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HUMOR: EVERYTHING ELSE: SOUTHERN TRICKS
WAYS TO ANNOY A YANKEE
- Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
- Pronounce all one-syllable words with two or more.
- When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the
left." Confuses the mess out of 'em.
- Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand
what they're saying.
- Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy 'em!) Better
yet, Dr. Pepper...
- Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
- Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa
Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob. . you get the idea)
- Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If
anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
- Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady."
- Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
- Put Tabasco on everything.
- For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York
City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yawk!", say "Well,
I'll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
- When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of
Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.
- Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em that!)
- Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
- "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school.
- Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something
- Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
- Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations...Offends the
heck out of 'em. but we're just being polite, sir!
- Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down
Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I
think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right
there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until
you see a big fish on your left..."
- Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving
around in your convertible this weekend.
- Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.
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