Marriage

Ah, one of the joys of life is finding the one woman and the ability to cherish and love her for the rest of your life. By the grace of God, I am blessed to experience a joy like that. The woman of my dreams is none other than Shuhui which you have probably read about earlier in the other section. But our road toward it was pretty difficult as we faced many challenges, the least being that I was away for nearly an entire year. We have not tied the nuptial knot yet...at least, not until early 2001 so do stay tuned for the updates.

The write-up below basically tells the story how we decided to get married in the first place. As for the actual weddding plans (I am sure some of you are just plain curious how a wedding is done in Singapore), well, here they are:

too close, too soon

Finding the woman of my dreams, I guess, is just the beginning. Contrary to what most people think, our dating is not exactly smooth...we had our fair share of arguments due to our differences and varied opinions. After a few of these, we both decided on our own to seek help by doing some reading. At the beginning, we had wanted to sign up for a course in church (I recommend this to all new couples) called Too Close, Too Soon. However, the slot that wanted was closed due to the popularity of the class. So we decided to complete the book on our own - each of us will buy a copy and do the homework as instructed over a period of 8 weeks.

cairns vacation

It was during the "Too Close, Too Soon" period that we went to Cairns, Australia for our vacation. Actually we had planned for South Africa but the trip is simply too long since it exceeded the 15 days of annual leave that I have in a year. So we decided to go to Cairns instead and asked if anyone wanted to join us. Nobody did, and so we went there alone by ourselves. You can read up on the trip in our adventure in Cairns write-up.

One of the discoveries of this trip was that we found out that we can actually live with each other as opposed to hating each other's guts and fighting all the time. I think it's because of this trip to Australia that got us thinking how wonderful it is to be married to each other. So we started discussing and signed up for our pre-marital counseling class, and even applied for a HDB flat under the Fiance/Fiancee scheme.

business trip

Then, I received a bomb from my boss - I had to do a business trip to the US for a period close of 1 whole year. My department had just completed the production of a printer, and we are to embark on a new project...a totally new printer design. So, the design had to start somewhere and since the R&D center is in the US, the manufacturing team had to be there to provide assistance wherever possible.

It was extremely difficult for me to leave Shuhui to the point where I had to contemplate resigning from my job so that I can stay in Singapore and have a stable (meaning, no travelling) relationship. And this conversation was done when I was already there in Vancouver, Washington - I spent beaucoup bucks on phone-calls. My thoughts were like this: it is quite difficult for me as an engineer to just stay in Singapore, knowing that we have yet to reach the stage where is economy is knowledge-based, meaning that engineers will still be engineers even after 10, 15 years of employment.

That is probably one of the reasons why it'll be quite a while for us in Singapore to catch up with the US in terms of research and technology. That is why engineers will need to go to the US for training and knowledge-transfer. That is why if I want to never go away from Singapore, I must do something that Singapore is already pretty good at, i.e. and engineering is out of the question. Banking sounds ok....Well, we thought and prayed really hard about this question, and I guess we do not have an answer. If I were to choose a different job, I'll have to start from ground-zero and it'll be something that I might not be happy with compared to my current job. And the pay might also be affected. So we decided to seek God and see how it goes....

God is in control

When I did return, life was back to normal for a while anyway. It was then we started praying real hard...saying grace was no longer just thanking God for the food - it became much more. We prayed for one another's health and well-being and for His blessings on our relationship. In a sense, that helped us ot sorta accept God's plan. During our 1st cell-group meeting of the year, Chee-Hong, our cell-leader had a word of knowledge for me - that God is in control and that I should not manufacture my own destiny. That really struck a chord in me, and in Shuhui's as well. Then I realized how true that word is; I tried to paved my own way to deal with this situation when God is leading the both of us in His own time. Shuhui had shared with me how much she had grown to love Jesus during my absence. Previously, she was in church to be with me, but now she attends church because she wants to worship Him. Hallelujah! Perhaps God is in control, after all.

pre-marital counselling

I am scheduled to travel again Feb 20 of 2000, and it was very tough to live our lives as though nothing had happened. Somehow, the thought that I'll be away again keeps creeping into our dates. The biggest concern is whether we are able to get married at all with the business-trips. We had originally planned for the Feb pre-marital counselling but now, things are looking pretty grim. I called up Wendy Yiu from FCBC's Family Life Center for the actual dates, and was told time and time again the schedule is not available.

In near exasperation I called up the pastor-in-charge to ask for it. The funny thing is Pastor Klein is one busy man being the Department Head for Touch Music. I actually called twice a day for nearly a whole week before I got a hold of him. When I did, he mentioned that the schedule will be ready by the next Wednesday (he needed time to confirm with the counselors who are doing the class). So I called Wendy the next Wed, and received a message from the answering machine telling me the whole department is away for a retreat and will not back until the next week. Arrgh! Is God really in control???!!!

I finally got to Wendy and received the dates for the PMC. Sounded pretty good, especially the one in Feb. Now to convince my boss to let me stay here in S'pore to complete it and then fly. I told Shui about this, and asked her to commit this to prayer. So I wrote an e-mail to Tom Chang and waited. Guess what? Tom replied the next day and he said "yes". Yes, I really believe now that God is in control of the situation and that I need not manufacture my own destiny.

preparing the wedding

Now that the PMC is taken care, the next thing is to actually start the preparation for the wedding. One of the more interesting parts in the wedding is in the actual preparation, and I guess I must agree with this saying. Let's just say that it is the thrill of the hunt. The biggest thing that struck me is actually how expensive a wedding can be. I mean, we have planned for a simple wedding without the frills and stuff, but it'll still cost us close to $30,000 to do it. Of course, a major chunk of that happens to the cost of the furniture when we move out and have a place on our own. Anyway, I'm hoping to cut the cost down or just live with an even simpler wedding. Oh yes, one detail that I should not have left out - our wedding coordinator is our dear sister Ruth Soh.

wedding date and venue

One of the more "interesting" rules that FCBC has for its couples is that we cannot book a flat until we have completed the PMC and consulted the pastor as to whether we given permission to marry. There is a explanation for this coming from Senior Pastor Lawrence Khong on this - that the church will not marry the couple if they find out that the couple is not ready for the commitment or if there are some serious problems in the relationship. Hmmm, in this aspect, I must agree with him.

Anyway, back to the venue and date. Touchcenter will not be chosen - the venue is too big (I don't think I have that many close friends to invite, and neither does Shuhui). Besides, with the Youth Services starting at 5:30pm, the ushers will be chasing us out right after the wedding pictures are taken. Still looking for the perfect church, though. Currently, the one we are eyeing is the Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church at Upper Paya Lebar Road. One problem is that the place does not have too much parking so it could bring about some confusion on the actual day. Another church to consider is the Grace Methodist Church at Telok Blangah Road - the problem is that the church allows booking only 3 months before the wedding date, so kinda tough to plan everything in advance.

As for the date, we are thinking about 3 months after Shuhui removes her braces. That will be enough time for the photo-shoot and development and then to prepare our rented flat. So, some time in April or May will be nice. One more thing, that should be the season to see manta-rays in Sangalaki :-)

wedding dinner

Initialy we had wanted to choose the Prime City Hotel Restaurant in Kluang but decided against it becos' my Dad went there and thought that the food was prety mediocre. Now, the one we are looking at is Cincin Restaurant. The cool thing is that my Dad is taking care of the cost and invitation cards. Also, at about RM350 per table, I can even ask if my friends from Singapore can make it to the dinner.

The one thing that I did not plan for (which I found out later that it was necessary) was that I am required to foot the hotel bill for my relatives coming from out-of-town. I had a pretty long discussion on this issue with my parents, and finally relented...we'll just pay for one room per family at Anika Inn which is about 15 minutes walk from my house. Hmm, I'm even thinking of staying there for the night when Shuhui was there.

wedding budget

This is probably one of the more difficult things we have to discuss - money. Ideally, we would want to cut down on the cost but since we are moving out together, this will raise our budget quite a bit.

  • church rental = $800 (including decoration)
  • church reception (200 people x $12) = $2400
  • gifts and cash = $500
  • wedding day photography = $1000
  • rental of wedding car = $450
  • wedding package = $6000
  • wedding rings = $1500 (not including engagement ring)
  • honeymoon = $5000
  • household appliances = $10,000
  • house utilities + rental = $3000
  • total = $30, 650

wedding package

Currently we have narrowed our decision to a few shops. I must admit that it is a very difficult task to find a shop that has both really nice gowns and good photographers. We tried to search for one during one of the bridal shows and ended up placing a $1000-downpayment with Golden Horse Award Bridal Studio at Yishun. I guess this wasn't too bad because we were pretty impressed with the photography. When we finally went to try out the gowns, Shuhui decided that the quality wasn't really that good. So we still have a few places to go to. Still don't know what to do with them at this point of time...as we talk to many people, some how a lot of them actually forfeited the money (but $1000 is not a small sum). Perhaps we'll settle for just a photography-package.

One of the place that we went was Ted's Collection at Bugis Junction. A pretty interesting shop 'cos Donzai (that's the guy's name) does not believe in catalogs. He prefers showing us his gowns instead and his service is excellent. Also, all his gowns are for sale...no rent, and they are all made to measure. The way it works is that we show him a picture of what we like and then he will tailor it for us in about 6 months. Cost is $2000 for both the wedding and evening gown.

Other places that we went to check out was Margaret's Brides, Divine Couture, and Irene's Creation (at close to $3800 for just the wedding gown, this is one of the more expensive bridal boutiques in town), Ted Wu Couture and Silhouette. The general consensus, after looking at the few is that we want to have some embroidery on the gown which only 3 boutiques are famous for: Ted Wu, Donzai and Silhouette. So, it's down to these 3.

wedding photography

As for the photography packages, we are thinking of getting one for the actual day. After visiting the various boutiques, which provided also coordination services for phtography we had the chance to flip through the various companies such as Picture Box, Wizards of Light, Andrew Choi, Benny Ang, Studio D'fia. It looks like we might be getting Benny Ang after all but we can delay this confirmation until perhaps end of the year.

wedding cards

For this we are actually thinking of designing our own cards, and then printing them out using our printer in my office.

After we had our initial design we actually went looking around in Bras Basah Complex for the perfect paper to print on (I'm in the printing business, so I kinda know that good image quality also depends on the quality of the media). I think we chose close to 15 sheets that day, of which I had them all printed out using my HP2000c printer in the office. Turned out that we liked a certain weight of one of the media, but the colour of another, and even the texture of another one. So, we need to return to Bras Basah again. Another place that we found is at Funan Center which sells nothing but paper.

In the meantime, Shuhui did some surfing in the Web for the greetings on the card and did an excellent job with it. Regarding the fonts to be used, I provided her with a copy of Microsoft Powerpoint so that we can design the card together. One great thing is that she has a new PC (a HP Pavilion 500MHz running on Windows 98) and that provided her with a lot more font choices compared to mine running on NT4.0. Also, we found some really cool screen-beans which we thought made the card fun compared to the other "boring" styles in the market. You'll see it when we send you the invitation :-)

wedding program sheet

Turns out that we went to a wedding together and the couple did not provide a program sheet which turned out really well, actually. When there is a program sheet, most of the people would actually read the sheet rather than focussing on the wedding (and on the bride)...so we decided to not have a program sheet (save on printing costs, too).

  • processional: "Always with me, Always with you" by Joe Satriani
  • signing ceremony: "Household of Faith" by Steve Green
  • recessional: "Sometimes by Step" by Rich Mullins

honeymoon

since both of us dive (we actually met while doing our first Openwater class), it will be great to see a Manta-ray during our honeymoon. Did some surfing in the Web and a good place to go is Sangalaki in Kalimantan, Indonesia.

Contacted North Borneo Dive and Sea Sports: cost RM3470 per person 7D/6N departure Kota Kinabalu...plus the airfare (about RM600) and food, we should still be within our budget, assuming the exchange rates hold at S$1=RM2.30 The one good thing about this is that there is nothing to do but dive, eat, and enjoy each other's company...which is what a honeymoon should be all about.

application for flat

Since the wedding is during the April/May time period, the best time to apply for a rental flat from the HDB is in January. In this way, we can actually do the necessary repairs, painting, getting in the furniture, application for utilities....stuff so that we can move into the place immediately after the honeymoon.

  • Jan 1st to 10th advertisement by HDB
  • Jan 10th to 17th application forms to be received by HDB
  • Jan 18th to Feb 7th shortlist of applicants
  • Feb 14th notification by HDB
  • Feb 21st to 30th selection and registration of flats

Next: Premarital Counseling

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