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You know you're not in Britain anymore when ...
... your refrigerator is bigger than your spare room.
... the cows don't foam at the mouth.
... the milk container is so big it doesn't fit in the fridge door.
... everything comes in SUPER size.
... somebody packs your groceries for you - with a smile!
1 - 100
1. ...when you haven't opened an umbrella in four months. (from Mark Sillitoe)
2. ...your AUTOMOBILE gets a flat and the spare is in the TRUNK. (from Zoe Masino)
3. ...you can buy a gun but not get a credit card. (from Mike Horne, a Brit in Denver, Co)
4. ...you think you've got a great deal on a house only to discover you've bought an articulated lorry. (Jim from North Wales)
5. ...Everyone is "Having a nice day" !!!! (Kyle from the Isle of Wight)
6. ...you say you're going for a slash and everyone gets out of your way. (Steve Barry from Kingston-upon-Thames)
7. ...you see people eat pancakes every day instead of once a year. (from Sharon in PA)
8. ...they don't take tea-breaks at work and you drink coffee. (Julian de Leyer from Tottenham, London)
9. ...the toilet paper only comes in white! (Kay Mayer from Gloucester)
10. ...you get a tan. (Mark Smith from Portsmouth)
11. ...When you mention your high tea and get arrested for drug abuse. (from Thomas in the Dominican Republic)
12. ...every other sentence ceases to begin with "bl--dy" well. (someone from Halifax)
13. ... When your mother asked to borrow your shopping bag and you told her you threw it away the day you left. (from someone in Canada)
14. ... you see the sun...ha ha. (from Hayley in California)
15. ... The parking lot is at least three times the size of every store and each lot is only one quarter full!. (from Homesick in Texas)
16. ... everybody tells you you have an accent. (from Ian W Halliday in New Zealand)
17. ... You throw the w**ker sign at a motorist and they think you're giving way, and wave back to thank you. (Kam from Crewe)
18. ... You order a cup of tea in a resteraunt. First they bring you a cup of boiling water and a tea bag, (so you can make it yourself.) And secondly, they bring you coffee creamer and/or a wedge of lemon to go in it. (from Steven in Atlanta, Georgia)
19. ... You get a doctors bill!!!!! (from William Bell in Lawrenceville, Georgia)
20. ... you fill up your gas (petrol) tank and even try to squeeze some extra in to round it up to the nearest dollar. (from Steve in San Diego, CA)
21. ... You need a map to guide you around the grocery store. (from Felix in Canada)
22. ... You eat out and you actually get ice in your water. (from Denise Schnurr in New York)
23. ... you get the check from the waiter and pay him with bills. (Gerry in Saline, Michigan)
24. ...You can't find an electric kettle in the shops. (from Pete Court)
25. ...The cooker doesn't have a grill. (from Pete Court)
26. ...People keep asking you if you're Australian. (from Pete Court)
27. ...You get water in a restaurant without asking. (from Pete Court)
28. ...There are sprinklers on every piece of grass. (from Pete Court)
29. ...You can afford a Jeep - and the petrol to run it. (from Pete Court)
30. ...You can buy 'London Pub Vinegar' (from Pete Court)
31. ...You can see films without waiting 3 months. (from Pete Court)
32. ...You can buy ice at the supermarket. (from Pete Court)
33. ...You can't buy crisps in normal size bags. (from Pete Court)
34. ...You don't get Noel Edmonds on the TV. :-) (from Pete Court)
35. ... you can buy "English Muffins". (from Linda in San Diego)
36. ... The only license you need is your drivers license! (from Garry in Sunnyvale, California)
37. ... everything is either Drive-Up, Drive-Though or Drive-To. (from Carl Balshaw from Lancashire (near London !))
38. ... It's 11 at night and the bar hasn't begun to get busy yet. (from Mark Rees in San Francisco (via Hampshire))
39. ... The only ones driving on the left are the drunks. (from Nola in Dallas)
40. ... When the taxi's aren't black. (from Nola in Dallas)
41. ... When you can carry a purse with shoulder straps. (from Nola in Dallas)
42. ... When the tube is the tv. (from Nola in Dallas)
43. ... When "Telly" is a bald headed man. (from Nola in Dallas)
44. ... When your heart yearns for the country life. (from Nola in Dallas)
45. ... When your visa bill comes. (from Nola in Dallas)
46. ... No one around you would understand why these slogans are so funny! (from Anita in Toronto, Canada)
47. ... its almost impossible to get kitchen scales and it hurts your brain to work out how many ounces (or grams) are in a cup. (from Graham in Texas)
48. ... Ascension Day, All Saint's Day and May 1st are public holidays. (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)
49. ...an inside/outside thermometer is an essential piece of household equipment. (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)
50. ... you need your sunglasses on when driving to work in the morning (at 6.30am!). (from Andy in California)
51. ... you can't buy a saucepan that pours & an electric kettle is not the norm. (from michaeljohn in San Francisco via Brighton)
52. ... There is no Queen's speech on Christmas Day. (from John Robson in Black Mountain NC)
53. ... you quit using you knife and fork properly? (from shan in goldsboro, nc)
54. ...You don't have to think about whether there's enough hot water for a bath. (Mike Hoy from Pembroke)
55. ... Every car has A/C, and Mercedes/Jaguars are "Mid sized executive saloons." (from Grant Jonas in New York) (Gt Dunmow, Essex)
56. ... Running for the bus is a computer game you play whilst working out at "the club." (from Grant Jonas in New York) (Gt Dunmow, Essex)
57. ... Beer is one third normal strength and spirit measures are three times normal size. (from Grant Jonas in New York) (Gt Dunmow, Essex)
58. ... your heart is telling you with every beat that you're at the wrong place. (Nicole Maron in Zurich, Switzerland)
60. ... You can't buy 'real' bacon rashers! (Melanie from Warwickshire) (via Auckland)
61. ... people think everything you say is funny. (anonymous)
62. ... you can see the sun ! (from Willis in South Africa)
63. ... You have to take the Californian driving test, and fail it ! Oops ! (from Pete Bosman in Sunnyvale CA, USA)
64. ... people ask you what Boxing has in common with Christmas. (Andy from Glasgow)
65. ... Nobody queues for anything. (from Peter Beard in Barcelona, Spain)
66. ... Filling the huge car with petrol costs less than it costs to fill your mini. (paul doodes from hampshire england!)
67. ... You say that you're from Scotland and people ask if you've ever been to Scotland Yard. (Andy from Glasgow)
68. ... When you know what they mean when they ask "Paper or plastic?" (from Janette McClure in Johannesburg via Glasgow, etc.)
69. ... You drive 5 miles to the gym to walk 2 miles on the treadmill. (from Terry Cox in Vancouver via Elstree Herts)
70. ... A vest is no longer underwear, but something that you wear with a suit. (from Tanya in Columbia, Maryland)
71. ... Hula Hoops aren't for eatin' (from Josephine, London/New Mexico)
72. ... your family members actually want to spend their holidays with you - at your house! (from Tracey Fuschich, Bradford/California)
73. ... It's 100 degrees in the shade on Christmas Day and you are having BBQ for Christmas dinner. (from Tina in Australia)
74. ... When you're asked at the Checkout 'paper or plastic?' - and you reply I'll pay in Dollars (from Carol in Indiana USA)
75. ... rainy days are fun. (from Bill Macdonald in Arizona, USA)
76. ... you don't see "Otter Crossing" and "Heavy Plant Crossing" and "Stop For Aeroplanes" road signs. (from Ruthanne Urquhart in Ottawa)
77. ... buy a bag of lollies not sweets (Judy from Darlington, Co. Durham)
78. ... You can't buy a decent pork pie. (Norman Thomas from Manchester)
79. ... You don't notice the adverts on TV. (Susan from Woodford, Essex)
80. ... Your waiting in the parking lot and you realise the gap inbetween cars is for you and thats not a rude gesture, the person is waving you in. It took a while to get used to that here in the States. (Trevor Gilmour from Pepin, Wisconsin. Via Bristol)
81. ... You don't take bags with you to the grocery store. (Jane in Ontario)
82. ... No one knows who Les Barker is and no one knows all the words to "I'm a Lonely Little Lemming". (Doreen Motheral in Washington, DC)
83. ... You greet a stranger on the street and they think you're out to get them. (Allan-John Marsh in New Zealand)
84. ... you can't get vinegar with your chips! (Erica in Singapore)
85. ... When you get more than 2 ice cubes in your drink. (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
86. ... you have GRAVY with breakfast, and it is white???? (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
87. ... You ask for a biscuit and get a thing that looks like a scone! (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
88. ... when Mothers Day is in May! (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
89. ... you have to ask for G & T's in a pint glass so they can put more tonic in it so you can drink it. (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
90. ... someone calls you m'am!! (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)
91. ... You have to get up and physically turn the kettle off for a "cuppa tea"! (from Melissa Bean in Hendersonville, NC, USA)
92. ... When you mention to folks about spotted dick, mushy peas, steak and kidney pies, tongue sandwiches, they think you are barmy!! (from Dave Elliott in Brockton MA, orig' Loughboroug)
93. ... when your tea comes black , with a quarter pint carton of milk on the side.(Mick Evans from Epsom , Surrey, UK)
94. ... your finger pokes through the toilet paper!!! (Barb in Florida (London))
95. ... Your asked for Medical Insurance before the doctor will see you, or the Hospital will admit you. (Dave Lawlor in Arizona via Stondon, Essex)
96. ... You can't finish a childrens size meal in a cafe. (arthur cartin from liverpool [ now in OZ ])
97. ... You go to the football and theres just two of you singing in a crowd of 1500. (Craig Tillotson in Brisbane (orig W Yorks))
98. ... Getting chased by a Bear while out walking in the woods! (Alastair Galloway in RAF Goose Bay Labrador)
99. ... You're happy because you're not in Britain anymore and can afford to buy stuff....(Mike in Abilene, TX via Gainsborough/Gloucester)
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