouga. "Just sit around and wait for Akane or something."
"Okay," he said obediantly. He naturally had no arguments with seeing Akane.
"Hey, Serena," said Ami as they walked away. "How come we haven't gone to school in this whole story?"
"Hm, good question. Well, it's not our problem. If we get in trouble we'll blame the authors."
"Good idea."
In another part of Tokyo...
"Good morning! i hope you like omelettes!" Jadeite said cheerily as Andrew entered the kitchen.
"If you're making them, I'm sure they'll be wonderful," he replied, giving Jadeite a sweet smile.
"Did someone mention food?!" Zoisite exclaimed, running into the room.
"ACK!" said Jadeite and Andrew, clearly startled.
"Butt out, this is MY house and you're an unwelcome visitor," Jadeite hissed, waving a bread knife. He somehow managed to make it look threatening, and Zoisite backed away...
...right into Kunzite's arms. "Com on, darling," he said. "I'll make omelettes if you really want some."
"That's sweet of you, dear, but we both know you can't cook."
"Excuse me, but would you please leave? This IS Jadeite's house, you know," Andrew said. "C'mon, Kunzite, and... uh... what was your name again?" Andrew frowned. "Catamite? Was that it?"
"Catamite?" Kunzite fell over, laughing hysterically. Jadeite did the same.
"What?" Zoisite asked. "What's so funny?"
The other three just laughed.
"I'll... I'll tell you when we get home, dear," said Kunzite, putting his arms around Zoisite and teleporting away.
Once they were back home, Kunzite fell onto the couch, still laughing.
"What?!" Zoisite was getting annoyed. "What does 'catamite' mean, anyway?" Kunzite, still laughing, handed him a dictionary. "Hmm/// let me see... ah! 'Catamite'.... it means WHAT?!" He threw down the dictionary and stared at the still-snickering Kunzite. Zoisite pouted. "But our relationship isn't like that at all..."
"I know, dear. Do'nt worry about it. It's a joke." Sniffling, Zoisite curled up in Kunzite's arms. "Plus, I'm not THAT much older than you..." Kunzite trailed off.
"Kunzite! Although the idea entertains me a bit as well, I don't want to think about it! Our relationship is based on years of respect, trust, and love! If you honestly feel that way, maybe I'll leave," Zoisite said and turned his back on Kunzite.
Kunzite was stunned. "That's not what I meant! I just... well, I... we......um, I love you," he said cautiously.
Zoisite's eyes opened wide and got real watery and shiny for a few minutes."Oh, Kunzite, I love you too!" And he flung himself into Kunzite's arms. All was forgiven.
(Insert brief pause while author tries to stop gagging)
Rubeus was hanging around Rezo's place in Anthracite Coal Land, drinking an Espresso and wondering if he would have a place in the story.
"Man," he complained to Rezo, who was sitting on the counter eating a hot dog, "I'm really getting the shaft. I've just barely been in this story! And I'm a main villain too!"
"Well," said Rezo, "I'm in here because the author felt sorry for me when I died."
"I died too!" Rubeus yelled in annoyance.
"Yes, but she's American. She hasn't seen it yet."
"Ah." He sighed. "Well, if I get to be friends with a main character, then I can have at least a supporting role-"
"Actually," said Rezo, "I think your biggest flaw is your hair."
'What's wrong with my hair?!" he screamed. "And who are you to talk, anyway?"
They proceeded to get into a long argument about whose hair was better, during which Rubeus was accused of sticking scissors into an electrical outlet and Rezo was yelled at for having hair that constantly changes sizes. Finally, they had both calmed down a bit.
"I should be the love interest of a main character. Then I can be in the story. Who should I go for?" Rubeus asked.
"Well, you might be able to draw Darien away from his curtains-"
"Ew! No way! I'd really prefer a female."
"Well, all of the Scouts are free at the moment. Take your pick."
Rubeus was soon lost in consideration. "How about Rei?" Rubeus finally decided.
"Gee, I dunno. She's too good for you, I think," Rezo said as he calmly nibbled his hot dog.
"TOO GOOD FOR ME?!" Rubeus yelled as a giant sweatdrop formed. "But, I'm perfect! I mean, look at me: I have a confident walk, my hair is a beautiful shade of red, ditto for my eyes, and look at the way I casually carry my jacket over my shoulder. If anything, I'M too good for anyone."
"Uh... sure," Rezo said. Then, under his beath he added "If you had MY hair..."
"I heard that!"
"How could you?! I said it under my breath!"
"I also have exceptional hearing. I TOLD you I was perfect!"
They kept arguing back and forth for many hours.
In the meantime a small, big eared figure was walking down the street toward Rei's temple. No, it's not Rei's grandpa. It was in fact: Yoda. Yes, Yoda. Who, other htan the fact that he's green and doesn't seem to have ANY sort of libido (thank the gods!) is quite similar to Rei's grandpa. Why Yoda was in Japan we can't say. Nor can we say where this fic is going because there is a big writer's block in the middle of the road.
As Yoda reached the block, he wondered how it could be broken. Reaching no conclusion, he took his walking stick and..... went to the pole-vaulting contest.
By now, Rubeus was on his way to visit Rei. He had ditched his usual green-pants-red-shirt combo for a suit that really resembled the Turks' outfit. (Actually, with the hair, he really looked like Reno.)
Oddly enough, Rei was busy playing FF7 when he arrived. Already upset that Jadeite had dumped her for Andrew, she was allowing the game to really rile her up. "Dammit, Cloud!" she screamed at the TV. "Don't be such a whiny baby!" As Cloud launched into another "let's-get-Sephiroth-'cause-he's-really-evil" speech, Rei finally lost it. She pulled out the controller and threw it out the door.
"AUGH!" Rubeus had just been approaching Rei's room when something had hit him in the head and knocked him flat on his back.
Hearing the cry, Rei came bounding out of the room to see Rubeus, in a suit, laying on his back with the directional buttons imprinted right next to the black moon on his forehead. She fought down a snicker and said, "Hey, Rubeus... sorry about that... you okay?"
"Um, I guess so," Rubeus said, sitting up. "Uh, did I come at a bad time?"
"Nah. My stupid boyfriend just left me for another man. That insensitive jerk! Grrr..."
"Oh. Then I guess you, er, wouldn't be ready to date again just yet." Rubeus was very disappointed.
"I never said that..." Rei said. To herself, she thought, 'I can go out with Rubeus and show Jadeite how happy I am; it'll make him sooo mad he was dumb enough to ditch me..."
"Really? So, you wannt go out to dinner with me this evening?"
"Sure." Rei grinned.
And so, Rubeus became the Rebound Boyfriend.