Disclaimer
The following is a work of fanfiction using various famous names of anime, the events which follow do not necessarily represent any of the producers opinions of these people, any resemblance of certain real events is purely coincidental, and anyway
ITS JUST CLAY .(sort of)
Thankyou
MTVs
CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH
ANIME EDITION
DEADEYE
Voice 1: What happens when a rivalry spanning across several wars finally comes to a breaking point? TOTAL CHAOS!!!
Voice 2: Then after that, its the battle of the long haired ones, the anime series versus video game smash battle, the masked Char Aznable rip off vs. the Masamune hefting SOLDIER, THIS IS THREE FIGHTS IN ONE!
Voice 1: And for our main event tonight, its a rematch of species, as once again a genetically created creature vs. a super sayjin (loser).
Voice 2: YOURE WATCHING CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!!!
::logo::
Voice 2: Um, not exciting enough
::
LOGO::Voice 2: Much better!
Voice 1: Good evening all you chaos worshippers out there! This is Celebrity Deathmatch, Im Dragonett.
Voice 2: And Im Nix.
Dragonett: Youre probably wondering what happened to Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond, well, they, umm, took a vacation.
::Meanwhile::
Johnny: Dammit Nick! Cant you untie these ropes!
Nick: Im sorry Johnny but she tied hundred pound weights to me.
Johnny: When we get out of here Im gonna murder that bitch!
Nick: IM GETTING CLAUSROPHIC!!! HELP!!!!!!
Johnny: Damn closet
::Back in the hosting booth::
Nix: Tonight we have three great deathmatches for you as well as a special presentation. Our first fight of the night involves two Gundam pilots whove gathered a lot of scores to settle between themselves, but it all ends tonight! Two pilots go in, only one comes out, Duo vs. Wufei!
Dragonett: The second fight tonight is one that we think is rather one sided. Zechs Marquise, who claims he mastered the long white haired look in 1986, is now pissed off at Final Fantasy VII star Sephiroth for using it in 1997. We can only pray that Zechs may find the power to win psh, like thatll ever happen maybe hell notice Sephiroths hair is silver before the match.
Nix: And for our final fight of the night, two RFC guest fighters duke it out in a no holds barred match, Kobra vs. Jason!
Dragonett: And the special presentation weve been talking about will be carried out after that. If youve been watching the past few months youll know about our "Most Dangerous Sayjin of the Year" Tournament, if you dont, SUCKS TO BE YOU!
Nix: ::kicks Dragonett under table::
Dragonett: Ow on second thought I guess we will tell you, the Tournament was first started a few months ago, and there were a few good entries, but this one, who entered mid way in the tournament, punched, kicked, and ki blasted his was to the top. Who is this Sayjin? We now go to Majin Brockman for more details. Majin?
Majin: Thank you Dragonett, now as all of you whove been watching know, this years competition was fierce and competetive, we saw many a talent blossom, and many die, an from the ashes of it all came drumroll please
Sound man: Im not giving you a drumroll dumbass!
Majin: Fine, go home without youre paycheck for two months in a row and see what I care!
::Drumroll::
Majin: Thank you and the winner is DEADEYE! (Hey, I had to SOMEHOW get myself into this one, lol) He hails from California, and entered the tournament, as you said, about midway in a method that stirred up some controversy.
::Archive footage::
Vegeta: IS THIS ALL YOU HAVE FOR ME! BRING ME YOUR STRONGEST FIGHTER AND Ill PROVE HERE AND NOW THAT I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT!!!! I AM THE MASTER OF ALL SAY
Trunks: ::on canvas in agony:: f father!
Vegeta: SHUT UP BOY! CANT YOU SEE IM PRETENDING TO BE MACHO?! WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!
Trunks: ::still in agony:: do you do you do you have any money I could borrow for some ice cream?
Vegeta: Gah. ::blows Trunks up::
Trunks: ::dead:: ow
Vegeta: Cmon! BRING THE STRONGEST FIGHTER HERE!!!
Random Audience Member: Man will you shut the hell up!
Vegeta: WHAT! YOU DARE DEFY ME!
Random Audience Member: I dare! You used sedatives on him before the fight!
Vegeta: ::hides darts:: Its a lie! ::smirks:: Hmm, I think I know just the person to get rid of you! ::whistles::
::In the lobby::
Snack guy: AAAAHHH!!!! GET OUT EVERYONE! EVACUATE!!!
Brolli: ::Eating snack stand:: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ::quites down as he hears whistle:: Um, Brolli sorry, cant play no more, big boss person calling, be back soon, buh bye! ::waves then breaks through the wall into the arena::
LORD OF ALL SAYJINS VEGETA: Good boy Brolli!
Drunk clinically ill green lizard psycho girl: Hey Nix, did you notice something odd about the script?
Girl with a tail and wings of unknown species yet is INSIGNIFICANT!: No why?
Random Pathetic Weakling of a Spectator: QUIT SCREWING WITH THE SCRIPT!!!
LORD OF ALL SAYJINS VEGETA: Brolli, see that guy in the camo coat in the front row, HES RANDOM!
VEGETAS PATHETIC LACKEY BROLLI: NOT RANDOM ENOUGH!!! why is Brollis name so stupid?
LORD OF ALL SAYJINS VEGETA: Shut up and eat him peon!
VEGETAS PATHETIC LACKEY BROLLI: Me think you should change name now
::Brolli vision::
RANDOM LORD OF ALL SAYJINS VEGETA: Why? ::looked at strangely by Brolli:: Oh uh
::UnBrolli vision::
Brolli: Thankyou .BLLLLLAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!! MUST KILL NOT RANDOM ENOUGH PATHETIC WEAKLING OF A SPECTATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS RANDOM PATHETIC WEAKLING OF A SPECTATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS ::breath:: RANDOM AUDIENCE PERSON!!!!
Not Random Enough Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As Random Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As ::Breath:: Random Audience Person: YEAH!? BRING IT ON and shorten my name PLEASE! >.<
à
NOTß RANDOM LORD OF ALL SAYJINS VEGETA: ::with script:: whew. That was a close one. Hey Brolli, did you know Not Random Enough Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As Random Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As ::Breath:: Random Audience Person is also Gokus friend!?!?Brolli: YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MUST KILL NOT RANDOM ENOUGH PATHETIC WEAKLING OF A SPECTATOR WHO IS ALSO GOKUS FRIEND FORMERLY KNOWN AS NOT RANDOM ENOUGH PATHETIC WEAKLING AS A SPECTATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS RANDOM PATHETIC WEAKLING OF A SPECTATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS ::breath:: RANDOM AUDIENCE PERSON!!!
Not Random Enough Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As Not Random Enough Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As Random Pathetic Weakling Of A Spectator Formerly Known As ::Breath:: Random Audience Person: QUIT F(bleep)ING ADDING STUFF TO MY F(bleep)ING NAME!! ::Goes Super Sayjin::
SCARED OUT OF HIS ASS VEGETA: WHAT?! HES A SUPER SAYJIN!?! AND HE CHANGED MY NAME! HES GOT WRITERS POWERS!!!
Brolli: ::tired:: Aw come on boss! Im tired of saying his name over and over again!
Deadeye: Hows this?
Brolli: Thanks! YAAAAAAAHHHH MUST KILL DEADEYE!
::Brolli lunges at Deadeye only to receive the business end of a ki blast::
Brolli: ::dead:: ow
Pissed His Pants Because Hes Scared Out Of His Ass Vegeta: WHAT?! NOT YOU AGAIN!!! AND I DID NOT!!!
::Image freezes and Majin starts talking::
Majin: The footage after this was too violent to show, BUT YOU CAN GET TOO HOT FOR MTVS CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF $99.99!!! VIOLENCE TO THE EXTREME!!! YEAH!!!
::Back to Lindsay (smack) OW! I mean Totty! (smack) OW! I mean Majin!::
Majin: Thankyou so much.
::bite me::
Dragonett: Those action bubbles are getting more and more obstinate
::Dragonetts real name is Naomi::
Dragonett: THATS IT!!!
::Dragonett does nothing, since this bubble indicates what she does and it will not say it ::
(Dragonett blows the action bubble away)
::DAMN BRACKETS!::
Nix: Well fans, for you, rather than just having Deadeye show up just at the end, Hell be guest hosting this entire episode!
Dragonett: and here he is!
Deadeye: (walking in) Hey people! WAAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUUUP!
Dragonett: WAAAAAAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
Nix: WAAAAAAAAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
Deadeye: Is it just you two here?
Nix: No we gotta camera crew right there!
Camera Crew: WAAAAAAAAAZZUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!
Deadeye: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUP!!!
Camera Crew: Hey Majin pick up the phone!
Majin: (picking up phone sitting right next to Deadeye) Hello?
Deadeye: (into phone with Majin right next to him) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Majin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Camera Crew: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Dragonett: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Nix: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Deadeye: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!! (P.S. !!!) (hangs up)
Dragonett: So Deadeye, welcome to Deathmatch!
Deadeye: It feels great to be here!
Nix: Deadeye, all our fans out there would like to know what it takes to be the Most Dangerous Sayjin Of The Year!
Deadeye: Well, first of all you have to be a sayjin (Nix and Dragonett fall over anime style) and second of all youve gotta have writer powers, so all of you out there that dont, YOU SUCK!
Nix: Well, with that extremely mature report lets move on to our first fight!
(A vs. picture with Duo and Wufei shows up on screen)
Nix: These two have had a long history together..and it all sucked, these two guys have been REALLY pissed off, for a REALLY long time, and theyre both gundam pilots, and that can only spell Chaos!
Dragonett: (Powering up involuntarily) CHAOS BABY! YEAH!
::Moves down to the fight:: (How did you get back here!?)
Judge Mills Lane: Alright you two pretty boys, I dont imagine that youd normally have much of a fight, but the fact that youre both gundam pilots make it different, I WILL HAVE NO TALK ABOUT NO PURPOSE TO THIS FIGHT OR ANY PHILOSOPHICAL INSIGHTS WHATSOEVER! THE FIRST ONE TO DO THAT GETS IT!
Duo and Wufei: ::Gulp:: (HEY THATS MY LINE!)
Mills Lane: NOW LETS GET IT ON!
::Ding Ding:: (DAMMIT!)
Wufei: Im gonna enjoy killing you slow and painfully Duo!
Duo: Yeah like I never heard that before!
Wufei: Whats with that large trenchcoat youre wearing anyway?
Duo: none of your beezwax!
(Wufei charges Duo and looks like hes gonna punch but then kicks Duo in the jaw sending him spinning to the ground)
Nix: hey whered the other action bubble go?
(nowhere ^_^() ) :: X.x ::
Duo: (spits out tooth) Thats it Wufei! Your ass is going down! (Duo gets up and pulls out two pieces of metal rod from his trenchcoat and screws them together, one has a slit on the top and Duo takes a curve blade out of his trenchcoat and puts it through the slit) :: x.X ::
Dragonett: Holy crap! Hes actually brought a scythe with him into the ring!
Deadeye: COOL! Thisll get messier before it gets cleaner! ^_^
Nix: How the hell did he get that past security?!
(flashback) :: >.< ::
Guard: Im afraid Im gonna have to turn you in for carrying a concealed weapon.
Duo: (Dangles a twenty in front of guard)
Guard: (stashes it) Move along.
(Back to the present) :: -.- ::
(Duo runs up and slices with the scythe but Wufei jumps backwards dodging it until eventually he cant back up any longer and is forced against the ropes as Duo makes a small gash on Wufeis chest) :: -_- ::
Wufei: SHIT! THAT HURT! OW! THATS IT! (Motions toward audience, Sally stands up and throws a box into the ring, Wufei opens the box and takes out two swords) ::THATS IT! GO TIME!::
Deadeye: Whoo boy! Wufeis skill with a sword far outweighs Duos skill with anything this sould be a short fight! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..shouldnt the brackets be telling us what theyre doing?
(Youre mother was a question mark!!!) ::HOW DARE YOU!!!::
Dragonett: ::sweatdrop:: Aw for the love of ::goes divine chaos three:: WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE F(bleep) UP!!!
(eep!) ::eek!::
Deadeye: I think Ill take out the action bubble since it already smarted off at us
(He did again, just now!) ::I didnt, ever!::
Deadeye: Alright alright! Word bubble go sit in the corner!
(WEEHEE!) ::Aw shit ::
(Duo slices with the scythe again but its deflected by Wufeis swords. Wufei then leaps over Duo and tries to stab him in the back but Duo deflects it with the metal staff of the scythe. They both stand there for a few seconds trying to push each other back before Wufei ducks down, but Duo didnt stop pushing and he falls forward, Wufei hits the scythe out into the audience.)
Random Audience Member: ooh ooh! Foul! Foul! Igotit Igotit I (scythe lands, impaling Random Audience member in the head) Yeah! Woohoo! (Dies)
Dragonett: And there goes another satisfied customer!
Deadeye: Well that was strange
(Duo gets back to his feet and brings up his fists, Wufei charges but Duo ducks and gets on the inside of him and punches him in the gut.)
Duo: HAHA! TAKE THAT!
Wufei: wow that was surprisingly un-painful!
Duo: Shit. (gets stabbed in arm) AAAAGH!
Dragonett: Well this match is over.
Random Audience Member: DUO!!!
Deadeye: Wait a second I thought Random Audience Member was dead!
Random Audience Member #2: Geeze you gotta complain about everything, DUO!!!
Nix: Holy crap! Its Hilde!
(Hilde walks from her seat and gets in the ring.)
Hilde: Cmon Duo! You were saying how you could all beat Wufei up yesterday!
Duo: ..hallo ..all you happy people .in . (faints because of blood loss)
Wufei: That guys your boyfriend huh?
Hilde: (hand over face) Whatever, Ill do it for him! (wrenches the other sword out of Duos arm.)
Duo: Ow! That hurt! Cant you j
Hilde: BE QUIET!
Duo:
yesmWufei: Oh, great, a woman, this will certainly be a chaACK! (Wufei is caught off guard as Hilde leaps in the air, Wufei blocks the attack and narrowly avoids being cut down the middle.) Lucky shot now you ACK! (Wufei narrowly avoids another swing)
Deadeye: Hmm, third times a charm.
Wufei: Okay now your ARGH! (Wufei gets hit by the swing and his shoulder is deeply cut into) OKAY THATS IT! YAAAAH!!!
Nix: Well, who couldve guessed that Hilde was such a chaotic bitch!
Dragonett: Hey man, Im the chaotic bitch around here!
Deadeye: Whoo! Look at her go!
Dragonett: (at Deadeye)
SHUT UP!Deadeye: (falls over backwards in chair)
Wufei: (trying repeatedly to hit Hilde but being blocked or missing each time) Dammit! Youre a woman! You cant beat me! (Finally manages to hit Hildes sword out of her hand.)
Random Audience Member #3: Another foul! I got it!
Deadeye: -.-() There goes another one.
(GISH!)
R.A.M.#3: Woohoo! (dies)
(Wufei punches Hilde in the chin, causing her to fly back into the ropes and making them smash her into the canvas.)
Hilde:
ooooh . (shakes head, Wufei comes up and grabs her by the neck of her shirt.)Wufei: Hah! You stupid fool! You think you, a hardly experienced woman, could win against a GUNDAM PILOT!!! Dont make me laugh! In fact I am going to right now, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Nix: And it looks like this match is over again
Deadeye: (gets back up) Yeah and Wufei stole Duos lines again! hey wheres Dragonett?
Nix: Wheres Duo for that matter?
Deadeye: Dunno, I dont see him any THERE HE IS! UP AT THE ENTRANCE!!!
(The spotlights go to the entrance where Duo stands holding a rocket launcher.)
Duo: Omae O Korosu bitch! (fires, at the last second Wufei ducks down to the ground and the rocket misses him, impacting into the east seating side and killing hundreds of spectators.)
Wufei: (getting back up) Where the hell did he get that?!
Deadeye: (hides money he got from selling the rocket launcher) Where the hell indeed!
Duo: (walks down and gets back into the ring) Wufei Ive told you this before, NOBODY STEALS MY LINES! (Duo jumps up and kicks Wufei in the jaw, sending him flying into the turnpike.)
Nix: Well this is certainly a turn of events, Duos dominating the fight!
Wufei: (spits out tooth) Yeah?! I did before in Natakus Problem and you remember how that ended up! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK ITS GONNA BE ANY DIFFERENT THIS TIME!?
(Duo walks up and starts punching Wufei in the face repeatedly. However, Wufei manages to catch Duos hand and twist it, sending him sprawling down onto the mat, he picks him up and lifts him over his head, facing the turnpike.)
Deadeye: Whoa! It appears that Wufei is actually going to impale Duo on the turnpike!
Wufei: Shinigami my ass!
(Wufei throws Duo down, but Duos gone, Wufei looks behind him to see Duo had rolled back out of his hands.)
Duo: Sup? (grabs Wufeis head and hits it on the top of the turnpike repeatedly until it smashes all the way through his head.)
Deadeye: (mouth wide open) .I cant believe it Nix, tell me that Duo just killed Wufei and Im not crazy .Nix .Nix? (looks down to see Nix unconscious from shock.) yeah I agree
Mills Lane: (holding up Duos hand) THE WINNER! Cover up that wound boy your bleeding all over my outfit!
Duo: Oh sorry
Deadeye: (getting bucket of water) Well, that raps up the first fight of tonight, well be right b WHAT THE HELL?!
(Dragonett gets in the ring.)
Dragonett: Hilde! IM The chaotic bitch around here! SO DONT TREAD ON MY TURF!!!!
Hilde: Gah, why dont you just let someone from today have it, not you and your oldschool violence! : P
Dragonett: THATS IT!
(Dragonett wraps her tail around Hildes waist and cuts her in half.)
Duo: Hilde! NO! (sees beautiful blonde bimbo holding up a Marry me Duo! sign in the audience.) WOOHOO! (runs off.)
Deadeye: Well, like I was saying, well be right back! (dumps bucket of water on Nixs head.)
Nix: AW GODDAMIT YOU M(bleep)ER F(bleep)ER IM GONNA KI
(Technical difficulties sign.)