Frequently Asked Questions concerning Postpartum Depression

This FAQ was put together by 10 women from the PPD list (mail group) in hopes of educating others of the symptoms of Post-Partum Depression and where to go for help. We are not medical experts and can not give you all the information you may need. Please seek help from a professional if you think you have Post-Partum Depression.

Here is the list of questions we answered:

When did you first realize you had PPD?
Had you dealt with depression before?
What factors do you believe led to your PPD-birthing experience?
When did you first seek help?
What were some of your symptoms?
How did you deal with your symptoms of PPD?
Did you go to therapy? If so, did it help?
Did you take meds?-Did they help?
What risk factors were associated with you getting PPD?
What books have helped you, scriptures, prayers?
Do you feel society plays a part in women’s PPD?
What can be done to help moms-to-be?
Were there any medical conditions contributing to your PPD?
What has helped you get through it?
When do you feel was your lower point?
When did you feel you were on the road to recovery?
Do you have any suggestions for others?
How will this affect you if you have more children?
Did any national PPD support groups help you? Was your doctor understanding? Was it easy to find counseling?

When did you first realize you had PPD?

About a week, after my child was born I knew something was weird. I don’t think I actually labeled it PPD in my mind until my Mom came to visit and validated that she thought it was real PPD. -G.A.

At about 4 months postpartum, until then I was in denial and thought I was going crazy. -R.M.

I first realized I had PPD when my baby was six weeks old. -Q.P.

The night I found myself flinging my son's car seat at the wall over and over again. He was three months old. (And he was asleep in his swing, not in the car seat!) I had felt listless, uninterested and sad for weeks, but had refused to admit I had a problem until that night. -M.B.

At 3.5 months PP when I was hospitalized. -T.M.R.

I first realized I was depressed 3 mos after the baby was born. Figured out PPD about 8 or 9 mos into it the first time, and 2.5-2 mos after the second. I'm self-diagnosed. The shrink called me clinically depressed, PTSD, and a couple of other things, I forget it all. -S.W.

At around 3 months postpartum, when I got so mad at my daughter's crying I was having a tough time not being violent. Thoughts of all the horrible things I'd heard people did to their babies flashed through my mind, and terrified me. I was in denial for a long time before that, told everybody how incredibly happy, together, and energetic I was. Lack of sleep kicked in, and the adrenaline wore off, and I crashed. -P.J.

I knew something was wrong right away. I felt strange in my own home. I couldn't rest or relax. I never put the baby down. I slept with him on the couch for the first two weeks. I had dealt with depression before and knew anti-depressants would help. I was at the doctor's office six weeks postpartum. They just labeled it depression. As time went on and I would wait for others I knew who were pregnant to have their babies so I could have someone to talk to about my feelings. But when I told them how cared and nervous I was, it was very clear that I had went through something very different than they had. I finally admitted it was PPD around 7 months. -K.V.

I first recognized something was not right when my son was about 6 or 7 months old. I felt paralyzed from the neck up and didn't move off of the couch except to take care of him. My house had pathways, not clean and not safe for a baby so he stayed in the playpen or I held him. By Christmas I knew I had to get help. -A.G.

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Had you dealt with depression before?

Nope, just PMS -G.A.

Yes - but not as severe as this and it was never as debilitating as this was. -R.M.

Yes -Q.P.

Looking back, I know I did as a teenager. I was anorexic and really hated myself. I have journals and journals full of weight measurements and waist and knee and thigh and arm measurements - I took them every night. I thought if I was just 5 pounds skinnier, my life would be perfect and all the black feelings would go away. -M.B.

No -T.M.R.

Not really. Some therapy in High School, but not really called "depressed" until now. -S.W.

Yes, in fact I was hospitalized for it for a week about 10 years prior, and have had problems with it before and after that. -P.J.

Yes I had lots of problems in college and in high school. Went to counseling off and on but started anti-depressants about a year before I got pregnant. I felt fine when I waspregnant however. -K.V.

I had always been depressed to some degree before that. But I had never 'dealt' with it. -A.G.

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What factors do you believe led to your PPD-birthing experience?

Well, I think I was predisposed to it by genetics. My family has bad PMS in general. A relative has chronic depression. But, I did have a difficult birth (long labor followed by Cesarean) and difficulty breastfeeding (bad soreness), so those probably contributed too. -G.A.

Living far from family, having no support in the area, isolation, the holidays seemed to compound the situation, having two babies so close in age. -R.M.

I believe my PPD was primarily hormonal but a disappointing birth experience, isolation, and unrealistic expectations were also major factors. -Q.P.

My baby was planned, and I was thrilled to be pregnant, but from the very start, it was rough. I knew I was pregnant at two weeks because I vomited every morning, day in day out. Kept it up for eight months, and probably would have vomited the whole ninth month too, had I not been too huge to bend. Somehow, amid all that puking, I'd gained 65 pounds. Needless to say, that shot my blood pressure up to 160/90, and from the sixth month on I had twice-weekly visits to my OB, an older man who didn't believe in giving out too much information. Hence my panic when, after the seventh-month ultrasound, he informed me I had polyhydramnios - and left it at that!!!! I ran to the library as fast as I could waddle and looked it up: excess amniotic fluid due, 50% of the time, to a fetal abnormality. The stress of that pushed my BP up higher and I ended up on two weeks bedrest in the hospital all by myself, as my husband was already out on the boats. That ultrasound also revealed that the baby was about 8 lbs. already, yet my doctor let me go a week overdue! At 41 weeks, they brought me in to induce me. I walked around the hospital for 5 hours, dragging my pitocin IV behind me, cranked up to its highest dosage, and NEVER WENT INTO LABOUR. My c-section was scheduled for 2 p.m., but then they whisked me down to an OR at noon - apparently, a room had come free. I guess they were all in a hurry and wanted to get me done and go for lunch, because they didn't give me the epidural I asked for, they gave me a spinal, which I was TERRIFIED of. And with good reason - he had to jab that needle into my back SEVEN TIMES because I was retaining so much water he couldn't find the spot he needed. I screamed so loud they let my husband come in early because they thought he'd break the door down. It took my left side an hour longer than my right to wake up in recovery - the longest hour of my life, wondering if I was paralyzed. So if that wasn't enough to leave someone who thought she'd be super natural-birth, no epidural, push-baby-out-with-a-smile, nurse-on-the-spot mom open to depression... My 10 lb., 9 oz. baby would not breastfeed. He wouldn't even try. He wouldn't latch on, he wouldn't suck, nothing. I had no idea what I was doing, and none of the nurses had anything more helpful to say than, "don't let him win". For five days they brought him to me at all hours, to try to get him to nurse, and every time it would end with him screaming and me crying and my husband giving him a bottle. Finally, one day when I was sick with the fever caused by the infection caused by the placental remains in my uterus, I went to the nursery, picked up his bottle and left, ignoring the nurse's reminder not to let him win and don't forget to pump. I sat down in the chair at the foot of my bed and gave him the bottle. It was the first time in his short life I'd seen him awake and not screaming, and that day I gave up nursing. And felt guilty about it EVERY DAY for months. I thought if I had to explain myself to one more stranger who asked, "are you nursing?" I'd explode. I'd say everything about my pre- and post-natal experiences contributed to my PPD...wouldn't you? -M.B.

I miscarried months before conceiving my son, both of my Grandmothers died at Christmas time 3 weeks apart from each other while pregnant with him, I wanted this perfect delivery after all it was my 3rd and I thought it should be perfect, I wanted this perfect child who slept and hardly cried (anticipated it because he was my "3rd" and everyone kept saying it would be easier this time, choose not to nurse him but really wanted to (have 1 child with ADD and didn't think I could nurse him with her this way, thought I'd have to be on top of her at all times) I'm a perfectionist. -T.M.R.

I think mine was mostly hormonal. There were some unresolved issues from my younger days that may have played a part in it the first time, but the second time definitely convinced me that mine was hormonal, not psychological. -S.W.

Breastfeeding failure, a long drawn out labor - but mainly I think fatigue and lack of help from my family did it. It was a shock going from pregnancy to motherhood - I think if I'd received more nurturing myself, it would have been better. -P.J.

My PPD is definitely related to my failure to breastfeed and the fact that my child was so high need. I gave up after one week because he wouldn't latch on. I waited too late to seek help-everyone kept telling me he would latch on when the milk came in. I felt so guilty and lazy for not breastfeeding. I couldn't do the main thing I was made to do -feed my baby. All throughout my pregnancy, I pictured myself as a mother nursing and now that was shattered. So everything else seemed to be out of order too. My baby is almost 14 months and the pain of not reastfeeding is still very real. I read all these stories about how breastfeeding makes you better connected and a better mommy. It is very painful for me. I also figured my husband would take off of work. But his job became very busy the first month and I hardly saw him. I also thought my mom would stay a week and she stayed one day. I also thought my mother in law would help but she would just come over for an hour and then leave. My child was also very high need. He screamed every day for hours. He had a regular newborn schedule until he was about 3.5 months. Then he started waking once a week, then twice a week. By six months, he was waking at least once every night. By 8 months, he was screaming at night. He has been very slow to get on solids. I had pictured my baby breastfeeding and then at 6 months gobbling up all my homemade baby food. He didn't touch it. My baby had to be carried and held at all times. I would see other babies not do this. I would get very angry with God for giving me a baby who was so high strung. Why wouldn't he give this job to someone with more patience and give me a calm baby? I thought about relactating at three months and the lactation consultant talked me out of it. I wish I had because my son is still not eating much solids and I think we would have both benefited from extended nursing. -K.V.

I am a hormonal nightmare. I do not menstruate due to no ovulation. I have PMS without the "M". But, I did have a struggling last trimester. My son tried to come early twice, I was put on medication and limited activity. Then he didn't come until ten days late. I was in labor for 24 hours with 3 hours of pushing. I had 7 epidural injections because the baby kept rotating and it was excruciating. Then after it was all over my husband said that 'the medication made me stupid': NOT a very good choice of words and it made me feel inadequate. After we brought our son home I had a good breastfeeding experience and he was a very good baby. As he weaned, starting at 6 months on solid foods, I could feel myself slowly plummet deeper and deeper 'into my pit'. My husband was also a full-time student and we were in very, very dire straits financially. -A.G.

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When did you first seek help?

About at the 3-week mark I went to the HMO psychiatric nurse and told her I really needed some help. But even before that during the previous week, I was calling the HMO mental-health hotline practically every night. It was really sudden and severe and frightening. -G.A.

I didn’t - my family did for me - that was about 5 months ostpartum. -R.M.

I sought help about three to four months postpartum. -Q.P.

After the car seat incident. I knew I might be dangerous, and that I certainly wasn't functioning like other mothers I knew. -M.B.

I didn't believe I was in PPD and resisted taking the meds. -T.M.R.

Within days of realizing it the first time (lucked out and found an article on a depression screening at the hospital, otherwise... who knows.) About a month after I knew the second time. -S.W.

I didn't. -P.J.

At six weeks, I went to a psychiatrist to get on meds. -K.V.

I visited my mother-in-law at Christmas and talked to her about it. She helped me realize that getting help was the only way I could get out of this. In January I saw my OB who didn't think I had PPD and he directed me to Mental Health. I started there in late January, I had been deeply depressed for 3 months by then. -A.G.

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What were some of your symptoms?

Anxiety - Yes this was my primary symptom. Really bad insomnia was another. I also had alternating constipation/diarrhea (gross) which is another thing that anxiety can do to you, and no appetite. Compulsive thoughts, Crying for "No Reason", not as much depression as anxiety, Dizziness, faintness, heart pounding, chest pains - some of this, exaggerated lows, exhaustion, emptiness, sadness, tearfulness, I cried every time my husband went in the yard, more fear of being alone with the baby, fear of harming yourself or baby, fear of interacting with the baby, feelings of hopelessness, Feelings of inadequacy, some Forgetfulness, confusion, most of the time I could not think, guilt for the weird thoughts, thoughts of harming the baby (yes this was very disturbing), my Cesarean incision started to weep a bit and I went really nuts. -G.A.

A complete disinterest in the baby. After such a failure at breastfeed, I felt completely unconnected to him, like he wasn't really mine. After all, I hadn't seen him born and I wasn't breastfeeding - maybe he wasn't my baby at all. I didn't really mother him until circumstances forced me to. anxiety ,Compulsive behaviors, Crying for "No Reason" depression, exhaustion, emptiness, sadness, tearfulness Failure to keep appointments ,fear of going out ,fear of harming yourself or baby, Feelings of hopelessness ,Feelings of inadequacy Forgetfulness, confusion ,guilt, worthlessness ,Hostility, tantrums, "feeling out of control" ,inability to think clearly and make decisions,intrusive and repetitive thoughts, lack of concentration and poor memory ,overconcern for the baby (I used to check on him roughly 22 times per 2-hour nap),persistent low mood, and shame. -M.B.

Exhaustion, - wasn't sleeping, fear of going out - wanted to stay in the closet if they would have let me. intrusive, repetitive thoughts (including thoughts of harming the baby!!!!!!), lack of concentration and poor memory ,panic attacks (thought I needed to call 911 for I couldn't breathe at times), suicidal thoughts, wanting to leave husband - felt he would be better off without me, shame - only because no one knew what I was talking about or had experienced it. -T.M.R.

Anxiety , Compulsive behaviors - some at first, but not much Crying for "No Reason" - some off and on, mostly introverted though, and kept that in., depression , very exaggerated highs and/or lows , exhaustion, emptiness, sadness, tearfulness , I tried not to make appointments, but when I did I almost always missed or canceled them. Fear of being alone, I'd go for weeks without leaving the house ,fear of harming yourself or baby . Me more than the baby, fear of interacting with the baby - not really. I'd not want to cause it was too hard, but I wasn't afraid of it., Feelings of hopelessness , Feelings of inadequacy , Forgetfulness, confusion - I'd get so confused I couldn't make dinner. I had to be told what to do, and even then, I'd have trouble. guilt, worthlessness , Hostility, tantrums, "feeling out of control" - More when I was on meds than when I wasn't, but I did have temper problems. Broke my hand hitting the microwave once. Broke my engagement ring another time. (the right hand was in a cast, so I had to use my left) inability to think clearly and make decisions - Definitely!!! intrusive, repetitive thoughts (including thoughts of harming the baby) -Only about suicide. Not really about harming the baby. I'd hear voices, and sounds in my right ear. I was told that in cases of extreme depression, its not unusual to have psychotic episodes where you hallucinate things. lack of concentration and poor memory , overconcern for the baby ,constant low mood, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts- hospitalized for it, wanting to leave husband- packed a couple of times, more shame of the mental illness than being a Mom. -S.W.

Anxiety ,Compulsive behaviors, Crying for "No Reason" ,depression, exaggerated highs and/or lows ,exhaustion, emptiness, sadness, tearfulness, fear of harming yourself or baby, Feelings of hopelessness ,Feelings of inadequacy, guilt, worthlessness ,Hostility, tantrums, "feeling out of control" intrusive, repetitive thoughts (including thoughts of harming the baby) ,overconcern for the baby ,persistent low mood ,suicidal thoughts, wanting to leave husband, shame. -P.J.

All of the above. I was afraid to put my baby down. I never laid him down flat till he was 3 weeks old. I was afraid to go anywhere. I felt like a stranger in my home. I thought nothing would ever be the same. I felt angry that my husband and I couldn't' eat dinner at the same time for months. I felt angry with God for my child being so high need and not breastfeeding. I felt angry at the ob, the hospital, the pediatrician, and the lactation consultant. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like the worst mom, I had a real self-esteem problem. When my son turned one year I decided to get off my meds and I had even more severe symptoms-I wanted to run away, hurt myself, and spank the child, I told my husband to find someone who would be better at this job. -K.V.

Lethargic to the point of immobility. My brain was totally frozen. I could not even think. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I was also very angry at my husband. I angered very easily to other people. Fortunately, I was never violent. -A.G.

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How did you deal with your symptoms of PPD?

I felt bad about burdening my husband with this so I called the HMO. They gave me a mental health hotline to call. I kept calling them a lot. They underestimated my condition and didn’t help a lot, but at least I could talk to them. Then my mother came to visit for a few days at about 3 weeks after the birth, and she was a lifesaver. She took me to the clinic and got me some appointments. This was after I went nuts when I saw my incision weeping. -G.A.

Eventually sought help, but before that, I would just try to be alone and cry, so I wouldn’t bother anyone else or hurt anyone during one of my episodes. I stayed in the house all the time and was scared to go out. -R.M.

I cried a lot. I screamed a lot. My sister found a therapist for me since I was unable to do it myself. -Q.P.

There's a way of dealing with them? -M.B.

I cried, in disbelief that I was even going threw anything such as PPD. I couldn't imagine how such a strong person could be going threw this. -T.M.R.

The first time I saw a shrink, went on meds. Did therapy, fought with the hub, blamed myself, did the guilt thing to the extreme, fought the depression and myself a lot. The second time, I did herbs, meditation, acupuncture, and just hung on for the ride. I had the net the second time, so I did the chat thing a lot, and surfed newsgroups, and websites looking for PPD information. I tried to educate myself a lot more, and tried not to blame myself or anyone else. I did a lot better with it the second time. Still got real suicidal, but not from guilt, just looking to escape the pain. -S.W.

Singing, taking deep breaths to calm down, hitting things, mainly just trying to get through another hour. -P.J.

I kicked a lot of walls. I didn't do much at first except take my meds. I was obsessed with reading parenting books but it made me worse. I didn’t relax. I went to therapy for about 3 months. It was useless. I had one friend I could talk to but she had more severe problems then I did. The email group helped a lot. I got out of the house every day. I joined a playgroup and Gymboree. I walked with a friend at the park. I lost my pregnancy weight by walking and that helped. At a year when I was really low, I started going to church, exercising more and resting when the baby rests. -K.V.

While I was in my 'pit', as I call it, I reassured myself that at least my son was taken care of, at least not abandoned. I did consider leaving my husband and my son so that I would not be such a burden. After getting on medication, I really feel that my faith helped me pull out of the depths of my depression. -A.G.

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Did you go to therapy? If so, did it help?

I had about 3 talk-sessions with the Pysch nurse but it didn’t do much for me. She mainly wanted to see if I was all right with the baby. -G.A.

Yes, eventually after seeing only a regular internist (I was too scared to go to a psychiatrist) - yes, it has helped. -R.M.

Yes. Mainly, what helped about therapy was getting out of the house and having something to do. I chose cognitive therapy, which also helped me break out of some negative thought patterns. -Q.P.

Yes, I've gone and am going now, and I just don't feel it helps. All this talk about my past and my family life...it doesn't make me feel any better, or stronger, or more in control. I wish it did. I think that's why I keep going. I just want someone to fix me. -M.B.

I went to a Psychiatrist one time after getting out of the hospital she couldn't get her act together so I never went back because I didn't think she could get my life back either. Saw a therapist about 4 times she was helpful especially with the intrusive thoughts I was having about harming the baby! -T.M.R.

Yes, I went both times. It helped some the first time, I got rid of a lot of demons in my closet (still have some, but don't we all?) It mostly helped after the depression, and not during. I'd stopped the therapy, but I'd learned to look in the closet some. The second time it did about the same, but the therapist was awful. I figured some things out, but most of my therapeutic breakthroughs came from talking to my hub. -S.W.

Didn't go. -P.J.

I went about 6 times and I didn't like the man so I quit. I haven't found anyone close yet that my insurance covers. I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. I also have no babysitter when I go. -K.V.

Therapy was the best thing, next to the medication. My husband and I went together for 6 months and learned how he can help me more by learning how to listen. And I resolved deep feeling of resentment from when I was a teen. I also attended a Moms Offering Other Moms Support group in Jamestown, NY. Finding out that you are not alone is a wonderful support and relief. -A.G.

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Did you take meds?-Did they help?

I took Zoloft at first with Clomazapam (sp?) I thought the combination made me dopey so I stopped that after a few days and switched to Prozac with Ativan for panic attacks and sleep only. That didn’t make me feel dopey so I stayed on it and after about 2 weeks, I started feeling a lot better. I stayed on the Prozac for about 5 months and then slowly decreased the dose and got off it. I only used the Ativan to sleep for a few weeks. I was scared of it because it can be addictive. After the Prozac kicked in, I didn’t have as much trouble sleeping anyway. I think maybe Zoloft would have worked, but I didn’t give it a chance. -G.A.

Yes, take Zoloft, and they have helped tremendously - I finally feel "normal" again and like I can handle things like everyone else does and bounce back quicker during hard times. -R.M.

No -Q.P.

Without meds, I think I'd be dead. I'm on Manerix, an antidepressant; and I'm on lithium, a mood stabilizer. I truly believe lithium has saved my life and maybe even the life of my baby, although I've never yet had thoughts of harming him. They've been just under the surface, though. -M.B.

Yes the highest dose one can be on Prozac, Xanax, and Trazadone. -T.M.R.

Yes, took Zoloft, Paxil, then Effexor combined with knolopin. The meds made me worse. The second time I took herbs... Dong Quai, Valerian, Gingko, rescue remedy, and Liquorice root. Did much much better with the herbs. They took the edge off the depression, and until I got a bad batch of it (don't get herbs you NEED at Wal-Mart. *LOL*) it held the depression to a minimum. I crashed bad after I got the bad herbs, and I didn't do the bad crash until three mos. after I'd done it the first time. It held the terrible stuff off for quite a while, and I think if I'd of been able to stay with the stuff I'd been taking all along, I wouldn't have become suicidal. Right before the big crash, I was thinking about going back to work. -S.W.

No meds except for an occasional beer or two, or three... -P.J.

At six weeks, I was put on 50 mg of Zoloft. I slowly went up to 200 mg in the first year. Then I couldn't relax. I was hyper, cleaning the house all the time and obsessing about being the perfect mom. So, the doctor switched me to Prozac. The problem was I had to wean off the Zoloft and slowly go on the Prozac. I did this the same week my son turned one and my sister in law had her baby. Her breastfeeding brought up lots of ugly feelings inside me. The Prozac made me sick so I stopped. Then I was having fits of rage every day so I got back on the Prozac. I have been on 40 mg for about a week and haven't had any temper tantrums. -K.V.

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What risk factors were associated with you getting PPD?

Genetic predisposition to PMS and family history of depression. -G.A.

Prior history of mild depression, anxiety attacks, family history of depression and mood disorders, isolation from family and friends by living so far away from family. -R.M.

Previous depression. -Q.P.

High-risk pregnancy, c-section, failure to breastfeed, lack of support, husband working away from home, family history of anxiety disorders. -M.B.

Hormonal imbalance I think was my main problem. I've always been flaky at "that time of the month" and the hot flashes I got the whole time was a good indicator. That's a personal reason though. I think I was also a little pre-disposed to depression, but not the major kind. I've had a lot of "trauma" in my life, and I think that the fear of not being able to protect my kids had a little to do with it, but I think the severity of the depression was due to hormones. -S.W.

Wanting to breastfeed and not succeeding, history of depression, lack of help from family and friends. -P.J.

I had previous depression. My family has history of anxiety and thyroid disorders. -K.V.

Leaving my husband and my son. Also, since it was not safe for the baby to play on my floor he had to stay in the crib and I feel guilty because I think it delayed his development. -A.G.

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What books have helped you, scriptures, prayers?

I didn’t pray much- was too messed up. Recently I’ve read "Postpartum Survival Guide" and I really like it. May help another time. -G.A.

I didn’t really get into reading books about depression. I did read a lot of info. on the Internet and now I find reading child development books that don’t make me feel l ike I’m oing things wrong have helped. I’m reading The Discipline Book right now by Dr. Sears nd it at least makes me feel good about trusting my own instincts again. -R.M.

The Postpartum Survival Guide, This Isn’t What I Expected, Rebounding from Childbirth, The Silent Knife, Open Season, Prayers -Q.P.

"Motherhood: What it Does to Your Mind" by Jane Price, "This Isn't What I Expected", "What Every Mother Needs", published by MOPS. I don't read scripture or pray; I wish I did. I think my life and my child's would be enriched if we found spirituality, joined a church, but I'm, well, cynical and a little bitter and can't seem to take the step. -M.B.

My Therapist had me telling myself everytime those recurrent thoughts would pop into my head of wanting to harm the baby that "this is not real" and that was not going to carry it out, I found the book "The New Mother Syndrome" and the book "This Isn't What I Expected" to be the best! I have prayed to a Saint who helps with depression but if one is not Catholic than this idea isn't so accepting. -T.M.R.

"Its easier than you think; The Buddhist way to happiness" by Sylvia Boorstein. (yes, I am Buddhist, but the book is written so anyone of any religion can take a lot from it. It's more about attitude than religion) "When someone you love is depressed; how to help your loved one without losing yourself" by Laura Epstein Rosen, Ph.D. and Xavier Francisco Amador, Ph.D. This book helped the hub and me to deal with what the depression was doing to our relationship. "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff Just a cute book and The Velveteen Rabbit; how toys become real" I don't remember who wrote that. Awesome book to read to the kids or yourself. "You don't have the luxury of a negative thought" again, I don't remember who wrote it, and its for people with a terminal illness (or just with life) Awesome book. -S.W.

None, really. -P.J.

I didn't get into church until recently. I have been reading the bible and a Course in Miracles. Some books helped but then I still felt empty. The New Mother Syndrome by Carol Dix and Postpartum Survival Guide by Ann Dunnewald are good books. The Crying Baby by Sheila Kitzinger, Crying baby/sleepless nights by Sandy Jones, Parenting the High Need Child by Dr. William Sears helped also. Spiritually, some books were Secret Longings of the Heart by Carol Kent, and the Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure. Also cognitive therapy training books like Feeling Good by David Burns and books on controlling anger are good. -K.V.

I did not read any books specifically relating to the subject. The pamphlets provided by my support group helped tremendously. Helping others has helped me. -A.G.

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Do you feel society plays a part in women’s PPD?

Expectations are too high. Some articles are starting to be published in the press about PPD, but the healthcare community still doesn’t know much about it. -G.A.

Not having support systems in place that can easily be accessed postpartum. Also, the stigma surrounding mental health and illness keeps some from seeking help - so that prolongs the problems and makes them worse. Society also sets up women for failure by idealizing the perfect mother who can have it all and does... motherhood is very hard and is not glamorous. I also think that if more people knew about PPD, it would be better. All OB’s should talk to their patients about it before their patient gives birth so that they will know what to look for and to seek help if they have problems. -R.M.

Yes, I think the media portrays new mothers in unrealistic ways. I had no idea about the way my life would change. I also think that the breakdown of larger than nuclear families is significant and contributes to. -Q.P.

Oooh. That's always been a dicey one for me. I'll pass, cuz my jury's still out on this one. -M.B.

Society is not so accepting of it. I think yes it is starting to get more coverage however I think too, the Drs. still are ignorant towards it in some sense. -T.M.R.

Yes. I think that the "perfect Mom" deal that you get from TV really puts pressure on people. I also think that the fear created by the possibility of losing your kids to the state causes a lot of us to stay "in the closet" about our depression. -S.W.

Yes, by setting impossible standards and convincing mothers that if they don't at least present that perfect image to the public, they're frowned on. By our lifestyles, being estranged from family - even those that are close by aren't close enough, and everyone works full time anyway. Also we are taught to hold a certain pride, that after we leave our parents, we are supposed to be able to handle everything on our own and if we need help of any kind from friends and family, we are inadequate. -P.J.

Yes the ridiculous commercials of flowing white nightgowns and happy babies with bottles. The fact that no book ever mentioned how scary it would be -they just said the same old things over and over-how to bathe your newborn, how to care for the umbilical cord, … the magazines with beautiful thin women exercising while their baby sits in the bouncy seat quietly and watches. Our society which doesn't respect women and children-there are no places in malls or restaurants for moms to go and help baby calm down. My mom lives far away and my mother in law works. You really have to go out of your way to find a more loving way to raise your child outside the mainstream. -K.V.

In my case, I feel that society played a part in my fear of getting help. I agree that society DOES play a part in *many* women's PPD: lack of family/friends support and knowledge. -A.G.

FAQ Index

What can be done to help moms-to-be?

Educate. Find people with risk factors (PMS, history of depression) and target them. 10 to 20% of moms have bad enough PPD to really affect their life after birth, but the healthcare education is still abysmal. They make it sound like it's so rare you shouldn’t worry about it or prepare for it. -G.A.

Informing them of the possibility of PPD and educating society to help eliminate the stigma if possible. I also think that a checklist of some kind should be used at the postpartum visit with the OB dr. And a phone call should be made to the new mothers or another office visit a few months postpartum to check on new mothers so they know they do have someone to turn to if they have problems. Also, a lot of women don’t show very severe symptoms right away. -R.M.

Don’t know because I believe hormones are a major factor. I do think that it is important to make sure a woman has support. -Q.P.

More prenatal education about the fact that this can happen to you. PPD was covered in two minutes in my prenatal class, and it gets two paragraphs in "What to Expect the First Year" - and THAT is actually the blues, but they call it PPD. Letting them know BEFOREHAND that it is a MEDICAL condition, and if they find themselves having those feelings they should seek help IMMEDIATELY, rather than sit at home, keeping it all inside, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. -M.B.

Educate them about preparing meals ahead of time, to start taking naps now while pregnant so there bodies get use to the idea, get help in the house and not just help in holding the baby but in help for the household (it's only temporary and it is al lot cheaper than a hospital bill), for them to get out of the house with and without the baby sometimes, to date your husband after the baby comes and leave the baby with a grandma or friend for a short evening (even if all they do is talk about the baby and worry .....The baby is to young to have separation anxiety) for them to give up ideas on the perfect baby, delivery, romance life after the baby comes and to just sit back and take what ever comes. Society sets us up with perfect images on TV and friends don't always let you see that it is very hard work when a baby arrives, letting you know that you are tired and don't get the proper sleep and all the laundry and oh my list could go on and on. -T.M.R.

Education, support, and Non-judgmental people. A constant reminder, that no kid has ever graduated from High School in diapers, or sucking on a ninny (pacifier). It's real easy to say too much and create a paranoia of depression, but at the same time, the information needs to get out there. I think OB's, GP's, and ped docs NEED to remember to watch for it, and to create a relationship with their patient that makes them comfortable enough to contact them if their having trouble. Much as I disagreed with what I read of Hillary's Village concept, some of the idea does apply to raising kids. It's hard in today's society to be in contact with support, and to admit that you need help. I bet even the people that "didn't need any help" got it somehow. -S.W.

Anything that cuts through that feeling of isolation. Support groups are great, but what a new mom really needs is physical help. Somebody to cook dinner, wash laundry, bring her cool drinks, or just sit and talk. You'd think a father could do these things, and they do, but they have to go back to work so soon, and often do things inadequately, often don't listen well, and they need some support and nurturing too. And what we really need is the support of other women, especially other mothers. You'd think a friend/sister/mother/etc. could do this, but they're often caught up in their own demanding lives, or don't know what to do. If I weren't working full time, I think I'd organize a "postpartum friends society" in which a group of moms would volunteer to help out a new mother whenever she needed it. -P.J.

My hospital took my baby away too much and didn't help me breastfeed. The ob and pediatrician gave me incorrect advice. Local LLL leaders should seek out pregnant women to help them before there are problems. My stepfather cooked a bunch of meals for us and that helped. Having your husband do chores while you watch the baby all the time can be very lonely. Having someone to just come and sit with you even if they can't help feed the baby. Childbirth classes need to give out information about PPD and local support group numbers. New moms need to be told to get out of the house, take care of themselves, ignore phone calls, and get help and don't try to be a martyr. -K.V.

Since society has changed so much, support groups, hot lines, visiting nurses/ volunteers need to be available. I dream of a group where a group of moms who volunteer their time to go to women who need support like taking care of the older children, house cleaning, breastfeeding support, etc. And this would be available 24 hours a day. -A.G.

FAQ Index

Were there any medical conditions contributing to your PPD?

History of mild depression and anxiety attacks, history of bad PMS too. -G.A.

Previous depression. -R.M.

Nope. Except parents with anxiety disorder and an aunt w/thyroid problems. -Q.P.

No...however I do have a tendency to be anxious. -M.B.

I've had dysthymia (they discovered it in the shrink's office the first time I went. Nobody really said anything about it before that) Thyroid problems run in the family, and so do hormone imbalances. My Mom doesn't have a thyroid, and has had a horrible time with menopause and HRT. -S.W.

Not that I'm aware of, besides the history of depression. -P.J.

History of depression. -K.V.

Hormonal Imbalance. -A.G.

FAQ Index

What has helped you get through it?

Support from Mom and husband. Medication! -G.A.

Support of my family, my mother coming to stay with me during the most severe time to help care for the children and encourage me to get help, MEDICINE, therapy, building a support system of friends. -R.M.

My husband and my family, the list, the web sites, learning more about PPD has been empowering. Therapy helped too. -Q.P.

This group, in a big way. Also my PPD support group in the town I just moved from. Having an open forum to talk about these feelings unashamedly and with women who understand and have been there is the most valuable resource anyone with PPD could ask for. Meds have been a lifesaver, too, as well as making it a policy of being open and honest with everyone I know about the depression. I find that when I tell people it actually helps to combat the shame and embarrassment, because no one ever says, "I didn't know you were such a failure as a mother!" It also helps me weed out those people who might drag me further down by being unsupportive. If someone reacts badly, I set them aside, and maybe I'll see them again when this is all over. Not hiding the illness has helped combat it in a big way. Exercise helps, too. Going to the gym, every week has helped me in so many ways. I've lost 32 lbs. I couldn't shake, I have muscle tone. I have self-esteem. My back never hurts and I rarely get tired anymore. I'm meeting new people who have nothing to do with my life at home, and I have time to myself to read while I'm doing cardio stuff. I feel like I'm doing something special for me every time I go to the gym. It also really helps your mood to go in when you're feeling mean. Endorphins are wonderful things. -M.B.

Medicine , my dear husband, PPD support group, and God. -T.M.R.

My hub, the girls, the family I was born into, and the family of friends I've found on the net. My pig-headedness (I refused to let me beat myself. Through the whole thing I kept telling myself that I was in there somewhere I just needed to get back out. I refused to give in to the depression, and to let it beat me). -S.W.

Singing, taking deep breaths to calm down, hitting things, mainly just trying to get through another hour. -P.J.

Getting out of the house, walking, having two other women with babies close to my son's age. Neighborhood playgroups, my husband of course. My darling son. My mother in law and my mom did call a lot once I was getting really depressed and that helped. I put off taking my child to a babysitter because I had heard babies need their mommies and all that. My mother in law only baby sat a few times and that was when he was older. I started a mothers day out when he was 11 months old and it helped me get things in better order so when I was with him I could focus on him and not all my worries or chores. -K.V.

My faith in God. My husband's loving support. The unwaiving love for my son and the love he gives me. Medication and therapy. -A.G.

FAQ Index

When do you feel was your lower point?

Getting so hysterical that my Mom had to take me to the clinic. -G.A.

My lowest point was about 6 months postpartum - it had really reached a peak then and I’m not sure I would even be here if I hadn’t received help at that point. -R.M.

My lowest point was when I was calling my sister up to just scream. I put my son in his bed because nothing I was doing would make him stop crying. I was crying too and felt so angry I didn’t know what to do. Another low was when he was waking up at night. I was extremely tired and had just fallen asleep. I punched my husband in the back to wake him up and make him get the baby. -Q.P.

The day I nearly drove my car with me and the baby in it into oncoming traffic and I didn't even know WHY. I just felt like I should. -M.B.

At 3.5 months PP when it was no longer that I wanted to do harm to just the baby but when I wanted my husband to give me ideas and help me end my own life for I felt that I could not go on living how I was feeling and thinking. -T.M.R.

At 4 mos postpartum to about 1 year postpartum. I've had minor crashes after that, but nothing like the "bad days". -S.W.

I'd say 3-5 months postpartum. But it never went away completely. -P.J.

Sadly, my lowest point was when my son turned one. I went off the meds and I felt ok for a couple of weeks then I was so angry every day. I was screaming "I hate you " to my baby, I would raise my hand up like I was going to spank him, I was breaking things, I was cursing my husband and God all the time. I thought I was going crazy. I hated my sister in law b/c her body was doing something I wanted my body to do and just to hear her mention anything about her new baby made me want to scratch her eyes out. -K.V.

The day I finally called for help. After weeks of not moving from the couch I got up and called. -A.G.

FAQ Index

When did you feel you were on the road to recovery?

About 2 weeks after starting Prozac. -G.A.

After being on the meds for about a couple of months and my mother had returned to her own home and I was handling things on my own. -R.M.

Once I established a routine in my life, I felt like I was on the way to recovery. The routine included playgroups, therapy, naps, etc. It gave me a reason to get up and take a shower. It also included support for me and contact with other adults. -Q.P.

After I started going to the gym. When I took that step, I knew I had reasserted control over my life, I had made a decision - a good one. It made me feel powerful. It helped me to focus on me, and gave me the time alone I needed to rediscover myself. I also knew that if I had mustered the courage to walk into the gym, that place filled with Spandex Sirens, I was a really brave and strong person, and I hadn't been that in a long time. -M.B.

At 8 months PP when the medicine had totally kicked in and I felt like "ME". -T.M.R.

At about a year. Course the first time I got pregnant again, and felt wonderful (hence the hormone imbalance discovery... it was like night and day) The second time, right after my first acupuncture treatment, the suicidal thoughts came under control, and things got better every day after that. Some days were still bad, but not like they had been. At about 13-14 mos postpartum, I was thinking I was over it, and beginning to deal with "life after depression" which is a whole other can of worms. -S.W.

When thinking about having another baby didn't cause a panic attack. :) It still scares me, but I feel much more confident about it now. -P.J.

It has been a long and slow progress. I felt a little better around 5 weeks postpartum, much better after the meds starting working around 7 weeks. When my son starting screaming at night I had a hard time around 8 months and again at a year like I said before. I think PPD was just a sign that I had some issue in my life I needed to deal with. Old ghosts in my closet came out-low self esteem, inability to trust myself, inability to control my anger and relax-all this was multiplies by having to take care of a baby. I used to think it would magically all get better one day and I have realized it won't. I still am angry as to why I had to go through this and sometimes wonder if my child would be better off if I went to work and left him with a sane person all day. I am working on exercising more, meditating now and going to church every Sunday. I plan on still looking into therapy. I am attending parents anonymous and it is helping a lot to look at my parenting reactions that came from growing up in a family where yelling and harsh words were the norm. -K.V.

When I started therapy. It gave me the power to take my mind back over from thoughts of despair. -A.G

FAQ Index

Do you have any suggestions for others?

Take the medication if it helps- don’t be ashamed. Learn about what meds are safer with breastfeeding so you don’t have to stop. -G.A.

Seek help immediately - don’t wait at all. And don’t hesitate to take the meds, they can save your life. Surround yourself with people who care and love you postpartum to lean on through difficult times. If you don’t have people around, then start now building that support system. -R.M.

Seek help. Dealing with babies is hard, hard work. It doesn’t get any easier but it does get better. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy so do what it takes for you to be happy. -Q.P.

Seek help. Don't feel like it's just you; it's not. Start doing things for yourself. Little things. Read the paper instead of doing the dishes and vacuuming while the baby naps. Read a book, even if it's only a few pages at a time. Rent a movie and watch it, even if it's only in pieces ( I once watched "The Last Seduction" over a 36-hour period, but I enjoyed every stallment). Borrow audio books from the library and listen in the car. Whatever. Do something for YOU. And go outside. And join a mothers' group or a baby swim class or story hour at the library - something you and your baby can enjoy together while you eet other people. You don't have to make friends with them; just talk to them. And keep the number of the local crisis centre handy, and don't be afraid to use it. :) -M.B.

Get help, and don't be afraid to keep looking. If what the doc is doing for you isn't working, go to a new doc, or try something else. Get the thyroid tested. Hound your doc to check your hormone levels. Don't be afraid of alternative medicine, or going against the grain. If you think it might help, try it. If it doesn't, don't give up, but just keep on looking. Have faith that you're in there somewhere, and don't get stuck on blame. It's too late for blame, things are as they are, and you have to spend your energy on finding an answer, a fix, or a coping method. don't hesitate to reach out if you need help. don't hesitate to call someone, or to go somewhere. Pride isn't an issue, and its NOT YOUR FAULT!!! -T.M.R.

Get help. Medical help, psychological help, a support group, a friend to lean on, or even an online group like this one. Plan for help before you have the baby, because even without PPD you'll need more than you think you will. Disavow yourself of the belief that you can handle it all on your own, or that the baby's father will be enough help. -S.W.

I would suggest realizing you are not alone. And you can and will feel better, believe me, it gets so much better and you will feel like yourself again. Ignore the regular mainstream magazines and all the mommy wars, and trust yourself and love your child and meet his needs while meeting yours. Take naps, and get babysitting but do not run away from the problem. -K.V.

Seek help in anyway you can. Tell someone how you feel, your pastor, doctor, nurse, friend. Find ways to help yourself. Take medication if your provider suggests it - the benefits outweigh the risks. -A.G.

FAQ Index

How will this affect you if you have more children?

I’m going to do a pre-emptive strike. Have progesterone shots after birth if possible, and Zoloft prescription ready if needed. -G.A.

I’m not sure I will have more children. The thought of going through this again doesn’t appeal to me. I would like to think in a few years I will feel strong enough to have another and that I will be able to handle 3 kids. -R.M.

I sure as heck don’t want to have PPD again. I am doing what it takes to have a better birth experience. I hope to line up support in advance too. -Q.P.

I don't plan to have any more children. I just can't go through this again. -M.B.

I won't have any more children. Two reasons... One, I only wanted two, and I have two. Second, I consider pregnancy for me to be life threatening. I sat for three months both times looking down the barrel of a gun. (at a bottle of pills, at a razor blade) I cant afford to do this to myself, or my family again. I had my tubes tied 7 mos postpartum after my second girl was born. I can't do this again. If we want more kids, I'll adopt. After the birth of my first I was sure it wouldn't happen again, and even if it did, I really wanted two kids. The doc told me I'd be on meds the rest of my life, and said I should have ECT. I went off the meds, and had an unplanned pregnancy (too close to the last dose of Effexor for me, but what can you do... unplanned is unplanned) I would have had another one anyway. -S.W.

At least I will be able to recognize the symptoms, and know what hole I'm falling into. I will know what to do. This doesn't mean I will be able to do those things, regardless of knowing what they are, but I don't think it will be so much of a shock to me. -P.J.

I go back and forth on this issue. I want one more child but I just don't know how fair that would be to anybody. -K.V.

The thought of going through this again does scare me. But, I know that if it does happen again it is not my fault. I did not sit around and ask for this depression. And now my husband knows what to look for and he won't be afraid to get me help. -A.G.

FAQ Index

Did any national PPD support groups help you? Was your doctor understanding? Was it easy to find counseling?

HMO was o.k. I am pissed off at them for telling me that there was no medication compatible with breastfeeding- I feel like they lied to me. Didn’t do much with support groups. The regular new moms group wasn’t a help. Mostly non-depressed stay at home mothers who were just bitching about their husbands (that wasn’t my particular problem). -G.A.

I never sought help from any support groups. My doctor was understanding although a bit too removed for my liking. It was not very easy to find help because of all the red tape insurance companies make you cut your way through. At a time in your life when you need therapy, the last thing you need is a hassle with something like that. -R.M.

DAD did not help me. PSI (Postpartum support international) sort of did with book recommendations and a nice lady on the phone. I was unable to find a local support group. My doctor still does not know that I have ppd. It was very difficult for me to find counseling. -Q.P.

I had no national group to turn to, but I found a wonderful group through Public Health (in Canada). It was the best thing I could've ever done, walking into that group. My doctor understanding? Nope. My OB asked me if I was suicidal, because if I was he'd give me Prozac. Otherwise, it was the psychiatrist's waiting list. I waited. That doctor was right on with the meds, but his attitude when I asked for a referral to a counselor was, "This is like a sprain or a break, completely physiological. Once the medication does its work, you'll be fine. You don't need counseling." Through my husband's EAP, counseling was easy to find, but ultimately unhelpful. Maybe my psychiatrist was right? We'll soon find out. -M.B.

Yes, received the packet from D.A.D. , my family Dr. was the one who I received all medical help from. -T.M.R.

DAD sent me some stuff in the mail. The list of shrinks on there that were close to me, I called, and all said meds. This was the second time around, and I refused meds that time. Meds were not an option, so I didn't see any of them. My OB told me when I was pregnant, that he could help me, and when I called him, he told me to call my shrink. (still pisses me off) I used the yellow pages for a counselor, and did ok I guess. I had a really hard time cause I had to wait a long time to get in anywhere and it was all so expensive. I couldn't work depressed, and money was so short... I'd have to say my Doc sucked, and counseling was hard to find -S.W.

Didn't do any of that. None of my doctors know. I'll mention it to my OB if I get pregnant again. Finding counseling is easy - finding the right one is an ordeal. -P.J.

I called the DAD number, found the liason in my town and she said they only got people together as a need arised. Never heard from her again. -K.V.

Moms Offering other Moms Support M.O.M.S. My OB was not understanding because he did not accept my problems as PPD. My second doctor was very understanding and took the time to help me. -A.G.

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