KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

He requested the use of his horse for the first one and it was brought to him. He whispered something in its ear and the horse took off. 2 hours later it returned with a beautiful blonde on its back. The prisoner shrugged, then grabbed the blonde and had his way with her.

He again requested his horse for his second request and it was, again, brought to him. He again whispered in its ear and it took off. Returning this time, 2 hours later, with a beautiful redhead. The cowboy again shrugged and grabbed the babe and had his way with her.

For his last request he was given his horse again..this time he grabbed the horse by both sides of its face, looked it dead in the eyes and yelled at the top of his lungs, "I SAID POSSE!!!!!!!"

Finally he finishes up his 5th bottle and decides he's had just about enough. He proceeds to get up and swagger out of the bar.

He gets outside to untie his horse from the post and he notices someone has painted his horses balls a real bright shade of yellow.

This pisses him off immensely so he proceeds to blow back into the bar, slamming the doors open and yelling out at the top of his lungs. "JUST WHO IN THE SAM-HELL PAINTED MY HORSES BALLS YELLOW!!!!"

After everyone in the bar rustles around a bit, a guy in the back of the bar stands up. This guy is HUGE, at least 6'10'' tall, pure muscle...

He says to the cowboy, "I did, so what do you got to say about it, boy!!!"

The cowboy looks back at this guy and says "Oh, I was going to let you know the first coat of paint is dry."

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple... English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it

Next day John came home and Jane said, "Honey, the cabinet door fell off today. Could you put it back on for me please?" To which John, of course, replied, "Do you see 'Carpenter' written anywhere on the front of this shirt?"

Next day John came home and Jane said, "Honey, the water pipe under the sink is leaking. Could you fix it for me please?" Right! John replied, "Do you see 'plumber' written anywhere on the front of this shirt?"

Next day John came home and the light switch was working, the cabinet door had been replaced, and the pipe wasn't leaking. John said, "I see you found some good repairmen". To which Jane replied, "No, I just called the neighbor next door." John asked, "Oh really? And how much did he charge?"

Jane laughed and said, "He didn't charge anything. He said I could just bake him some "goodies" or we could trade it out in sex." To which, of course, John asked, "Well, what kind of "goodies" did you bake for him?"

And Jane said proudly while displaying the front of her shirt, "Honey, do you see Betty Crocker written on here anywhere?"

Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,"I think I'm old enough to start cussing."

Younger one, "Me too. Whatcha gonna say?"

Older boy,"Dad says 'damn' a lot, so that's what I'll say."

Younger boy, "I'm gonna say 'betchyer ass',Dad says that all the time.

They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older one,"What would you like for breakfast dear?"

He replies, "Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops."

Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,"And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

Younger son, "Betcher ass I don't want Fruit Loops!"

Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.

After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.

The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"