Kenshin: (sitting down at a table) (nervous) Sano, what are we doing in this
sort of establishment?
Sano: (gulping down a tankard of sake) Wait and see. Jo-chan said she would
meet us here with a surprise. (wipes mouth)
Yahiko: That old cow is probably just gonna get drunk and stupid like she
always does. (groan)
Sano: (thunks Yahiko on the head) Respect your elders! (drinks some more)
(sake spills down his neck)
Yahiko: (gnaws on Sano's hair)
Kenshin: (takes tea in hands) (wonders) Boy, this place makes me want to hop
in the ofuro. (shiver) I hope Kaoru-dono is safe.
Yahiko: This joint stinks. (screws up face)
Sano: (shoves sake at him) Here, gulp some of this and it won't be so bad.
Hyuk!
Yahiko: ACK! (buggy eyes)
Bartender: Minna-san! (raps on the bar) May I have your attention please,
everyone? Yokocho's Famous Sake would like to welcome you all here tonight!
Tonight, I am honored to introduce the very first lady of the evening, Miss
Kaoru of the Kamiya Dojo! Let's hear it!
Kenshin: (jaw drops among the applause) Oro?!?!?!
Sano: (bangs on table) YAHOO! (whistles) BRING ON THE RACCOON GIRL!
Yahiko: (picks up Kenshin's jaw) Ew, don't tell me that ugly is gonna sing!
Kaoru: (slinks into general bar area in sleazy version of a post-war kimono)
Hello boys! (blows kisses)
Yahiko: (groan) (whimper)
Kenshin: (gulp)
Random Bar Patron: Show us your naughty bits, Kawaikochan!
Another Patron: (wolf whistles) (catcalls)
Kenshin: (blush) Oro....! (covers Yahiko's eyes)
Sanosuke: Heh heh, O-TAN-jyoubi omedetou Kenshin! (slaps Kenshin on the back)
Kenshin: ORO!?!?!
Kaoru: (climbs onto the bar) (winks at Kenshin) Gonna sing a l'il song for
ya.
Audience: (applause)
Kaoru: (picks up antiquated, Meiji-era mic) Hit it, Sakaguchi! (snaps)
He's a Tramp, but they love him.
Breaks a new heart every day
He's a Tramp, they adore him
And I only hope he'll stay that way
Kenshin: (aggressively blushing)
Sano: (flushed drunken stupor) (rests head in hands) Ain't it the truth? (GLUG
GLUG GLUG)
He's a Tramp
He's a scoundrel
He's a rounder
He's a cad.
Kenshin: (sweatdrop)
Sano: Oi Kenshin, you going to let her say those things about you? (laughs)
Yahiko: (covers mouth to choke back hysterics)
Kaoru: (makes rounds around the bar, stopping at every drooling businessman,
shakes her hips)
He's a Tramp
But I love him
Yes even I have got it pretty bad.
Kaoru: (little laugh)
Kenshin: (heart pounds) K-Kaoru-dono???
Kaoru: (leans against the wall)
You can never tell when he'll show up
He gives you plenty of trouble
Yahiko: Amen.
Sano: Jin-E? Rai-juta? Saitou? Hell, Shi-shio wasn't exactly
pleasure...(swigs)
Kenshin: Now, now...(is trying to make himself look very small)
Kaoru: (sits in Kenshin's lap) (acts sultry)
Kenshin: Oro!?
I guess he's just a "no-count" pup
Kaoru: (snuggles) (taps Kenshin's nose affectionately)
Kenshin: (blink) Oro?
But I wish that he were double
He's a tramp, he's a rover
And there's nothing more to say
Sano: Sez you.
Yahiko: What?
Sano: (rolls eyes) (sigh)
If he's a tramp, he's a good one......
Kaoru: (inches close to Kenshin face)
Kenshin: (holds breath)
....and I wish that I could travel his way....
Kaoru: (draws nearer)
Kenshin: (gulp)
....wish that I could travel his way....
Kaoru: (stops centimeters from Kenshin's lips)
Kenshin: (squeezes eyes shut)
...wish that I could travel his waaayyyyy.
(music stops)
Kaoru: (pulls back) (bows)
Kenshin: (blush) Oroooo-oo-ooo! (faints)
Sano: (sloshes sake) Woo-hoo!
Yahiko: (laughing) Dirty, dirty, dirty racoon girl!
Bar Patrons: (shove yen down Kaoru's dress)
Kaoru: (lifts mic) That one goes out to the Ronin I desire, folks. Let's all
give him a hand! (points to Kenshin with a flourish)
Kenshin: Orooo!!! (tries to run away)
Kaoru: (grabs him by his hair while the bar freaks applaud)
Bar Freaks: MORE! MORE! MORE!
Kaoru: (giggle) (waves)
Kenshin: H-hanshite onegai de gozaru ka? (begs)
Later, as the wine-happy Kenshin-gumi wend their way home....
Kenshin: Kaoru-dono, just WHAT was that?
Kaoru: (pout) I thought you would LIKE it! I wrote the song myself!
Yahiko: (from behind her) No wonder it stunk!
Kaoru: (sends Yahiko flying)
Yahiko: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sanosuke: (drunk and sleepy) Maa, maa Jo-chan, take it easy. Yahiko wasn't
half as shocked by your singing as our friend here. (slaps Kenshin on the
back)
Kenshin: Oro?
Kaoru: (grabs Kenshin's shirt_ Kenshin, did you really think it was awful???
(big sparkle eyes)
Kenshin: (flushes) Ano...(scratches head)
Sanosuke: (under breath) Don't blow it, Batthousai.
Kenshin: (gulp) Well, I...er, I thought it was very unique de gozaru!
Kaoru: (bonks him on the head) You hated it, admit it! (threatens to weep)
Kenshin: (buggy-eyed) Oro-ooo....!
Sanosuke: (smirk) I was impressed Jo-chan, didn't think ya had it in ya to
show some leg.
Kaoru: (snarl) BAKA!
Sanosuke: (ends up with a bump on his head) Excuse me for living.
Kenshin: (recovering) Kaoru-dono, forgive me. (blush) It's just that, no
one has ever written a song about me before.
Kaoru: Kenshin, I was only....(falters) I just...(grumble) You know how I hate
explaining myself! (crosses arms)
Kenshin: I know, I know. (hand behind head) Do you really think I'm
a...(stumbles over word)... "cad"? (shy smile)
Kaoru: (laughs) You silly, of course you're a cad! (throws arms around his
neck) You're the slyest fox there is!
Kenshin: Oro?
Sano: (slaps forehead) Ohh, here we go....!
Yahiko: (in a tree) Goodnight folks! (waves)
Aoshi-sama: (coughs) I sing as well. (clears throat) "I've got a dog, his name
is Blue. He sings good, he sings...(pause) (tilts head back) OWOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Misao-chan: (claps) Yokatta! You're the best, baby! (squeals)
Aoshi: (bows)
Song "He's a Tramp" by Peggy Lee owned by Disney and from the movie "Lady and the Tramp".
All characters and songs belong to their respective owners and this humble mutilation of them was done by me.
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