KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

The young Farmer Brown made an appointment with the family doctor, regarding sexual problems he was having with his wife. "Now listen, Luke," the doctor advised, "you have to be more loving to your wife. Give her lots of hugs and kisses. Show her how much you care." "Well, I do the best I can, Doc," the fellow cried. "You see I'm up before the sun rises, working in the field until dusk. I'm just too tired." The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "Take a shotgun with you next time you work in the field and shoot it off every time you're feeling a bit frisky. When your wife hears the noise, she'll come a-runnin'." About a month later Farmer Brown went back to the doctor....this time really depressed. "What's wrong" asked the doctor. "Didn't you take my advice?" "Yep, I sure did, and everything was going great until hunting season started last week," moaned the farmer. "I haven't seen her since."

A man is sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach is standing there. The cockroach immediately punches him between the eyes and scampers off.

.. The next evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again. This time, it punches him, kicks him and karate chops him before running away.

.. The third evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there yet again. It leaps at him and stabs him several times before making off. The gravely injured man manages to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He is rushed to intensive care and they save his life.

.. The next morning, the doctor is doing his rounds. He asks our hero what happened, so the man explains about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Yes, there is a nasty bug going around."

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000. The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

The businessman never argued.

A professor watched while a mechanic removed engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car being repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking and the talk turned to their lines of work.

"You know, doctor," the professor said, "I sometimes believe this type of work is complicated as the work we do."

"Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let's see him do it while the engine is running."

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued... Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face. "Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said, pointing to the urine bottle. "Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. "In that case, we'd better run it through again..."

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it will require the removal of your testicles. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he has anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck".

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure ..."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"

Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8."

Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure..."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

This bloke was working on a building site one day nailing a fence together with a nail gun, the type that fires a nail straight through the planks and pins them together.

Unfortunately, someone above him dropped a brick right on his head, causing him to fall over and accidently fire four nail into his dick.

Some days later he wakes up in hospital to find a doctor standing by his bed.

"I've got some bad news and some good news" says the doctor.
"What's the bad news" replied the man.
"You've got four holes in your penis where the nails went through."
"Christ, what's the good news?"
"I'm going to send you to see a specialist."
"Great, does he do plastic surgery?"
"No, but he plays the flute."

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good new and bad news..."
The patient says "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?"
"You have Alzheimer's disease."
"Good heavens! What's the good news?"
"You can go home and forget about it!"

Mrs. Smith is not feeling well, so her husband takes her to the hospital for some tests. After a week, the husband comes back and is met by the hospital's president.

"I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, Mr. Smith, but we made an awful mistake. The nurse who checked your wife in just checked her in as 'Mrs. Smith'. A day earlier she checked another woman as 'Mrs. Smith'.
Now we have two sets of results, but we don't know which one is your wife and which is another woman. "To make matters worse, one woman has Alzheimer's and the other AIDS..."

The husband begins to cry, "Oh my God! Alzheimer's, AIDS! AIDS, Alzheimer's! One of them is my wife, but I don't know which one - what do I do?!?"

"Well, our distinguished committee of doctors met yesterday and we have the solution. Take your wife home and have her walk around the block. If she comes back, don't fuck her!"

A doctor working at the local hospital was well known by all his patients as being a swell guy as well as a great circumciser. Yet, to his fellow nurses, he was looked upon as being rather strange. They all found it peculiar that, for the past 10 years, he had been collecting the foreskins of all circumcised patients.

One day after he had finished yet another circumcision, one of the nurses approached him. "Doctor, why do you always save the foreskins from your patients?"

"Well, I'm saving them up so I can one day make a nice wallet.. But this will be no ordinary wallet. You see, when you rub it, it turns into a purse.