I have a problem that is an old one for me. Nevertheless it still bothers me greatly! I am an 18 year old male. As you might have guessed the problem is with a girl. I have known this girl for two years. Over these two years I have absolutely fallen in love with her. She is just a very nice girl.

I guess before I ask this question I should give you a little background info. I met this girl through my best friend. She was his girlfriend. I'm not the kind of guy to steal somebody's girlfriend so I really didn't feel for her as much until they broke up. Since my best friend and this girl broke up, my friend and I have long since stopped talking (something not related to this girl). This girl and I became really close. I considered her my best friend. Believing that honesty is the best policy, I told her how I felt. Then I told her I had my reservations about it, I was afraid that she might feel uncomfortable about it and not really want to hang out as much; we had hung out just about everyday for 4 months. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable around me. We had such a great time together. It turns out that she didn't feel uncomfortable around me. That was great but she didn't feel the same way for me. That was ok though. I figured that was the case. She said that we were too close, and that it would be too weird. This bothered me a little bit but I understood how she felt and was willing to accept it.
So with that behind our backs we remained really close to each other. But now she has gotten a new boyfriend. She asked me how I felt about it before she did it and I told her to go for it. I know the kid and he is good for her. I figured that we would stop spending so much time together but that was ok also. As long as she was happy. But recently it seems to me that she has completely shut me out of her life. I haven't hung out with her except on my birthday. I haven't gotten a phone call from her in over a two months. But I still talk to her in school and we get along great, like nothing has changed. But I get a terrible feeling in my stomach every time I do talk to her. I feel like I'm only important to her now when nobody else is around. The thing is I don't know if she really realizes that she is doing it to me. I think that maybe she is blinded by the love of her boyfriend. I have tried to talk to her about it but it hasn't helped any.

My question is : How can I get her back in to my life? I don't expect it to be the same as it used to be but I just want a little piece of what we used to have. Also I want to know why girls do this to guys? They have so much power over us as guys. Well me anyway.

Signed
At a Loss in Lackawana

The Truth as I See It!

There's a few things going on with you that you need to get a handle on; the most important, as I see it is, the friendship.
You first need to address the fact that at the beginning of your letter you said you absolutely love her (at 18, with the hormones just kicking ass in your system, your probably going to find yourself "absolutely in love" with a lot of women!). You need to realize that at this point in her life, she can't find it in her to return that love; whether due to the new boyfriend or she just doesn't feel the same towards you for some reason. As her friend, you're going to have to accept that, no matter how hard that is to do, and carry on with no bitterness. I do respect your nerve in telling her your feelings, though; took a lot of guts to do it!
So what should you do? If you really can handle just being her friend and you want to be her FRIEND, then the air needs to be cleared. She is probably a little leery of you now, knowing how you feel and all, and you need to give her room to live, how she chooses. I'd recommend that you break the piggy bank and pay for a dozen long stem roses, white or pink, not red, to be delivered to her house. With the roses attach a card saying that you will always be there for her no matter what. If she needs a shoulder to cry on or a true confidant, you'll be there, no strings attached! Tell her you care for her and sign it "YOUR FRIEND" (emphasis on friend). Non-committal and positive, no pressure, and gives you another chance at having her as a friend. You have to be willing to live up to what you promised to do, though, or there is no point in doing it. If she wants to be your friend, give her the chance, she come around!
As far as why do girls do this to guys? Because they can! They are a different animal to us; one filled with raw energy, power, beauty, strength and drive. Basically all the things we love about them! Enjoy them and treat them well, just don't try to figure them out!

The writer of this question gives me a follow up and some well appreciated praise:

Hey man!
I want to thank you for your advice concerning my little problem. I did what you said and everything worked out great! I really appreciate it. You're a great guy for doing what you do. It must take up a lot of your time. And it seems like you know what your talking about.

If I ever have another problem like that you'll be the first one I go to. And everyone who might read this. Take this man's advice he works really hard at what he does and he know's what he's talking about.

Thanks again and I'll be sure to help you add more to your page!

Thank you,
At a Loss in Lackawana

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