• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
• My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
• Everytime I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.
• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
• There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
• The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

You're Probably Aged 30 to 40 If...

• You wore anything Izod, especially those windbreakers that folded up into a pouch you could wear around your waist.
• You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans were cool.
• You remember LeFreak by Chic.
• In your sophomore class picture, you're wearing an Izod shirt with the collar "up."
• "All-skate, change directions" means something to you.
• In high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.
• You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you in the "tail gunner" position.
• Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.
• You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, Rick Springfield, or Cyndi Lauper video.
• You actually know who Rick Springfield is.
• You're starting to believe that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
• You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.
• You remember Bo and Luke Duke.
• There was nothing strange about Bert n' Ernie living together.
• Knickers and leg warmers were cool.
• You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.
• You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the guitar and choreographed "Dancing Queen" by yourself in your room.
• You were afraid of the Sleestaks on Land of the Lost.
• You ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.
• You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding.
• You know who shot J.R.
• This rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
• You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.
• You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed "8-6-7-5-3-0-9" to see if Jenny would answer.
• You owned a pair of Rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.
• You remember when your cable TV box had the three rows of numbers.
• You could sing "99 Red Balloons" in English and in German.
• You know what "Feathered hair" means.
• Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those "brick-sized" packages of Bazooka gum.
• The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

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