The 5ht Stori: Blonde Tales

#1

A blonde went into the employment agency to get a job. She met
 with one of the clerks, who helped by beginning to fill in
her application. "What's your name?" he asked. 
"Buffy Smith," she answered. 
"No, no, I mean your whole name."
"Vagina."

#2

A blonde just got married and decided to fuck the brains out of 
her new husband on their first night together. She put on her 
sexiest negligee, crawled into bed with him, and snuggled up. But 
nothing happened. 
"What's wrong?" she asked. 
"I can't have sex...it's Lent." 
"Lent? To whom and for how long?"

#3

A blonde was walking down a dark alley one night when a mugger 
jumped out of a doorway and demanded all her money. "But I don't 
have any money," she said. "Don't lie to me! I know you must have 
some on you somewhere. Where is it, in your bra?" said the robber 
as he began frisking her all over. He paid particular attention 
to the very full looking and understandably therefore suspect 
bra. As a matter of fact, he groped her breasts for a prolonged 
period, finding nothing.
Well, no money, anyway. "I told you I didn't have any money," the 
blonde smiled, "but if you promise to keep that up for another 
ten minutes, I'll write you a check for any amount you want."  

#4

The hotel manager found a beautiful blonde maid looking rather 
guilty. "What is the matter, my dear?" 
"Well, the man in room 1210 called down for room service, and I 
was sent up to his room. I walked in. He took one look
at me, tore all my clothes off, and brutally horse fucked me 
right on the floor." 
"Oh," consoled the manager, "you must be feeling terrible." 

"I am. I never even found out what it was he wanted."

#5
 
A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist. "My life is a 
mess, doctor," she began, "I am so fucking hideous that no
one will associate with me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you 
help?"
"Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better about themselves 
is my area of expertise. I can start making you feel more 
confident about your appearance right here and now." 
"Oh, I am so grateful! What should I do first?" she asked. 
"First things first. Just walk over to the other side of the room 
and lie face down on my couch."