E n d l e s s
W a l t z:
An RFC story with no socially redeeming qualities what so ever
DEADEYE
Well, all things considered Endless Waltz is a varitable masterpiece, an epic saga of the events following the eve wars of 195, but this version isn’t so, well, epic…INSTEAD IT’S AN RFC STORY MEANT TO HAVE NO SOCIALLY REDEEMING VALUE WHATSOEVER! ALRIGHT!
It is the year AC 196, after the eve wars of AC 195 peace has finally been established and the Earth Sphere United Nations founded (dammit, now Gundam HZ isn’t accurate!). the ESUN no longer has any military force anymore and a relative feeling of peace has befallen upon the people of Earth. However, as long as mankind exists, there will always be conflict.
AC 196, Christmas Eve
Sally Poe, now a preventor for U.E.S.A., um, I mean E.S.U.N., was piloting a shuttle in the area where Libra had been shot down when the sensors indicated a unique piece of metal floating among the debris.
"INDICATING NEO-TITANIUM METAL ALLOY" The computer said
"…………"
"(errhem) INDICATING NEO-TITANIUM METAL ALLOY" the computer repeated.
"…………"
"GODDAMMIT I SAID ‘DETECTING NEO-TITANIUM METAL ALLOY!’ NOW PUT THAT F(bleep)ING GAMEBOY DOWN AND LISTEN TO ME!"
"Aw man! Game Over! Look at what you made me do!" Sally said as she put the gameboy on the console.
"DID U EVEN HEAR WHAT I SAID?!" The computer yelled.
"What?" Sally replied, the computer screen sitting on the console fell over sideways anime style.
"DETECTING NEO-TITANIUM METAL ALLOY" The computer repeated for the upteenthousandth time (has anyone ever counted to umpteenthousand? 1…2…3…4…5…)
"Oh, so what, there’s lots of metal out here! Look there’s one! There’s another one! See there is lot of metal all around here!" Sally said angrily.
"WELL THAT’S THE ONLY ONE OF NEO-TITANIUM!"
"Oh, really? Well, I guess this takes a bit of investigation."
Resource Satellite MO-II
Duo pressed the last switch on the capsule which sealed in his gundam. They had placed Wing Zero, Sandrock, Heavy Arms, and Death Scythe in capsules which were stored on MO-II, they planned to send them into the sun.
"Well that’s the last one, I’m gonna miss you Death Scythe!" Duo said as he looked down upon the face of his gundam for the last time, Quatre stood beside him, gazing into the eyes of Sandrock also for the last time.
"Well, I guess (sniff) this is (sniff) goodbye………I DON’T WANNA KILL SAND ROCK! THIS WAS A STUPID IDEA! I CHANGE MY MIND!" Quatre cried, before he could run back down to get Sandrock out Duo grabbed him and held on tight.
"Quatre! With peace there wont be any need for the gundams! They might even be the greatest threat to peace!" Duo said.
"B…BUT SANDROCK IS MY FRIEND! HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN’T PICK ON ME ALL THE TIME! DON’T MAKE HIM GO AWAY! NOOOOOO!"
"Uh, Quatre, HAVING A MOBILE SUIT FOR A FRIEND IS REEEAAALLY UNHEALTHY!" Duo replied with a large anime sweat drop on his head.
"NO! I WONT LET YOU! WUFEI DOESN’T HAVE TO GIVE UP NATAKU! WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO GIVE UP SANDROCK?!" Quatre yelled.
"Quatre, I didn’t wanna have to do this but…"
"NO! NOT AGAIN! PLE (click)………..oooh, colors…" Quatre said before promptly falling down, Duo put away the tranquilizer dart gun and dragged Quatre into the shuttle and sent MO-II on it’s death march.
Somewhere, in a building, with a, um, Christmas, er, celebratory, thingy, yeah that’s right!
The really important person stood up at the podium to start making his speech.
"Well, thank you all for being here tonight, blah blah blah, blah blah blah!" Said the person, people in the crowd nodded every so often.(51…52…53…54…55..fifty…umm…1…2…)
"Well, when there’s no wars people certainly are more in the state of mind to enjoy the Christmas season." Said Noin, she looked over to see Une eating a bunch of varitable Christmas pastries over at the snack table.
"Yeah (munch) yeah (gobble) whatever (swallow). TREIZE WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LET THAT SHINY BLACK HAIRED LITTLE BASTARD KILL YOU!!!! WAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!" She broke down and started crying.
"Umm, cut!" Noin said with a large anime sweatdrop on her head.
The camera started rolling again and they were both standing there in the building with the…Oh wait I said that already.
"Well, when there’s no wars people certainly are more in the state of mind to enjoy the Christmas season."
"yes (sniff) it would be even better if (sniff) if…Mr. Treize were here to, to enjoy it." Une said dismally, she was about to break down again when Noin slapped her on the cheek, Une immediately went back to normal posture. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Whatever." Noin said rolling her eyes, someone wearing a monkey suit walked up to her.
"AAAH! WHAT’S A MONKEY DOING HERE!?"
THAT MEANS TUXEDO RETARD!
"Oh…er…" Noin said sheepishly and cleared her throat.
"Madam, there’s a phone call for you in the lobby." Said the man, motioning towards the front desk, she nodded, walked over to the table, and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"HI NOIN!" Sally yelled, Noin’s hair was swept back by the large sound wave.
"DAMMIT SALLY TALK QUIETER!" QUIETER, Quieter, quieter, quieter. The sound echoed through the halls and everyone was staring at Noin, "Er, that’s….just my…teret syndrome! Yeah that’s it! WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT YOU (bleep)(bleep)(bleeeeeeeeeep)ers! NOW GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!…sorry." She said. Clearly mortified, the people around cleared the room. "So what is it you want Sally?"
"Well, my stupid computer made me lose at Tetris and I was wondering if you could come over here and rip out it’s circu," "SALLY!" the computer yelled in the background noise, "Oh yeah, hehe, anyway the computer said he found some Neo Titanium metal alloy in the battle field."
"……So?"
"……So what?"
"So why is it important enough to call me about it, there are millions of metal shards floating around." Noin replied, the computer proceeded to short circuit in frustration.
"Well, this is the only one made from Neo-Titanium."
"Oh, so do you think they were building a new type of mobile suit?"
"I don’t know, they certainly didn’t complete it."
"Well, did you notice any new types of mobile suits on the Eve Wars last year?"
"Nope, just a bunch of Leo space models, Tauruses, and Virgo I and II’s"
"hmmm……I think something big is gonna happen, I don’t know when it will ignite but we have to put it out while it’s still small, you know that new colony?"
"Yeah, um RFCx18999 (lol) should I go there?"
"Yeah I guess, we’ve got tight surveillance on all but that one, seeya later."
"Ok, BYE NOIN!(click)" after recovering from the temporary deafness Noin went back in the main room where he was finishing his speech. (BLAH BLAH BLAH!)
RFCx18999
Relena sat in the meeting room watching the speech (blah blah blah) on the oversized TV screen.
"Well it seems that the worlds peace has been secured after all." She said as she took a sip of tea. They all started looking at her eagerly. "Umm what are you all staring at me for?" She said, they all started loosing their looks of interest. After a while of silence one of them broke the silence.
"Dammit Roy I TOLD you whisky isn’t a proper sedative!" The boards man walked over and slapped Roy.
"So that’s why it felt weird going down, WAIT A MINUTE!" Relena finally caught on.
"Looks like you found us out Relena, we were trying to…"
"DRUG MY TEA AND RAPE ME?!?!" Relena said, running for the door, the boards men all fell down anime style.
"NO WE WEREN’T TRYING TO RAPE YOU, YOU FLATCHESTED MORON!" yelled Roy, Relena stopped in her tracks.
"wh, WHAAAAATTTT!??!?!?! IM GONNA KILL YOU!" Relena yelled, she tackled Roy and started punching him when one of the others pulled out a sedative dart gun and shot her in the back of the shoulder.
"OW! THAT HURT! DO You know who I work for they are gonna sue your asses I tell you you’ll be sorry then I can’t wait to see the looks on your ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Relena fell down asleep, soldiers ran in.
"Well did everything go as planned?" One of the soldiers asked Roy, Roy stood up and looked at the soldier with a look of pure contempt, the soldier, noticing Roy’s black eye among varitable other bruises on his face, got a large anime sweatdrop on his forehead.
"SHUT UP YOU MEATHEAD! AND GET HER OUTTA HERE THAT SNORING IS GONNA WAKE UP EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING!"
Somewheeeeeereee ooooverrr the raaaaainboooow!……………WAIT A SECOND! WHO SWITCHED MY CUE CARDS?!
Heero Yuy sat typing away on the computer when Duo opened the door and walked in. They were in a colony by the way.
"get out." Heero said flatly.
"You know what, you need to work on your people skills!" Duo said scowling and sat down.
"So did you do it?" Heero said still not looking up.
"yeah, had to knock out Quatre." Duo said with an anime sweatdrop on his head.
"I’m assuming Wufei didn’t send his."
"Nope, we finally had to quit after he sliced four of the soldiers they sent to get it in half." Duo said, sweatdrop on his forehead once again.
"You’d understand, for once, if you knew what that thing meant to him." Heero said as he continued typing.
"Okay, try me!" Duo said.
"right then, he thinks his dead girlfriend’s spirit is in it." Heero said, grabbing his coat and getting up from the chair.
"Damn, that’s screwed up!" Duo said walking behind him.
"Yeah, kind of a nutcase don’t you think?" Heero said while he opened the door.
"what? Oh yeah that! Interesting, BUT HOW IN THE HELL HE GET A GIRLFRIEND?!" Duo said, Heero fell down anime style. "By the way where are we going?" Duo asked.
"Relena’s been kidnapped." Heero said as he got back to his feet.
"How do you know?" Duo asked with a large question mark over his head.
"A little bird told me."
"er, Heero?"
"yeah?"
"Birds can’t talk!" Heero fell over anime style again.
"it’s a metaphor you nimrod." Heero said, attempting at yelling.
"Were you trying to yell at me just now?"
"…………dammit." He turned and continued walking. "Let’s go now."
"Any thing for the one you love." Duo replied, Heero proceeded to pull out a .45 Colt and chase Duo down the street taking potshots every few feet.
At duh’ circus…
Trowa stood at the edge of the flap into the ring eyeing three people who looked very suspicious.
"Trowa? Is something wrong?" Catherine asked, walking up behind him.
"I think I’m gonna go check something out." Trowa said, turning to leave.
"But Trowa we’re up in five minutes!" Catherine replied, Trowa was gone.
Outside…
"Hey, you three, the ones who look suspicious!" Trowa yelled after three suspicious looking characters. They turned to look at him.
"What? We’re from Weinerschitzel!" Stated the man in front.
"Yeah right." Trowa said, then punched out the three guys, he took a card out of the pocket of one of them.
" ‘Dan Shnitzer, president of Weinerschnitzel…’ oops, um sorry!" Trowa said with a large anime sweatdrop on his head. He spotted three other suspicious looking suspicious people wearing suspicious looking suspicious clothes and suspiciously acting in a suspicion arising suspicious sort of way.
"No those can’t be it." Trowa said, a passerby fell over anime style.
Two minutes later…
"Wait! Those three suspicious looking suspicious people are acting too suspiciously not to be the suspicious looking people I suspiciously spotted in the suspicious ring! I’ll have to suspiciously get them!" Suspicious Trowa said suspiciously. They walked over to him.
"Are you Trowa Barton?" Said one of them.
"Yeah, I’m a gundam pilot and I can kick your ass in a heartbeat so don’t try anything!" Trowa said defensively.
"Great, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME COOKIES?!" replied the lead person, Trowa fell over anime style.
"Um, sure, what are they for?" Trowa said, getting back to his feet.
"They’re for raising the funds for the Mariemeiah invasion of the Earth Sphere United Nations!" The man replied, Trowa smiled.
"So…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………….…………how much do they cost?"
"A dollar a box."
"I’ll take two!"
"Great! Bye now!" Said the man as he handed Trowa his cookies and walked off.
In the tent…
Trowa walked back in munching on a cookie as Catherine walked back in with several cuts on her arm. She eyed Trowa angrily.
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!?!?! THE RING MASTER HAD TO THROW THE KNIVES AND HE’S A LOUSY SHOT!! I ALMOST HAD MY LIVER CUT INTO!" Catherine shouted.
"Buying cookies." Trowa replied through a mouthful of chocolate chip. (umpteen hundred and ninety 8..umpteen hundred and ninety 9…umpteenthousand! THERE I DID IT! WEEHEE!)
"WHAT?! YOU WERE MISSING OUR ACT BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID COO…Hey! Peanut butter!" Catherine said and grabbed a cookie. "So, (munch) who were selling these?"
"Those three guys, they said they were for raising fund for the Mariemeiah invasion of the ESUN." Trowa said after swallowing.
An hour later…
"HOHHHH!!! WAIT A MINUTE THAT’S BAD!!! I’vegototgoquicklyandjointhey’regrouptotakeovertheESUNbutIwon’tactuallybeworkingwiththemwhichwouldbebadandnotgoodforourgovernmentbutIwillbesabotagingthemandIhopetoalsomakeitintothedeepstranksandslaughtertheirleaderunlessofcoursesomechineseguywithagreengundamthatusedtolookdifferentthanitdoesnowstopsmebeforeIcancarryoutmyplan!GoodbyesurrogatesisterImustnowtaketheHeavyArmsanddobattleinspace!" Trowa said and jumped in the Heavy Arms.
"HOHHHH!!! ButTrowayoucan’tfightabattleinthatmobilesuitusingthejoystickstoarticulatethegundamandmakingitfireallthosebulletsintothebattlefieldpiercingtheenemyarmingandmakingthemexplodenowthatIthinkofityouwouldprobablywinbutI’mworriednonethelesssoImustknowpreachtoyouthereasonsofnotgoinginhopesthatyouwillchangeyourmindanddotheoppositeofwhatyouaredoingnowwhichisgoingtofighttheoppositeofthatisnottofightsodon’tgoofffighting!" Catherine replied. Trowa took off, she stood there looking up with watery eyes. "Speed…I mean Trowa…"
Suddenly, Heavy Arms landed and Trowa got out.
"HOHHHH!!! IjustnowrememberedthatweputHeavyArmsinsideMO-IIandsentittothesunwhereitwilldoubtlesslyloseitsolidityandbecomealiquidasthetempeatureofthesuncanmeltevengundaniumwithit’sextremeheatresistancesomeonemusthaveplacedthisfakeHeavyArmstostopme!" Trowa said then took out his remote and blew up the fake Heavy Arms, he then called Quatre.
"Hello?" Quatre said at the other end.
"HOHHHH!!! QuatrewejustnowfoundoutaboutsomekindofrebellionhappeninginthespacecolonieswheniboughtsomecookiesfromsomeguyssellingthemandtheytastedreallygoodbutanywaythepointisthatijustnowgotintoafakeHeavyArmsandrealizedthatitwasfakebecausewesentthegundamstothesunandweneedthegundamsrightnowtosuppresstherebellionforwhichibroughtdeliciouschocolatechipcookiessoyoumustnowgoanddoadangerousmissionwhichwouldbehazardoustoyourhealthinordertogetthegundamsbackNOW!" Trowa said, pointing up into the air dramatically.
"…………what?"
"um…go get SANDROCK!" Trowa repeated, again pointing up into the air dramatically.
"REALLY?! WOOHOO!!!! I’LL BRING RASID AND THE OTHERS TOO SO WE CAN PARTY WHEN WE GET THEM BACK! WOOHOO!!!" Quatre shouted, jumping around the room knocking various items over.
"Okay, bye now." Trowa said and hung up.
At the other end of the line…
"YES! I’M COMING SANDROCK!" Quatre continued to jump around the room.
"ER’hem!" Said a gruff voice, Quatre looked at the other end of the meeting table to meet eyes with the random rich guy…and came to the all too sudden realization that he was still in a board meeting.
"er……….heheh…."
At the other OTHER end of the line…
"Catherine, I gotta go now, just tell the ring master I’m off selling crack and pimping again." Trowa said and was about to turn to leave but noticed Catherine was staring at him with a large question mark above her head. Trowa sighed.
"I mean, HOHHHH!!! SurrogatesisterImustgonowtofightagainstthisrebellionthingandsavetheplanetonceagainbuttoconcealmysecretidentityasGundamPilotXyoumustinformtheringmasterthatIamoffbarteringtheillegaldrugcocaineandattractivewomenforESUNcurrencydollars!" Trowa said, then jumped into a shuttle and flew off even though there wasn’t one there before. Meanwhile, another suspicious looking suspicious person was in the bush.
"HOHHHH!!! DammitmyplantohaveTrowatakethefakeHeavyArmsImadetobattleandwinandthenexposeanadvertisementmakingmerichandfamoushasfailed! NowImustgoandwintheracethatIhaveenteredeventhoughthereisn’toneandImustwinitbycrossingoverthefinishlinebeforeanyoneelsebuttodothatrequiresspeedbuttheMachVcanhandlespeedbecauseithasthemostadvancedrivingtechnologyaround, WHEELS!" Speed said, then jumped into the MachV and drove off into the sunset even though it was mid-day.
AT RFCx18999
(NO WAIT! IT’S TIME FOR A RANDOM FLASHBACK!)
Heero vaulted over the fence and started running. After he was out of sight he fell down to the grass and started laughing, he’d done it! He’d actually done it! Later he’d come back and detonate the bombs, this was his last training mission before he finally left the colonies and headed for earth. Suddenly a cute little girl with an adorable puppy came by.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU STUPID BUM!!!" She yelled and then kicked Heero.
"HEY! LAY OFF WILL YA’?! I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST TOP SECRET MISSION AGAINST OZ!" Heero yelled, and then sweatdropped. "And, um, YOU DIDN’T JUST HEAR THAT!"
"YOU BASTARD HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THIS WAY!" She said and kicked him in the shin. "SIC HIM FIFI!" The cutesy puppy suddenly snarled and attacked Heero, biting his neck and temporarily damaging his vocal cords.
"ow you godamn puppy…what happened to my voice?" Heero said in disbelief.
"HAH! Guess you’ll learn to get outta my way when I am coming now monotone! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" She laughed, skipping off all cutesy like.
"bitch." Heero said and walked off.
Later that night, and this is still a flashback people!
Heero stood in the darkness with a remote in his hand, he stared at the facility for a moment. Then he pressed the button, a deafening explosion, followed by several others which leveled the building. However an unforeseen consequences arose, a leo mobile suit was within the blast radius and toppled over backwards, Heero watched in horror as it ripped through a building, killing everyone within it. A passerby noticed the commotion and came up to Heero.
"Hey buddy, did you just wire those explosives?" Said the passerby, whom we’ll call Bob for now. "But my name is Moe!" Said Bob.
"Yeah…and I killed them all…..WAAAAIII!!!!" Heero shouted pitifully then sank to his knees.
"REALLY?! COOL! THAT WAS THE HOME FOR ABSOLUTE JERKS!!! THAT LITTLE BITCH WENDY AND HER MONSTER PUPPY LIVE THERE!" Said Bob. "MY NAME IS MOE!" Shouted Bob. Suddenly a crowd gathered and started carrying Heero through the streets chanting his name.
"we’ve got to train the humanity out of him!" Said a random voice.
"But why, he’s already a hero for destroying that home for jerks!" Said Doctor J.
"But don’t you understand, if we don’t he’ll turn into another stupid soldier with corny emotions getting in the way! Then kids won’t like him and I won’t be able to sell my line of Heero Yuy action figures and accessories!" Said the random voice again.
Okay, we’re out of the flashback and in the shuttle.
Heero woke up slowly and looked around. Duo was sitting in the seat next to him with his hair thoroughly messed up. Heero looked into the cargo bay to see that their cargo was tossed about considerably.
"dammit Duo have you been playing jet pilot again?" Heero asked. Duo turned to look at him.
"Well we’ll obviously have to have some kind of extreme piloting skills to get us through their defense! Anyone with common sense wouldn’t even be trying this!" Duo replied.
"That’s why I’ve got you along." Heero said.
"Thanks…………HEY!"
RFCx18999
Relena awoke in a pink bed in a pink room with various posters of boy bands on the walls.
"Where am I?" She asked thin air.
"Well you’re in Mariemeiahs room." Replied thin air.
"Shutup thin air, I’m the boss here!" Mariemeiah said.
"Who are you?" Relena asked her.
"My name is Mariemeiah Kushrinada, daughter of Treize Kushrinada." Mariemeiah replied.
"But that’s impossible! Trieze was g…"
"Yes I know, he never married or had children, to your knowledge that is."
"No, I was saying that he was g…"
"However, my existence is all the proof that anyone needs to see that he did have a child, however he ran off to lead OZ and forgot all about me."
"But I really thought he was g…"
"Gone forever, yes, that shiny black haired little bastard killed him." Mariemeiah said. A clothes designer walked in.
"Pardon me Miss Mariemeiah but here is the final designs for the Mariemeiah army outfit." The designer said and showed the designs to her.
"That’s pretty good, but why don’t you make them all wear SHORT SHORTS simply for my girlish entertainment!" Mariemeiah said, handing back the design chart.
"That can be done, I’ll have it drawn out before the end of the day!" Said the designer who turned around and walked off.
"YOU BETTER OR ELSE IT’LL BE TEN MORE YEARS ADDED TO YOUR TORTURE BOX SENTENCE! AND YOU’D BETTER HAVE MY QUEEN COSTUME READY FOR MY CORONATION OR SOMEONE IS GONNA GET IT!" Mariemeiah yelled after him, he ran off at double speed. She turned back to Relena. "Anyway, my plan is to basically take over the ESUN and rule the world with Dekim Barton’s aid."
"But are you sure that a child your age would be able to handle the responsibilities of……ruling the world?" Relena asked, Mariemeiah slapped her.
"I will have no one being rude in my presence!" She shouted.
"But I just said,"
"You burped during that pause."
"Damn I didn’t think you’d hear."
At the recruiting barracks.
Trowa stood there among the ranks of the new recruits, repeatedly trying to pull down the legs of his shorts to at least above his knees.
"Dammit, why did they have to make these shorts so short!" Trowa thought. Suddenly he was called to attention by Dekim Barton.
"Greetings, I hope you are all enjoying our new outfit." Dekim stated with a sadistic smile on his face, the recruits all sweatdropped at once. "Well with that said you are joining the ranks of the soldiers of the future, we will rule the world! However, we were two dollars short until our cookie sale finally paid off!" Trowa slapped his forehead. "And here is the generous person who enabled us to finally do this! Trowa Barton! (no relation)" A spotlight focused on Trowa as the recruits backed off and started clapping,
"OH NO! My plot to kill Dekim Barton and stop this entire invasion has been found out!" Trowa yelled out loud before he realized he was being congratulated, the soldiers stopped clapping. Trowa sweatdropped.
"…CEASE HIM!" Dekim shouted, Trowa drew a gun from inside his shirt and jumped into the air, doing his trademark twirly thing and landing right in front of Dekim, but a blade was at his neck and he looked up to see Wufei carrying it.
"Wufei?! But, why?!" Trowa asked. "They guaranteed unlimited service to Nataku, and besides I have my own personal reasons." Wufei replied, "Now get up."
Outside the colony (only slightly!)
"Alright, here’s the rough part, they got about 20 Taurus mobile dolls guarding that place!" Duo said and popped his knuckles, then gripped the controls. Suddenly another blip appeared on radar. A window popped up on the cockpit display with Noin.
"Hey guys, thought I’d see you around here sooner or later." Noin said.
"Sup Noin?" Duo replied.
"How do you plan to get into the facility without any mobile suits anyway?" Sally said in the background.
"is that an offer?" Heero asked, Noin nodded.
"I guess we’ll help you out anyway we can." Noin said.
"Alrighty then, let’s get this show on the road!" Duo said and took off towards the colony.
"okay Sally, arm the super missiles!" Noin said, pointing dramatically.
"Um, I forgot the super missiles back at the armory…" Sally said sheepishly. Noin anime sweatdropped.
"Well…er…what do we have?"
"Boxes."
"…………right…"
"They are, missile loaded boxes."
"Really?! Are they, ill tempered?" Noin said putting up her pinky to the corner of her mouth.
"Of course."
"Well then, that’s a start. Alright then. Arm the missile loaded ill tempered boxes!" Noin said, again pointing dramatically.
Duo was busy dodging various artillery barrages from the mobile dolls, as it was they might not make it.
"Dammit, what are Sally and Noin going to do!" Duo said as they took another hit. Suddenly the missile loaded ill tempered boxes popped into view and started blasting their missiles in all directions.
"Wow! Who would’ve guessed they had missile loaded ill tempered boxes!" Duo said and looked ahead, there was a single Taurus.
"……is that it?" Duo said. It was a….um……large Taurus…a big one! A simply gargantuan incredibly massive Taurus!
"damn, they must be some sort of new prototype!" Heero said.
"Either that or the author couldn’t think of anything better." Duo released the large booster they had attached to their shuttle causing it to slam into the big Taurus and explode. They made a hasty crash landing and got out of the shuttle.
"You sure you two will be alright?" Noin asked.
"Don’t worry, we’re Gundam pilots! But we’re not letting that go to our head." Duo said, carefully balancing his crown. Suddenly a short fat man with a briefcase came out of nowhere.
"Hello, I’m Bob from FUNImation." OH DEAR GOD NO! Suddenly Deadeye appeared out of nowhere with a big ass boom box and a Limp Bizkit CD.
"BIG ASS BOOM BOX ATTACK!" Deadeye yelled, then slammed in the CD and put the boom box up to full blast playing ‘Hot Dog’.
"OH POOPY! THE MASSIVE AMOUNT OF SWARING IS TOO MUCH! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Bob yelled pitifully, he finally couldn’t take it anymore and his head exploded, leaving confetti instead of blood of course. Deadeye was about to leave when…
"Hey man! Turn it to ‘My Way’!" Duo yelled.
"Glad to oblige!"
Several tracks later.
"Okay Duo that’s enough, we’ve gotta job to do!" Heero said dragging Duo away from Deadeye and his big ass boom box. Deadeye gave a wave and disappeared.
"Aw man! I didn’t even get to hear ‘Take a Look Around’!" Duo said. The two proceeded to hijack two Leo’s and start tearing up the place!
"DIE EVERYTHING! YAAAH!" Duo shouted, unleashing a deadly barrage from his machine cannon, destroying all the incoming Leo’s in the hallway. Heero took out a beam saber and started slicing his way into the mob.
"and you say I have bad people skills." Heero muttered looking back at Duo who was in the middle of another insane barrage.
"Duo, lets split up and rendezvous somewhere." Heero said to Duo over the radio, Duo nodded and took off down one hallway while Heero sliced his way down another. However, at one point he saw a large white leg behind one of the suits he sliced and looked up to see a large white and green mobile suit unlike any he’d seen before.
"Wufei?!" Heero said. Nataku extended it’s dragon fangs with the red ropey things that get longer for no apparent reason what so ever and sliced the remaining Leo’s in half. Then retracted them and activated it’s double sided beam trident.
"I’ve always wanted to fight you like this Heero." Wufei said, and then proceeded to take a few swings with the trident, each one a narrow miss.
"with me in a Leo and you in a new gundam?! You cheap ass!" Heero said, Wufei paused.
"New gundam? Don’t you recognize Nataku? It’s always looked this way." Wufei said then started attacking again, it lobbed off the Leo’s arm.
"But wasn’t your gundam more of a greenish blue color and looked very weird before?" Heero asked, dodging another swing.
"You idiot, IT’S LOOKED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!" Wufei said, then pinned Heero down with the dragon fang readied the trident.
"…oookay then, yeah, it’s looked that way all the time, riiight."
Meanwhile Duo was thoroughly bustin up some ass and taking some names.
"You, pilot, what’s your name?!" Duo asked.
"Um, Stan."
"Okay then, DIE STAN!"
"ACK! (boom)" Duo stared oddly for a second. "Er…I mean…(BOOM!)"
"Much better!" Duo said and walked into the hallway, however a larger mobile suit with two beam gatlings on one arm started barraging and Duo was forced back into cover.
"What the hell kind of suit is that?!" Duo yelled, and risked a peak out of cover, it was still barraging. Suddenly a fact occurred on him, he forgot to wash his underwear, suddenly another fact occurred to him, his hair was brown, suddenly another fact occurred to him, he’d gotten drunk last night and accidentally joined the gay and lesbian alliance, suddenly…
53 facts later
…Hilde was seeing another guy, suddenly another fact occurred to him, the fighting style of this guy was consistent with someone he knew, Trowa! But before he could do anything about it, his suit was already on the ground with it’s eye busted and it’s arm blown off because he’d not been controlling it correctly while the facts were occurring to him. He looked up to see the suit now had missile racks coming out of it’s shoulders.
"So this is how it ends…" Duo said morbidly as the suit fired two missiles…
RANDOM FLASHBACK!
Duo jumped down from his spot on the Death Scythe and ran into a hallway. He looked back.
"I’m not gonna let anyone use this machine for mass murder, not before I collect the five million dollar insurance policy on it!" Duo said and got out a remote control. He pressed the button and a deafening explosion rocked the place. Duo looked through the smoke, the deed was done. However, when the smoke cleared it appeared as if Death Scythe had gone through nothing at all.
"Dammit!" Duo shouted.
"Well well, what have we here." Came Professor E’s voice from behind him. "Trying to destroy your suit so that it won’t be used to murder millions in a fit of compassion eh?"
"Er…yeah that’s it! This has nothing to do with the insurance policy!" Duo said with an anime sweatdrop on his head.
"Well then, why don’t you just take it now?" Prof. E suggested, Duo looked back.
"But what about…operation Meteor?" Duo asked.
"Forget operation meteor. I’ll take it from here, IT WILL BE I WHO WILL RULE THE WORLD! AHAHAHAHA!!!" Prof. E laughed as lightning struck in the background despite the fact that they were in a colony.
"Er, yeah."
"Just tell them my ethics got in the way and I didn’t want to create a mindless killing machine."
"Gotcha, I’M OFF!!!"
UNFLASHBACK!
The missiles exploded and Duo tensed up, but after about three seconds the sound died down, Duo opened his eyes. He was still in the cockpit. Everything was okay, he was still alive…but Trowa was nowhere to be seen. He got out of the cockpit and looked around, there were two massive holes to the sides of his suit in the metal walls. He jumped down and started to make his way out.
Back with the cheap gundam vs. Leo fight
Wufei brought up the trident ready to impale Heero’s Leo in the chest, effectively killing the pilot, however the smoke from the missiles poured in and masked the battle…………I said the smoke from the missiles poured in and masked the battle!…………I SAID THE F(bleep)ING SMOKE FROM THE F(bleep)ING MISSILES POURED IN AND MASKED THE F(bleep)ING BATTLE!………huh? We didn’t have enough explosives in our budget to do that?…er…CHAOUTZU!
Wufei brought up the trident ready to impale Heero’s Leo in the chest, effectively killing the pilot, however suddenly a conveniently timed random explosion occurred pouring purple gay smoke all over the battle field.
"With that purple gay smoke masking his movements, Heero should be able to escape rather easily right now, however, I know that his sense of honor as a warrior will prevent him from making such a cowardice move." Wufei said, smirking, waiting for the purple gay smoke to disappear, but when it did Heero was gone. "……Kuso."
TIME FOR ANOTHER ODDLY TIMED RANDOM FLASHBACK!
No-name stood there working on the Heavy Arms. Trowa Barton walked up to him and brought out his wallet.
"Hey No-name, wanna see something?!" Trowa said and walked up to No-name. He flipped out a few pictures from his wallet and showed him to Trowa.
"This one is of my little daughter, Sarah, and this one is of my loving wife, Pam, and this one is of my loving wife and my self in the bathroom stall doing...how the hell did that get in there?!" Trowa said then hastily removed the photo and stuck it in his wallet.
"So are you doing this for their future?" No-name asked.
"Nah, I just get excited before a mission and start randomly rubbing the fact that I have a girl in single peoples faces, later LOSER!" Trowa said and ran off.
"Baka." No-name said and continued servicing the Heavy Arms.
Yeup, still flashbacky.
No-name walked about looking for a wrench he’d dropped when he heard voices in the other room.
"Don’t you think my wife looks sooo sexy you stupid single guy!" Trowa said.
"Dude, I have a gun." Said the random assistant next to Doctor S.
"That’s beside the point we’re trying to make here. If we deploy the Gundams as guerilla attackers millions of lives will be saved! If we do so it must be now!" Doctor S said. Trowa was not listening.
"ooh ooh look at this one of her in a bikini! Or this one of her wearing nothing at…DAMMIT HOW DO THESE KEEP GETTING IN HERE!" Trowa said and hastily stashed the photo. "Anyway my point is YOU SAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Trowa yelped then grabbed his side in agony, he fell down to the floor, dead. No-name looked to see Doctor S’s assistant holding a gun.
"Hmm, he’d probably tell our plan to Dekim." Doctor S said and nodded.
"Besides the fact that he was a jerk." Assistant said and holstered his weapon.
"Either way we’ll need a replacement." Doctor S said and started thinking, suddenly a small sound caught both of their attentions. No-name stepped out.
"Don’t kill me! I won’t tell anyone!" No-name pleaded. Doctor S looked him over.
"Hmm, you seem to be a good candidate to replace Trowa. Besides, with you as our pilot all five of the Gundam pilots will be young pretty boys! That leaves a large area of merchandising for the random teeny bopper chicks. What’s your name?" Doctor S asked.
"I have no name, but I’d like his." No-name said and pointed to Trowa.
"Alright then Trowa, keep this entire affair hush hush will you?" Doctor S asked, Trowa stood there…
20 minutes later…
"…alright alright here!" Doctor S said and gave Trowa a fifty dollar bill, Trowa nodded and ran off.
The next day…
"Hi, I’m Pam, Trowa’s wife, could you tell me where he is? I have a ‘gift’ for him." Pam said coyly.
"No problem, he’s in his room." Doctor S replied, she thanked him and walked off.
The next NEXT day…
Doctor S was overlooking the final checks on the Heavy Arms when Trowa came in and hugged him.
"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!" Trowa said.
UNFLASHBACK!
With Sally and Noin
Sally kept it at top speed as they pursued the mobile troops. Noin was looking over some things.
"Sally, I don’t think these are the real ones!" Noin said running in, Sally turned to look at her.
"Really? But they have that guaranteed real sticker on them! See!?" Sally said and pointed.
"No, I think this is a distraction, the real troops must be somewhere else, and because the author can’t think of any other reason for it I am going to MO-III simply on a hunch!" Noin said.
"right, WERE OFF!" Sally said and adjusted course to MO-III.
Down on Earth
Une sat dismally depressed in the darkened density of the office. Suddenly the door to the dismally depressed darkened dense office opened and in walked a dark and dismal figure.
"Geeze, you think that was enough d words that last paragraph!?" Zechs said irritably.
"Zechs?!" Une cried in disbelief.
"Yes, but I’d like to be known as Protector: Wind, because it sounds cool." Zechs said. "Now all I need is a highly destructive mobile suit…" Zechs continued.
"Well, we were making an incredibly powerful third installment of the Tallgeese series for no reason what so ever." Une suggested.
"Good, NOW AS THE PERFECT SOLDIER I WILL SAVE THE WORLD SINGLE HANDEDLY! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Zechs said, casting off the coat he was wearing to reveal a super hero costume, Une sweatdropped.
Somewhere in space
Quatre sat in the command chair of the ship, they were nearing MO-II.
"Alright, when we get there be sure that all the drop team is ready!" Rasid shouted out to the other men, they all gave an affirmative gesture and went back to work.
"No, wait, I’ll be going alone." Quatre said and stood up.
"What?! Master Quatre, you can’t be serious! You’ll have only ten seconds with which to be able to get there! Are you sure you can do that?!" Rasid asked with worry in his voice.
"I’m sure I can, besides, I need to be alone with Sandrock for a while." Quatre said, determination in his eyes, Rasid anime sweatdropped.
"Er…as you say Master Quatre."
"Rasid! We’re here!" Said a random console guy.
"Right, I’ll get up to the hangar!" Quatre said and ran off. Soon he was suited up holding a grapple hook launcher.
"Alright Quatre, you’ll have ten seconds to shoot that thing." Said Rasid over the radio.
"Right, I think I’ll wait till the last second to fire it for dramatic effect!" Quatre said.
"Whatever." Rasid said rolling his eyes.
10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1
Quatre fired the grapple hook launcher at the last second and started pulling himself towards the satellite, however the line broke midway and Quatre was about to be hurled into space when quick thinking saved him, he launched his boosters on the backpack of his suit and rocketed down to MO-II and landed HARD!
"Master Quatre, are you alright?" Rasid asked over the radio.
"I’m fine, but who made that cable?" Quatre asked.
"Um, I did sir." Said a random Maganac Corp member.
"You’re fired."
"Aw man…"
Quatre walked the hallways until he came to the room where the gundams were.
"SANDROCK!" Quatre said happily and ran over to his Gundam and gave it a HUGE hug.
10 minutes later…
Quatre was STILL hugging his Gundam when suddenly he realized that he’d be hurled into the sun at any second now.
"ARGH! SANDROCK THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Quatre yelled, then started running around frantically. Suddenly a capsule thingy with a Capsule Corp logo on it appeared out of nowhere and a pink haired guy wearing a blue vest and a sword strapped to his back climbed out and looked around.
"Dammit! I made ANOTHER wrong turn!" Trunks said and stomped the ground.
"Hey what’s that thing?" Quatre asked. Trunks looked over to what he was pointing at.
"Oh, that’s my time machine, we built it in the future to come back here and stop the androids from mindlessly…"
"Yeah yeah whatever hand it over!" Quatre said as he jumped into the time machine and it disappeared. Trunks looked around. Then he spotted a button marked ‘Outer Camera’ on the console and pushed only to see a blazing inferno.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Fifteen minutes before…
Quatre jumped out of the time machine and saw Quatre hugging his gundam.
"Hey Quatre!" Said Quatre, Quatre looked over and a large question mark appeared above his head.
"Er, hey Quatre, said Quatre. Quatre walked up to his gundam.
"Quatre, if you don’t stop hugging your Gundam right now and detonate the reactor to create the thrust needed you’ll burn up in the sun." Said Quatre to Quatre.
"Right Quatre we’ll work together!" Said Quatre. It has suddenly occurred to me that I can no longer keep track of which Quatre is which. Therefore one of them shall be known as Mirai No Quatre.
"Okay, I’ll go detonate the reactor!" Said Mirai No Quatre. "Wait a second I’m the other Quatre!" said Quatre, sorry about that! ^_^() "S’a’ight!"
Back at RFCx18999
"Hahahah! More guns, DIE TROOPERS!" Duo said insanely shooting in all directions.
"OH NO HE’S BACK!" Stan shouted.
"Hey wait aren’t you supposed to be dead?" Duo said with a large question mark over his head.
"Nah, not a big enough boom."
"Oh……well?"
"…..oh yeah sure…hang on a sec… (BOOM!!!!!!!)
"Good job Stan, rest in pieces!" Duo said and started firing again, Heero caught up with him and they fought their way into the control room. Trowa stood there with fifty armed guards standing around.
"There they are, GET THEM!" Trowa said and pointed towards Duo and Heero, they both anime sweatdropped.
"RIGHT! PREPARE TO DIE!" All the guards shouted at once, aimed, and fired. Fortunately they were holding their guns backwards resulting in all of them shooting themselves in the head.
"Wow, that worked out well." Duo said, holstering his pistol. Then strapping his MP5 to his back, putting down his grenades, sheathing his knife, reloading his M60, cleaning his 9mm glock, putting away his rocket launcher…
At MO-III…
"I’M ZECHS MARQUISE AKA MILLIARDO PEACECRAFT AND I’M HEADED TO RFCX18999 IN ORDER TO STOP THE MARIEMEIAH INVASION!"
"That’ll be $2.50"
"Thanks" Zechs said and inhaled his subway sandwich. He then went up into space and proceeded to pose dramatically in front of MO-III.
"Who the hell is this moron?" Dekim asked a random console guy.
"Moron that later sir." Dekim fell over anime style.
"You’re fired, who the hell is this moron?" Dekim asked random console guy number 2.
"That suit looks like the Tallgeese! So that must be Zechs Marquise!"
"AKA MILLIARDO PEACECRAFT!" Zechs added over the radio. "I SHALL NOW STOP YOUR EVIL PLANS DEKIM!" Zechs yelled.
"Zechs Marquise, if you fire upon this resource satellite we will plunge colony RFCx18999 into the Earth!" Dekim threatened.
"Well, I wasn’t planning on firing on you!" Zechs replied then had the tallgeese ram into the satellite backwards. "MY BUM IS ON THE ASTEROID, MY BUM IS ON THE ASTEROID!"
"Oh dear God…" Dekim groaned as he buried his eyes in his hand and shook his head.
Back over in da’ control house in da’ colony wit’ da’ name RFCx18999…
Trowa typed furiously, it would only be moments before the colony would plunge into the Earth. He quickly rerouted another password and was into the main systems.
"Almost there…almost there…ALMOST THERE! AHHH!!! I CAN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE! HELP ME DEAR GOD WE’RE ALL GONNA DI…oh cool I did it!" Trowa stated triumphantly and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Good teamwork guys, we prevented the colony from smashing into the Earth!"
"Actually I was busy playing Counter-Strike, hah, eat navy submachine gun terrorist bastard." Heero said as he dispatched the last terrorist and won the round. Trowa fell over anime style.
"And I was still putting away my weapons." Duo said as he started putting away the Ultima Weapon.
"Dammit that’s mine!" Cloud said as he promptly strode in, took the sword, and strode out.
"Who the hell was that?" Heero asked, Duo shrugged. Suddenly, Trowa took a look at the screen.
"Hey, there’s a message here from Quatre!…Alright, it says he got the Gundams and he’s headed back!" Trowa said as he read the message, Heero got up from his seat.
"Have Quatre send it to sector 7, I’ll be able to get it faster then."
"Right." Trowa said and sent a reply. Heero faced Duo.
"Duo, I need you to sock me in the jaw as hard as you can." Heero asked, Duo stood up.
"Okay but you might be regretting it afterwards!" Duo said and wound up then hit Heero in the jaw for all he was worth. Heero hit him in the gut which sent him sprawling backwards, he then kicked him in the head which knocked him out. Then he started to…
"Heero, he’s unconscious!" Trowa said as he grabbed Heero’s arm.
"damn I was having fun too." Heero said, Trowa picked up Duo and slung him over his shoulder.
"Guess your plan worked."
"What plan?" Heero replied.
"Um, the one where you escape because of this."
"Oh really? I just did that to get an excuse to beat him up."
"Oh, well try to come up with an escape plan."
"Okay…………right, act legit." Heero said as he lied down on the ground and pretended to be unconscious, suddenly several guards busted in.
"I already took care of them." Trowa said, displaying the knocked out Duo on his shoulder. They approached Trowa, but when they passed over Heero suddenly got up and bolted out the door. The soldiers immediately reacted, and promptly shot themselves since their guns were pointed the wrong way.
"SOMEBODY KILL THIS ANNOYING SONOVA BITCH!" Dekim raged as Zechs continued with the onslaught, meanwhile the pods holding the new Serpent mobiles suits were successfully launching and headed to Earth with Wufei in ‘Nataku’ on escort.
"OOH YOU CANNOT KILL ME! BECAUSE I HAVE MY CHEESE HELMET!" Zechs said while taping a wheel of cheese to his head.
"I’ve enough of this, JUST DROP THE DAMN COLONY!" Dekim shouted at random console guy 2.
"Uh, sir, the microgravotationisticrealintacquadrinaterbialhpatrinop device is fully functioning." Said random console guy 2.
"Ugh, you’re fired too. JUST DROP THE DAMN COLONY!" Dekim said to random console guy 3.
"The thingy that makes the colony stable is fully working sir!" Replied random console guy 3. "By the way, the current soldier training program isn’t working at all, seems the soldiers are dying at the second they shoot for some reason."
"Dammit! Now he’ll be able to blow up the satellite! Get my breakfast flight up here NOW!" Dekim said and then ran for his life towards the flight dock.
"OOH! Breakfast, that means SAUSAGE, do you like sausage Dekim?! DEKIM WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SAUSAGE, DEKIM WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SAUSAGE?!" Zechs said while he also made a sausage dance on a string.
"Blegh! I HATE SAUSAGE!"
"WHAT?! YOU HATE SAUSAGE?! YOU ARE NOT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! YOU ARE EVIL! YOU ARE THE ANTISAUSAGE! I MUST DESTROY YOU NOW!" Zechs yelled, then pointed his mega cannon at the satellite………………
"Um, Zechs?" Wufei said as he passed by in ‘Nataku’
"What is it?! Can’t you see I’m trying to destroy a colony by pointing my mega cannon at it?!" Zechs said, trying hard to destroy the colony.
"Yeah I see that, ick, you might try pointing the mega cannon in the tallgeese’s hands at the colony instead." Wufei said. He rocketed away to…um…do nothing at all for a while.
"Hmm, I see your point." Zechs said, then pointed the OTHER mega cannon at the colony. He pulled the trigger, and in an enormous burst of electrical energy the asteroid exploded, however Dekim had made it out on his breakfast flight and was headed towards earth.
"hahahaha! You failed to destroy me!" Dekim said triumphantly. He continued towards Earth.
"NO! Now all the sausage in the world will be destroyed and AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT! WAAAAIIII?!?!?!?!" Zechs yelled.
In some pink train…
Mariemeiah sat listening to her N*SYNC and Backstreet Boys CDs while Relena sat across from her.
"Hey Relena, don’t you think Lance is really hot?" Mariemeiah said as she put away her CD player.
"I really don’t think you’re ready to rule the world Mariemeiah, a matter of fact I’m pretty convinced that your some type of genetic accident." Relena replied. Mariemeiah kept gazing dreamily at nothing.
"I just love those eyes of his!" She continued.
"hmm…" Relena waved her hand in front of Mariemeiah’s face, nothing. "……and did I mention you’re really stupid?! A matter of fact, they have homes for people like you, it’s the home for people who should walk straight into some oncoming traffic! Yeah, and then when the car gets a dent cus you’re so FAT you can just go to the FAT stupid FAT home and look at your stupid N*SYNC pictures all day. But then in the middle of the night you get so stupid that you forget to breath! And then you’re all like ‘I’m dead now, and I’m really fat, and too stupid to breath despite the fact that I’m supposed to be ruling the world!’"
"I wish he would marry me…"
"Heheheh, this is great..." Relena said under her breath. Mariemeiah snapped out of it.
"Er, you said something?!"
"Nothing! ^_^()"
"Whatever, we’re nearing my estate that has LOT’S of armor, so no one will be able to stop me!"
In sector 7, where ever that may be…
Heero sat in the control chair of the shuttle. He then noticed something on the radar headed towards him at incredible speed.
"There it is." Heero said. He set the shuttle for an intercept course and accelerated, soon he was above the pod. He had to work fast, Heero opened the pod bay doors and then fired a grappling hook to the pod. It held fast and he pulled himself in. He then detached the line and he was sent flying back along one of the white walls of the pod, he spotted a niche and dug his hand into it then looked over it. It was the release for a small door into the pod, Heero turned it and went in, then got into the cockpit.
"Welcome back Zero." Heero said and then pressed a button. With a loud whir, the Gundam Wing Zero Custom came to life, lighting up the cockpit. Pieces of the pod detached, and Wing Zero folded out it’s giant wings.
"Wait a second this isn’t Wing Zero! It’s some angel winged incredibly powerful and infinitely cooler looking Gundam that just happened to replace it for no reason what so ever!" Heero said and then paused for a moment. "…wait a second what the hell am I complaining about?!" With that, Wing Zero took off towards the Earth.
And now for an interruption for a, you guessed it, flashback…
Quatre stood in the command deck overlooking his Gundam Sandrock, pondering the incredible amount of destruction it would cause and the millions of people that would die at it’s hands. Instructor H suddenly walked up behind him.
"Troubled Quatre?"
"Yes, I feel like something’s horribly wrong!" Quatre replied. He then turned to face Instructor H.
"Well, you don’t like this plan of action that we’re taking do you Quatre?"
"No, so many people are going to die…"
"Then just take the Sand Rock now."
"What?!"
"(Sell it) Yes, under your own judgement and my guidance (Sell it for a lot) we could retaliate against OZ and the Earth Sphere (MULA!) while sparing the innocent lives of millions (CASH!) so go ahead Quatre, take the Sand Rock now. Forget our orders. (ALL FOR ME!)." Doctor H said. He then ripped out the radio in the console.
"Really?! HOORAY!" Quatre said joyously and jumped into the hangar. "I always wanted to have this! I’ll think I’ll name it ‘Shnookums’ or ‘Fuzzy’ …no, Sand Rock is just fine, IT’S BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU SO MUCH INSTRUCTOR I’M SO HAPPY!" Quatre hugged the leg of his beloved Sand Rock and then jumped into the cockpit.
"Wait a second don’t you want to sell it?!" Instructor H yelled desperately but it was too late, Quatre was gone. "…DAMMIT! This subliminal device isn’t worth crap! Now how the hell am I gonna pay me bookie?! I can’t believe I bet against the Ravens!"
THIS … IS NOT … A FLASHBACK … THIS … IS … REEEAAAALITYYYYYYY … WORLD … WIIIIIIDE … WHO’S … IN … THE HOUSE? … WHO’S … IN … THE HOUSE? … WHO’S … IN … THE HOUSE? … THE G-BOYZ, ARE IN THE HOUSE … BRING IT ON! (Note: If you are not a Limp Bizkit fan, I’ll understand if you didn’t get that.)
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! INTRODUCING…ow!" Quatre yelped as Death Scythe Hell hit Sand Rock in the back of the head with the back of it’s scythe.
"Quatre, we’re off the Limp Bizkit thing, snap out of it!" Duo said.
"Thanks, I needed that." Quatre replied. Sand Rock then slashed an X-pattern in the hangar bay doors with it’s overly large yet very cool looking heat shorters.
"You coulda just opened the door." Duo said.
"Well excuse me for making a dramatic exit!" Quatre said and then flew off. He was followed by Trowa and Duo in their gundams.
"Damn these new gundams are cool! But I still wonder why they look different for no apparent reason…" Trowa said. Duo turned the head of Death Scythe Hell and spotted the Tallgeese III floating in space.
"Hey Zechs! We’re on our way to stop the Mareimeiah invasion! Wanna come?" Duo said. The Tallgeese turned it’s head.
"To stop the anti-sausage?! HELL YEAH I’m coming!" Zechs replied. Tallgeese flew over to where the other three were, and then noticed a random piece of spacetrash and grabbed it. "Look! I found treasure!"
"Um, that’s an old satellite dish…" Quatre said.
"sssssssshhh!"
"………ookay then, let’s go." Duo said. Then a white Taurus flew up from a distant shuttle.
"Zechs! Let me come with you!" Noin asked.
"…well, I have one question…"
"…"
"…DO YOU LIKE SAUSAGE?!"
"Yeah."
"You’re in! Let’s get out of here!" They all then entered Earth’s atmosphere and headed towards the final battle…
"Wait! You forgot about meee!" Mirai No Quatre yelled from the hangar bay.
Above Earth’s atmosphere…
Nataku floated above Earth with it’s arms folded over it’s chestplate, Wufei sat inside the cockpit, looking at a Playb…I mean waiting patiently, we’re rolling dumbass!
"What?! Oh! Um, HOW DID THIS GET HERE?!" Wufei said with an anime sweatdrop on his head and then stashed the magazine. Suddenly a large blip appeared on his radar. "There he is." He stated grimly, Nataku then drew out it’s trident and glared at Wing Zero while it flew into sight and stopped about a hundred feet away.
"Wufei? What are you doing here?" Heero asked. He then remembered how cool his gundam looked. "Hey, how do you like my new gundam!?" Heero asked as he made Wing Zero strike a dramatic pose. Wufei looked at him oddly.
"What are you talking about Heero? Wing Zero’s always looked like that!" Wufei replied.
"er, right…they’ve gotten to you haven’t they Wufei?"
"What?"
"-.-() Nevermind, will you let me past? I need to stop the invasion!"
"No, I will not let you get to the Earth!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"I have a score to settle with you!" Wufei said. Nataku charged but Wing Zero was ready with it’s beam saber and blocked the attack. The two Gundams started a close range beam weapon fight. Every impact caused a burst of light and electrical disturbance visible from Earth.
"Why are you doing this Wufei?! Why?!" Heero asked desperately. Nataku then stabbed and Zero attempted to dodge but it’s green chest light was slashed.
"Face it Heero, we’re soldiers, if there is no conflict then there is no reason for us to exist. I know this Heero, even now I can quarantee you feel more alive now that we’re fighting like this! As long as humanity exists there will be wars, I’ve simply accepted this fact. There is nothing we can do, except to be soldiers. As proper soldiers we need to be able to fight, and if there is a war then we will have a legit excuse to fight. Without wars, soldiers can still fight but then they would probably be prosecuted for assault and battery or murder or something. My point is, no wars, no fighting, no soldiers, no reason for us to exist, I’ll review. If there is no wars, then there is no fighting. If there is no fighting, then soldiers are not needed. If soldiers are not needed, then we are not needed. If we are not needed, we are not needed. Now reverse, if we are not needed, then soldiers are not needed. If soldiers are not needed then there is no fighting. If there is no fighting there is no war. Again, my point is we need wars or else there is no reason for us to exist!" Wufei said.
"…that’s way too complicated to be the real reason…"
"Aw c’mon it was so…deep…and insightful…and… (glared at by Heero) alright alright I’m just pissed off because of that fifty bucks you owe me when you took Dorothy out to that expensive restaurant!" Wufei admitted. Wing Zero floated up to Nataku and opened it’s hatch. Heero got out in an astro suit. Wufei got out as well. Heero then handed a fifty dollar bill to Wufei.
"Thanks."
"Can I get through now?"
"Sure, I’ll just go deposit this in the bank!" Wufei said, the both got back into their gundams. "Oh, you think I could get interest on this?" Wufei asked. Heero rolled his eyes.
"Wufei, how many more times must I lose that girl and her dog?!"
"…what?"
"…er, I mean how many more times must I pay to be able to stop and invasiACK!" Heero said as the energy cells in Wing Zero mysteriously stopped and sent it plummeting towards the Earth into the ocean…
At the Mareimeiah estate…
Mareimeiah got off the train with Relena following her, they both entered he mansion with guards at each side.
"How do you like my house Relena? IT’S SO COOL!" Mariemeiah said eagerly and then ran in to look at all the fancy rooms.
"So she’s gonna rule the world?" Relena asked one of the guards.
"I know, but it pays good." The guard replied. Suddenly, random console guy 3 ran in with Dekim behind him.
"Get the shield up! They’re here!"
"I give the orders around here! You’re fired! Random console guy 4, give the order to put up the shields!"
"…but sir you just,"
"DO AS I SAY!"
"YESSIR!"
Meanwhile the three gundams, the Tallgeese, and Noin were coming in for the attack. Serpent mobile suits lined up at the front with guns held at the ready.
"STOP OR WE’LL SHOOT!" Said one of the pilots. Duo smirked.
"Sure, go ahead and shoot us, we don’t care." He said, suddenly a voice went out from a large broadcasting system surrounding the estate.
"No you idiots! You’re holding the guns the wrong way! Turn them around!"
"Oh! So THAT’S what we’ve been doing wrong!" Said most of the pilots at once then turned their guns the right way.
"Dammit." Duo said, they all thrust into the battle and started fighting. Being careful not to kill any of the pilots but just disable their mobile suits.
"Why aren’t we killing them again?" Zechs asked as he took fire he could’ve dodged if he were not trying to aim for the knees.
"Quatre said something about there not being a point to this battle if we killed them. We’re just doing this so he’ll shut up." Trowa said as riddle the legs of one with bullets and dropped it to it’s knees.
"See!? They listen to me! They respect me! WAHAAHAHAAAHAHHAAAHAHAAAHAHAAAA!!!" Quatre laughed as he cut off the arms and legs of another.
"Dear God what have we done?" Duo said as sliced through the legs of a whole row of the suits.
"Whatever…" Noin said as she dropped two more of the Serpent mobile suits with a carefully aimed barrage from her machine cannon. She tried to get into the air but three more Serpents came in and started barraging, several bullets hit the wings of the Taurus sending her crashing to the ground. The Tallgeese III then quickly wrapped it’s heat rod around the leg of the Serpent in the back and dragged it forward, making it trip the other two. Noin’s Taurus struggled back to it’s feet.
"Noin, you should leave, you won’t stand much longer in this fight." Zechs said.
"Zechs, I said it last year and I’ll say it again, I’d do anything for you, and I intend on keeping that promise."
"But you were drunk."
"Was not!"
"You had four beers! How could you not have been drunk!?"
"I had two!"
"I coulda sworn it was four! ACK!" Zechs was caught off guard by two more suits as he and Noin tried to fend them off, however they were being forced back as were the other three gundams…they were fighting a losing battle as the mansion descended deep into the ground and was covered by three layers of really thick and strong shielding plates.
"No let them try to get in here! Hah! I’m so cool!" Mariemeiah said and then laughed. By now the three gundams were all backed up into a central area where they stood back to back. Their armor was barely holding out, their weapons were all damaged and they were out of ammo.
"Looks like we’re going to have to self destruct…" Duo said grimly.
"Not this AGAIN." Trowa said rolling his eyes.
"We can’t! We’d kill them all!" Quatre protested.
"Oh, of course! We can’t totally stop this invasion right here and now because it would kill a few people, that makes so much sense!" Zechs said sarcastically. "Oh well, maybe I can get one more bit."
"Um what the hell are you doing Zechs?" Trowa asked with an anime sweatdrop on his forehead.
"YOU ARE POINTING THAT GUN AT ME!…OOH NOW YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME STRANGELY! AM I STRANGE?! TELL ME! OOH NOW YOU’RE GIVING ME THE FINGER BUT I’M NOT GETTING MAD. OH BOY NOW YOU’RE THROWING DOWN YOUR GUN AND WALKING AWAY SHAKING YOUR HEAD, DO YOU LIKE WALKING AWAY?! I BET YOU DO! WALK WALK WALK THAT’S ALL YOU DO! STEP STEP AND MORE STEPS, I REALLY LIKE WALKING!" Zechs said with a giant megaphone up at the Tallgeese’s head while following one soldier that he was harrassing.
"So you said you’d do anything for that guy huh?" Duo asked Noin who buried her face in her hand.
"Dammit, I had five beers…"
"Well it looks like this is the end of the road…" Trowa said grimly. Duo the looked up to see a speck of light in the sky above the base which was now fully shielded, suddenly he realized he still wasn’t wearing clean underwear, then suddenly he realized that the Death Scythe Hell still looked different, suddenly he realized "OW!" Duo yelped as his head smacked against the back of the seat when the Heavy Arms hit it over the head with one of it’s beam gatlings.
"Duo, you’re realizing too many things again!" Trowa said.
"Damn I gotta stop doing that…BUT I JUST REALIZED THAT SPECK OF LIGHT IS WING ZERO!!!"
Inside the all too pink control room…
"Well here it is Mariemeiah, your control room, painted just like you wanted it… (shudder)." Dekim said as he led Mariemeiah into the control room.
"OH DEKIM THANK YOU!" She said as she got into the command chair. "Hehe, this is just like star trek! WARP SPEED 9!" Dekim anime sweatdropped.
"How much longer do I have to put up with her?" Dekim asked random console guy 4.
"Well, personally, I like her and her style of paintjobs!" He replied, admiring the room. Dekim fell over anime style.
"You’re fired, random console guy 5, get over here." Dekim said. Um, actually we ran out of random console guys. "What?" Yeah, Brolli got into the storage facility and ate them all. "Dammit, random console guy 4, you’re hired!"
"WEEHEE!"
"Don’t say that anymore."
"Yessir."
In the sky, with clouds and um, stuff…
Heero sat in the cockpit of his battered Gundam which still looked cool.
"Dammit, why the hell did it cut the power like that? …hm?!" Heero said as he found a device of some sort by the master wire that just happened to be behind his seat. " ‘Master Wire Cutter, Cut the Power to Your Friend’s Gundams’?! From Noin’s Novelty Shop?! DAMMIT! DUO!!!" Heero yelled as he promptly crunched the small device against the wall. "Well, I’ll save that for later (smirks) right now I’ve got to blow open that shield with…um…er…"
Suddenly for no reason at all Wing Zero got a buster rifle despite the fact it didn’t have one when it was sent to Heero. (It’s true! Check for yourself!)