This is the story of a small but fearsome little river in Scotland and how I came to get my ass quite literally pounded by it.
The Ewe runs from Loch Maree one mile into Poolewe and the sea. At Poolewe it goes under the road bridge. I had eyed up the lovely river and its little rapid under the bridge from the first time I ever drove through Poolewe. How nice, a short river with a road up the side, a short grade 3-ish rapid with a nice pool, then the wide bay. Nothing scary. I looked at the river many times. I did notice a variation in severity, after heavy rains as usual. It was about 5 years before I was able to "have a go".
We were in Scotland for a spot of walking and some kayak coaching later in the week. We had some duckies with us so we went to have a look at the Ewe.
I peered down from the bridge as I had done so many times before. Everything looked pretty nice. There was a series of lateral set-up waves and a chicken run to the left. A moderate drop/shoot through the middle with a lot of the glassy green. Two boulders lurked in the outflow at the bottom of the drop but they were very well covered. A pool/eddy at the left gave egress to the road. Lookin' nice. Worst case scenario - a flip going in and a fast ride down the shoot in the neoprene sled. Boulders - mayyyybe. But they are deep down and there is lots of the green stuff between there and the surface.
We looked and looked and figured the line and how to set up and then we went off up the road to get ready.
As we were laying out the gear in the now light drizzle, a beige Mercedes pulls up. There is a Labrador in the back. There is a lady of indeterminate age in the front. She has wild grey hair and is wearing tweeds. We reckon it must be "that McKenzie woman". Our hosts had told us about this one. Married into the clan, and much vexing to the locals as she lords it over the estates. She rolls the window down...
We smile nicely, putting on helmets and PDFs. Don't worry - we know what we're doing and the Werul-puul is just a flat eddy.
She rolls up the windonw and flounses off.
I put in with no further ado and the first part is wonderful. Nice bouncy wavetrains and everything is cozy. I take out briefly just before the bridge so my companions, husband and cousin, can take up their stations below the bridge...just in case. We almost laugh at the apparent absurdity of it. But then it is the best view of course.
We check the set-up line once more, and somehow the noise of the rapid seems to be quite loud. But hey - we scouted it at length - we know the line, we know the worst case. Yah
So I peel out into the flow and approach the horizon line, making left for the smooth water. But the little lateral waves are not so little anymore and I am mercilessly flipped and spat straight into the main shoot - now a trough??!! how did this get to be a trough...it wasn't a trough before...as I realise that this river is tidal and so when the tide goes out, the rapid gets harder. The water level at the outflow drops, the gradient increases, everything is clear to me now...so clear
I take the shoot and go down, very deep. A glassy green place...very pretty really...reminds me vaguely of the inside of a crevasse. Hmmmm.....Staying down a while now...Hmmm.....yyeessss.....interesting...hmmmmm.Then I'm trying to get my feet forward to ward off the first boulder I know is inevitable now when it pounds my right thigh and propells me to the surface. I manage a tap on my helmet to my astounded team. There is nothing they can do as I slide down into the next dip. Must...get....feet...forwwaaaaooowow. Legz-shinz-ankles..This could stop now. And it does. Two boulders - two knocks. I surface get into the eddy, grab the boat. Paddle is long gone, out to sea. I let go of the paddle...baaad.
I drag the boat up to the road as my compatriots join me. Much gabbling as we all reassure each other that everthing is OK now. My cousin recounts it was like a giant kicked me up the ass and out of the water at that first boulder.
Roadside Damage Assessment - Deep gouge in right thigh neoprene and big pain but no blood pouring so no flesh wound. Right knee - flesh wound bleeding copiously but looking much worse because of the rain/water dripping down the legs. Right ankle very sore. Booties and neoprene save the day. Wish I had worn full length legs.
I am dragging my ass and the boat down the road through the rain towards the car, trying to "walk it off". Blood is still running down my legs and I'm somewhat dazed by it all. A beige Mercedes pulls up...The window rolls down in agonising slow-motion...The labrador drool lunges down through thickened air as time slows...
But all is not over yet. I go down to the beach in search of the paddle, still in the hope of "walking it off". Getting changed and patching the damage with duct tape in the confines of the car was painfull to say the least. There is a worrying egg-sized lump on my ankle, a good flesh wound below the right knee and a hand-sized hard haematoma on my thigh.
Unbelievably, a seal pops up right near the shore. Another Labrador, but this one is free from the McKenzie scourge. "Hey", I tell him, "guess what...". Yes, I am talking out loud to the seal. "I got creamed by that river and I let go of my paddle...and I now can't find it....help?" He gives me a look like - yeah well you shouldn't go on it when the tide is low, stupid - and disappears.
A little while later my companions are out on the glassy bay, just messing around in the kayaks, when a seal surfaces nearby. A little nervous, but in fits of wonder, they watch him as he slinks below the surface and pops up a little further on...and waits. They paddle over. He does the same trick. 5 more times the seal is to do this aquatic tag, and when he finally disappears, a good half mile from where it all started, the paddle is bobbing right in front of their boats.
I am as speechless as they are excited and we are all not quite sure what to make of it all. Guess nature blesses the adventuring fool, once.
The incident did give me a lot of confidence on the other easier rivers we were to run during the week, and I will never look at a tidal rapid the same way again.
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See ya on the river...
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