I was surprised that I wasn't stunned at Ms. Rosenburg's confession. But I guess I was expecting it. It was the next logical step. Of course, it might just have been the fact that my sensibilities were so astounded by this point, that nothing would have phased me.

"Falling in love with Spike was like nothing else I had ever experienced," Ms. Rosenburg continued. "It was not like the crush I had once harbored for Xander or the innocent love I had felt for Oz. It was like opening my eyes and finally living. It was incredible.

"At first, I was scared Spike didn't return my feelings. I mean, I didn't know if he really liked me or was just looking for a weakness to kill me. For the first time, since high school, I felt unsure of myself. I could bearly stand to be around Spike because I was so doubtful. I felt more dubious than a nubile, virgin bride on her wedding night.

"It turns out that my fears were shared by Spike. As vampires turn older, as you may have heard, they tend to be more feeling... mellowed. Not *good guys,* so to speak, but calmer."

Ms. Rosenburg looked at me to see if I had heard the myth. I nodded. Most people have heard that older, master vampires don't find as much pleasure in participating in mass slaughter. They seem to be content with watching their minions do it. Of course, I have read of exceptions. Like people, most demons differ from one another and the experiences with one can't be applied to another.

"Spike had become very fond of me in that time. He has told me that he was drawn to my inner fire and wit. I don't see that in myself, but it is amazing how other people see you.

"It's kind of cliche how we found out each others feelings for each other. One night when we were walking home from taking in some of the night life, we were attacked by a large group of vampires. It seems that the small vampire community in Cairo though that Spike was too attached to me."

Ms. Rosenburg snickered. "It sure took them long enough. Spike and I had been seeing each other regularly for weeks. Anyway, like I was saying, they attacked us. There were at least twenty of them. Spike and I were rather surprised by the attack. They landed a few good strikes to us before we recovered.

"Spike was livid with rage. He started tearing into the demons. I almost feel bad for the ones he killed brutally that night.

"I was no less enraged than Spike. One of the hapless vampires had dared rip my designer dress." Ms. Rosenburg chuckled. "I was more concerned about the dress than the flesh he ripped into, as well. Needless to say, he was the first vampire to be dusted by my magic that night.

"After we dusted most of them, we made it back to my hotel. We must have made quite a frightful sight to the patrons and employees. Spike and I were both covered in blood and vampire dust. I can only imagine what people thought of us.

"Spike ordered me into the bathroom to clean up. I quickly jumped into the shower to wash off the gore I was covered in, all the while concerned about Spike. I had no idea what to what extent his injuries were. I used some of my magic to heal the scratches I got in the scuffle. I was lucky they were minimal. I had used quite a bit of my magic keeping Spike and I protected from most of the attacks and using it to fight. I hastily threw on an old t-shirt and some jeans.

"I emerged from the bathroom to find Spike pacing the floor. He rushed over to me. 'Are you all right?' he asked, checking me over for abrasions and broken bones. It was almost comical to see the big, bad vampire Spike worried about me.

"'I'm fine,' I answered truthfully. 'I only got a few scrapes.' He looked relieved. 'How are you?' I asked.

"Spike got the look on his face that he always did when he had to go *out.* He knew that I knew that he was going out to feed. There was no need for anything to be discussed about it. He had to do it, and I understood. I also knew that he no longer killed just for the pleasure of it. I found out later, that he had stopped killing all together and just took enough as he needed from his victims, but that's completely another story."

I shuddered at how easily Ms. Rosenburg could talk about vampires needing to feed. The thought disgusted and terrified me then and still does now. Ugh. I've been raised to believe that's the worst fate to be drained your life blood.

"'I can take care of myself,' he told me, obviously uncomfortable. 'I just need to go out.' He started to head toward the door.

"'Spike?' I asked, stopping his flight. 'If you fed on me, what would happen?'

"Spike was rather shocked by my query. 'Don't even think about it, luv,' he told me. 'A vampire can drain a human in a few seconds if they really want to. I could lose control and take more blood than you can handle. Plus, if you want to give me blood now, it will make you even more weak than you already are.' He went on and on about how dangerous it would be for me to give him blood.

"But that did little to dissuade me. I had made up my mind. I didn't want him to feed from another unwilling person. I wanted to heal him. I went over to him and took his hand. I tilted my head to the side and bared my neck to him. 'Feed.'"

I quivered again. How could she...? Ew!

"'I can't,' Spike protested. 'I could kill you. It wouldn't be pleasant, pet.' He was using a tone you would use to talk to a toddler. I couldn't stand it when he treated me like a child. He may be over two hundred, but he acted more like a spoiled child sometimes... In fact, more than anyone I ever knew except Cordelia, but she grew out of that when she had kids. I hated it when he patronized me over my age."

Ms. Rosenburg shook her head. I remembered reading that Spike had been changed in his early twenties. I found it ironic that he could 'patronize' Ms. Rosenburg on her age when, in her thirties, she undoubtedly looked older. It is really kind of comical, when you think about it.

"'I'm old enough to make my own decisions. Spike, I need you to feed on me. To prove that you'll never really hurt me. And if you do kill me... It was meant to be,' I told him.

"Spike sighed. He come to know that once I made up my mind I would not be deterred. He sat down on the couch in the living area of my room. I moved over, so that I stood before him. We stared at each other for minutes. Spike reached out and captured my waist. He slowly pulled me down to sit on his.

"Spike leisurely traced a finger over my neck. He stopped right over one of my pulse points. 'Here,' he said. 'We don't have to do this if you don't want to, luv.' He pressed his lips to the area and gently kissed it. He was determined to make it the best experience for me.

"I shuddered. It was so good to have the man I had fallen for that close to me. 'Spike,' I breathed. 'Feed.'

"Spike slowly obeyed my command. He gently pierced my skin and started drawing my blood out. I had always though that those romantic novels where the human is aroused from a vampire bite were foolish. But I learned that they were not foolish. A vampire bit can be extremely... pleasing if the administrator wishes it to be so."

I shuddered, yet again. I felt like I was going to toss my cookies. A vampire bite... Pleasurable? I think not!

"Spike pulled away after a few minutes. He immediately pushed me off his lap on to the couch beside him. Clearly agitated, he walked over to a window in stared out into the darkness of the night that was punctuated by the lights of the city.

"'Spike?' I asked. 'What's wrong?' He didn't answer me. He just continued to stare out the window. I got up off the couch and went over to him. I wrapped my arms around him. 'Spike tell me,' I ordered.

"Spike pulled out of my arms and turned around to face me. He transformed, so that his beautiful face was marred by his demonic facade. 'This is what I am. When a vampire gets hurt, we *need* blood. If we go to long after being hurt without it, the pull for blood can overwhelm us. I almost lost control. It would have been so easy to kill you.'

"'But you didn't,' I protested. 'You proved that you're in control...' I broke off.

"'Of the demon?' he finished for me. 'I *am* the demon. I am a demon. Have you forgotten? I'm not a whipped male like Angel.'

"'I know you're the demon. Did you think I could forget? All I can think about is what's going to happen when everyone finds out I fell in love with a demon. And how I'm...' I trailed off as I realized what I had said.

"'Love?' he asked, a little awed and quite a bit shocked. I turned away from him. I could not look at him knowing that he did not share my feelings. It was too hard. 'You love me?' he asked again.

"I decided to do the only thing I could do and not come out too badly, but maybe I still did. I got furious. 'Yes, I love you!' I shouted. 'I had to fall in love with *you* of all people. A stupid vampire. I sure know how to pick them. First I fall for the densest guy in history. Then I fell for a werewolf. Now I fall for you! Aren't I lucky?'

"Spike came over to me. 'Luv, calm down,' he told me. He put his arms around me and pulled me close. I struggled slightly at first, but who was I kidding? I wanted to be in his strong arms, despite the fact that they were unnaturally so. I stopped floundering almost immediately. 'Fate hasn't been very good to you... has it, ducks?' he asked.

"I nodded no. I was surprised by his behavior. I expected him to act like a teenage football player that had got laid the night before by his cheerleader girlfriend. I expected him to gloat at the fact that he had captured my watcher heart. But he made no move to do so.

"It was as if he had sensed what I was thinking. Spike pulled back to look me in the eyes. 'Willow, I love you, too.' I looked at him with wide eyes. 'I know,' he said, with an austere grin. 'Shocked the bloody hell out of me too. One minute I couldn't care less about you and the next I'd die for you. Bloody pathetic, if you ask me.'

"I was so relieved he felt the same way for me. It was like the weight of the world had been removed from my shoulders. It felt wonderful. I reached up and grabbed his head, bringing his lips down to mine. The kiss was at turns loving and gentle, then harsh and passionate. We didn't stop with that kiss. Needless to say, that night we became lovers."

Ms. Rosenburg smiled fondly. If I felt sick before, I was dying now. Having sex with an ice cube is not my fantasy.

I'm not saying that my opinion of Ms. Rosenburg went down during this part of her narrative. I try not to judge people; it's not my job to do so. I was not there and no matter how much I wish I had been, it is not conceivable. I hope that anyone who reads this account will withhold judgment also.

I still respected and admired Ms. Rosenburg. Naturally, I had some deeply ingrained ideals about vampire and demons in general. I still do. But that is not the point. Vampires tend to be like people. They don't treat all people the same, and they do feel human emotion. For some unexplainable reason, Spike fell in love with Ms. Rosenburg. The greatest gift you can give anyone is love and to share it with someone is indescribable. Ms. Rosenburg was truly lucky.

"Spike and I continued to be close through out my stay in Egypt. When I was called back to England to assume my watcher duties again, we decided to part. It was a mutual decision and it was for the best." Ms. Rosenburg was very uncomfortable. It seemed that this part of her life still pained her.

"We still have managed to keep in close contact all the years. As a matter of fact, this house is one of Spike's holdings. He insisted that I stay here under *his* protection. This too, has turned out for the best.

"I came back to England and the Council with a very different outlook on how to do my duties. I became an activist for *good* demons. I was very vocal about the fact that some demons, who only want to reap the benefits of not destroying the Earth, could be of use to the slayer.

"It was that that estranged me from my mentor Giles. He was very suspicious on how quickly my opinions had changed. During a trip to visit Buff and him in New York, he forced me to tell him about *all* that happened in Egypt. Giles was enraged when he found out about Spike. We fought for days. It was horrible. Neither of us relented from our stands.

"The sad thing is that it put Xander, Buffy and Cordelia in the middle. I'm so glad that it didn't come down to having them choose between us. Buffy died shortly afterwards and, at least, we called a truce long enough that we didn't start at her funeral. After Buffy died, Giles came to England and assumed a position on the Council.

"It was not long after that my opinions brought me to the attention of the Council. It seems I had angered several watchers. It was disastrous. They brought me to trial."

Trial? That was the worst thing that could happen to a watcher. I had thought that Ms. Rosenburg was merely dismissed, but a trial?

"I pleaded my case the best I could. Despite the evidence that there were good demons... Angel and Whistler for example, the Council was very set on it's ways. In the end, it was a nine to one vote to have me throw out. So out I went.

"I never found out which Council member it was who voted for me. I prefer to think it was Giles. If it wasn't, I don't blame him. He always did what he thought was best.

"After I was kicked out, I started schooling people in the arts. Many of the more famous of the practitioners have been under my tutelage at one time or another. And that's pretty much it.

"Even though I regret my dismissal from being a watcher, I believe everything happens for a reason. There was a reason for my being dismissed, there is a reason for you being here. You will be the one to bring change to the Watcher Council. I'm not a very good seer, but the times I have seen something, it has always come true. Take what I have told you and use it to your advantage."

I looked down at my watch. I had been here for three hours. I glanced over at Ms. Rosenburg. It was obvious that her story had taken a lot out of her to tell.

"Thank you," I told her. I didn't know what else to say. I thought that Mss. Rosenburg had fell asleep. I got up and started to leave.

A voice stopped me. "I am an old woman. All of my friends have died. When I die, no one will mourn my death. The only people who will be at my funeral will be a few of my employees and a few people I barely know, who will come only to be politically correct. But you are so much more than that. Believe in people. Find friends and educate them. You can do it."

"I hope you are right," I said. Suddenly I felt the need to come back. "Ms. Rosenburg? May I come and visit you some time?"

She seemed truly delighted that I had asked. "I'd love to have you visit."

"Good bye, Ms. Rosenburg. See you soon," I told her, truly meaning it. I had every intention of visiting her as often as I could.

"Good bye."