KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.
5. When you beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. You don't have to drive a beer home in the morning.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.
26. A beer bottle won't complain that your dick is too small.

Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke........
The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"

The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.

His wife turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?"

This old hobo got off the train, and saw the mark on a gate post. As he approached the house he noticed a quite comely young lady hanging the laundry in the side yard. He approached her and asked for a handout.

She said, "I'm not giving any of you bums any more handouts, get out of here!"

He said, "If you don't give me something to eat, I'll throw a hobo fit."

She said, "Go right ahead, you're still not going to get a handout!"

The hobo proceeded to tear all the cloths off of the line, and stomp them into the ground. Then said to her, "Now will you give me something to eat?"

Seeing he was a bit of a rascal she moved up to the porch and said, "No handouts!"

He again threatened to throw a hobo fit, but being the strong lady she was, she held fast.

Seeing the cat on the porched, he pounced on the cat and pulled all of hit hair off.

Seeing this the lady went into the house making sure she had the door closed between them.

Again he asked for a handout, again he was refused, again he threatened another hobo fit. She told him to do his worst. He kicked the door in and came into the living room.

At this point she became a bit worried so she picked the phone up and called the police. Sgt. O'Malley with a fine fine Irish brogue answered the phone.

She said, "Sgt. O'Malley, I have a hobo in my house who's stripped my cloths off, pulled all the hair off of my pussy, and kicked in my door, please come and help.

Sgt O'Malley replied, "Be calm, I'll get the boys heading your way right away. But it'll take us a few minutes to get to your house, so lay back and enjoy it until we get there."

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was 'consecrated', not 'constipated'.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not "bet his ass."
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late J.C."
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
8. David slew Goliath, he did not "kick the shit out of" him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was "stoned off his ass".
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah, God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a "peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her. "

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father? ......... Father?" suddenly this guy realised that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.

"Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how gorgeous the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... Could I see your driver's license...?"

"...License...???" replied the blonde, instantly revealing that she wasn't very bright.

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer radioed the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back.

"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.

"Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff, stand back,and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. That's crazy!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop returned to the blonde, gave back the license and registration, and dropped his pants as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looked down and sighed, "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer....