The Official Charter
of the
Royal Order of Low-Lifes

Proposed and adopted this 27th day of April, 1996 A.D.
Revised this 3rd day of June, 1996 A.D.

The Universe's only Royal Order of Low-Lifes

(as far as we know or care).

Article I

Section 1:

The official name shall be the Secret Protective Order Of the Grand Empire of the Royal Low-Lifes. The name Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall also be acceptable, as we really don't care for the most part.

Section 2:

The Royal Order of Low-Lifes was created by the Illustrious Royal Ruler, Prince Wilson and his band of not-so-merry-men for the purpose of lightening up the fuddy-duddies of the world and giving all anal retentive persons from Jefferson City and Shelbyville/Shelbina (and the surrounding community) a reason to laugh at themselves.

The main purpose behind the Royal Order of Low-Lifes is the quest for relief from the monotonous and altogether stupid-as-hell life as responsible members of the human race. Along with that main purpose comes the annoying presence of family, apple pie and motherhood. HOWEVER, WE DO NOT HOST OR PARTICIPATE IN FAMILY REUNIONS, NOR DO WE IN ANY WAY CONDONE SUCH BOURGEOIS PRACTICES.

Section 3:

The Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall seek out acceptance with the zeal we seek out warm cow pies. We in no way shall consider another's approval to be required, let alone healthy. The Royal Order of Low-Lifes doesn't give a dern (edited for publication purposes) what anyone thinks. PERIOD.

Section 4:

Keep reading...it gets better.

Article II

Section 1--Executive officers:

The executive officers of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall be the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother. No more than two executive officers shall be acceptable, as only two persons have ever been fit to hold the illustrious title, Royal Ruler Prince Wilson and Queen Mother Helen. Whatever, the Royal Ruler and the Queen Mother control the Executive branch and can alter the structure of the branch as they feel fit. The Royal Ruler and Queen Mother shall be appointed by God, and shall be demoted upon death, or upon discontent from the remainder of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes.

The Royal Ruler and Queen Mother shall have full executive power and may veto any act of the Legislature if they feel the Legislature will not whoop their butt (edited for publication purposes) for it. The Royal Ruler and Queen Mother must approve unanimously any amendments to this Charter, whether or not the Legislature would whoop their butt (edited for publication purposes) for it, even though the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother probably would approve it if it meant they wouldn't get their butts (edited for publication purposes) whooped--not that the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother are wimps, or anything.

Section 2--Executive Council:

The Executive Council shall be made up of the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother and Governors. The Royal Ruler and Queen Mother of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall have the power to appoint persons to the Executive Council with the title of Governor. The Governors have no real purpose except to hang around and give pointless advice and publish annoying and useless Low-Life BULLetins. In fact, they are not even a real cabinet because those people usually have something to do. The Governors may, however, be given mindless, yet important, tasks like keeping these campouts going or, well, that's about the only important thing. The Governors shall be appointed from the rank of Senators in the Forum. They will be given the cool title of Governor and maybe even a department to pretend with.

Section 3--Legislature:

The Legislature of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall be made up of all members, including those with a big head who sincerely believe they are the ultimate in Low-Life, and shall be called the Forum. The Forum members shall hold the title of Senator, if they have no better title like Royal Ruler and Queen Mother, Governor, etc. The Forum shall conduct business with at least one half of all members present including at least one half of the Executive Council. The Executive Council shall appoint one of themselves as Emperor of the Forum, who shall preside over the business. The Executive Council shall control the agenda for the Forum. A simple majority of those present is required to pass all business unless the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother change it for some reason.

Section 4--Judicial:

The Judicial branch of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes shall be made up of the Executive Council and one other Senator appointed by the Forum as Captain of the Guard. The Captain of the Guard shall serve as Sergeant at Arms and shall bust anyone's butt (edited for publication purposes) who pretends to be middle-class or higher during an official Royal Low-Life Campout or get-together. If anyone ever requests a hearing, then the Captain of the Guard serves as prosecutor and busts their butt (edited for publication purposes) before the judges, or Executive Council.

Article III

Section 1--Membership:

In order to become a member of the Royal Order of Low-Lifes, a person must exhibit a strong will to be campy, indifferent, apathetic and totally oblivious as to how others see or perceive them. In other words, we will not beg anyone to join the Royal Order, because if they're too pompous to enthusiastically pursue membership and join stupid organizations, then they're certainly not the type to join us. If, after an extensive background check and approval, a person still believes they want to join, then they must be sponsored by a member at a meeting of the Forum. At the meeting of the Forum, the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother and Governors and other ridiculous persons can grill them with questions as they see fit. Then, the Forum votes and such and they either accept them or shove them out with a round of laughter. Either way, this gives the Forum something to do. Upon acceptance by the Forum, they become a member with WannaBe status. WannaBe status does not provide any privileges nor rights other than the right and privilege to be surrounded by such an distinguished group of Low-Lifes. They also will be assigned various mundane duties such as killing flying insects, traffic and parking control, and waiting on the Queen Mother hand and foot. Only birth or marriage into the Low-Life Kingdom ensures lifetime membership and rights.

Section 2--Parliamentary Procedure:

The parliamentary procedure that follows was pioneered by the Royal Order of Low-Lifes at their first official charter meeting held April 27, 1996, at Shelbina Lake in Shelbina, Missouri.

Part A -- The basic motion in the Forum or other meeting is the (edited for publication purposes). A (edited for publication purposes) is just like saying I move blah blah blah. Example: I have a motion ((edited for publication purposes)) that we have campouts at least monthly. Part B -- A (edited for publication purposes) should be seconded, but sometimes after a big pot of beans it may thirded and fourthed. Part C -- After a (edited for publication purposes) has been seconded, it is put forth for a vote. The Royal Ruler or the Queen Mother or Governor serving as Emperor of the Forum shall call for the vote. All members who wish to vote yeah shall say "That smelt good!". ' All members in opposition to the (edited for publication purposes) shall say "PHEW". Any person wussing out and abstaining shall say ‘I didn't smell anything' and be humiliated before the Forum. The (edited for publication purposes) must have a simple majority to pass.

Part D -- The Royal Ruler and Queen Mother shall have the power to veto any (edited for publication purposes) if they are not in approval. By doing so, they pretty much shove the (edited for publication purposes) back in the Forum's face. The Forum can override the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother's vote only with a unanimous vote, with exception of the Royal Ruler and Queen Mother , of course.

Section 3--Affiliations:

The Royal Order of Low-Lifes may not create other organizations to accompany it on its pathetic struggle for life. They may however, create all sorts of neat get rich quick schemes and businesses. In fact, they can do anything they want.

Section 4--Mascots:

The Royal Order of Low-Lifes official mascots shall be the Widgeon and Flamingo. The Widgeon shall be held in the highest regard while the Flamingo, being a campy little object and signifying typical Low-Life behavior, shall be treated with little, if any respect.

Section 5--Newsletter:

The Royal Order of Low-Lifes official publication shall be called the Low-Life BULLetin. It will be published whenever and however by the official Low-Life Secretary - Princess Ann. Any other Low-Life member possessing the stupidity to ridicule or complain about the content shall be removed from the mailing list. Letters to the Editor are welcome, however the Editor reserves the right to edit for grammar and space.

Section 6--Archives:

All information concerning the Low-Life Kingdom shall be retained, maintained, and contained in the Official Low-Life Scrapbook. The keeping of the Official Low-Life Scrapbook shall the duty of the Low-Life BULLetin editor. However, the editor will NOT be responsible for keeping a journal. Regardless of what the Queen Mother decrees.