The Top Ten Recycled Plotlines

With suggestions for future re-use!

10. Sonny must force someone he cares about out of his life for his/her own protection. First he did it to Brenda, then Jason. Suggested plot recycling: Hannah (Oh, wait.They ARE recycling that plot). We can only hope she ends up in a watery grave as a result.

A member of the Quartermaine household becomes addicted to drugs. First AJ, followed by Emily and Alan. Suggested plot recycling: Baby Michael. Hopefully, this story will end realistically – with Baby Michael dying from an overdose.

8. Ex-hooker runs/owns Kelly’s Diner. First Ruby, then Bobbie and Tammy. Suggested plot recycling: Lesley Lu puts herself through college by working at the family business.

7. Faked death by fire. Laura (faked own death) and Lucky (Faison and Helena faked his death). Suggested plot recycling: Well, Ryan Chamberlaine (remember Kevin’s evil twin) supposedly died in a fire. Gee, wouldn’t it be fun if he came back from the dead too? (sarcasm)

6. Someone is arrested for a crime they did not commit – but the police fail to arrest them for the crime they DID commit. First, Laura kills Mikkos, then is arrested for killing Damian. Then, Stefan shoots Katharine, but is later arrested for throwing her off the parapet. Suggested plot recycling: Reginald is arrested for speeding in the Quartermaine limo, but the PCPD fail to notice the bodies of Edward, Lila, Alan, Monica, and AJ in the back seat.

5. The old “your uncle is really your father” storyline. A GH Classic. First, Nikolas believes that Stavros is his father, when his father is actually Stavros’ brother, Stefan. Then, Carly tricks everyone into believing that Jason is Michael’s father, when his father is actually Jason’s brother AJ. Suggested plot recycling: Elizabeth pretends that her son’s father is actually Nicolas. Lucky returns, only to discover that the baby is his (Lizzie, of course, swiped a little of his sperm to ‘remember him by’ before his untimely death. A nasty custody battle ensues.Oh, goody.

4. Criminals retire from a life of crime to work in the food service industry. So many examples, where do I begin? Ruby and Tammy (ex-hookers) ran Kelly’s Diner. Mike Corbin (petty criminal of some sort) now runs the Recovery Room. Luke retired from the Mob to open a restaurant/bar “Luke’s.” Jason, retired from the Mob to run a bike shop then a coffee business. Suggested plot recycling: Faison retires from kidnapping/smuggling/etc. to follow his dream of opening an “Eli’s Ribs” franchise (he just looks so sexy in a hairnet!)

3. Ned marries for “convenience” (or, if inconvenient, at least for reasons other than love). First, there was Katharine, a marriage intended to keep her from spilling the beans on Alan. Then, Chloe, a marriage to help her retain her company, and to help Ned build up L&B Records. Suggested plot recycling: Ned marries the still-paralyzed Helena, in a desperate bid to gain control over Cassadine Industries for his true love, Alexis.

2. The “all in the family” relationship – having trouble meeting new people?? No prob, just sleep with your parent’s almost, current, or ex spouse (who is obviously way too old for you). First, we’ve got Carly sleeping with her mother’s current husband, Tony. Then, we have Nikolas, sleeping with his father’s almost-wife, Katharine. Suggested plot recycling: Sixteen year old Lulu Spencer seduces her mother’s (what will he be, almost, current, or ex???) significant other, Stefan Cassadine. It’s a match made in heaven – and it’s Stefan’s perfect opportunity to get even with Nikolas for that whole Katharine thing (by sleeping with his sister). Hey, maybe she’ll have learned to speak by then!

1. People universally acknowledged to be incredibly dangerous don’t manage to do anything to earn that reputation. First, we have Helena, who terrorized the Spencers and her own family by wandering about Port Charles saying really really mean things to people. Oooh, she’s evil. Then there’s Stefan. Is he good? Is he evil? Well, we know that he can make cryptic phone calls. And Tony. He’s been excommunicated from GH good society and is much too dangerous to see his son because 1. he kidnaps Baby Buoy (who hasn’t?), 2. he pointed out, in public, that Jason and Sonny are mobsters (shh…it’s a secret), 3. He’s the ugliest man in the western hemisphere. Suggestion: Mac finds Felicia and Luke, naked in a crypt. Turning evil, he goes around telling everyone in town “Luke’s a very bad man.  Bad man.  Very bad.”