(For full details, return to the Advice for Everyone!) This will be a page of give and take where you get to spectate and give your own advice to those Webbies who really need a little assistance.

But right now, we are just getting started.

Nov. 29 1998

Fix It or Forget It?

Question:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. At first he spoiled me, now he argues with me over my time, friends, school, and work. I try hard to keep everything balanced. Nothing has changed dramatically in my life or his so what is the problem? How can I fix it?

The Truth As I See It!

Time for a blunt dose of reality for you! You could fix it, given a few years and some shock therapy for your new beau, but it would not be worth the painful expense. For your health and well being, you need to dump him! The alternative is an unpleasant one. The problem is deep in his psyche and trying to change a man is a lost cause. Always!

Your new man (and remember that he is new to you so not too much time has been wasted on him) is exhibiting the warning signs of the total control he will eventually attempt to exert over you. Arguing over your friends and your time will lead to him telling you that you can no longer see your friends and he'll need to know where you are 24 hours a day. Forbidding you the use of the telephone, not allowing you to leave the house, these are the ways things will end up. It is a problem that he has and it is one you will never be able to cure him of. It starts off small and builds to the point where you will eventually become his slave. And let's not forget the physical control he will exert on you as well. Controller's are possessive and jealous and will turn violent to keep you in line.

If you need to know why he was like a prince at first, it is because it is all part of the hunt mentality of men. In the case of the controller, he would never be capable of securing a date with his normal attitude so he will put on the spoiling act at first. He probably doesn't even know he is doing it.

So, I suggest you move on NOW; cut your losses and be rid of him post haste. Be sure, though, to break up with him in public, with a friend handy is even better. And in the future, beware!

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