A Points System for Men

This one is ancient, and as I've seen it in magazines, emails, websites etc uncredited, then I'm assuming its public domain.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings +5
But return with beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It's the cat -10

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has breast implants -8

You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team -10

A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal 0
And the pal is happily married +1
He's frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Mustang -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15

A Night Out:

You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called DeathCop 3 -3
Which features cyborgs having sex -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" -800

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep -20

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