THE WHITE BUNNY RABBIT

You, and 2 of your friends got killed and were sent to heaven, 
where there was only one rule. You could not ever step on the 
white bunny rabbit. So, you and 1 of your friends are walking 
along and see your other friend making out with this really ugly 
person! The 2 of you ask your friend why he/she is making out 
with this ugly person. The friend says, "I stepped on the white 
bunny rabbit".

Then later, you and your friend that had stepped on the white 
bunny rabbit were walking along and saw your other friend making 
out with an even wrost looking person!! You ask,  "Stepped on the 
white bunny rabbit?" 

Your friend says yes. Now the 2 friends who stepped on the white 
bunny rabbit are walking and see YOU making out with this 
beautiful model! The 2 friends ask you how you managed to get 
her/him. The model then turned around and said, "I stepped on the 
white bunny rabbit"

NUDE NUNS

3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really 
hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black 
clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on 
painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it?????", 

The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man". 

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to 
see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked 
around the room, then looked at them and said,  "Nice t*ts 
sisters, where do you want the blinds??"

Jesus Is Watching You

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's 
sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is 
watching you!" 

He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts 
creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!"

He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, 
and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He
says to the parrot,

"Did you say that?"

The parrot answers "Yes I did." 

So the burglar says , "What's your name?" 

The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid 
idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" 

The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his 
Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

Deductive Reasoning

This guy, John, is entering college, so he has to talk to his 
councelor about some things. The counselor is telling him that he
must take 5 hours of English, 5 hours of Math, and that he also 
gets to take 2 hours of an elective. John asks, "what electives 
do you offer?" The councelor says, "Well, we have an opening in 
our deductive reasoning class." John then asked what deductive 
reasoning was, and the councelor replies, "For example, do you 
have a dog?" 

"Yes."

"From that I can deduce that you live in a fenced in yard."

"yes."

"From that I can draw that you're married."

"Yes."

"From that I can draw that you're a heterosexual."

"Oh, hell ya," says John, "Deductive Reasoning sounds good."

So John walks out of the councelor's office where he sees his 
friend Bruno. Bruno says, "Hey John, what classes are you in?"

"Hey, I got into this cool deductive reasoning class," replied John.
"What's deductive reasoning?" asked Bruno.

"For example, do you have a dog?"

"No."

"Get out of here you gay.......!"

Spell A Word To Get Into Heaven

Guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter. St. 
Peter says to him "God has looked at your book of life and
you are welcome in heaven under one condition" The man say
 "What's that?" 
St. Peter says "You must spell the word 'Love'." So he does and 
he is let in to heaven. As he gets in, St. Peter's beeper
goes off. He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, 
and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the
word. Next thing you know, his wife show up at the gate and he 
asks her what she is doing there?
She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an 
accident and she died. The husband says alright, but you do
have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven. 

She asks "What's that?" 

He says "Spell Czechoslovakia"

Winnie The &%$#

It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade 
class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell 
the class 1 thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls 
on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 
1 thing she got.

"My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.

The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the 
correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher 
tells the girl to try again. The girl thinks real hard ........
"My dad got me a dog," she said.
She sat down and a boy got up and said, "I got a choo-choo!" 
The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy 
thought hard and said, "I got an electric train!!"
That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says, 
"I got a book"
The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks, "What was the 
title of the book??"
The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking. 
Finally, the boys face brightened and he said, "Winnie The Sh*t!!"

Maniac On The 25th Floor

Three men died and went to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter stopped them and said, "Due to over population, I can only let one of you in. Whoever can tell me the best story of his death can enter Heaven." The first guy began his story: "I lived on the 25th floor of a high rise apartment building. Every day when I went to work, my nosy neighbor called me and said that there was a stranger in my house and that he could hear wild, passionate loving making noises. I finally got fed up with it and decide to go home at lunch time and check things out. When I got home my wife was sitting on the couch naked. I got extremely upset. I went through the house searching everywhere. Under the table, in the closet, even under the bed. I couldn't find anyone. Then I looked outside on the balcony and saw two hands hanging onto the ledge. I ran outside looked down at him and noticed that he wasn't wearing any pants. I took off my shoe and started beating his hands. He fell 25 stories and landed on the canvas in front of the building. He wasn't dead. So I rolled the refrigerator out and pushed it on top of him. When I did, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man's story: "I am a window washer at a high rise apartment building. I was washing windows on the 27th floor when my scaffold broke. My pants got caught on the scaffold and ripped off. I managed to stay alive by grabbing a ledge of a balcony. I was okay until this guy started beating my hands with his shoes. I fell and landed on the canvas in front of the building. I was still alive. Then the next thing I know, a refrigerator landed on me and I died." The third story: "Well, I was in this refrigerator minding my own business....

A Great Bar

Two men sit at a bar. The first one just slowly sips at his 
drink, studying the other man at the far end of the bar. Finally,
the first man makes up his mind, and walks up the the second man. 
He sits back down and continues nursing his drink. The second 
man, thinking nothing of it, continues his drinking in peace. 
After a while, the first man speaks up. 
"This place is great, isn't it?" he asks. The second man, 
somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies.
"Why do you say that?" The first man, in a low tone of voice, 
responds, "Follow me." The second man, well drawn up into this 
hush-hush secret attribute of the bar, follows. They stop at the
large window at one end of the room.

"Here's why." The first man thows open the window, and boldly 
steps out into--nothing. But he remains aloft! 
"The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very 
relaxing." As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites 
the second man to try it. The second man, somewhat questioningly, 
looks over the windowsill--down to the pavement twelve
stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to 
see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swollows, 
closes his eyes, and steps out into-- nothing. And promptly
falls twelve stories to the pavement below. The second man, with 
a slight grin on his face, gets his drink, returns to his
original spot at the bar, and starts sipping again. Looking 
rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the
man sits. 

"You know," he says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're 
drunk, Mr. Kent."

Abandon Ship

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. 
Suddenly the boat begins to sink. The Protestant Minister
yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi says, 
"Screw the children." The Priest then replys, "Do we have time 
for that?"

The Injured Pirate

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber 
noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a
peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one 
eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate
got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, 

"How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me 
leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance 
was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you 
loose it at the same time?" 
"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the 
Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also 
have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye? The pirate 
answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and 
rapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked, "How could a 
little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped, 

"It was the day after I got me hook!"