Now you're probably wondering when your hero/ine will finally get moving and start killing things. As any veteran hero/ine can tell you, the only way to achieve fame and glory is to kill. And kill lots. If, for some strange reason, world peace comes about due to this killing, all the better for the hero/ine's reputation. Exactly how does a hero/ine initiate a killing spree?

The typical Monster encounter involves Spontaneous Existence. Your hero/ine might be happily strolling along, and a Monster will suddenly come into existence in front of the hero/ine. These Monsters come into existence only for the duration of a battle, after which they disappear back into the non-existence from which they came. When the hero/ine slaughters the Monster, the corpse of the creature will vanish, often in a pretty flash of colours. Recent research suggests that the reason Monsters appear to spontaneously combust upon death is because that is precisely what happens. The Monsters all have Internal Monster Bombs with HP sensors that go off when a Monster's HP drop to 0, shredding it into its molecular components in a wonderful display of pyrotechnics.

Yes, this is a very messy way to go, but think of the benefits to the environment. If the Monster's corpse simply fell where it died, it would bring on a foul stench and its body would do nothing to help with the beauty of an RPG. Thanks to this Bomb, however, the Monster distributes its disintegrated carcass evenly over its immediate area, thus minimising both smell and unsightliness. As well, this method of dying provides a great source of fertiliser for the vegetation.

Unfortunately, hero/ines do not enjoy having bits of their enemies sprayed on themselves. This is why, in most RPG battles, the hero/ine will stand a good distance away from the Monster, so that when the Monster dies and explodes, minimal quantities of Monster bits will get on the hero/ine. Yes, this makes battles look rather silly since the hero/ine will either have to run back and forth between the Monster and his/her party or stand in place, strike at nothing, and hope the Monster is so frightened at the idea of getting hit that it suffers an HP loss due to psychological trauma. But would you rather have a silly-looking battle or a Monster-covered hero/ine running up huge armour-dry-cleaning bills?

Though it is true that these Monsters are fearsome to behold and appear to be vicious beyond belief, the hero/ine should never be afraid of entering into battle with them. This is because all battles are fought using Orderly Violence. Thanks to Orderly Violence, Monsters and Villains will politely wait their turn to strike while the hero/ine and allies butcher the poor creature. Unfortunately, this means that the hero/ine must also stand stupidly and do nothing while the Monster attempts to rip off the hero/ine's head. This method of fighting, unnatural and downright ridiculous to those of you more accustomed to reality, has a firm hold on RPGs thanks to the Zelda vs. RPG Board Controversy.

Perhaps you are unfamiliar with this controversy, which is well known in the inner circles of the RPG elite. Many years ago, RPGs were just emerging in the video games market. In order to strengthen a genre that was still fragile in its infancy, the RPG Board of Dictators issued a strict set of guidelines that it felt all RPGs must follow in order to preserve the quality and reputation of RPGs everywhere. One of these guidelines was that Orderly Violence must be maintained. Most hero/ines, not wishing their respective games to lose the coveted RPG label, made sure that all battles had Orderly Violence. However, Link, cocky from the success of his first game, The Legend of Zelda, refused to follow this guideline. As a result, Link and his game were forever banned from the RPG genre. This heavy penalty frightened all other RPG hero/ines into using Orderly Violence. Link, undaunted by his exile from the world of RPGs, continued to star in his non-RPG games, and, as a testimony to his determination and ambition as a hero, went on to create a new genre, the Action-RPG, which is a rival to the RPG genre to this day. It must be noted here that many RPG hero/ines recently, gaining confidence from Link's success, have begun to stray from Orderly Violence.

Clearly, there are pros and cons to Orderly Violence, but most hero/ines find that the pros far outweigh the cons, since the hero/ine's side frequently outnumber their enemy's side, particularly in battles with Villains. Is this fair towards the Monsters? Certainly not. Monsters have lobbied for many years to have this Numerical Disadvantage corrected, especially in the battle with the last boss, when it matters most. True, the final Villain may be the most powerful creature in all of creation, but that is no reason for the hero/ine to forego all pretence of honour and simply overwhelm the Villain through the sheer number of his/her allies. However, most of these Monster lobbyists have been slaughtered by hero/ines, so it is believed that this movement will ultimately fail.