this is a little article i wrote for my friend's zine NACHO dealing with matt and trey's tongue action...as for my little standing offer at the end-it was only used to prove a point (i had to say that..so i don't appear to be a crackwhore)
after seeing baseketball for the 5th time within a week i realized a few things. a) matt stone is hot b) gratuitous cheerleading is NOT a good thing c) most girls don't like to go to that movie and d) boys are pussys when it comes to watching a guy give a little tongue to another guy. each time that i have gone to see the movie, with the exception of the two times i dragged my friend with me and once my mother (rather disturbing isnt it? and for the record..she laughed at squeaks your mom is deaf/dead psyche out), all other mofos in the movie were male. and each time, without exception they all let out a collective "ewww! sick! noise when my boy matt jams his tongue into that loveable freak named trey parker's mouth. personally everytime i have seen it the word "cute" crosses my mind. immediately followed by "damnit! why can't i be trey!!!"...but thats another matter entirely. frankly i gotta give it up to the boys for doing that. given the extreme case of homophobia that seems to be plaguing virtually all of the male population, it is nice to see some guys with real balls actually risking ridicule from their fellow dingle brothers and just doing it. honestly though its about time. i mean if you think about it, how many times have we seen two females getting it on on screen? a female to female kiss has absolutely no shock value anymore. in fact, the same male population that so whole-heartedly condemns and moans about matt and trey's tongue action, are the same people that get a massive freakin' hard on when chicks do it. they often encourage it too. so the question i pose to all these pro-double standard bastards out there is: why is it when the sweetest ass on this planet (aka matt stone) and trey parker do it its, disgusting, but when two girlies do it its freakin A-okay?? i am having trouble seeing how this theory is valid. oh..i know why--because its PHUCKING NOT!! dudes...get over it! matt and trey..you both freakin' rule for what you did. and because of that fact..i have an open offer to sleep with either one of you*...no..wait..just matt.....anyway to all you homophobic dudes out there: give your best guy friend a little play...if anything..it will prove you are not gay...sorta...and as i have demonstrated by my offer up above, it will provoke girls to start offering to sleep with you..
*offer void if matt stone ever cuts his hair