Taking a deep breath, I made my decision. After two days of pouting and whining to Kaleell, I needed to take control of my life again. It was time to make things return to a state of...well, things would never be *normal* again. I just wanted to make my life return to a state of semi-normalness...for me, at least.

First order of business: make up to Spike. Well, not make up, so to speak, because I feel that there is nothing that I have to apologize for. But I just want to put the whole situation behind me. It is just one huge misunderstanding and there is no one to blame.

I just want Spike and I to be friends again. The last few weeks, especially the last few days, have been hell without him. I miss his insights, his jokes and his support. I don't want to leave Sunnydale without him backing me up. Sigh. I almost I could say that there was a noble reason that I want Spike and I to be friends again, but I'm being selfish for once.

I glanced at the clock. It was five in the afternoon. Spike would be up and about, knowing him. No time like the present.

I pushed myself off of my bed and left like an untried soldier on orders from his commanding officer. Determined, I traversed down several hallways and a flight of stairs to reach Spike's door. Sometimes the sprawl of Kaleell's residence was troublesome.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on Spike's door. Spike called for me to wait. The sound of running water being shut off and of foot steps came from behind the door.

Finally the door opened slowly, revealing a newly showered Spike.

Eek! Bare Flesh! I thought Spike looked absolutely yummy in a pair of leather pants, but towel clad Spike beats leather, hands down. His hair was wet and slicked back. The towel hung low on his hips, showing off all of his attributes...except one.

I continued to ogle Spike until he cleared his throat uncomfortably. I looked up at him, slightly embarrassed. Sigh. Oh well, he was probably used to people inspecting him.

"Willow?" he asked. "Can I do something for you?"

"May I come in?" I inquired. "We need to talk."

Spike stepped aside and opened the door wider so that I could come in. I slowly crossed the threshold and entered Spike's realm for the first time. Despite all that we had done together, we had never ventured into each other's rooms.

The room was impeccably clean and tastefully decorated. The bed was made, the floor was free of debris and the dresser drawers were all shut perfectly. It was nothing like my messy habitat. The only things in the room that showed clutter were the entertainment center and bookcase. Spike's large collection of CDs, books, magazines and videos filled all of the available space and then some. But besides that, it looked like one of those rooms from a decorating spread. All of the furniture and accessories were dark, had an expensive appearance and blended together well. The room definitely suited him.

"Have a seat," Spike directed, nodding to a chair. He picked up some clothes that were folded on top of the bed. "I'll be right back."

He disappeared into his bathroom and shut the door.

**

"So?" Spike asked as he emerged from behind the door. What did you want to talk about?"

"First of all, I guess I ought to apologize," I started. "I *am* sorry for blowing up in your face and probably jumping to conclusions that perhaps I shouldn't have. I was angry and wasn't thinking about what I was doing before I did it." I took a deep breath.

"Pet, I can explain..."

"No! I don't want any explanations. They will just drag this out longer and leave me with more doubts than I had in the first place. I just want to forget about the whole thing and be friends again."

"But...

I held my finger to my lips and gave him a stern look. "Shhhhhhhh!"

"Luv....

"Shush!"

Spike studied me for several long minutes but my foreboding look did not waiver. Finally, he sighed.

"If that's the way you want it, ducks..."

I nodded.

"...then that's the way it'll be."

I sighed in relief. I knew that he wanted to explain, to make things right, but that would just drag this out longer, and I wanted it over with.

Spike looked at me for a minute, then grinned. "So, luv. What d' y' think? Is northern Italy prepared for me?"

I smiled back at him. "More than ready."

*****

6 October 1999

This entry will be short as I am in the middle of packing all of the things I have acquired in the last few months. For one such as I, there were many items of importance to be found on the Hellmouth and I have purchased most of them. Or they have come into my possession by *other* means. I'm sure the dead do not miss the items.

It seems that Willow and Spike have reconciled their differences in the last day. Their laughter rings through the house like it has not done for weeks. She has stopped spending time with me, in favor of his company. (I can't say that I'm not relieved. One more day of listening to the girl whine and cry about how much 'life sucks,' would have killed me... Or her. It's not that I don't sympathize. I do, but the Savior needs to be one of careful action, not sulking.)

I am glad they have pieced their relationship back together. Willow will need Spike more in the coming days than she has ever needed anyone. The Savior will be leaving behind everything she has ever known and it will be unbearably hard for her. But it must be done for all of our safety. The sooner she learns how to be parted from friends, the better. No one, not even I, lives forever.

I, however, do not look at our departure as terrible. It will be good to walk down the familiar halls. To be among my people. To see Darien again...

*****

I looked at the clock and sighed. A little over 24 hours left in Sunnydale - the place I have spent my entire life until this point. And I had yet to say good bye to my friends or even tell them I was leaving.

Well, most of them. I had told Oz when he called me a few nights ago. As always, he was supportive and understanding. His only request was that I call and write often, which I will. I don't know what I would do without him. I had also told Amy, or rather, she had found out. She had stopped by the other day to chat and had saw the boxes sitting around. She is the only person who I really felt like saying good-bye to so it wasn't that bad. A few tears were shed, but Amy was able to understand. Many letters and calls will be sent her way as well.

I don't know why I hadn't managed to tell the others. I loved them deeply but I kept putting it off. I knew they were going to be upset and I didn't really want to deal with their anger. I hadn't been a part of their lives, really, for months. Yet, I knew they hadn't let me go and weren't prepared to. They were going to fight for me to stay, and as much as I wanted to give in, I couldn't stay. I had to leave for all of us to survive but I wanted to stay in Sunnydale so bad that it hurt. My heart and soul were bruised with want but it was to be unfulfilled desire. I knew in my mind that it was for the best but my emotions told me otherwise. Sigh. Being poetic about it wasn't going to help either.

My head shot up at the light rapping on my door.

"Come in," I called.

Spike opened the door and peeked in. "Are y' comin,' luv? Or are y' not even going to see them at all?"

I nodded. "Let's go."

I pushed myself off of my bed and grabbed my coat. Spike put his arm around me and guided me into the garage.

"You're driving?" I asked.

"It's not safe for us t' walk," Spike said, opening the door for me.

"I don't consider your driving safe," I muttered as I slid in to the passenger seat and shut the door.

Spike jogged around to the other side and got in. "What was that, dear?" he asked in a very sarcastic tone. His left eyebrow was arched questioningly.

"Nothing," I answered, innocently.

Spike grinned and hit the garage door opener that was hooked over the sun shade. As soon as the garage had finished opening, he peeled down the driveway and took off toward the library. I grabbed the seat and held on for my life.

"Do you think they will all be there?" I asked him, half way there. "Maybe I should just call..."

"Pet," Spike said, cutting me off, "I know they'll be there. I called them and told them that we were comin.'"

I swatted his arm and frowned at him.

He shot me a grin then returned his eyes to the road.

The last few minutes of our journey was spent in silence. I sat there trying to think of some way to tell them I was leaving but couldn't. Oh well, the direct approach is always best.

Spike screeched around the last corner and parked close to the building. Bouncing out of his seat, he came around the car and opened the door for me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the seat.

"Do I have to?" I whined jokingly.

"Yes."

"Why?" More whining.

Spike didn't answer. Instead he slipped his arm around my waist and started walking to the library, efficiently dragging me with him. He pulled me into the school, down the halls and paused at the entrance of the library.

"Luv," he said softly, grabbing my arm and turning me to face him. "I'm not goin' to force y' t' go in there. It's your choice. But if y' don't go in there, y' may never see your mates again. This is Sunnyhell, after all."

I looked down for a minute. He was right. Life was not a given on the Hellmouth. With a deep breath, I pushed the door open.

All of my friends had assembled. I stood for a few long moments, watching them. Giles and Angel stood near the check-out counter discussing demonic lore. Buffy and Xander sat at a table trading jokes, while Xander stuffed his face full of food. Cordelia sat at a table not far from them, alternating from looking bored to checking out Wesley. The Watcher stood -- doing one of the jobs Giles gave him to keep him out of the way -- shelving books.

Spike cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at us.

"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Are you all right? When Spike talked to Giles, he was kinda vague..."

She started to come toward me but I held up my hand and gestured for her to sit back down. I wanted to stay detached from the whole thing. I felt that if I remained aloof, I could shield myself from pain. It would be better for all of my friend if I was calm and controlled. The last thing they needed to see me do was break down. The bullshit I fed myself at that instant was...well, the typical crap that everyone feeds themselves.

"No, no," I assured her, a bit touched by her rare show of concern. "I'm fine. I..."

"Humph! You losers mean I came down here for nothing?" Cordelia asked snottily.

I smiled. You could always count on Cordelia to utter an insult every time she opened her mouth.

Spike, however, was not amused. "Listen girl, Willow is speaking. That means that you shut your bloody trap, got it?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes and gave him a withering look. But amazingly, perhaps for the first time in her life, she remained silent.

"Good," Spike snapped. "I'd never thought I'd get y' to shut your mouth unless my c--"

"Spike!" I barked, cutting him off.

At the same time, Cordelia grumbled, "Ewww! I'd rather..." She shuddered, visibly.

Spike shot me a grin and made a show of clamping his mouth shut.

Sighing for the hundredth time that night, I shook my head and turned back to my friends.

"Here goes nothing... Like I was saying, there is nothing wrong with me, but, I guess, there is something wrong with here," I told them, shakily. "We all know that Sunnydale attracts more than the usual share of nasties, but in the last few months, that number has risen mainly due to the fact that there is a bounty on my head -- several million dollars at last count. It's gotten so bad, that I cannot leave the house, even in day. There are human monsters after me to get the money, as well. This is the first time that I've been outside for a long time."

I broke off and carefully examined each of my friends. It would be so easy to stay...but it would probably cost all of them their lives, as well as mine. I closed my eyes against the pain at the thought of losing one of the people I had become so close to in the past few years.

Spike wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I rallied at his silent sign of support and continued.

"Everyone who lives here is in danger, especially you all. They would not stop at killing any one of you to get to me..."

"What exactly are you getting at, Wills?" Xander interjected.

"I've leaving," I answered quietly.

Predictably, chaos erupted. "What do you mean you're leaving?!" "Leaving?!" "Willow no!"

Spike's arm tightened around my shoulders. I buried my face into his shoulder as the volume grew. Everyone was protesting at once.

"Shut up!" Spike shouted.

Everyone stopped talking at once.

"Now," he began, quietly. "As much as y' might bloody well dislike it, Kaleell has made the decision to leave and the rest of us have agreed with her. It *is* the best course of action, at this point. Do y' think Willow could sit around knowing that she is continually putting those she loves in danger? Of course not! Stop thinking of yourselves for once and put the interests of others before your own. It's not like you'll be losing her. When is the last time one of you have been by the house to visit? Weeks ago! If one of you would have bothered to even call this week, you would have known that we were leaving."

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed his spiel. I ventured a look at my friends. All of them looked thoroughly ashamed. Except Cordelia, of course.

Gathering my last ounces of courage, I decided to make one last stance. "Listen, none of that is important now. I understand why distance has grown between us all but I want you to know that I still love you guys and will miss you very, very much. I just wanted to say good bye before I left. I didn't want to leave without telling you."

I turned around and began to leave.

"Willow, wait."

I turned around to find myself enveloped into a hug by Giles, of all people. He held me for several moments, then pulled away.

"Keep in touch," he ordered gently. "I'm sorry about not stopping by to see you but I didn't think you would want to hear from me..."

I smiled. "Of course, I want to hear from you. I'll send a letter as soon as I can."

"I'll look forward to it." He embraced me quickly and then stepped aside.

Angel stood behind him. He smiled slightly at me. "I may catch up with you someday after..."

I nodded.

He turned to Spike. "Take care of her."

"Yes, daddy," Spike answered, mockingly.

Angel shook his head and gave me another smile.

I turned to look at my other friends but they were still glued in place.

"Good-bye," I told them softly but they failed to answer.

Slipping my hand into Spike's, I walked out of the library and out of their lives for a very long time.

*****

"Willow is not leaving," Buffy declared, breaking the silence of the library.

"Exactly!" Xander added.

Giles looked at them strangely. He could not believe the way they had refused to acknowledge Willow's departure. However, he was willing to give the benefit of the doubt; they were probably in shock. Silently, he prayed that Buffy and Xander would come to their senses before it was too late -- provided that Willow wasn't leaving right away. They would never forgive themselves if they did not get the change to save good-bye.

"And just how do you supposed to do that, pray tell?" Cordelia asked, rising to her feet.

Buffy rose to the challenge. "Xander and I will just go over there tomorrow and explain to Kaleell that Willow cannot go -- that she's needed here. She'll listen to us."

Cordelia laughed. "You guys have completely lost it. There is no way that Kaleell is going to let Willow stay. Hell, if I was Willow, I'd be glad that I was leaving. Have you guys even looked around lately? There are consequences of all of the demons being here in Sunnydale. Demons eat people, okay? I've attended more funerals since we found out that Willow is the Savior than the past two years combined. Funerals of people who didn't know about what was out there or even what *thing* attacked them. They weren't the Slayer; they didn't know how to pretest themselves."

A glimmer of pain flashed in Buffy's eyes. One of her greatest sources of sorrow was that she could not save everyone. However, she could not see how her mild and gentle friend could be the cause of any deaths, let alone several. The fatalities were her fault; she didn't save them.

"You hate Willow," Buffy countered. "You're just happy to see her go."

"You're right," Cordelia admitted. "I don't like Willow, but that isn't the point."

"Oh...you have a point?" Xander asked.

Cordelia glared at her ex-boyfriend. It was a look he obviously knew well because the teen clamped his mouth shut.

"The *point* is that if Willow stays here, more demons are going to come and more people are gonna die," Cordelia almost snarled, in an attempt to rationalize with the group. The fashion princess had been blessed with the ability to see things as the really were without emotion clouding her perception, but people often perceived it as shallow and tended to ignore her. "It's a good possibility that one of us in this very room will die and bets are that it'd be the Slayer. After a while, chances are that the rest of us would get sloppy and we'd all end up the same way -- including Willow."

Cordelia turned on her heel and started to push through the doors when she paused. "I know that you might not want to hear this, but it's true. When it comes to the grand scheme of things, we mean nothing and most of us know it. That's why we try to make ourselves important and better than those around us. But Willow does mean something. I know I'm the last person to talk about being selfish...but don't let your selfishness destroy her and everyone else along with her."