Goku: (original japanese voice) I’d like a big new yorker with extra toppings!
Pizza phone guy: Right Ma’am would you like a drink with that?
Goku: I’M NOT A MA’AM!!!
P.P.G.: Riiiiiiiight…now you want that drink or what.
Goku: SCREW YOU TOO! (smashes reciever on phone, causing the desk it is on the be crushed.) oops…
Manly voice: Is your feminine voice causing you to be miserable and randomly wreck your furniture?
Goku: What?
Puar: (manly voice) Then try FUNImation pills! They will enhance performance and improve your sex life!
Goku: REALLY?! HEY CHI CHI!
Puar: (looks at pills) oh, wait, wrong pills. (grabs the right ones) These will give you the forceful manly voice you’ve always wanted!
Goku: Cool! Lemme try them! (swallows one) (FUNI voice) Wow! These work great! Thanks Puar! (grabs phone)
Pizza Guy: Hello?
Goku: GIMME A PIZZA RIGHT NOW OR I’LL DESTROY YOU!!!
Pizza Guy: ACK! OKAY SIR RIGHT AWAY!
Goku: DAMN STRAIGHT! (hangs up) These are incredible! I can already feel all the profanity leaving my head! Thanks Puar!
Puar: Your welcome Goku, and remember, I’m not just the president of the voice club for FUNI, I’m aslo a member!
Vegeta: (bursting in) YOU BASTARD! LISTEN TO WHAT YOU DID TO MY VOICE! IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU F(bleep)ING STUCK A FROG DOWN MY THROAT!!!! BULMA LEFT ME FOR SOME OTHER GUY THAT HAD A SMOOTH VOICE! DIEEEEE!!!!
Puar: ACK!
Note: Your results may vary.
(Back to the show)
Dragonett: Welcome back Deathmatchers!
Nix: We had a few problems when we left but now they are all taken care of. (smirks)
Deadeye: (stuffed in a trashcan) MMMFFFMMMFFFF!!!
Dragonett: Well, after the first match the crowd demanded a rematch, however that’s impossible as Wufei is now dead. Majin?
Majin: Thanks Dragonett, after the match the crowd demanded a rematch.
Dragonett: I just said that.
Majin: I’m getting to it! Anyway, they claimed that since Hilde interceded that the match wasn’t fair, our winner had this to say.
Duo: (Drunk and holding a beautiful blonde bimbo at his side) I WON I WON NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! WOOHOO!!!
Majin: As you can see, he’s handling it very maturely, back to you.
Dragonett: Thanks, next up we have a match that will be over in a matter of moments, Zechs is getting pissed off at the use of his "trademark" long hair look and has challenged SOLDIER General Sephiroth to a deathmatch, Majin?
Majin: Thanks, you could’ve just left it with me.
Dragonett: (pissed off) I don’t make the script!
Majin: Whatever, anyway, Zechs had this to say to Sephiroth.
Zechs: YOU MAY THINK YOU ARE THE PERFECT SOLDIER! BUT YOURE NOT! I AM! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! YO ASS IS GOIN DOWN FOR COPYING MY HAIR STYLE AND COLOR! DIEEE!!!
Majin: Sephiroth had this to say in reply.
Sephiroth:…………………………but my hair is silver!
Majin: Defenitely what we all thought, a matter of fact the only reason Sephirtoh objects to this match…is that it is a totally stupid waste of his time, back to you.
Dragonett: Right, now let’s..
Majin: You’re supposed to say "Thank you Majin."
Dragonett: (rolls eyes) Thank-you-Ma-jin, now let’s take a look at the slight likenesses to each other, first off, they both have tried to destroy a planet, and second…um, they are both soldiers…and I can’t think of any more…
Nix: Me either, lets go down to the ring!
(At the ring.)
Mills Lane: Okay you two, although I doubt this fight will last long…
Zechs: Don’t worry I’ll try to stretch it out just for the crowd before I kill him.
Mills Lane: …ooaky then…NOW LET’S GET IT ON!
(Ding Ding)
Zechs: Hah! Now you will feel my wrath! Scared now huh punk! WON’T COPY ME ANY MORE AFTER THIS! Look at these beautiful white locks! YOU CAN’T COPY OFF THE ORIGINAL!!! Besides, nobody likes you, THEY ALL BOW DOWN TO ME! BOW TO ME AUDIENCE!
Audience: BOOO!!!! HISSS!!!!
Cloud: GO ZECHS! (pummeled by various airborne snack items)
Zechs: Damn, note to self: Have the audience incinerated after match. C’mon Sephiroth hit me! Wanna think you’re all bad now prove it!
Sephiroth: You sure you want me to do that?
Zechs: GO AHEAD! YOU HAVE BE TAUGHT A LESSON FOR COPYING MY HAIR!!!!
Sephiroth: FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME MY HAIR IS à SILVERß !!!!!!!!!!!
Zechs: Oh sure lie your way out of it, C’mon!
Sephiroth: I could think of about a hundred other people who would rather kill you.
Heero: HE RIPPED FIFTY BUCKS OFF ME IN A POKER GAME!
Noin: HE NEVER CALLS ME!
(98 complaints later…)
Zechs: Now you’re trying to get me to fight someone else while you slink of in cowardice! FIGHT ME! (cut in half by Masamune.) HAH! I’M NOT DEAD YET!
Sephiroth: Okay then TRY THIS! (hits him with mastered Bolt Materia)
Zechs: (A Torso with various burns) Hah! That didn’t even faze me!
Sephiroth: Grrr…
(A half hour later.)
Zechs: (A small damaged head holding itself up with it’s tongue.) AH! ING E OUR EST OT!
Sephiroth: Dammit! What the hell are you!? (a stomps on the head repeatedly)
Zechs: (half a brain with one eye and a mouth) You’re gonna have to do better than that!
Sephiroth: F(bleep), this isn’t worth my time!
Zechs: HAH! NOW IT’S MY TURN!
Sephiroth: What are you doing?
Zechs: (furiously licking Sephiroth’s boot) Any minute now I’ll be able to lick off the skin on your foot and make you bleed to death! FEEL MY FULL FURY!
Deadeye: That’s it, I can’t stand this any more. (teleports onto the ring)
Sephiroth: Hmm? Oh, hey Deadeye.
Deadeye: Sup Sephiroth? Mind getting outta the ring for a minute? The canvas might melt.
Sephiroth: Not at all, I’m getting f(bleep)ing tired of this anyway. (walks off)
(Deadeye grabs the brain and tosses it up into the air.)
Deadeye: HYAA!
(Deadeye incinerates it with a ki blast, the power from which causes the canvas to melt.)
Audience: DEADEYE! DEADEYE! DEADEYE!
Mills Lane: (rips both of his feet out of the melted canvas and pulls Sephiroth back in the ring) The winner! Careful with that sword boy.
Sephiroth: What? (looks to see several audience members accidently impaled on Masamune.)
Deadeye: Seeya! (teleports back into booth)
Nix: Damn, that was weird…
Dragonett:…yeah…well anyway our last match is coming up, followed by the presentation for the most dangerous Sayjin! We’ll be right back!
(Commercials)
Goten: YOU ALL CANNOT STOP ME! BECAUSE I HAVE…MY CHEESE HELMET!
He thinks different.
Goten: Look! I found treasure!
Random Janitor: That’s soap on a rope!
Goten: SSSSSHHHH!
He walks different.
Goten: I’mthebackwardsmanIcanwalkbackwardsfastasyoucancusI’mthebackwardsmanthebackwardsman.
He talks different.
Goten: (into stethescope which is on his ears) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
And he acts….
Goten: (with potted plant in mouth) rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.
Random Flight Ticket Holder: Will you just gimme back my plant?!!
…different, simply because…
Goten: (with dead deer on his back in front of a speeding truck) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
He’s Son Goten.
Goten: (playing keyboard with sausage from the ceiling tied to his hands) Daddy would you like some sausage, Daddy would you like some sausage…
Veggy Got Fingered.
Goten: We want you to go to the movie, not away from the movie we want you, (spills film out of reel) ack!
In theaters April 20th.
(Back to Deathmatch.)
Dragonett: Welcome back, as Zechs promised, he did stretch out the match for the audience, just not in the way he mentioned.
Nix: But it’s good for us Deadeye stepped in, we might still be watching it!
Deadeye: Anyway, our last match of the night has been in the making for a long time.
Dragonett: That’s right, Kobra and Jason have seemingly had it out for each other from day one. Kobra is a somewhat new author at the major website (stifles laugh) the Random Fanimanga Colony, such fanfics to her name have been Cell’s Return and some fanfic about Vegeta meeting the G-boyz that I can’t remember the name of, coincidentally, the author couldn’t remember the exact name at the time this was written either, early on Deadeye held a grudge against her for inaccurately portraying him in her first fanfic.
Deadeye: (leaning back in chair) I’m over it.
Nix: Jason however, is a bit of a rip off. His fanfic Knight’s Of Peace has been compared to Deadeye’s Mobile Suit Gundam HZ for they both start off with some new guy training in a pod then fighting some death scythish mobile suit with a heavy armsesque mobile suit, a matter of fact, there’s been rumors about a sequel called The Combat of Winged Things (BadumCHING). And the likenesses don’t stop there. They both claim to be sayjins, and both of their first fanfics were Gundam Wing related. It’s also been rumored that Deadeye plans to somehow kill Jason tonight, is that true?
Deadeye: (jabbing large needle into the back of a Jason voodoo doll) It’s a lie!
Dragonett: Right, now lets get to the fight.
(Down at arena side.)
Mills Lane: Alright you two, I wanna good clean fight, no nose pinching, eye poking, nad kicking, low shots, tripping or body slamming.
Kobra: Okay you mean none of this? (pinches Jason’s nose.)
Jason: Ow!
Kobra: Or this? (pokes his eyes)
Jason: ACK!
Kobra: Or this? (kicks Jason in the OW!)
Jason: (eyes watering) Oh Dear GOD THE PAIN! (falls over)
Kobra: this… (kicks Jason while he’s on the ground)
Jason: urgh… (slowly gets up)
Kobra: this… (trips him)
Jason: WOOP! (thud!)
Kobra: Or this? (jabs her elbow into his kidney)
Jason: ARGH!
Mills Lane: Precisely, NOW LET’S GET IT ON!
Jason: (gets back to his feet and rubs his back) ow…shit.
Kobra: What is it?
Jason: I dunno a little while it just felt like someone was jabbing a large needle into my back.
Kobra: That’ll be the least of your worries! (socks him in the jaw sending him flying out of the ring, he get’s back in and starts powering up.)
Jason: Bring it on! (he Zanzokens in front of Kobra and starts throwing punches, she blocks every one then zanzokens behind him and knees him in the back and smashes him into the ring.)
Kobra: Wanna try that again?!
Jason: bite me. (climbs out of hole in the ring) EAT THIS! KAME HAME HA!!! (fires huge ki blast at Kobra, she dodges out of the way then hits him with her own blast sending him flying into the bleachers, which causes them to collapse and kill hundreds more spectators.)
Deadeye: Dayum, I bet this is the most spectators that have died in one episode!
Nix: (using calculator) I’m on it!
(Jason flies out of the wreckage and grabs Kobra’s tail, then flings her into the ground and hits the crator with hundreds of ki blasts.)
Jason: (breathing heavily) yeah…I know…when the smoke clears…she’ll just be standing there.
(The smoke clears and a small sign is there that says "Nope, I’m behind you.")
Jason: What?! AGH! (Kobra grabs him around the waist and flies at the ground, she lets go and flies back up at the last second causing him to slam into the ground.)
Kobra: Geeze, and I thought this was gonna be difficult.
(Jason gets back and powers up.)
Jason: FINAL FLASH!!!!
Kobra: ACK!
(Kobra gets hit with the blast dead on and seemingly disentigrates.)
Deadeye: Dammit.
Nix: So far about 10,364 spectators have, (EXPLODE!) …make that 10,945.
(Kobra is still in the air, but her arm was blown off.)
Jason: Shee-it.
(Kobra regenerates and disappears.)
Jason: Huh?! Where’d she go?! (looks around frantically. Suddenly a green tail wraps around his neck.)
Kobra: guess who!
(SLAM!)
Dragonett: owch, that had to hurt!…where’d Deadeye go?
Jason: (coughing up blood getting up from the ground) This fight ain…(notices shadow and looks up) SHIT! RUN! (dives out of ring.)
Kobra: Yeah you better…(notices shadow and looks up as well) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (crushed by falling rafters.)
Dragonett: HOLY SHIT!!! The rafters fell on her! And she died!
Nix: Hmm, I wonder how it is that when she gets hit with a final flash she just gets a body part blown off but when she’s hit by rafters she dies.
Kobra: (getting up from wreckage) But I’m no… (Hit on the head with a brick and falls over unconscious.)
Mills Lane: The winner!
Jason: Yes! Jason has won the National Super Star Deathmatch!
Mills Lane: Actually it’s just Celebrity Deathmatch.
Jason: No! Jason has won the Intergalactic Super Sayjin Champions of the Universe Deathmatch!
Mills Lane: Forget it (walks off) kids these days!
Nix: Well that was a dissappointment. We were all expecting more of an effort from Kobra!
Kobra: Bu I’m not dead ye (run over by random stampede of elephants.)
Dragonett: Damn, I thought the exterminator was supposed to get rid of those elephants! I wonder what caused the rafters to fall.
Nix: Me too…wait a second…there’s some movement up, get a camera up there!
(The spotlight and camera both look at the rafters.)
Deadeye: (standing in front of cut cable sheathing his sword) shit, wrong one.
Kobra: BUT I’M NOT DE (Crushed by the Outlaw Star as it lands.)
Gene: Whew! We made it! Hope we’re not too late!
Dragonett: Guess Deadeye really was planning to kill Jason tonight!
Nix: Too bad he accidently hit Kobra and killed her, giving Jason an easy victory.
Kobra: I’M NOT GODDAMN F(bleep)ING DEAD YE (Randomly abducted by aliens from Planet Gutuwata Dingdong.)
Dragonett: Yep, too bad, we’ll be back in a moment with the special presentation, so stay tuned in fans!
(Commercials, I can’t think of another one so just PRETEND!)
Dragonett: Welcome back, we’re down here in the ring with Deadeye for the awards presentation!
Nix: And so, for supreme fighting skills in the face of opponents, and super sayjin strength, the Celebrity Deathmatch crew hereby awards the ‘Most Dangerous Sayjin of the Year’ award!
Celebrity Deathmatch Crew: YAY!
Nick & Johnny: (still in closet) HELP!
Dragonett: (kicks closet) And with that, I’m Dragonett fo…
(Jason suddenly climbs into the ring and takes the trophy away from Deadeye.)
Deadeye: HEY!
Jason: Whew, thanks for giving me my award Deadeye, I almost didn’t make it in time!
Dragonett: Er, in case you hadn’t noticed, that’s Deadeye’s trophy!
Jason: (looks at trophy, Deadeye’s name is engraved in the plaque) Oh, minor error I’ll have my workers correct it, SEEYA!
Deadeye: HOLD ON A F(bleep)ING MINUTE! I FOUGHT UP THROUGH THE RANKS FOR THAT! GIVE IT BACK! NOW!
Jason: Nuh uh, this is MINE, did you see that action back there!? I figure I deserved it! The way I can now make rafters fall with my mind!
Nix: Jason, Deadeye cut the rafters.
Deadeye: Yeup.
Jason: Well then because I’m better, cooler and stronger than him.
Deadeye: (reaches for sword) Yeah, go ahead, piss me off, just have someone ready to pick up what’s left of you afterwards!
Jason: Hmm, I’m above idle threats, seeya EX champion, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I laught at your weakness! And now that I have this award my secret plan to steal your identity is now complete! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
(Deadeye zanzokens in front of Jason and cuts him in an X pattern with his sword.)
Jason: Psh, move aside weakling. (falls into four pieces) …ow…
Deadeye: (picks up trophy and sheaths sword) Wanna try that again punk?!
Jason: anyone got any duct tape?…
Nix: Well this just reaffirms Deadeye’s status of Most Dangerous Sayjin!
Deadeye: HELLZ YEAH!
Dragonett: With that, This is Dragonett for Nixxie-chan saying, Good Night! Good Fight!
(DUN DUN DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUN! DUUUH DUN!)
THE END
(scroll down for a surprise!)
(HAHAHA! MADE YOU LOOK MADE YOU LOOK!)