AUTHOR'S NOTE / DISCLAIMER
This story is an alternate version of the episode "Bless You Hawkeye" from Season 9. It's how I would like the episode to have been. I am fully aware of the historical inaccuracies (e.g. Hawkeye's mother, Sidney, Margaret's marriage, etc.) but I hope you can overlook these and enjoy the story anyway. Constructive comments or even just a friendly hello would be most welcome! - From Karen xo

PART 1

Hawkeye had been having a difficult week. First the sneezing, then the coughing, and then the crippling insomnia, drying out his eyeballs as he stared at the ceiling night after night. He was exhausted, but yet he was kept awake by some deep inexplicable terror that he couldn't name, and it was driving him nuts.

BJ had taken his temperature, Margaret had offered many bizarre (and stinky) herbal remedies, and everyone who came near him handed him tissues. But it was no use. Hawkeye simply wasn't sick.

His worst sneezing attack came during a general meeting in Col. Potter's office. Everyone tried to be understanding, but Hawkeye's sneezes were really loud, and no one could concentrate.

"AAAAAAHHH!" Hawkeye ripped out yet another sneeze, his fourth that minute.

BJ, utterly frustrated, scrunched up his hair with his fists. "I keep waiting for the other 'CHOO!' to drop."

"Look, I'm sorry," Hawkeye apologized. "I really just need some sleep."

"Uch, you're not the only one," sneered Charles. "Being forced to lie awake at night listening to Pierce's incessant respiratory symphony is sheer drudgery."

"Much as I hate to agree with Charles, I agree with Charles," BJ admitted.

"Maybe Hawkeye spending some time in the private tent behind the hospital would do some good for all three of you," suggested Margaret.

"Ah, blessed heaven," sighed Charles.

"AAAAAAHHH!" erupted Hawkeye.

"That does it, Pierce," agreed Col. Potter. "I'm sentencing you to Solitary Confinement, on the double, until this mystery ailment clears up."

"Colonel, I'm fine, I told you--"

"That's an order, Pierce, there's a nice cozy bed and four green walls you can call your own. I'm sending for Doctor O'Rourke this afternoon, maybe a psychiatrist can help you sort this thing out."

"I don't need a shrink." Hawkeye protested.

"Pony pellets. Hunnicutt, take him away."

"With pleasure, Sir," said BJ, appearing with a wheelchair. He grinned at Hawkeye. "Well, you heard the man."

"You enjoying this, aren't you?" scowled Hawkeye.

"Not as much as I'm going to enjoy a quiet night's sleep tonight," BJ replied, wheeling Hawkeye out of the office. He kept going around the back of the building, and into the private tent behind the hospital.

"I can walk, you know," Hawkeye informed BJ.

"Yes, but this is much more fun, don't you think?"

Once inside the tent, BJ hooked up Hawkeye's IV with a hydration solution and an antihistamine packet as Hawkeye settled himself in the bed. BJ stood back and looked at his friend laying in bed, watery-eyed and blotchy-skinned. "Would you like a teddy bear?" he joked.

"No, I'd really like to get out of here."

"M-hm. Well, sweet dreams!"

"Yeah, yeah."

BJ waved, and then left. Hawkeye was now in the tent all alone. After BJ's footsteps disappeared, Hawkeye couldn't hear anyone outside.

Immediately he let out a rapid volley of sneezes which made his ears ring.

Hawkeye could feel his heart start to race as he began to panic. Every shape in the room seemed to move. Suddenly, the very thought terrified him. He immediately picked up his book and tried to read it, biting his fingernails as he did. The book didn't interest him. He picked up his notepad and tried to write a letter to his father, but he had nothing to say. "Dear Dad, they think I've gone crazy..." Then he tried to smooth out his sheets so that there weren't any visible wrinkles. Nothing worked.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" God, when were these going to end? His throat was getting so sore.

Hawkeye was absolutely all alone. No BJ and Charles snoring softly beside him. He was in bed like an invalid, in the middle of the afternoon, all by himself.

Hawkeye lay back in his bed staring at the ceiling, breathing in gasps, trying to control his wildly beating heart.

Back in the office, Col. Potter was on the phone with the hospital in Seoul when BJ returned.

"So Doctor O'Rourke can be up here by 18:00 hours? Excellent! Marvelous. Sidney, you're great, I owe ya one." Col. Potter hung up the phone.

BJ leaned on the back of Col. Potter's chair. "You're getting a psychiatrist other than Sidney to come and see Hawkeye?"

"Not just any psychiatrist, Hunnicutt, the best one in this whole damn war!"

"Really," BJ nodded his approval. "I thought, if you've had your head shrunk by one, you've had them all. What's so special about this one?"

"Doctor O'Rourke has a certain way of doing things ... a new kind of therapy that's somewhat controversial I've heard, but so far has had immeasurable success. I figure if Doctor O'Rourke can't cure Hawkeye, no one can."

BJ bit his lip. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Col. Potter patted BJ's hand. "Now, don't you worry, Son. Pierce is a strong man, albeit stubborn as a mule in cement. All he needs is a little help solving the puzzle. He'll be up on his feet in no time. You'll see."

Later that evening, Hawkeye was losing to his forty-sixth hand of solitaire when there was a knock on the door from outside the private tent.

"What's the password?" shouted Hawkeye.

"Doctor O'Rourke!"

Hawkeye was taken aback. The voice was a woman's. Oh well, maybe Doctor O'Rourke had a nurse or secretary with him. Sly old dog.

"Come on in, join the party," Hawkeye replied. "The more the merrier."

But only one person entered the tent.

Hawkeye knew as soon as he laid eyes on her that Doctor O'Rourke was no ordinary woman. Dark blonde and navy-eyed with long straight hair and a cool stare, her stocky frame held a lot of muscle. She carried herself tall and commanding, with a lot of presence, even though she was wasn't very tall. From his bed, Hawkeye watched her draw up a chair and sit down. She leaned forward to extend her hand, and Hawkeye shook it. It was warm and soft.

"Doctor Pierce, I'm glad to meet you," she began, her voice deep and mellow, as she sat back in her chair with her clipboard balanced on her knee.

"So you're Doctor O'Rourke," Hawkeye said. "I never woulda guessed that."

"Oh really," Allison said tolerantly. She knew what was coming next. "And what were you expecting?"

"Oh, I dunno, a white coat, straight jacket....um...a man..."

"Uh huh." Allison rolled her eyes. "What can I say, I like to surprise people. I hope you're not too uncomfortable with that."

"No, no, I like surprises."

Allison smiled again. Then she thought she better get down to business. "Doctor Pierce, I hear you've been having trouble sleeping."

"What gave it away, the bags under my eyes or my sunny disposition? Call me Hawkeye, otherwise we'll get confused with all the 'Doctors'."

"Alright then, you can call me Allison, if that'll make you feel more at ease."

"Allison?" Hawkeye said. "That's an unusual name. I like it."

She smiled a little and nodded. "Thanks." She examined her clipboard, and then fixed one of her stares on him. "Anything on your mind that you think might be keeping you awake?"

Hawkeye smirked. "Besides getting out of here and going back home? Not much else really."

Allison nodded. "That's more than understandable. But it's too usual. I feel this is something different. You've been sneezing a lot too, according to the Colonel, and yet you show no other signs of illness, am I right?"

Hawkeye snorted. "Yeah. But it's just an allergy or something, it's nothing ."

"Well, which is it?" she asked gently. "Something or nothing?"

"NOTHING." At this, Hawkeye let out a huge sneeze.

Allison raised her eyebrow.

"That was a coincidence," Hawkeye sputtered. Then he sneezed twice more.