Jinpachi was startled when, late one warm summer day, he saw the face of
his long lost
lady love swimming toward him through the rain. The illusion lasted for
only a moment
before her features, which, in life, had alway seemed to him to be ethereal,
resolved
themselves into another girl's face, leaving his heart in his mouth, and
her name trapped
painfully in his throat.
"What's wrong?" Sakura asked as she reached his side. "You look spooked."
"N-Nothing," he said, as he dragged a hand shakily through his hair. "It's
just - for a
minute there, I didn't recognize you." He laughed nervously. "I don't know,
maybe I was
expecting to see, you know, Shusuran."
"I see," she said gravely, pushing back her long hair. "Look, Jinpachi.
I came here to
talk to you about Issei."
Enju
Jinpachi sighed. "Yeah, know. It's... it's awkward, Sakura. I know
he still cares
about me, even though he says he's just joking. But," and here he spead
his hands out in
a gesture of supplication, "what am I supposd to do about it? Even if he
is Enju...he's
also Issei - and I can't just-"
"I know," she said quickly, uncharacteristically somber. "Just... be careful
with him,
okay?"
Please... don´t hurt her again.
He nodded his head and turned away.
The warm rain continued to fall, drumming a sweet, melancholy beat on the
tree
branches, where the cherry blossoms, miraculously, still bloomed.
"Come on, Haru," said Mr. Tamura as he held out a loaded plate.
The boy just shook his head, his long-empty stomach clenching with nausea.
"Listen to me, Haru," Tamura said softly, setting down the plate and using
both hands
to gently tilt the Haru's face upward, forcing the boy to look him in the
eye. Haru's eyes
were full of tears, and he quickly shifted his gaze downwards. Tamura dropped
his
hands to the boy's shoulders, where he could feel just how painfully thin
he had become.
"Listen to me, kiddo. If you keep this up much longer, we'll have to put
you back in
the hospital. And you worked so hard to get well, remember?"
It was true. He was little more than bones, and even as he tried to push
Tamura's
hands away, beginning to weep once more, every movement betrayed a frightening
lack
of strength.
Tamura held on until he felt both the sobbing and Haruhiko's remaining
strength ebb
away, leaving him spent, unable to support his own weight. As Tamura eased
the slight,
still body back onto the pallet, he could tell by the heaviness, and the
slow shallowness
of the breathing, that Haru was unconscious once more.
This couldn't go on. The kid was wasting away into nothing, and his family
was
frantic. Perhaps the hospital would be the safest place for him; at least
then they would
be able to keep him alive.
Tomura eased silently out of the bedroom, and closed the door. Haru's mother
stood
outside, looking as though she was holding back tears
.
"Mrs. Kasama," he said, keeping his voice low.
"Thank you so much for continuing to visit," she said, and he could hear
the strain in
her voice. "I know if anyone can get through to him, it would be you."
Or one of the other moon people, he thought, but how on earth could
he find them?
And would Haru only react with terror if he did?
"Mrs. Kasama," he said, admitting something truer than he himself realized.
"I don't
think I could not visit Hal. I only wish it was doing him some good.
I think it might be
time to seriously consider hospitalization, for Haru's own good."
She nodded, and this time she really did cry, because she was familiar
with hospitals,
was a woman who understood what it meant to worry constantly over the health
of an
ailing child. A child in full possesion of her heart.
Lonely. It was ironic, Issei thought, how he could be one with nature,
a participant in the
Earth's great dance of life, who shared a rare and precious connection
with six other
souls, and how he now felt more alone than he'd ever felt before in his
life.
His telepathy was a little stronger now than it had been at its onset,
not much, but
enough to sense Alice's love, her joy in the Earth and her newly found
Shion, Shusuran's
strong concern, and Jinpachi's discomfort. So he had been staying far away
from them,
all of his closest friends, because it was all getting just a little too
much to bear. He was
Issei Nishikiori, and he would have to build on that, start anew, and make
new friends
with people whose pity for him was not so clear in every glance, every
falsely
lighthearted gesture.
Walk down the street. Just another ordinary high school junior on his way
home.
Uniform, schoolbag. Everything normal. One foot in front of the other.
Step after step
after...
The sky was beautiful. A cloudless, vibrant blue, as empty as his heart,
sterile and
scrubbed clean after the recent rains. The streets of Tokyo were as noisy
and crowded
as ever, but everything seemed muffled somehow. He felt as if he would
die soon. Step
after step after...
You've got to snap out of it, Enju! And it was Shusuran's voice
blowing after him in
the city streets. He turned his face away from the wind and sat down on
a bench. He
closed his eyes, hoping that the bright sunlight would wash over him, illuminate
him,
chase away the shadows of his memories, fill him with somethng bright.
Wash him clean.
I want to be with Gyokuran
The dead woman's yearning no longer flooded his heart, but every thought,
every
breath was tinged with her loneliness. The sunlight did nothing to lull
her.
Rest now, Enju, he willed her. Sleep. This is not your time.
He opened his eyes again at the sound of a car door slamming, and the
sun had
grown larger and moved westward in the sky. He stared at it, dumbfounded
and dazzled
by its brightness.
Did I fall asleep? How long have I been here?
His chest filled suddenly with a pain and grief so heavy, it was all he
could do to keep
on breathing. But this time it was not the heartbreak of that long-ago
far away ghost
woman he knew so well.
There were three figures that had exited the car, an attractive, middle
aged woman
with dusky skin, and two men, one of whom he recognized. All converging
around the
backseat, lifting someone out.
Issei clutched at his heart as another wave of pain flowed through him
in sympathy.
Lurching to his feet, he saw and recognized the fourth passenger, in spite
of how pale
and changed he had become. "Shukaido!" he said, rushing forward to touch
the other
boy, to make sure he was still alive.
The three adults stiffened and froze at the sound of the intruder's voice;
only one of
them understood what he had said.
...and Shukaido, kneeling in supplication before the goddes Sarjalim,
begging
for forgiveness somewhere in the darkness of his soul, heard someone calling
his
name. He did not know if he turned toward her or cried out, but suddenly,
there
she was, pale faced and pale haired and almost as miserable and wretched
as
himself. He opened his mouth to speak
And, through the distance of a lifetime, Haruhiko found the strength to
open his eyes.
She was still there, her heartbroken, compassionate face as he remembered
it, her hand
on his chest, trying to do something, anything to ease the pain that was
in both their
hearts.
He was losing consciousness again. She was blurring around the edges, coming
apart,
coming back together as somebody else. Only the expression remained the
same: silently
grieving, pleading, just this once, for hope to remain unbetrayed.
"Enju," he gasped, reaching out to grasp weakly at Issei's arm before
he passed out.
Tamura eyed the boy cautiously as they waited in the hallway outside of
Haru's hospital
room.
Another person from Haru's past, he thought. Another moon scientist,
like that little
abomination, Shion. But this was also the boy who had once saved Haru from
drowning
in the river. And Haru didn't seem to fear this boy as he had feared Shion,
had, in fact,
reached out to him in that brief moment of lucidity. Mr. Tamura cleared
his throat.
"Enju," he said.
The other boy winced as he turned to face him.
"Issei, sir. Issei Nishikiori."
"Issei. It looks like I owe you a second time."
Issei flushed. "But I didn't do anything."
"You got him to say something." Tamura searched for more words. "I don't
think you
realize just how important that is. Haru hasn't said a word in several
weeks."
He just cries. Tamura thought, almost feeling the chill of his long
dead brother
somewhere close behind him. It's like he waiting to die.
"Waiting to die... " Issei murmured, eliciting a look of surprise from
Mr. Tamura. "Oh,
Shukaido... "
Gyokuran Enju whispered the name in her mind, watching him,
his beautiful eyes, as
they were so often now, dazzled and overflowing with Mokuren's brilliance.
Impossible
to resent her for that; she was love itself given form, the spirit of all
that made life
beautiful. In her presence, you became more than what you were, what you
were meant
to be, like a flower bud, unfurling its hidden glory in the warmth of Mokuren's
light.
If only she could sit, quietly, and bask in that light, letting it fill
her, banishing all of
those little darknesses, fears and sadness, and the pain of being alone.
Someone was crying, sotly, despairingly, and she wondered who it was. It
couldn't be
Gyokuran. She could feel that he was all right. And it couldn't be Shion,
because, as
angry and hurting as he was, even he was beginning to become whole under
Mokuren's
healing influence. And neither Shusuran nor Hiiragi had any reason to weep.
Shukaido?
And so it came as a great surprise when she met her own reflection in one
of the
massive station windows, and saw that it was her own face that was contorted
and
tearstained. She saw the hands of the reflection reach up, slowly, disbelieving,
and the
her own hands were touching dampness, the tears still sliding, inexorably,
over her
flushed cheeks.
"You've got to snap out of it, Enju," she whispered shakily to herself,
trying to dry her
eyes on the sleeve of her lab coat. It was what Shusuran would say if she
ever saw her
like this.
But when she looked back up to see if she looked presentable again, her
own
reflection was gone, and there was a stranger staring back at her. A boy,
young, with
sad eyes and a desperately serious manner. He was speaking to her, trying
to tell her
something, but she could only hear the sound of her own ragged breathing.
She leaned
closer.
"Sleep," he mouthed. "This is not your time."
Enju fainted.
Even unconsciousness was restless and full of dreams. Someone was crying,
but it
couldn't be her. She was feeling nothing now, and lightened by this lack
of feeling,
remote and insubstantial, as if someone had opened her up and scrubbed
out her insides,
and then swathed her in cotton. Whoever it was was crouching on his hands
and knees
in the darkness, sobbing his heart out. Shukaido. She had always felt sorry
for him, with
his gentle manners and daydreaming eyes, because he too was lonely, another
man who
could never capture or fill Mokuren's heart. She drew strength from him
too. Because if
he could go on, living through each day without breaking apart from the
pain, then so
could she.
She knelt down beside him without knowing why, and enfolded him in her
arms. And
with this motion, the numbness flees from her, and she can feel her own
pain and his,
engulfing and terrible, full of darkness...
Shukaido was surprised when Enju's first act, upon awakening, was to take
him into her
arms and hold him tightly.
"Hey, now," he said, amused and a little bit worried. "It's all right.
Everything's all
right."
She only tightened her grip in response, burying her face in his chest.
He held her
gingerly, embarrassed, and glanced at Gyokuran, who was looking on with
concern and
just a shade of jealousy. Shukaido shifted his position a bit so they could
switch places,
and then Gyokuran was holding her, stroking her hair and asking what was
wrong. She
held on for a while, hiding her face and shaking from suppressed sobs.
Finally, she
looked up, smiling, her eyes full of tears.
"I... I guess it was all a dream... " she whispered.
And Issei awakened, exhausted, the light of the new day heavy on his closed
eyelids.
Jinpachi was halfway across the street when he noticed Issei walking toward
him. Too
late to pretend he hadn't noticed and walk another way. Taking a deep breath,
he
waved, smiling. Issei waved back slowly.
"Hey, how's it going?" Jinpachi asked when they were face to face, followed
by a
truly concerned, "Jeez, are you okay?"
"What?" Issei returned his gaze uncomprehendingly.
"You look like hell!"
"Oh," Issei said, rubbing his eyes. "I just had trouble sleeping last night,
is all."
"If you say so... So, how come you're up and about so early?"
Issei's hesitation seemed more due to distraction than secrecy, which
was
uncharacteristic and worrying. When he finally answered, it was as if he
was speaking
from a great distance.
"On my way to the hospital. I thought I'd stop by and visit Shukaido -
I mean,
Haruhiko Kasama - and see how he was doing."
"Shukaido's in the hospital?"
Issei nodded. "They brought him in yesterday... they think his heart's
giving out."
They walked together in silence for a bit, both knowing that it was really
shame, that it
was really guilt that was killing Haru, straining his heart past all human
limits of
endurance.
Jinpachi felt his own chest tightening a little at the thought of the Kasama
boy dying.
After all they'd been through just to be here. He couldn't die...
"Mind if I come with you?" he asked gruffly.
Issei shook his head.
Mr. Tamura was already there, sitting at Haru's bedside when they arrived.
He rose
when they entered the room.
"This is my friend, Jinpachi Ogura. But on the moon, we called him Gyokuran,"
Issei
said quietly, without choking once on the name.
"Pleased to meet you," said Mr. Tamura, bowing.
I guess it's true, he thought. Haru was only afraid of Shion.
"I'm glad you came," he said. "Thank you."
The boys nodded and sat down.
Maybe your heart was always weak, Shukaido, Jinpachi thought, feeling
troubled.
And maybe Shion will never forgive you. I don't know if I could, if
I were him. But
you can't die now - we just found you - we were supposed to give each other
strength, damnit, not tear each other apart! And isn't Sarjalim supposed
to be
infinite forgiveness? What good will you do by dying? Shukaido... don't
die...
Shukaido, please. These were Enju's thoughts now, and Issei was
too tired to fight
them. At least they were true thoughts, and full of love. I drew strength
from you on the
moon, even though I never told you. I used to watch you, and
think that I could
bear living my life if you could bear living yours. So, please. Take strength
from me
now. Let me repay you for what you gave without knowing.
Haru, you've got to pull yourself out of this. You've got your whole
life ahead of
you. I've tried to protect you so you could have a chance, but how
can I protect you
from yourself? Haru - people here care about you - your family loves
you, and... so
do I. Please, be strong. Please, find the strength that you need...
not to leave us all
behind. If you're doing this to atone for what you've done in the past...
Listen,
death isn't redemption, life is the redmeption. You can't
change the past - the
past is the past - you can only change the future... by living...
The day waned, dusk fell. The birds sang sweetly, and visiting hours were
over. Issei
and Jinpachi walked home together in silence, each lost in his own thoughts.
Shukaido was sobbing, shamed and disgusted by his own weakness, both the
deed, and
his inability to bear the consequences with dignity. Catching his breath,
he struggled to
contain his grief in silence.
Someone else was crying. But who else would be here but him? This was his
own
punishment, his own purgatory. Unless the goddess Sarjalim herself wept
for his
disgrace.
But it was Enju. Poor, innocent Enju, who had suffered so much grief when
Gyokuran
died. Who had suffered even when he lived, because he had loved another.
No, Enju, don't touch me! You shouldn't be here - this is a place for
punishment -
Enju, you don't deserve to suffer. Not now, and not then either. Enju...
please... let
go of me...
But she only embraced him tighter, holding onto him as if both their lives
depended on
it. Shukaido struggled, but she would not let go. In the end, he could
only free himself by
being somewhere else, as only he and Shion had the power to do. Because
if he were
somewhere else, then she would have no reason to stay...
It's because Enju was a telepath, Haruhiko said/thought, wherever
this new place
was. Sometimes she felt the others' pain as if it was her own.
No, Issei answered. Did you know her so little? It was because she
cared.
She cared?
Haru felt his heart spasm a little, but it didn't hurt as much as he
thought it would. He
looked own at his hands and tried not to hate himself as Issei looked quietly
on.
Dawn was breaking as Haru opened his eyes and inhaled deeply. He felt stronger
today,
almost rested, even though the night had been filled with strange dreams,
as always. He
was blinking sleepily at the ceiling of the hospital room, trying to figure
out where he was,
when Mr. Tamura woke in the chair beside his bed.
"Mr. Tamura... where am I?"
Mr. Tamura was trying hard not to cry. "Oh, kid. Oh, kid." was all he could
manage
to say.
Half town away, Issei Nishikiori smiled, only slightly sadly, in
his sleep.
- The End -
Hiwatari Saki Universe | Akuma-kun section| Boku-Chikyuu section | Mirai no Utena section | Guuzen section
Mail me
All images, sounds, and misc. things associated to Akuma-kun, Boku no
Chikyuu o Mamotte,
Mirai no Utena, and Guuzen ga Nokosu mono are copyright:
Hiwatari Saki, Hakusensha,
Victor Entertainment. All rights reserved.
This fan-fic was made by Mee Mail her if you want to use anything!!