KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Following Thomson's physical, Dr. Munro sent his patient a bill. When a month went by without a remittance, Dr. Munro sent another bill, and then another, and then a fourth, but to no avail. Finally he sent Thomson a pathetic letter, claiming desperately strained circumstances and enclosing a shot of his infant daughter. On the back of the snapshot he wrote, "The reason I need the money you owe me!"

Barely a week later a response from Thomson arrived in the mail. Munro ripped it open eagerly, and found himself holding a picture of a gorgeous woman in a mink coat. On the back of the photograph the patient had scrawled, "The reason I can't pay!"

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

A wealthy man lay critically ill.
"There's only one thing that will save you," his doctor said. "A brain transplant. It's experimental and very expensive."
"Money is no object," the man said. "Can you get a brain?"
"There are three available. The first was from a college

professor, but it'll cost you $10,000."
"Don't worry, I can pay. What about the second?"
"It was from a rocket scientist. It'll cost you $100,000."
"I have the money. And I'd be a lot smarter too. But what about the third?"
"The third was from a Washington bureaucrat. It will set you back half a million dollars."
"Why so much for the bureaucrat's brain?" the patient asked.
"Never been used."

Miss Horn was grotesquely overweight, so her doctor finally prescribed a strict regimen, telling her it was the only way to avoid serious health problems in the future. "I want you to eat normally for a day, then skip a day, drinking only water. Repeat this three times, and by the time I see you next Thursday you'll have lost at least 6 pounds." The patient promised to obey, and indeed, when she showed up for her next appointment the next week, she was almost 15 pounds lighter. "Excellent progress, Miss Horn!" enthused the doctor. "And you lost all this weight simply by following my instructions?" Miss Horn nodded. "It wasn't easy, though, Doctor," she admitted. "On the third day I felt like I was about to die!" "From hunger, ey?" "No, no!" she replied. "From skipping."

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband."

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"

"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, "Hello." The other thinks, "I wonder what he meant by that."

Psychiatrists say that 1 out of every 4 people are mentally ill... Check 3 friends, if they're okay, you're it.

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over."

The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"

A child psychologist for a school is asked to see a pupil who draws all his pictures with black and brown crayons. He talks to him. Nothing obvious. He gives him projective tests. Nothing shows up. Finally, in desperation, he gives him some paper and a box of crayons. "Oh goody," says the boy, "I get an old box in school and only black and brown were left."