[7G06] Second Grade Blues {rc}
Murphy: Oh, I'm so lonely,
Since my baby left me.
I got no money,
And nothing is free.
Oh, I've been so alone
Since the day I was born.
All I got is this rusty,
This rusty old horn.
Lisa: I got a bratty brother.
He bugs me everyday.
And this morning my own mother,
Gave my last cupcake away.
My Dad acts like he belongs,
He belongs in the zoo.
I'm the sa-a-a-addest kid,
In gra-a-a-de number two.
(Bleeding Gums Murphy later sings Lisa's portion of the song at
The Jazz Hole.)
[7G08] Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (Simpson version) {cb}
All: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it glows.
Bart: Like a light bulb!
Homer: Bart!
All: All of the other reindeer,
Used to laugh and call him names.
Lisa: Like Schnozzola!
Homer: Lisa!
All: They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any reindeer games.
Bart: Like strip poker!
Homer: I'm warning you two!
All: Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
Marge: Take it Homer!
Homer: Err... Rudolph, get your nose over here,
So you can guide my sleigh... today.
Grampa: Oh, Homer...
All: Then all the reindeer loved him,
And they shouted out with glee:
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You'll go down in history!
Bart: Like Attila the H- ugh, urk!
Homer: You little... grrrr!
[7F01] Vote Burns Jingle {bs}
Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote For Monty Burns!
[7F05] Capital City {rc}
(version sung as OFF enters Capital City:)
(lines by members of OFF are spoken, not sung; Tony's line "Hey,
good to see you" is also spoken.)
Homer: Well, kids, there it is! Capital City!
Marge: Look, the Cross-Town Bridge!
(begin vamp)
Bart: Wow!
Homer: Wow.
Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital
City.
Lisa: The Penny Loafer!
Tony: People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
Homer: Kids, look! Street crime!
Tony: It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like
a king.
Homer: Wow, that's service!
Tony: And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,
super-king.
Marge: Look, it's Tony Bennett!
Tony: Hey, good to see you.
It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance
to see...
Marge: Fourth Street and 'D'!
Tony: Fourth Street and 'D'! Yeah!
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to
roam.
Homer: The Duff brewery!
Tony: Capital City, my home sweet, yeah!
Capital City, that happy-tal city,
It's Capital City,
my home sweet swingin' home!
All: Capital City! Yeah!
(closing credits version:)
Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital City.
People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like a king.
And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,
super-king.
It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance to see...
Fourth Street and 'D'! Yeah!
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to roam,
From Capital City, my home sweet, swingin' home!
[7F09 & 9F16] The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song {jb}
They fight! And bite! They fight and bite and fight! Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite! The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
[7F09] The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (bowdlerised version) {jb}
They love! They share! They share and love and share! Love, love, love! Share, share, share! The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
[7F11 & 9F17] When the Saints Go Over There
Homer: Oh, I want to be in that rumba,
When the saints go over there.
Oh over there! Oh over there!
[7F18] Mt. Splashmore {rc}
Krusty and Kids: I want to go to Mt. Splashmore,
Take me, take me, take me, take me now!
Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
Mt. Splashmore, take me there right now!
[7F23] Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (closing credits version) {gg}
They fought! and bit! They fought and bit and fought! Fought, fought, fought! Bit, bit, bit! The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
[7F24] Michael's Lullabye for Homer {rc}
Michael: Homer, the two of us need look no more.
We both found what we are lookin' for.
With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone,
And you, my friend, will see, you've got a friend
in me.
[7F24] Bart's Birthday Song for Lisa {rc}
Bart: [to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March]
Lisa, her teeth are big and green.
Lisa, she smells like gasoline.
Lisa, da da da Disa.
She is my sister, her birthday, I missed-a.
[7F24] Lisa's birthday song {rc}
(As performed during the show, with piano and percussion:)
Michael: Lisa, it's your birthday.
God bless you this day.
You gave me the gift of a little sister,
And I'm proud of you today.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Michael: I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Bart: Yeah!
(As performed over the credits, with full musical back-up:)
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Michael: I wish you love and good will.
I wish you peace and joy.
Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Lisa, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Lisa.
Bart: Take it away, Lis.
(Lisa does a saxophone solo)
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
(Lisa plays some more)
Michael and Bart: Happy birthday, Lisa.
Michael: Hoo!
[8F01] The Deficit Rag
The deficit rag, oh yeah the deficit rag, Those budget gaps can be a twelve-digit drag, I'm telling ya, that's the deficit, They really made a mess of it, That's the deficit rag!
[8F01] The Trading Gap Shuffle
The trading gap shuffle, We're in a heap of trouble, Doin' the trading gap shuffle, yes sir!
[8F01] Lisa S.
Say let me tell you about Lisa S. She's that little eight-year old muckrakeress, She caught a crook and she made him pay, And she did it all in just one day! That's what I would call, Bein' on the ball!
[8F05] The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song
Krusty: We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
But now the time has come, to go;
If this old clown was found dead in his bed,
Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show!
[8F08] Flaming Moe's {rc2}
(the lines in brackets are sung in the background) When the weight of the world has got you down And you want to end your life, Bills to pay, a dead-end job, And problems with the wife. But don't throw in the tow'l, 'Cuz there's a place right down the block... Where you can drink your misery away... At Flaming Moe's.... (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...) When liquor in a mug (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...) Can warm you like a hug. (Flaming Moe's...) And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away... Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...
[8F11] Wall E. Weasel's Birthday Song
Animatronic Robots: You're the birthday, you're the birthday,
You're the birthday boy or girl...
[8F11] We're Sending Our Love Down the Well {rc}
(the singers are Troy McClure, Scott Christian, The Channel 6
weather girl (Kent Brockman's girlfriend), Bleeding Gums
Murphy, Diamond Joe Quimby, Krusty the Klown, Princess
Cashmere, Sting, Sideshow Mel, Rainier Wolfcastle (AKA McBain),
Dr. Marvin Monroe, Captain Lance Murdoch, The Capital City
Goofball, and an unknown man.)
Sting: There's a hole in my heart
As deep as a well
For that poor little boy,
Who's stuck halfway to Hell...
Sideshow Mel: Though we can't get him out,
We'll do the next best thing...
McBain: We go on TV
And sing, sing, sing!
All: And we're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: All the way down!
All: We're sending our love down the well...
Krusty: Down that well!
(here the song is cut off)
[8F11] Janey's Skipping Song {rc}
Janey: One plus one plus three is five,
Little Bart Simpson's buried alive!
He's so neat, he's so sweet.
Now the rats have Bart to eat!
How many days until Bart croaks?
One, two, three, four, ...
[8F13] Talkin' Softball {rc}
Well Mr. Burns had done it, The power plant had won it, With Roger Clemens clucking all the while, Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile, While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile... We're talkin' softball... >From Maine to San Diego. Talkin' softball... Mattingly and Canseco. Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw. Steve Sax and his run-in with the law. We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw. We're talkin' softball... >From Maine to San Diego. Talkin' softball... Mattingly and Canseco. Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw. Steve Sax and his run-in with the law. We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.
[8F14] Homer's Lullaby for Maggie {rc}
Homer: Go to sleep...
And good night...
La-la la la la la la...
Dee-dee-dee...
Dee-dee-dee...
May your Christmas Days be bright!
[8F18] You're a Dame and I'm a Fella {cb}
Ned/Stanley: You're a dame and I'm a fella. Marge/Blanche: Stanley, stop, or I'll tell Stella. Ned/Stanley: All I want is one embrace. Marge/Blanche: I'll twist this bottle in your face.[8F18] New Orleans {rc2}
Wiggum: Long before the SuperDome, Where the Saints of football play, Lived a city that the damned called home, Hear their hellish roundelay... Cast: New Orleeeans... Home of pirates, drunks, and whores! New Orleeeans... Tacky, overpriced, souvenir stores! If you want to go to Hell, you should make that trip to the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississipp'! New Orleeeans... Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile! New Orleaaans... Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul! New Orleeeans... Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank! New Orleeeans![8F18] Blanche's Song
Marge/Blanche: I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras, A never ending party - hah! I'm a faded southern Dame without a dime.[8F18] Just a Simple Paperboy {cb}
Apu/Steve: I am just a simple paperboy, No romance do I seek... I just wanted forty cents, For my deliveries last week... Will this bewitching floozy, Seduce this humble newsie? Oh, what's a paperboy to... Dooo?[8F18] Stella! {cb}
Ned/Stanley: STELLLAAAA! STELLLAAAA! Can't you hear me yella! You're puttin' me through Hella! Stella... STELLLAAAA![8F18] The Kindness of Strangers {cb}
Marge/Blanche: Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers... (music begins) Cast: You can always depend on the kindness of strangers... To pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers... Marge/Blanche: Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret... Cast: A stranger's just a friend you haven't met... You haven't met... STREETCAR![8F19] Your Wife Don't Understand You, but I Do
Lurleen: You work all day, for some old man, Sweat and break your back, Then you go home to your castle, But your queen won't cut you slack. That's why you're losin' all your hair, That's why you're overweight, That's why you flipped your pickup truck Right off the interstate. There's a lot of bull they hand you, There's nothin' you can do, Your wife don't understand you, but I do, I said your wife don't understand you, but I do! (the above is the version Lurleen sings at the Beer-N-Brawl; the CD version has an extra verse somewhere:) Now you talk so tough, act so rough, But darling you can't hide, The heartache and the sadness, That's buried deep inside.[8F19] Bagged Me a Homer
Lurleen: Oh the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart, When the coach called me up to the plate, I'd been swingin', and missin', at lovin' and kissin', My average was point double oh eight. So I spit on my hands, knocked the dirt from my spikes, And pointed right towards centre field, This time I'm hitting a home run, This time the love is for real. I'll slide... I'll steal... I'll sacrifice A lovin' fly for you, I been slumping all season but now I found a reason, I struck on a love that is true. I used to play the field, I used to be a roamer, But the season's turning 'round for me now, I finally bagged me a homer. That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer.[8F19] Bunk With Me Tonight
Lurleen: In this trailer, I get so cold and lonely, Lying there awake at night, muttering if only You weren't married, So I might ask you To bunk with me tonight, Bunk with me tonight, oh, bunk with me tonight, I'm asking, will you bunk with me tonight.[8F19] Stand By Your Manager
Lurleen: His name is Homer, he's quite a man, I tried to kiss him, but Homer ran. Sure wish I could say, that I was his, I hope that Marge knows, just how lucky she is.[8F23] The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence song {rl}
All singers: It's the first annual Montgomery Burns Award for... Male singers: Outstanding achievement in... Female singers: The field of... All singers: Excellence![8F24] Kamp Krusty Song {cb}
Campers: Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty, By the shores of Big Snake Lake. Though your swings are rusty, We know they'll never break. Kearney: Louder! Faster! Campers: From your gleaming mess hall, To your hallowed baseball field, Your spic n' span infirmary, Where all our wounds are healed. Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty, Below Mount Avalanche. We will always love Kamp Krusty, A registered trademark of the Krusty Corporation, All rights reserved![9F01] When the Fire Starts to Burn
Homer: When the fire starts to burn, There's a lesson you must learn. Something, something, then you see, You'll avoid catastrophe! D'oh!!![9F02] Blimpy Boy
Homer: Hey there, blimpy boy, flying through the sky so fancy free... (Homer sings this again later, much saddened after selling his Duff blimp ride.)[9F02] Little Miss Springfield Pageant Opening Number
Contestants: Out on our own! Making it work! Gasping for air! Having it all! ... Checking it out! Caring 'bout us! Making a wish! Dreaming a dream! Krusty: Little Miss Springfield, Which one will it be? Contestants: Me![9F02] Little Miss Springfield
Krusty: L, the losers in her wake, I, the income she will make. T is for her tooth-filled mouth, T is for her tooth-filled mouth...[9F03] The Itchy and Scratchy Movie theme song
(computerised voices) They fight! And bite! They fight and bite and fight! Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite! The Itchy and Scratchy Movie![9F04] Homer's Baloney Song
Homer: My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R...[9F05] Tribute to Mr. Burns
Smithers: There is a man, Chorus: There is a man! Smithers: A certain man, Chorus: A certain man! Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name, Chorus: You know his name! Smithers: It's Mr. Burns, Chorus: It's Mr. Burns! Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke, Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha! Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns. Chorus: He's Mr. Burns! Burns: I'm Mr. Burns! Smithers: He's Monty Burns! Burns: I'm MR. Burns! Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty but to you it's Mr. Burns! Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns. Burns: Burns![9F07] Mr. Plow Jingle
Homer: Call Mr. Plow, That's my name, That name again Is Mr. Plow.[9F07] Plow King Jingle {gr}
Linda Ronstadt: When the snow starts a-fallin' There's a man you should be callin' That's KL5-4796, Let it ring! Mr. Plow is a loser, And I think he is a boozer, Barney & Linda: So you better make that call to the Plow King![9F07] Mr. Plow Rap
Homer: Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say, I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA. I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things, Like your cow if you have one...[9F07] Plow King Jingle (Spanish version)
Linda Ronstadt: Senor Plow no es macho, Es solamente un borracho...[9F09] Bad Cops
Bad cops, bad cops, Bad cops, bad cops. Bad cops, bad cops, Bad cops, bad cops. Springfield cops are on the take, But what do you expect for the money we make? Whether in a car or on a horse, We don't mind using excessive force! Bad cops, bad cops, Bad cops, bad cops..[9F10 & 3F31] Flintstones Theme (Homer version)
Homer: Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history, From the, town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! Waaaah![9F10] Monorail {rc}
Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, Bona fide, Electrified, Six-car Monorail! What'd I say? Ned Flanders: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: What's it called? Patty+Selma: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail! [crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically] Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud... Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud. Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend? Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend. Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs? Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs. Abe: Were you sent here by the devil? Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level. Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can. Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man. I swear it's Springfield's only choice... Throw up your hands and raise your voice! All: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: What's it called? All: Monorail! Lyle Lanley: Once again... All: Monorail! Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken... Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken! All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! [big finish] Monorail! Homer: Mono... D'oh![9F11] It's A Duff World
Animatronic Robots: Duff beer for me, Duff beer for you, I'll have a Duff, You have one, too. (repeat ad nauseam)[9F13] If You Think I'm Cuddly
Flanders: If you think I'm cuddly, And you want my comp'ny, Come on, wifey, let me know-ow-ow-ow...[9F13] The Mediocre Presidents {rc}
All: We are the mediocre presidents. You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents! There's Taylor, there's Tyler, There's Fillmore and there's Hayes. There's William Henry Harrison, Harrison: I died in thirty days! All: We... are... the... Adequate, forgettable, Occasionally regrettable Caretaker presidents of the U-S-A![9F14] When I Was Seventeen
Homer: Well beer, we've had some great times. [wistfully] When I was seventeen, I drank some very good beer, I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID, My name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen, When I was seventeen.[9F15] Lisa's Protest Song
Lisa: Come gather 'round children, It's high time ye learned, 'Bout a hero named Homer And a devil named Burns. We'll march till we drop, The girls and the fellas, We'll fight till the death Or else fold like umbrellas. (later) So we'll march day and night, By the big cooling tower, They have the plant, But we have the power. (the last verse is later sung twice again by everyone striking.)[9F16] Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (closing credits version)
They fought! and bit! They fought and fought and bit! Fought, fought, fought! Bit, bit, bit! It was the Itchy and Scratchy Show![9F16] Ned Flanders Show theme song
Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, Everyone else loves Ned Flanders! Homer: Not me! Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders![9F18] Whacking Day Hymn
Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day, Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day. Soprano: We'll break their backs, Gouge out their eyes, Their evil hearts, We'll pulverise. Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day, May God bestow His grace on thee.[9F19] The Gabbo Show theme song
Gabbo: You're gonna like me, You're gonna love me, 'Cause I can do most anything. I can do the hully gully, I can imitate Vin Scully! (spoken) Let's take time out from that triple play for this message from Farmer Dan's Pure Pork Sausages! Mmm, mmm... I'll give out shiny dimes, I'll travel back in time! Dolls: You're gonna like him, You're gonna love him, It's the greatest show in to-ow-ow-ow-own! Gabbo![9F21] Al Capone's Vault
Homer: There was nothing in Al Capone's vault, But it wasn't Geraldo's fault! D'oh![9F21] Baby on Board (first draft)
Homer: Baby on board, Something, something, Burt Ward...[9F21] Baby on Board {bb}
B-Sharps: Baby on board, how I've adored, That sign on my car's windowpane A bounce in my step; loaded with pep, 'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane. Call me a square; friend, I don't care That little yellow sign can't be ignored I'm telling you it's mighty nice Each trip's a trip to paradise With my baby on board.[9F21] Surgeon-General C. Everett Koop
B-Sharps: For all the latest medical poop, Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop. Poo poo pa-doop.[9F21] Revolution 8
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight. Barney: (belch) Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight. Barney: (belch) Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight. Barney: (belch) Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight. Barney: (belch) Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight. Barney: (belch)[1F01] Happy Birthday (Ramones version) {jc}
Ramone 1: I'd just like to say this gig sucks! Ramone 2: Hey, up yours, Springfield. Ramone 1: One, two, three, four! [Abrasive guitar music begins] Happy Birthday to you! (Happy Birthday!) Happy Birthday to you! (Happy Birthday!) Happy Birthday, Burnsey, Happy Birthday to you! Ramone 3: Go to hell, you old bastard. [The curtain falls] Ramone 4: Hey, I think they liked us![1F06] Springfield, Springfield {jc}
Bart: OK, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do? Milhouse: [yelling] Let's go crazy, Broadway style! Both: [singing] Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town: The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down. The stray dogs go to the animal pound, Bart: Springfield, Springfield! Milhouse: Springfield, Springfield! Sailor: New York, New York! Bart: New York is that-a-way, man! Sailor: Thanks, kid! Both: [singing] It's a hell of a...toooown![1F07] Oh Mindy
Homer: Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking, But I sent you Ben-gay, Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something, And I...[1F07] Oh Margie
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