This is some religious propaganda I was
handed while on the streets of Toronto. I've read lots of these sorts
of things, but this one is by far the weirdest I have ever come across.
It's so weird, in fact, that I'm going to give this item it's own separate
page so that you can fully understand the depth of insanity at which it
exists. Click Here to continue.
Now
let me ask you something. If you were going to send liquid in the
mail, would you put it in a paper envelope? You probably wouldn't,
would you? Well, FedEx feels it is not only necessary to warn you
of this, but that, more specifically, you should not attempt to send BLOOD
in this envelope. BLOOD, people. FedEx is telling you not to
send blood in an envelope. That's just weird, weird, weird.
You can see the warning in the bottom line of text in this picture.
Blood is the second word on that line, just so you know I'm not making
this up. So, here's the thing. The only people who would have
any business sending blood ANYWHERE would be doctors, and I hope they would
be smart enough to realize that blood won't travel well in a paper envelope.
That's just a strange warning. Maybe it's for really insane people
who are trying to get initiated in secret cults of far away lands.
So, remember, insane cult activists, don't send your blood in this envelope.
Put it in a properly sealed plastic bag, and don't forget the return address!
I would guess that it's also a good idea to keep it chilled, but what do
I know, I'm not A COMPLETELY INSANE PERSON WHO DISTRIBUTES MY BLOOD VIA
FEDERAL EXPRESS!!!
While I was in California, I went into a Toys R Us and saw
something incredible. Something I have never seen before, and surely
will never see again. It was a giant yellow piñata in the
shape of a hard hat, and on the front of the hat it said in big letters,
"HARD HAT." (I have to give hearty thanks to my friend Bill for getting
me these pictures. To see the full story on how he obtained the pics,
Click Here.)
My life will never really make sense again until somebody can give me a
rational explanation of why there should be a piñata in the shape
of a construction worker's hard hat. A donkey is normal, a ball of
some kind is normal, but a hard hat? It's not even an item that is
really hollow. There is that big hole in the bottom where you would
put your head, but they just closed that off so it could hold candy.
I think there should be a rule that if you have to alter the original shape
of the item you're trying to make a piñata out of, you shouldn't
be able to make it. It seems like there was just some guy who was
completely OBSESSED with making a hard hat piñata, so he just closed
the bottom off and thought, "job well done." Well it's scary Mr.
Piñata-maker. It's scary and I don't like it.
Now
let me ask you something. If you were going to send liquid in the
mail, would you put it in a paper envelope? You probably wouldn't,
would you? Well, FedEx feels it is not only necessary to warn you
of this, but that, more specifically, you should not attempt to send BLOOD
in this envelope. BLOOD, people. FedEx is telling you not to
send blood in an envelope. That's just weird, weird, weird.
You can see the warning in the bottom line of text in this picture.
Blood is the second word on that line, just so you know I'm not making
this up. So, here's the thing. The only people who would have
any business sending blood ANYWHERE would be doctors, and I hope they would
be smart enough to realize that blood won't travel well in a paper envelope.
That's just a strange warning. Maybe it's for really insane people
who are trying to get initiated in secret cults of far away lands.
So, remember, insane cult activists, don't send your blood in this envelope.
Put it in a properly sealed plastic bag, and don't forget the return address!
I would guess that it's also a good idea to keep it chilled, but what do
I know, I'm not A COMPLETELY INSANE PERSON WHO DISTRIBUTES MY BLOOD VIA
FEDERAL EXPRESS!!!
