Winter Hearts :Creative Writing by Yoon Seon

It was just like an ordinary summer evening. I just arrived home from work and felt happy at the sight of my dogs, who never fail to let me know they are happy to see me back. My ex-husband had been abroad for some months and I was accustomed to quiet evenings. I fed my dogs and was about to prepare my own when there was a loud successive knock on the door. Through a little hole on the door, I saw an angry face. It was my ex (Thank God) father in law. I couldn't make much sense of the scene but I felt something had just snapped inside me. My fear of him was finally dead. I felt a surprising calmness. At that moment, I knew I would be able to pick up a phone without first finding out the caller through the answering machine.

"Open the door." He was shouting. "I know you are there. Open the door." So I did. I knew he would not go away and didn't want to disrupt my neighbour's peaceful evening any further. I was just glad that my dogs had been fed before his arrival. He pushed himself in as if I were his wife and he had just found out that I was hiding my lover somewhere inside the house. Without a word of protest, I watched him settling himself down on the floor. It didn't seem real. It just felt like watching a black comedy, a badly written black one. I wasn't in a mood for offering him some drinks or greeting him with the usual false smile I put on whenever I saw him. It was a nightmare but like all nightmares, it was bound to pass. "It is no good to lie because I had been talking to your neighbour." I had no intention to live any more lies. For three years of my marriage, I had enough of that. I dared to get married because of my miscalculation of the mighty strength of customs. I held a naive belief that marriage could be an affair between two individuals. Since my ex felt in the same way, I did not foresee all the conflicts ahead. Yet this man was here to preach me the virtue of respecting and obeying parents in law and eager to condemn me to the burning hell for what he believed to be the unforgivable behaviour of mine.

"Your neighbour told me that you were staying here." I didn't want him and his family to hassle me during my ex's absence. So I had told them that I was going to stay at my sister's who lived in Japan, which was true, except that the stay only had lasted for a week. They even saw me off at the airport. Still he had to see whether I was telling him the whole truth, whether I was really staying there for all these months. He had to come and talk to my neighbour, to confirm his suspicion.

When there is no exit, when the situation is hopeless, ignorance is the best for all concerned. His search for truth led him to the truth of horror. His son had married a woman of worst kind, a woman who could not offer the blind respect and obedience that this man commanded. No, I wasn't telling them the truth. I wanted to avoid them because I could not be myself when they were around. I wanted to save myself from the pain of wearing the mask of daughter-in-law. I lied as a diplomatic gesture to save everyone from unnecessary aggravation. Now I must pay the prices for choosing the easiest option. "Well, have you got anything to say for your self?" Yes, I had something to say. But I didn't have the language which would reach him. Honesty to oneself was not in his dictionary. And why should he even bother to understand any such concept? The world of traditional daughters-in-law suited him just fine. "Tell me why you lied." I could have given him some communicable excuses so that he could have the pleasure of forgiving his estranged daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, I didn't want his forgiveness. I was approaching the end of the tunnel. I was dazzled by the light. That evening went on and on. (It's a bit like this story goes on and on. If you are bored or in a hurry, click Here to go back home.) He was determined to convey his message loud and clear. That I had sinned and would not be forgiven. To make the evening more complete, he even made a phone call to summon his entire family, his wife, his daughter, his son-in-law, his two other sons and their wives as witnesses of the judgement day. During the whole evening, I said very little. I knew I had to hear him out to help him disappear forever from my life. There was a very little I could do to lesson the length of his speech. So I just sat and listened, most of time, to his story on his evil daughter-in-law. Of course he didn't say anything about the faults of his hero. That he had deserted his family for his mistress for more than twenty years. Neither did he mention that he only had come back to his family after having spent all his inheritance on gambling. I did remind him of these facts at some point to illustrate a little contradiction in his cherished belief systems, thereby increasing his hatred even further. "Oh, that son of mine!" He cried in disbelief. "He told you that, did he?" Looking at his face white with rage, I felt sorry for him who wasn't making much sense. He was only an insecure old man with no fortune to spare and no past history of good deed as a means of commanding his authority.

His son who happen to be my ex, being the only university graduate in his family, should have helped his parents financially. He would have done his duty, had his wicked wife not lured him into marriage. While his father was struggling in a market stall, his wife bought a three bedroom house with his hard earned money. (It never occurred to this old man that his daughter-in-law was earning three times more than her husband.) As she chose not to have a child just yet (there are limits to people's imagination), she should have been satisfied with one bedroom rented flat. She was a bad news and only he could see through her. Educated women were full of vice if not controlled properly by their husbands' firm guidance, which his soft hearted son had failed miserably.

He had tried to stop the marriage but his son, blinded by love, would not listen to the voice of duty. It was outrageous enough that he had to suffer the loss of potential income due to his son's ill-timed and ill-matched marriage. That alone would fully justify his disliking for his daughter-in-law. Yet she went even further by refusing to visit the family while her hard working ex was making money abroad and therefore could not himself visit the family with presents. How could she plead anything but guilty in the eyes of a man who desperately tried to hang on to his sense of dignity, which now solely relied on his patriarchal right? I didn't mean to hurt him. But, that evening I realised I did hurt him, however unwillingly and innocently. For that, I was sorry for this angry man. So I forgave him for his invasion of my privacy in view of the depth of his pain. His emotions reached my heart. His reasons, however, still failed to compel me to accept the role of an obedient daughter-in-law. I did not believe in the patriarchal system. In my eyes, it was social ills just as my individual values were in his eyes. My emotions, my disgust with the patriarchal values, also reached him. But, my words failed to produce any agreement from him except that we should never be in each other's company. We were utterly honest and successful in conveying our feelings that evening. We were, at the same time, dreadfully void of common language to deliver each other's values to the realm of reason.

So the sentence had to be delivered that evening in front of his bewildered family, who tried their best to reconcile us the only way they knew how, by telling me to back down. He solemnly declared that I should lose his son. He would ruin both of us if we did not follow his resolution. He would go to the newspapers and tell the whole world (Yes, he was a bit carried away) what a wicked pair we were. He would visit his son's company, asking the boss to sack him as he failed his father. I must point out that this is not the picture of an ordinary Korean father. His resentment was pushing him beyond any point of fatherly love. I listened to him with amazement that his hatred could run so deep. This man was desperate. He needed assurance of love from his family, especially from his estranged son. To this end and to restore the evening into peace, I agreed that I should divorce my ex.

When my ex's entire family left, I was a little shaken. I wondered how I broke this news to my ex. Then suddenly the simple fact hit me. It was all over. Never again do I have to put on the ill-fitted mask of a humble daughter-in-law. At that moment, I thanked the resentful old man who set me free with his extreme views of his daughter-in-law. I just hope he finally found peace at my departure.

Copyright Yoon Seon Choi

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