The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders

it to leave before he gets hurt.

The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you

all out of prison.

The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a

fireball at ground zero.

Need we say more?

REAL MEN:

*Real Men* think they're brothers in arms.

*Real Roleplayers* hide behind them.

*Loonies* harass them with stupid suggestions.

*Munchkins* say "I'm a Real Man, too!"

REAL ROLEPLAYERS:

*Real Men* protect them, on the off chance they may come up with

something useful.

*Real Roleplayers* sigh with relief to know they're not alone,

and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.

*Loonies* harass them with stupid suggestions.

*Munchkins* say "I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!"

LOONIES:

*Real Men* ignore them.

*Real Roleplayers* sometimes harass them back by taking a

stupid suggestion and making it work.

*Loonies* declare a pie fight at 20 paces . . . and cheat.

*Munchkins* try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.

MUNCHKINS:

*Real Men* attack them on sight.

*Real Roleplayers* trick them into being cannon fodder.

*Loonies* make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get

the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.

*Munchkins* query, "What's a Munchkin?''

Favorite FRPG:

*Real Men* play original Dungeons & Dragons

*Real Roleplayers* play RuneQuest III

*Loonies* play Toon

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite SFRPG:

*Real Men* play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game

*Real Roleplayers* play Space Opera

*Loonies* play Teenagers From Outer Space

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG:

*Real Men* play Twilight 2000

*Real Roleplayers* play The Morrow Project

*Loonies* play Paranoia

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite 1920's RPG:

*Real Men* play Gangbusters

*Real Roleplayers* play Call of Cthulhu

*Loonies* play a variant Spawn of Fashan

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite SHRPG:

*Real Men* play Champions

*Real Roleplayers* play Superworld

*Loonies* play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite modern day/spy RPG:

*Real Men* play James Bond, 007

*Real Roleplayers* play Justice, Inc.

*Loonies* play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite King Arthurian RPG:

*Real Men* play Chivalry and Sorcery

*Real Roleplayers* play Pendragon

*Loonies* play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan

*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite Silly RPG:

*Real Men* play Macho Women With Guns.

*Real Roleplayers* play Toon/TFOS

*Loonies* play them all, often simultaneously

*Munchkins* don't like silly RPG's.

Favorite Attack Style:

*Real Men* Shout their war cry, and wade into battle.

*Real Roleplayers* parry, counterattack and protect comrade's backs.

*Loonies* throw their sword at opponant, then attack with scabbard

and lunchbox.

*Munchkins* leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.

Favorite Way to Die:

*Real Men* in battle, with boots on, going down swinging.

*Real Roleplayers* on deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.

*Loonies* laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a

bag of holding.

*Munchkins* Die? You're kidding, right?

Usual Residence:

*Real Men* wherever he hangs up his two-hander

*Real Roleplayers* Elsinor

*Loonies* Toontown

*Munchkins* Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)

Favorite Gaming Magazine:

*Real Men* read The General

*Real Roleplayers* read White Wolf

*Loonies* read the last few pages of Dragon

*Munchkins* read anything by TSR

Favorite Dungeon Activity

*Real Men* fight Dragons as old as the world itself

*Real Roleplayers* bluff the Ogres

*Loonies* tell dirty jokes to Green Slime

*Munchkins* do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off

Favorite Melee Weapon:

*Real Men* use Pole Axes

*Real Roleplayers* use Rapiers and Main-Gauches

*Loonies* use Stage Knives

*Munchkins* use whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Thrown Weapon:

*Real Men* throw Spears

*Real Roleplayers* throw Bolas

*Loonies* throw their friends' magic items

*Munchkins* throw whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Missile Weapon:

*Real Men* shoot Composite Bows

*Real Roleplayers* shoot Crossbows

*Loonies* shoot Catapults loaded with offal

*Munchkins* shoot whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl:

*Real Men* use bare hands/tables

*Real Roleplayers* use chairs, chair legs or pokers

*Loonies* use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste

*Munchkins* use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons:

*Real Men* throw Munchkins

*Real Roleplayers* throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks

*Loonies* throw Nerf frisbees

*Munchkins* throw whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell:

*Real Men* cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords

*Real Roleplayers* cast Demoralize on their foes

*Loonies* cast Befuddle on their friends

*Munchkins* cast Fireball

Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell:

*Real Men* cast Dominate Human on others

*Real Roleplayers* cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves

*Loonies* cast Dominate Human on themselves

*Munchkins* cast Meteor Swarm

Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell:

*Real Men* cast Berserker on themselves

*Real Roleplayers* cast Heal Body

*Loonies* cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat

*Munchkins* cast Timestop

Favorite Alignment:

*Real Men* are Lawful Good

*Real Roleplayers* don't use alignment

*Loonies* are Amoral Silly

*Munchkins* are whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Religious-type Character:

*Real Men* play Paladins

*Real Roleplayers* play Clerics

*Loonies* play street preachers

*Munchkins* play Demigods

Favorite Non-Human PC:

*Real Men* play Dwarfs

*Real Roleplayers* play Morokanths

*Loonies* play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed

*Munchkins* play Asmodeus

Favorite Undead to Summon:

*Real Men* summon Ghosts

*Real Roleplayers* summon Wraiths

*Loonies* send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet

*Munchkins* summon Cerberus

Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins:

*Real Men* torture them

*Real Roleplayers* cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read

*Loonies* tell puns to them

*Munchkins* peek behind the GM's shield

Favorite Way of Dealing with a Dragon:

*Real Men* Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands.

(Is this a trick question?)

*Real Roleplayers* Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon

(and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.

*Loonies* Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.

*Munchkins* Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect

it as a familiar.

Favorite Demon/Devil:

*Real Men* like Asmodeus

*Real Roleplayers* like Cacodemon

*Loonies* like Spiro Agnew

*Munchkins* like Satan's grandfather

Favorite God:

*Real Men* worship Humakt/Orlanth

*Real Roleplayers* worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy

*Loonies* worship Hare Krishna

*Munchkins* worship whoever gives the most plusses

Favorite Shield:

*Real Men* wield two-handed weapons

*Real Roleplayers* use a Kite Shield

*Loonies* use a panty shield

*Munchkins* use a Shield of Automatic Parry

Favorite Mount:

*Real Men* ride heavy war horses

*Real Roleplayers* ride palfreys

*Loonies* ride sheep

*Munchkins* ride heavy war tyrannosauri

Favorite NPC:

*Real Men* like Tarl Cabot

*Real Roleplayers* like Medea

*Loonies* like Doctor Who

*Munchkins* like Darth Vader/Teela Brown

Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar:

*Real Men* have Black Cats

*Real Roleplayers* have Owls

*Loonies* have Slugs

*Munchkins* have Ancient Red Dragons

Favorite Kind of Elf:

*Real Men* like the Pinis' elves

*Real Roleplayers* like Tolkien's elves

*Loonies* like Santa's elves

*Munchkins* like Storm Giants with pointed ears

Favorite Kind of Dwarf:

*Real Men* like Tolkien's Dwarfs

*Real Roleplayers* like Glorantha's Dwarfs

*Loonies* like the Seven Dwarfs

*Munchkins* like Earth Elementals with beards

Favorite Food to take on Expeditions:

*Real Men* bring along iron rations

*Real Roleplayers* cast create food and drink

*Loonies* bring along aluminum rations

*Munchkins* no longer need food to live

Favorite Fantasy Author:

*Real Men* read J.R.R. Tolkien Lord of the Rings

*Real Roleplayers* read Robert Asprin's Thieves' World series

*Loonies* read Robert Asprin's Myth series

*Munchkins* read E. Gary Gygax

When they encounter a sleeping dragon:

*Real Men* wake it up and THEN attack it.

*Real Roleplayers* sneak away quietly.

*Loonies* tie its shoelaces together.

*Munchkins* kill it instantly and then carry off all its treasure in one

backpack

Favorite Town Activity:

*Real Men* drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights.

*Real Roleplayers* drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.

*Loonies* order watermelon daquiris and start food fights.

*Munchkins* say "What's a town?"

Favorite World/Setting:

*Real Men* play in Sanctuary

*Real Roleplayers* play in Glorantha

*Loonies* play in Southern California

*Munchkins* play wherever has the most magic items