"When The Coast Is Clear" Top 10 Lists

• Top 10 Items Found Under the Lone Palm
• Top 10 Reasons Why Buffett Is Better Than Elvis
• Top 10 Reasons Why Buffett Isn't Playing the Pacific NW This Year

TOP 10 ITEMS FOUND UNDER THE LONE PALM

# 10: 2 Empty Chairs
# 9: Elvis' Blue Suede Shoes
# 8: Shaker of Salt
# 7: Palm Fronds
# 6: Jet Ski Killer's Taped Confession
# 5: Lime Rinds
# 4: Footprints In the Sand
# 3: JuicyFruit Gum Wrappers
# 2: Doubloon's

And the # 1 Item Found Under The Lone Palm: 2 Tickets to 1997 Buffett concert at the Gorge in George, WA.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY BUFFETT IS BETTER THAN ELVIS

• Buffett sings about his old hound Spooner "Growing old on beef and bacon in a doghouse 10' round" | Elvis grows to 10' round from eating beef and bacon
• Buffett collectable: Autographed BBBB box set | Elvis collectable: A 1" sweat stained square of his scarf
• Buffett acts up on stage | Elvis thought he could act
• Buffett frequent companions: Snake and Jimmy D | Elvis frequent companions: Hush puppies and mashed potatoes
• Most Buffett fans don't feel the need to see his house | Elvis fans HAVE to make a "pilgrimage"
• Buffett imitators: A1A and Mango Men | Elvis imitators
• Buffett goes to the beach | Elvis goes to the buffet
• Remove one letter from Buffett's name and you get "buffet" | Remove one letter from Elvis' name and you get "evil"
• Buffett learned about the ocean from his grandfather | Elvis learned how to swivel his hips from Forrest Gump
• Buffett related vacation: Sailing down to Antigua | Elvis related vacation: Standing in line at Graceland

TOP 10 REASONS WHY BUFFETT ISN'T PLAYING THE PACIFIC NW THIS YEAR
Direct from the home office in beautiful Kennewick, WA

# 10: No Exploding Volcanos
# 9: Summer only comes to the NW once every 4 years
# 8: One word - flannel
# 7: Couldn't top the Orcus Porkus II event
# 6: NWers party better than Bubba does
# 5: "And I know it's all California's fault"
# 4: The Carnival got stopped by the Moses Lake police department for speeding ... Don't Stop The Carnival
# 3: Bigfoot beat up on Booger the manatee
# 2: Jimmy wanted to keep my record of zero concert attendances intact

And the # 1 reason Buffett isn't playing the Pacific NW this year: Jimmy got cold feet

This page last updated September 24, 1997
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