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Scenes, Songs and Cast
March in
by Troy Gordon
(Tune: Yankee Doodle Dandy)
It's time again for Tulsa Gridiron
It's time to tell you what is what
The headline makers from throughout the year
Are gonna be put on the spot
We've had our fill of big-shot bosses
We're sick of politicians, too
We've worked all year to earn our pay
Tonight we're gonna play --
Listen to what we're gonna do
It's time to tell about Winona
Trent Loft and George Bush number two
Democrats and GOP
Are in our Gridiron story
And that isn't all we're gonna do.
 Wheel
La Fortune by Randy Krehbiel
The Wheel LeFortune
Goes spinning around.
Will the mayor point my way?
Will this be my day?
Oh, Wheel LeFortune
Please don't pass us by.
Let us know you listened more than a blink of an eye.
While the wheel is spinning, spinning, spinning
We'll still dream of winning fortune and gain.
While the wheel is turning, turning, turning
We'll be yearning, yearning, with one constant refrain.
Oh, Wheel LeFortune
I'm hoping somehow
If you ever smile at me
Please let it be now.
 Clothes
for You
by Rebecca Ungerman
Winona suddenly appears in a store with no fear
Insanity makes tags read 'Clothes For You'
Why did she cut off all the tags, stuff
the duds in her bag
Insanity makes tags read 'Clothes For You'
On the day that she was born her parents got together and decided to create a
star, it's true But they didn't teach her not to steal and now her Oscar gold is
jailhouse blue
That is why all the guards in town
follow her all around
Insanity makes tags read 'Clothes For You'
Kleeeeeeeep-to-ma-ni-a Clothes For You
Kleeeeeeeep-to-ma-ni-a Clothes For You
Leave 'Em Trashed
by Randy Krehbiel
(Tune: Make 'Em Laugh)
Leave 'em trashed.
Leave'em trashed.
Don't you know everyone can be
bashed.
My dad said, "Run for office, my
son,
But watch out for skeletons."
They'll be standin' in lines
To vote for you if scandal you find.
Oh you could stay above it and be discreet
You could charm the pundits and get yourself beat.
Just slip in a sexy scandal, the
world's at your feet.
Leave 'em trashed.
Leave'em bashed.
Leave 'em thrashed.
Leave'em trashed.
Leave'em trashed.
Don't you know everyone can be
bashed.
My grandpa said, "Go out and blow
lots of smoke
But give it plenty of poke!"
Make'em roar!
Make'em scream!
Tell 'em tall! Show your gall! Hatch a scheme!
You start by pretending you are
above disgrace.
You wiggle from one pickle 'n
escape with no trace
And then you get a great big ol' mud
pie in the face.
Leave'em trashed.
Leave'em bashed.
Leave 'em thrashed.
Leave'em trashed.
Leave'em bashed.
Leave'em thrashed.
We Just Need Funds
by Rebecca Ungerman
(Tune:You're Not Sick, You're Just In Love)
I hear music and there's no one there
I hear clapping and the seats are bare
I'm starting to think musicians just don't care
I wonder why, I wonder why
They aren't willing to came back and play
They want more than peanuts for their pay
Bill LaFortune's got his violin to bridge this gap we're in
I wonder why
You don't need analyzing, when you did your downsizing
You were dim, shortsighted and dumb
Had to postpone our line-up, though subscribers did sign up
Now Melissa Manchester can't come
The Mayors task force isn't on task,
they need to get off of their ass
We need donors quick, even just one
What we need is lots of bucks,
having no Philharmonic sucks
We're not sick we just need funds
Ascot Cockfight
By Elissa K. Harvill
Ev'ry white trash clod and rube is here
Ev'ryone who spits and chews is here.
Blades are gashing, chicken blood is splashing
Viewers at the last cock-fight display In the stands are all the bumpkins
betting on the roosters in the fray.
How was this a question in our last election?
Some traditions should not stay.
Roosters rushing! Head wounds gushing!
Chickens fighting! How could this be so exciting?
Any second now, they will war again. Hark!
A drunk is singing, cocks are springing forward-Look!
It has begun! What a ghastly comment on us!
-really, an insult to the human race.
A disgraceful moment for the Oklahomans
--get me to the Chik-fil-a!
Anybody Want me in San Antone
by Tom Campbell
(Tune: "Is Anyone Going to San Antone')
Just picked up my last Hurricane check, sure am sad today
Stop-in for coffee, eat at a roadside park, needin a motel bed.
But I'll sure feel better than I did, coachin at some place instead.
Anybody want me in San Antone or Phoenix, Arizona
Any place is all right as long as I can forget I ever known-ya.
Cowboy Team
by Tom Campbell
There's a football team at our school,
that you ought to see
The Sooners cannot match her,
you can take that from me.
They cried so when we beat them,
it like to break their heart
And when we battle next year,
we'll tear those guys apart.
She's a winning O-S-U team
That really had he goods,
Fields passing on the mark
To speedy Rashaun Woods.
You can talk about long gone heroes,
like Clendon and Bare-e.
But the Cowboy team from this year
is number one to me
Rose Bowl
by Tom Campbell
(Tune: Everything's Coming Up Roses)
Things look swell,
thing look great
Gonna go West for our Rose Bowl date.
Starting here,
starting now-
I know everything's coming up Roses
Clear the decks, board your planes
At the parade no worry of rain.
Cheer us on, watch us roll
Because everything's coming up roses
Because everything's coming up roses
for you and me.
Has Anybody Seen the Zoo
by Mimi Gooden
Six-foot bird, near the curb,
Oh, what Tulsan hasn't heard:
Has everybody seen the Zoo?
Webbed up toes, beak for nose
Flipper? Yes sir, two of those
Has everybody seen the Zoo?
Well, if you run into a bird statue
Covered with paints,
Logo things, on its wings,
Bet your life you'll want to go
'Cuz they promote, it's their knack!
Quackie-quackie-quackie QUACK!
Has everybody seen the Zoo?
Education
by David Averill
We don't fund no education
We give it no thought at all
A darkened chasm is the classroom
No happy voices in the hall
Screw! Teachers'
Leave them kids at home
All in all they'd rather spend their
time at the mall
All in all they'd rather spend their
time at the mall
We're scared to death of tax increases
--Of retribution in the fall
No matter how the teachers squeeze us
We ignore them, one and all
Screw! Teachers!
Leave them kids at home
All in all they'd rather spend their time at the mail
After all they can just spend their time at the mall
Keating Retrospective
by David Averill
Ninety-four through last December,
We gave them moments to remember.
The brand new dome, the Dreyfus plugs
The day you called the teachers, “slugs"
We will have these moments to remember
Your marriage experts made us proud
And taxes spent to seed the cloudsWe will have these moments to remember
When summer turns to winter and the present disappears
The little things that you pulled off will echo through the years
Though other days and other years
Will find us far away from here
We will have these moments to remember
And then that time you had to say, "Assassinate the OEA"
We will have these moments to remember
When summer turns to winter and the present disappears
The major things that we achieved will echo through the years
'Though other days and other years
Will find us far away from here
We will have these moments to remember
Keating Skynyrd
by David Averill
When I leave here tomorrow, will they still remember me?
Well I must be traveling on now, leave Oklahoma and let it be
If I stay here with you all, things just
couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Dr. Phil Olio
by Mimi Gooden
Pat Answers is the way for me.
On Oprah is the life I need.
Psychology so simplified
Keep Freud's babblin', just give me that station time.
Messed up is how I'd rather stay.
I like to throw up every day.
I just adore a Penthouse view.
Darling, I love you but give me your brother, too.
Get Real! Can't deal!
Get Real! I steal!
You are his wife.
Goodbye mixed up life.
Pat Answers - we are there!
Dust Bowl Aquarium
by Mimi Gooden
When a state is in the nation's gut
And tourist bucks are geftin' sparse
Then fish will fill the prairie
And signs will bring the cars
This is the dawning of
The Dust Bowl Aquarium
Dust Bowl Aquarium
Aquarium
Big mo-ney and lines for standing,
Manatees and tanks abounding,
No more statehood re-enactments,
Golden Driller seems so backwards,
De-fy-ing our elevation,
And old tourism frustrations.
Aquarium Aquarium
The Very Model of an Oklahoma Governor
by Randy Krehbiel
I am the very model of an
Oklahoma Governor;
I've information cultural, athletical and biblical.
I know the laws of Moses and I
quote texts theological,
From Genesis to Judgement Day and even those Apochryphal.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters photogenical;
My boyish hair is golden right down to the final follicle.
Of my appeal to soccer moms, I'm teeming with a lot of news... (pause)
And many cheerful facts that prove there is no way that I can lose.
With many cheerful facts that prove there is no way that he can lose;
With many cheerful facts that prove there is no way that he can lose;
With many cheerful facts that prove there is no way, no way that he can lose.
I'm very glib and well rehearsed on economic stimulus;
I am a football star who doesn't smoke or drink or even cuss. (Much!)
In short, in matters cultural, athletical and biblical,
I am the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
In short, in matters cultural, athietical and biblical,
He is the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
So, if I write a welfare bill that seems to be in cunieform;
I still know every detail of Seattle Seahawks' uniforms.
In short, in matters cultural, athletical and biblical,
I am the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
In short, in matters cultural, athletical and biblical,
He is the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
In fact, when I know what is meant by company I travel in;
When I can see at sight a campaign coming near unravelin';
When such affairs as chicken fights and things that I'm more wary at.
And when I know why I can't close the school at Amber-Poccasseft.
When I have learnt that Baptist voters backslide on the lottery;
When I know more of tactics than to waver at chicanery.
In short, when I've a smattering of political strategy... (pause)
You'll say a better native governor has never been than me.
You'll say a better native governor has never been than he;
You'll say a better native governor has never been than he;
You'll say a better native governor has never been than, been than he.
For my political savvy, tho' I'm hunky and exemplary,
Has only been brought down to a bare inkling of reality.
In short, in matters cultural, athietical and biblical,
I am the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
In short, in matters cultural, athietical and biblical,
He is the very model of an Oklahoma governor.
 Trashy
Campaign
by Randy Krehbiel
Well I was raised in a soft-spoken Okie kind of style.
Yeah, my chase of hardball lawyerin' drove my folks half wild.
Mom and Dad had a plan for me,
it was "Don't you taunt" and "Say, 'Yes, Please."'
But I like my livin' and my campaigns wild.
Yeah, I like my campaigns just a little on the trashy side
With a flair for ads that slight the other guy.
Too much loose talk and attitude
Gets me excited, gets me feeling real rude.
Yeah, I like my campaigns just a little on the trashy side.
You shoulda seen the looks on those faces when I dropped that bomb.
Made Steve look sillier than cowboy togs on Elton John
Folks said pardon us son but you've hit the skids
You don't win votes with smears
and your appalling digs.
I said I know it's bad, ain't it cool, that's what flips my wig.
Yeah, I like my campaigns just a little on the trashy side
With a flair for ads that slight the other guy.
Too much loose talk and attitude
Gets me excited, gets me feeling real rude.
Yeah, I like my campaigns just a little on the trashy side.
Well, don't like'em sweet, don't like em with a heart of gold
No, I like'em trashy, I like'em bold.
Well they say negative distracts but I don't agree
I want a campaign that's tacky as can be.
 Voters
Love the Little Children
by David Averill
Voters love the little children
Kids are perfect in an ad
Hair of blond and eyes of blue,
if you put them on the tube
They will guarantee election of their dad
Voters love the little children
Love to see them on TV
If you manage them just right,
they are perfect little sights
They will carry your campaign to victory
Kids will carry your campaign to victory
Henry the Gov
by David Averill
I'm Henry the Gov. I am
Henry the Gov. I am you see
In the biggest vote in history
I got elected on my lottery
And everyone wanted Henry
They didn't want a Gary or a Steve No Steve!
I'm the Gov. now, yes I'm Henry Henry the Gov. that's me Here comes the second
verse, same as the first
Could be better but it's gonna get
worse.
I'm Henry the Gov. I am
Henry the Gov. I am you see
In the biggest vote in history
I got elected on my lottery
And everyone wanted Henry
They didn't want a Gary or a Steve (Others respond: "No Steve!")
I'm the Gov. now, yes I'm Henry Henry the Gov. that's me!
 The
Leader of Iraq
By Elissa K. Harvill
Is she really going out with him?
There she is. Let's ask her
Sajida? Is that Saddam's chain
you're wearing?
Aha!
Wow, it must be great being his slave
Yeah, is he making you campaign for him today?
A-a!
By the way, where'd you meet him?
I met him at the camel store He turned around and scowled at me
Do you get the picture?
Yes, we see
That's when I fell for the leader of Iraq
My folks were always putting him
down
Down,down
They said that he came from the wrong side of town (Whatcha mean when they said
that he came from the wrong side of town)
They told me he was bad
But I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for the leader of Iraq
One day my dad said, find someone new
I had to tell Saddam we're through
(Whatcha mean when you say that you better go find somebody new) He threatened
to slash my throat
But all I could do was dote
I'm sorry I hurt you, the leader of Iraq
Well, he sort of sneered and threatened my life
And the tears began to show
And as he rode away on that rainy night
I begged him to go slow
But whether he heard me I'll never know
No, no, no, no, no,no
Look out, look out, oh look out!
I felt so helpless, what could I do
with all those mistresses he's been through
In the streets they'll stop and stare
I'm just his slave wife, but I don't care
I'll never regret him the leader of Iraq...
Wrong! wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong wrong wrong...
The leader of Iraq, so he's wroong...
Senator Welistone
By Nathan Harvill
Ah, look at Minnesota people Ah, look at Minnesota people Senator Wellstone
dies in a plane with his wife and a member of staff No one should laugh
Senator Mondale, gets in the race long before any wreckage is cold Isn't he old?
Jessie Ventura escorting his wife from a church where a rally has been
Is this a dream?
Rick Kahn campaigning for senator corpses is not his idea of good taste Wow!
What a waste!
Minnesota people, where do you get these guys?
Minnesota people, do you believe their lines?
Trent Loft is leaving, Norm Coleman is steaming they race to be first out the
door
What was this for?
Cable News Network broadcasts live pictures to millions across world wide.
Changes the tide
Election's looming, voter still mulling the choices that they have to make No
more mistakes!
Look now it's Tuesday might as well vote for the guy who was campaigning
first
Don't call us jerks!
Homeland Security
by Rebecca Ungerman
(Tune: Everything's Up To Date In Kansas City)
Everything's up to date in homeland security
We've gone about as fer as we can go
At the airport there's new measures to confuse and to frustrate
Unless you're a ticketed passenger you can't go to the gate
Be there 4 hours early so you can wait and wait
To get to where it is you need to go To get to where it is you need to go
Everything's up to date in homeland security
You've got to admit the country's doin'fine
They do a million baggage checks from morning until night
Despite the clear infringement of your civil rights
Don't worry though, only 1 percent of those they check are white Or if your last
name ends in 'A' or fop
Or any other vowel don't you know We've gone about as fer as we Gan go!
Fly Me Where I Choose
by Rebecca Ungerman
Fly me where I choose and let me get there without fear
Let me know that when I travel back I'll still be here
In other words, check my bags In other words, darling, profile Take my DNA and
plant a sensor in my head
I'd rather give up one or two or ten rights than be dead
In other words do what you have to do
Or else this freakin' planet's screwed!
Krispy Kreme
by Mimi Gooden
You come plain. You come filled Or with that frosting on top
See that dough. Watch that hole Dig in the Krispy Kreme
Friday'morn and the lines don't
wane
Looking out of the cellophane
Where they sell the right doughnuts
Getting in the case
You come to look for a waist Anybody -- could be that guy imorn is young and the
sugar high With a bit of pink sprinkles Everything is fine
You're in the mood for a crowd
And when you are allowed
You are the Krispy Kreme
Plump and Sweet
Only glazed for sheen
Fill the box for the drive-thru team
Books Cookin'Boogie.
by Mimi Gooden based on an idea by David Averill
(Tune: Boot Scootin'Boogie)
Up in the penthouse past the Better Business sign
Well there's a CF-0 near the bor-
derline
The stock starts jumpin' every morn'
when a deal goes down
They got whizkid thinkin', mirrors &
smoke
It's where all accountin' folk go to
Books Cookin'Boogie
I do a good job, I work hard to hide
money
When it's aquittin' time, I hit the
ground runnin'
I fire up the turbo Porsche and let
the horses run
I go flyin' out that courthouse to that
hide-a-way
Snuck out with the goods, to do more Books Cookin'Boogie :Yeah, stock tips,
loose lips, come on baby let's go Books Cookin' In-the-black, take flak, baby
hide me out back, we're gonna Boogie Oh get caught, stock ya bought, so
distraught, Books Cookin' Boogie
The hired thug asks me, says: "son, what'll it be?'
I want a shot at that whistle blower pointin' at me
The board room's hoppin' and it's hotter than the Imcione trial I see outlaws,
in-laws, crooks and feds, all here watchin' us shred Doin'the Books
Cookin'Boogie
Leave It to the GOP
by Nathan and Elissa K. Harvill
Tune: Just Leave Everything to Me
We have always been a party who arranges things
For the pleasure and the profit it derives.
We have always been a party who arranges things
Like justices and income tax and lives.
If you want your kid aborted, partner wed, maid not deported
Don't count on the GOP
If you want Al Gore elected, NPR or porn protected
Don't count on the GOP
If you want a promise weighted, or your business tax evaded
For a rather modest fee
If you want a college pothead making fun of what Trent Loft said You may count
it all free entertainment
Don't count on the GOP
If you want a priest suspected, guns at home, Iraq inspected
Leave it to the GOP
Charming social introductions,
covert missile launch instructions, Leave it to the GOP
If you want Saddam surrounded, roads improved or lawsuits hounded With a sudden
harsh degree If you want expense recorded, farmers fed and Bush exhorted
We'll proceed regardless of your protests
Leave it to the GOP
If you want a law abolished, tommy guns and golf clubs polished, Leave it to the
GOP
If you want celebs arrested, oil drilled, cash invested,
Leave it to the GOP
If you want your trees uprooted, taxes cut and gays excluded All while fighting
World War Three If you want your budget shifted, welfare plans and petrol sifted
(Don't be afraid of war, gas is down and we want to keep it there!) We'll
discretely use our own discretion,
We'll arrange for making all arrangements
We'll proceed to plan the whole procedure,
Leave it to the G-0-P!
Thanks to Loft
by Randy Krehbiel
(Tune: Thanks a Lot)
Thanks, thanks to Lott
I got a broken heart
That's all I've got.
He made me lie, I lied for Loft. I bossed and shoved, um, being true to Lott.
He told my friends that they should pass me by,
And he's not sorry that my career died.
He said I deserved a lesser spot.
So now the truth's revealed, ol'
Dixie's not forgot.
Thanks, thanks, thanks to Lott.
I got a lesser part, less than I ought. He made me lie, Lawd I lied a lot.
Swallowed my pride; for what, baby I got squat.
He was a fool and I played my part. Could've been leader, if I'd been smart.
'Sted of Don Nickles, it was Trent Loft.
Now my chance is gone, gone, gone, mostly thanks to Loft. Yeah, I said thanks,
thanks, thanks to Lott.
I got a lesser part, that's all I've got. He made me lie - I lied a lot. Now my
chance's gone, gone, gone, thanks to Loft.
Doin' Time
by Mimi Gooden
(Tune: Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?)
Used to run St. Mafthew's,
-- I like kids --
How is that such a crime?
Used to run St. Matthew's,
Now it's done
Buddy, so I'm doin'time.
Former Catholic Schoolchildren
by Mimi Gooden
(Tune: Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious)
FormerCatholicSchoolChildrenHitMe
With Allegations!
Even though the thought of it is
really quite frustratin'
If they say it long enough, I'm bound
for litigation
FormerCatholicSchoolChildrenHitMe
WithAllegations!
Catholic Boys
by Mimi Gooden
(Tune : California Girls)
Well, Jewish boys are hip.
I really dig those braids they wear
And the Mormon boys with the way they sing,
They knock me out with hymns of
prayer.
The Baptist Sunday Schoolers really
get their verses right
And the Pentecosts with the way
they shout,
They keep the pews filled day and
night.
I wish they all could be little
Catholic.
I wish they all could be little Catholic
I wish they all could be little Catholic boys.
The Tulsa Gridiron
by DJ Morrow Ingram & P-Casey Morgan
(Tune: The Hokey Pokey)
You put some bad jokes in You take some good taste out You throw some music
in Make the politicians pout We do the Tulsa Gridiron and all you folks turn out
That's what it's all about
(chorus) We do the Tulsa Gridiron We do the Tulsa Gridiron
We do the Tulsa Gridiron That's what it's all about
We make some money here
We make some money there
We push the envelope
Just as far as we can dare Scholarships for students are the reason that we're
here That's what it's all about (chorus)
This Old Club
By Robert Rutland
(Tune: This Old House)
Now we put'em on the Gridiron Yes, we put'em on the pan
We have fried the big and little The winners and also-rans
Now the fire is burning lower And we're running out of gas
The time is drawing nearer To end this Gridiron blast
Ain't gonna sing these songs no longer
Ain't gonna sing these songs no more
Cause our throats are getting tender And our feet are getting sore
Ain't got time to give an encore Cause it's later than you think
Ain't gonna sing these songs no longer
We're gonna quit and have a drink
This old Club hopes you have liked us,
This old Club hopes you've had fun
This old Club hopes you are happy cause now we lve got to run
don't weep and don't despair, ‘Cause we'll want to see you here
When we stage the Tulsa Gridiron for all of you next year
Ain't gonna sing these songs no longer
Ain't gonna sing these songs no more
Cause our throats are getting tender And our feet are getting sore
Ain't got time to give an encore Cause it's later than you think
Ain't gonna sing these songs no longer
Wd're gonna quit and have a drink
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