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A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bartender:
-A beer and a mop, please.
There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical
engineer, and an informatic engineer. Suddenly the car stops by the side
of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could
be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electric wiring
of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical
engineer suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked
somewhere. Then, the informatic engineer comes up with a suggestion:
-Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows
again, and maybe it'll work!?
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says:
-What are you doing?
And he says:
-Checking my answers.
A snail is returning home late at night and has to cut though a dark ally. As he is passing
though, he is mugged by two slugs. Later on at the police station, the officer asks him:
-Can you give me a description of the assailents?
The snail ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
-Gee, I'm not sure... it all happpened so fast.
Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy
takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and exclaims:
-Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid!
I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without proper
ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!
The guy looks at her and says:
-Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator!
A couple are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and she's in the bathroom. As he's getting undressed he says to himself:
-How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?
Then, he throws his socks under the bed. She walks out of the bathroom, and, too coward to face her, runs past her and
goes into the bathroom. She sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself:
-How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him.
Just then he walks out of the bathroom. She runs up to him, gives him a huge kiss, turns back and says:
-Honey, I've got to tell you something.
And he says:
-Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks.
-Why does E.T. have such big eyes?
-Beause he saw his phone bill.
Three men are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the
cell with them. The first man asks for a big stack of books. The second man asks for his wife. And the third man asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end
of the twenty years, they open up the first man's cell. He comes out and says:
-I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific.
They open up the second man's door. He comes out with his wife, and five kids. He says:
-It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it.
They open up the third man's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going:
-Anybody got a match?
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem.
So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her:
-Honey, can you hear me?
There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again:
-Honey, can you hear me?
Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said:
-Honey, can you hear me?
She replied:
-For the third time, yes!
Three friends -a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician- were discussing which of their proffesions was the oldest. The surgeon said:
-Eve was created from Adan's rib: a surgical procedure.
The engineer replied:
-Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job.
The politician said:
-Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?
 
 
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