Four technology experts were golfing one day, 3 Americans and one Japanese gentleman. On the 7th green they hear a BEEP BEEP BEEP. The 1st American took a pen from his pocket, clicked it twice and said "Hello". After a short conversation, the man clicked the pen and put it back in his pocket. He beamed to the others that his company was good enough to do away with the cell phone and replace it with a cell pen. The others weren't terribly impressed. A few holes later there came another series of BEEPS . The 2nd American touched the palm of his right hand with the index finger of his left, then extended his thumb up and his pinky down. He put his hand to his head and said, "Hello." There was another conversation and he said, "Bye." He made the fist and told the other that his company was to the point of installing the microphone in the pinky and the speaker in the thumb. The first guy was impressed, the other two unmoved. A couple of holes later there was another BEEP and the 3rd American held his right hand high in the air and said "Hello." After his conversation he let the others know that he was so progressive he had a mic in his lip a speaker in his ear, and an antenna in his arm. The other two Americans were very impressed. The Japanese gentleman said nothing. On the final hole there was one more BEEP, followed by a SCREEEEECH...... The Japanese man ran to the bushes and disappeared. After a few moments his companions went over to see what was going on. There he was, squatting in the bushes with his pants around his ankles. One of the observers hollered, "we have restrooms for that kind of business in this country!" The Japanese man exclaimed, "No, No, I'm waiting for a fax!!!!"
A Bishop was an active golphoholic. But he always put his clubs away Saturday night and would not pick them up again till monday morning. One Sunday.... after a particularly ugly week of rain, the Bishop got up very early -- as the sun was rising -- and snuck on to a public golf course to play one quick round before mass. At that moment, St. Peter looks down from heaven and sees what the Bishop is up to. "God," Peter creis, "God... Get over her and take a look at this. He is BLASPHEMOUS." "Don't worry, Pete. I saw this comming. I am taking care of this." At that very moment, the Bishop teas off at the first hole, a 515 yard, dog leg right, par 5. The ball leaps from the pin, soars through the air executes a text book right curve strikes the ground 298 yards from the tee with incredible velocity jumps forward and, miracle of miracles, after three bounces drops into the hole without even striking the flag stick. The Bishop is astonished, as is Peter... "Did you see, that Sir. He dropped it straight into the hole... That was a miracle... I thought you were punishing him." "With time, you will understand," says God as he walks away. Peter watches with astonishment as the Bishop, hole after hole, drops the tee shot into the cup. As the Bishop puts his ball down on the tee at eighteen, Peter summons God once again. "He is about to set a record, Sir... and you are doing nothing about it..." The club colided with the ball... the ball flew... and dropped into the hole. "I am confused." "Pete... think about it... He is a man of God... a preacher of the holy word... He has just shot the perfect game... On Sunday.... Without paying the green fees... Who can he tell?"
On the way to meet his regular foresome, Joe gets delayed in heavy traffic. When he finally gets to the club the starter tells him that he had no choice but to send off his three buddies. "But", the starter says, "there's a really nice lady who's ready to go." Joes protests but the starter says that she's very nice and a decent player. Joe finally decides to play with her. During their round, Joe realizes that he's having a great time with her. They laugh, talk the whole time and, as the starter said, she's a terrific player. Joe invites her into the clubhouse for a drink after the round and it becomes 3 or 4 drinks in two hours time. He then asks her to go out for dinner, and she accepts his offer. After a great dinner, wine and dancing she invites Joe to her home for a little coffee. Well, coffee turns to kissing and fooling around, then great sex. Joe looks at his watch and sees it's 11:00 PM and says, "Oh my god, I can't believe the time. I've got to get home to my wife" and he bolts out the door. When he gets home his wife asks him where he was. He then tells her, "Honey I can't beleive what I've done. I strayed. I was on my way to playing with the guys early this morning and I got caught in traffic. When I got there, they had been sent out and the starter sent me out with this woman. We were playing and having a really nice time. We had drinks, then we went out for dinner, then she invited me back to her place, we had coffe and before I knew it we were in her bed. Bit-a-bang, bit-a-boom clothes were flying, having sex. Then I noticed the time and said that I had to run home to you, and here I am". She thought about it for a minute, looked at him and said, "You played 36 holes didn't you?"
A couple of women, Janice and Sherrill, were playing golf
one sunny Saturday morning.
Sherill, the first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror
as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing
the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped
his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and
proceeded to roll around in agony. Sherrill rushed down to the
man and immediately began to apologize.
She then explained that she was a physical therapist and
offered to help ease his pain. "Please allow me to help. I'm a
physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if
you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few
minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still
clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted;
and he finally allowed her to help him.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside, beginning to
massage him. "Does that feel better?" she asked.
"It feels great," he replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell"
Bill and his buddy, Frank, have plans to play golf one Saturday afternoon. Before he leaves, Bill's wife reminds him that they have plans at 3:00 in the afternoon and that he needs to be home by then. Well, 3:00 rolls around, then 4:00, 5:00, and 6:00. Bill's wife is getting frantic. Finally, at 7:00, Bill arrives home. "Where were you?" cried his wife, "when you didn't show up for our plans, and then were so late, I was worried sick!" "Well," said Bill, "an absolutely terrible thing happened. We made it to the first green when suddenly Frank dropped dead of a heart attack." "My God, that's awful!" said his wife. "You're telling me," said Bill, "all the rest of the day it was hit the ball, drag Frank, hit the ball, drag Frank..."
