How Could Rurouni Kenshin End?

I'm on the SASS mailing list (there'll be a link to it up soon) and lately, there's been a lot of discussion about the Manga Revenge Arc (so this is all atomic spoilerage), how the manga will end, etc, etc. I took some of the screamingly funny ones and put them on here. Gomen, guys. If any of you have a link or an objection, let me know! I'll fix it right away. Credit is given by link to e-mail. (also, keep in mind that some of these were written BEFORE we knew what happened to Kaoru).

Enishi finally lets Kaoru out of the closet, but, being insane, mistakes her for a giant chicken and tries to fry her for dinner. Fortunately, the four left-over comrades come home (defying the story-line so far) and make Enishi come to his senses. Realizing that fried foods are very unhealthy, they decide to bake her instead.

Kaoru, being Kaoru, uses her ougi to catch Enishi's meat baster and beats him to his senses with it. He decides she looks a lot like Tomoe. She decides she likes his earring. They run away together, returning in two years with 2.5 children.

They walk into the Akabeko, which since Kaoru's so-called death has turned into a meiji-era version of Taco Bell, and shock everyone with Kaoru's living state. Yahiko passes out, mumbling "Yo quiero Akabeko."

Kenshin, meanwhile, has turned to Sano for support during his grieving period. They have also run away together, and defying all laws of nature, returned with a child, who looks remarkably like Aoshi. Misao dumps Aoshi for cheating on her and runs away with Saitou.

Kenshin takes one look at Kaoru and reverts to the Battousai, killing everyone in the Akabeko, and then all of Tokyo. He tries to kill the rest of the world, but due to his lack of size and the remarkable weight of the sakabatou, sinks trying to swim from Japan. At the bottom of the sea he finds Leonardo DiCaprio and kills him instead.

Meanwhile, an asteriod carrying two shuttles, 12 astronauts, and Aerosmith crashes into Earth, obliterating all life and ending the Rurouni Kenshin manga.

I think it could happen, don't you? ^^;;

I did consider a tragic ending for the series. I *briefly* had this image of Kenshin going completely mad at Kaoru's death & killing everyone in sight and the last shot in the series would be of him holding Kaoru's severed head shouting "FUUUUMAAAAAA!!!" ;-)

"The weak die and the strong survive... Ohh my shoes untied." As Soujirou bends to fix his shoelace a super deformed Kenshin flys overhead and crashes into the facing wall.

"Ne, Kenshin? What happened there?" Sano asked as he tries to help the dazed Ken-chan out of a rather deep hole in the brick wall.

"I thought I'd attack the second he finished his speech as to 'get the drop' on him. But he countered wonderfully. He totally caught me off gaurd with his shoelace manuver. I can't use my Battoujitsu on him. I litterally did not see that one coming. He is very skilled."

"Yep I'm God's gift, says right there on this episodes opening title. How did you like my Ten Ken Shoe?" Soujirou asked absentmindedly as he finished tieing his shoe.

"Kenshin, don't worry about it. He's not so great. He just paid Hecto/Shinsengumi to translate last episode's preview to make him seem invincible and to dull your hopes of victory." Sano remarked.

"Well it worked. I'm just a rurouni and a cheap-o. I bet even Yahiko could best me. Damn it I need choco!"

"No Kenshin! Not chocolate! Remember your diet. If you start eating junk food you'll never regain your sickly apperance. I think Cheap-o is way better than your former title, Heavy Hitokiri."

"I just want my Mommy!" Kenshin wailed.

"I do too!" Soujirou joined Kenshin on the floor and wept along.

"Damn it all. Why do I get stuck babysitting. This is a job for Jo-chan. All I want is a nice warm bottle of premium sake...I want my bottle! I need my crutch! How can I be expected to put up with childish co-stars and not be able to drink while under contract. Even when the script calls for liquor all I get is water. It's not fair! I hate this!!" Sano curled up into a ball and wept along with his two teary co-stars.

*comercial break for Japanese travel tissue, Jenny Craig, and AA* Credits roll across the screen

"Well they most certainly have run out of ideas. What did they expect after 270066 episodes? Why didn't they just stick to the manga storyline? Nothing's ever easy." Naki-chan sighs as she turns off her tv. "Well to the animemobile Bat-sama we have creators in Japan to help and then we must stop by Disney to make sure they are not trying to screw around with anime again."

"Should I shoot the Executives if they don't agree to stop?" Tomo replied from underneath her Bat-Man outfit.

"No just the Editors. That should get the point across." As the dynamic duo pushed their animemobile out into the street they were spotted by a little pink-haired girl.

"Look Mom!" Chibi-Usa tugged at Usagi's dress and motioned to our two super-heores.

"Don't stare at the freaks dear."

"Hey who you calling a freak. Your daughter's trying to suduce your husband every chance she gets and she's winning. So I wouldn't talk if you can't keep your Tuxedo-kamen away from your eight year old. And it looks like someone ramed 2 poles up your ass and called them legs."

With that last witty remark our heroes rode/pushed the animemobile off into the sunset.

And when Sano returns... It is the beginning of another story arc.

29-year old Sano settled into Tsubame household.

Tsubame : Sanouske, who is this Aoshi freak? Why does he want a revenge on you? Tell me the story behind your Hex Scar.
Sano : Hmmmm... It was 9 years ago... I was going out with this woman named Takani Megumi.
Tsubame : ?!! *shocked*
Sano : When I returned from a trip, she was married to Shinomori Aoshi, and I couldn't stand it. *closes eyes in pain*
Tsubame : ......

*flashback*

Sano : How dare you steal my Megumi!
Aoshi : She was always MINE! (Misao passes out in the background)
Sano : Just eat this! Kuraee Futae no Kiwami!
Aoshi : *Kaiten Kenbu Rokuren*
Megumi : (I have to do something about it.....I wanna have em both...) No! Stop!!!
Sano : No! Get out of the way Megumi!!

Upon the impact of Futae no Kiwami, Megumi's head explodes and only pieces of her brain remain on the ground. Meanwhile, Aoshi's Kaiten Kenbu grazes Sano's face and leaves a Hex Scar.

Aoshi : *in utter shock* Beshimi, Hannya, Shiki..... no not this. Battousai wo korosu.... no not this either. Masaka..... Megumi-san.... Uwaaaaaaaa!!! *disappears into darkness*

*flashback end*

(Cast of Rurouni Kenshin is brought before the Marketing department of Sony)

Sony Marketing Person: And, as you see, Kenshin, we'll take that scar for the name X...it sounds so mysterious...blah blah blah...

(Kaoru and Yahiko look ill. Sanosuke faints, Katsu immediately running to his side and shaking him.)

Katsu: (stands up and produces a bomb) I can't take it any more...such injustice cannot be allowed to live!

Kenshin: (shakes head) No, Katsu.

Katsu: You won't stop me this time!

Kenshin: I never said anything about stopping you.

Katsu: ???

Kenshin: I was just thinking...a bomb is awful messy...and it might hurt innocent people. The base idea is sound, though, and I have a better way.

Katsu: (reluctantly puts away bomb)

Sony Marketing Person: Blah blah blah...Kenshin and Kaoru finally...blah blah blah...

Kenshin: (gets Battousai eyes) Saitoh...mind if I borrow your line?

(Saitoh and Kenshin glance at eachother meaningfully)

Saitoh: By all means.

Kenshin: Arigatou. Aku. Soku. Zan. (draws sword)

Sony Marketing Person: blah blah blah...(screams)

Kenshin: (flicks blood off of sword, resheathes)

Yahiko: (cheers)

Kaoru: Kenshin...I thought you swore to never kill again...(worried look)

Kenshin: I swore that I would never kill another human being, yes.

Kaoru: Ah. *smiles*

Sanosuke: (picks himself up off of the floor) Well...now that that's all taken care of...let's go get drunk and celebrate. I'll buy...so...Jyo-chan...can I borrow some money?

Kaoru: NANI???

(Cast walks off, Kaoru and Sanosuke still arguing. Saitoh lags behind.)

Saitoh: (Lights up a cigarette, and looks down at corpse of former Sony Marketing person.) Aho ga...

That's it so far...if you have something you'd like to add, please do! I love funny stuff! Just email me!